LDR boyfirend meet with another female in person whom he met online

[curiousMe001]

I met this kind, gentle man online from Europe -I'm from SEA btw, fter a few while of exchanging emails, we later found that we're attracted to each other and decided to finally meet after 3 months. He came to see me, things went great and our relationship went deeper and went to the next level. When he got back from his vacation, we exchange text messages all day and talk a lot of things it was a lot of fun. We talked about how to move forward with our relationship, and even thought of helping me move in with him but it wasn't possible given my situation I am married and I can't get annulled and no divorce here.(probably you'll get a clue where i'm from-this sucks btw). But we continued on, he stayed positive and thought of finding another way. But this is not my topic here. hehe

 

He occasionally mention about this girl whom he talk to online before he met me, he said he kept in touch with her. they talk about games and sh*t he said. I was okay with it and didn't ask about details because i trust him. Maybe they talk occasionally since i don't see him online a lot only when we're chatting. Just recently 2 months ago, he became so busy at work even when he's home, and even on his days off, he just play a lot of games. We don't talk much anymore but i can see him online constantly which he's not been like that before. And when we do talk, it's just about little things like how our day went.

 

Then a month ago he mentioned that this female friend of his asked him if she can visit him. Given the trust I have for him i said okay. 2 weeks before her arrival, he's busier than ever. One weekend he spend driving all day to rent a trailer just to pickup a ping-pong table for his visiting friend. Then when she arrived, he completely forget about me, he can't even bother to tell me how his day went at the end of the day, no goodnights or what. It is very rare to give me update. He brought her to the place he bragged about that he planned on bring me someday. I've become very jealous of the attention he gives her to the point that I think pissed him off and doesn't want to talk to me anymore until this holiday pass. He's with her now giving her trip to Belgium and Germany and will stay at a hotel and share room. He said he want to give her friend a very very good time since she spend so much for the trip.

 

His actions hurt me a lot. My question is, is this normal for a European guy? Do all this much for a friend he just recently met in person? Why this much for a friend from online? Does long distance friendship really work if there is no intimate about them, specially if they're both so interested about computer games and I.T? what purpose does she serve him? He clearly said though that what he have for her is very shallow. I'm just having hard time believing that because of the attention he gives her. Can anyone help me here pls. I am so hurt.

[ExpatInItaly]

Sorry OP, but I think she's more than a friend. I live in Europe and this has nothing to do with his nationality.

 

But to be fair, where could things really go with the two of you? You are married and that's not going to change, from the sounds of it. What type of future could you possibly have? Are you currently still living with your husband?

 

This man probably realized it doesn't make much sense to invest in a married woman who doesn't even live in the same country.

[five2nine]

If they have the game in common that is more than enough. He is probably talking to her often, feels close with her, etc. Friends can always become something more.

 

I would have seen it as a big red flag already if they plan a trip together. In the same hotel room? I would just let it go

[curiousMe001]

thanks ExpatInItaly for the reply. most likely it will take 3-4 years long to take legal action and loads of money. I haven't had communication with my husband for 4 years already and been single all those years.

 

I kinda thought of that as well. I also wondered why it seems so easy for him to accept the situation after we exhaust our options and failed of getting me there.

 

But i am taking into account that he plan on saving as much so he can move to my country instead. He moved to another flat so he can save as much and work hard to get increase on his job.

 

I'm confused at this point and I don't know where I stand.

[GingerVixen]

You're married, once had sex with a man that you met online and now you're worried that your **** buddy met a woman meanwhile.

 

Sorry, I can't help you with that.

You shouldn't even be complaining about this tbh. You're not exactly in the right position of asking anything from him.

 

You're not her girlfriend.

[curiousMe001]

five2nine, thanks for the reply. You could be right. I told him I'm not comfortable about it. He just said he understands. If you think it's fine and just let it go, I'll listen to you. thanks.

[curiousMe001]

GingerVixen, I am his girlfriend. I was married, but technically still am. It's a very hard and expensive process to make married women here unmarried. It's a pain and very unfair to both parties who decided to part ways.

[ExpatInItaly]

five2nine, thanks for the reply. You could be right. I told him I'm not comfortable about it. He just said he understands. If you think it's fine and just let it go, I'll listen to you. thanks.

 

I think the poster meant to let him go. Correct me if I'm wrong though, five2nine

[curiousMe001]

ExpatInItaly, should I? *sigh* =( he hasn't contacted me for 4 days already. he left me hanging. it's killing me..

[ExpatInItaly]

ExpatInItaly, should I? *sigh* =( he hasn't contacted me for 4 days already. he left me hanging. it's killing me..

 

Should you let him go? Yes.

 

I'm sorry, but he already has checked out. He's with another woman. I just feel he doesn't have the courage to tell you it's over.

[curiousMe001]

ok. i see. thank you so much.

[AnyTakers]

If you have to wonder where you and him stand, then it is pretty much done. Plus him meeting with another female in which you have described also pretty much says you should not continue investing your time into this any longer and move on.

[smackie9]

I'm surprised why anyone would ever get married in the Philippines.