Author Stephanie91 Posted December 29, 2015 Author Share Posted December 29, 2015 All of these things mentioned are brilliant ways to catch your mate's attention, however, how do you keep it in long term, making him loyal to you so that he doesnt feel like trying other women? How do you become the full package, don't think just being yourself will do...in other words, what kind of woman gets to keep the guy? You know how lifelong bachelors suddenly fall in love with a girl you think is nothing special yet they claim she's so special she's not like others...? And Kateigrl, It's great that being yourself always worked for you, means you're naturally attractive for the opposite sex, but not everyone is great without a little self-improvement Link to post Share on other sites
Wewon Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 Really? So please share. Because honestly that is not what I see in popular men's magazines... Or perhaps I am not really paying attention to the headlines?? Anyway... You gotta agree with me that the topic "HOW TO MAKE YOUR PARTNER HAPPY" is much more popular in women's magazines than in men's magazines. And I am not talking about "How to make a woman happy in bed". I suspect that your eye is only drawn to the ones that interest you. You really see articles telling women what to do in a men's magazine? That's unusual, most of the articles seem to post to target audience. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 Gingerixen, I absolutely support your femministic approach to modern relationships, however, "bake a cake to win the guy" still works unfortunately...at least for many guys. They still look for someone as a full package, unless they never intend to be with her long term...they prefer her to be sexy, be good at cooking, bring some money on the table, want kids and be a good parent, be their friend, support them, bond with them, get along with their relatives...a super woman in other words which is impossible to be I guess...or maybe if you really try... But then again....there are many men who get turned off when they see women "trying too hard." It conveys the message that she is desperate.... twisting herself around to "catch" or as you say "seduce" him... in my experience a man would much rather she just be herself and genuine....and if that means she hates to cook, so be it. I am not a cook, never baked a cake in my life, but yet had many guys pursuing me, two asked me to marry them... in fact two of my boyfriends were the cooks in the family.... did most, if not all, all the cooking and loved me despite my hating to cook, being a terrible housekeeper.....but told me many times how I was the BEST person to talk to, come home too, have sex with... and just experience life with. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GingerVixen Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 I suspect that your eye is only drawn to the ones that interest you. You really see articles telling women what to do in a men's magazine? That's unusual, most of the articles seem to post to target audience. LOL. No. You know what I mean. Articles in men's magazines telling men how to save their marriages, how to make a woman happy (and I'm not talking about how to make a woman happy in bed... I know Men's Health is all about this kind of thing). Link to post Share on other sites
Wewon Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 Good to know that the mindset is changing. But you gotta agree with me that historically speaking the role of the seductress and nurturer has been given to the woman, not the man. The woman must make the husband happy. The woman must learn 348934893 sexual tricks to make the husband happy. The woman must give him a shoulder massage after a very long day because she must make him happy. You know that. The mindset may be changing but there is still the idea that it's up to the woman to save the marriage. There are even some people who believe in the absurd idea that "If he cheated on her, it is because she wasn't a good wife for him". It sounds like you missed the entire 1980's and 1990's when every other article was telling men to cry, not cry, talk about their feelings, not talk about their feelings, how to dress, grow a beard, shave a beard etc. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Stephanie91 Posted December 29, 2015 Author Share Posted December 29, 2015 Plenty of men married with perfect wives. They are cordon bleu, good in bed, classy, intelligent, and their husband still cheat on them most of the time with classless tramps. Well,maybe she needs to have that classless tramp inside her, at least when they're alone Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 All of these things mentioned are brilliant ways to catch your mate's attention, however, how do you keep it in long term, making him loyal to you so that he doesnt feel like trying other women? How do you become the full package, don't think just being yourself will do...in other words, what kind of woman gets to keep the guy? You know how lifelong bachelors suddenly fall in love with a girl you think is nothing special yet they claim she's so special she's not like others...? And Kateigrl, It's great that being yourself always worked for you, means you're naturally attractive for the opposite sex, but not everyone is great without a little self-improvement Where do you get this type of thinking? Did your dad cheat on your mom or something? Thinking that good cooking and house keeping skills will keep a man around is really last century thinking. Why isn't it the other way around? Why isn't it the man that needs to work hard to keep the woman? You cannot make a man love you. He will or he won't. One of my brother is crazy in love with his girlfriend. She can't cook or clean, He doesn't give a heck about it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 Where do you get this type of thinking? Did your dad cheat on your mom or something? Thinking that good cooking and house keeping skills will keep a man around is really last century thinking. Why isn't it the other way around? Why isn't it the man that needs to work hard to keep the woman? You cannot make a man love you. He will or he won't. One of my brother is crazy in love with his girlfriend. She can't cook or clean, He doesn't give a heck about it. That's me! HE did the cooking...and we had a cleaning lady come in twice a month! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GingerVixen Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 It sounds like you missed the entire 1980's and 1990's when every other article was telling men to cry, not cry, talk about their feelings, not talk about their feelings, how to dress, grow a beard, shave a beard etc. I didn't miss anything. I know the mindset is changing but you gotta admit that the leading mindset is STILL that the woman is the one who should try everything to please her man and spice up the relationship, not the contrary. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Stephanie91 Posted December 29, 2015 Author Share Posted December 29, 2015 So as far as I understand nobody here supports the idea of self-improvement even if it may promise a happier relationship..o'well. And yes, guys don't just all in love with you unconditionally, there are things you do/don't do that determine the level of their attraction to you, which was my original question, what are those qualities, other than, you know, being yourself :D we don't need to debate here over what works and what doesn't, why not just share our opinion on what worked in our relationship with our guy and what pushed them away? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 All of these things mentioned are brilliant ways to catch your mate's attention, however, how do you keep it in long term, making him loyal to you so that he doesnt feel like trying other women? How do you become the full package, don't think just being yourself will do...in other words, what kind of woman gets to keep the guy? You know how lifelong bachelors suddenly fall in love with a girl you think is nothing special yet they claim she's so special she's not like others...? And Kateigrl, It's great that being yourself always worked for you, means you're naturally attractive for the opposite sex, but not everyone is great without a little self-improvement Oh I am always self-improving.... for ME. I take classes, love to read, learn new things, I once even took a cooking class (hated it!)... so yah am always self-improving and will continue self-improving... Again for ME....and by self-improving for myself, I show him I value myself and am true to myself.... which a few guys have told me is the single best way to maintain a man's attraction. Again, my experience. Link to post Share on other sites
Samhain Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 Good to know that the mindset is changing. But you gotta agree with me that historically speaking the role of the seductress and nurturer has been given to the woman, not the man. The woman must make the husband happy. The woman must learn 348934893 sexual tricks to make the husband happy. The woman must give him a shoulder massage after a very long day because she must make him happy. You know that. The mindset may be changing but there is still the idea that it's up to the woman to save the marriage. There are even some people who believe in the absurd idea that "If he cheated on her, it is because she wasn't a good wife for him". Then you're hanging out with the wrong men. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 So as far as I understand nobody here supports the idea of self-improvement even if it may promise a happier relationship..o'well. And yes, guys don't just all in love with you unconditionally, there are things you do/don't do that determine the level of their attraction to you, which was my original question, what are those qualities, other than, you know, being yourself :D we don't need to debate here over what works and what doesn't, why not just share our opinion on what worked in our relationship with our guy and what pushed them away? I think where people get bogged down is where you're proposing it's improvement to please someone. If you are not a good cook and want to take cooking lesson well by all means do it but do it to better yourself, not because it will benefit a relationship or a man. I cook, bake, clean, knit, crochet, paint, I can wax a car and kill chicken. It has never ever served me in a relationship lol 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GingerVixen Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 Then you're hanging out with the wrong men. LOL. Read what I posted again. I said HISTORICALLY SPEAKING. I did not say "Men I hang out with think this way". By the way... I don't hang out with men who think this way. #donttwistmywords Link to post Share on other sites
Author Stephanie91 Posted December 29, 2015 Author Share Posted December 29, 2015 Gaeta, Don't you think that successful relationships are also a part of self-improvement? After all our happiness and self worth is defined by the quality of our relationships and the way people treat us. Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 So as far as I understand nobody here supports the idea of self-improvement even if it may promise a happier relationship..o'well. And yes, guys don't just all in love with you unconditionally, there are things you do/don't do that determine the level of their attraction to you, which was my original question, what are those qualities, other than, you know, being yourself :D we don't need to debate here over what works and what doesn't, why not just share our opinion on what worked in our relationship with our guy and what pushed them away? The only guy I know who remains totally head over heels and crazy in love witb his gf, has an exceptionally attractive girl...... I am afraid to say that you're right to some extent. .. my bf was enamoured with me but he won't remain that way if I don't maintain and change up my looks periodically. Only beautiful girls with pleasant personalities can KEEP a man smitten with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Samhain Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 LOL. Read what I posted again. I said HISTORICALLY SPEAKING. I did not say "Men I hang out with think this way". By the way... I don't hang out with men who think this way. #donttwistmywords Then what's your issue? Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 Gaeta, Don't you think that successful relationships are also a part of self-improvement? After all our happiness and self worth is defined by the quality of our relationships and the way people treat us. I know this was directed to Gaeta....but I DO NOT believe our happiness and self-worth is defined by the quality of our relationships or the way people treat us. You've got it backwards. The happiness we feel (inside ourselves) and self-worth comes FIRST.... which will result in our relationships being more successful and people treating us better and more respectfully. One should never allow another person or RL to define who they are, their happiness or self-worth. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 The only guy I know who remains totally head over heels and crazy in love witb his gf, has an exceptionally attractive girl...... I am afraid to say that you're right to some extent. .. my bf was enamoured with me but he won't remain that way if I don't maintain and change up my looks periodically. Only beautiful girls with pleasant personalities can KEEP a man smitten with her. Oh geez.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 Gaeta, Don't you think that successful relationships are also a part of self-improvement? After all our happiness and self worth is defined by the quality of our relationships and the way people treat us. Ok lets get into it. Self-improvement will help you be better at relationships like improving your communication skills. If we talk about this type of self-improvement yes but we're far from the cooking skills you were referring to in your first post. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Stephanie91 Posted December 29, 2015 Author Share Posted December 29, 2015 The only guy I know who remains totally head over heels and crazy in love witb his gf, has an exceptionally attractive girl...... I am afraid to say that you're right to some extent. .. my bf was enamoured with me but he won't remain that way if I don't maintain and change up my looks periodically. Only beautiful girls with pleasant personalities can KEEP a man smitten with her. That is not superficial at all Link to post Share on other sites
Author Stephanie91 Posted December 29, 2015 Author Share Posted December 29, 2015 Here's how I think about this, in life there are certain "prerequisites" to achieve certain things. So we do spend most of our lives improving ourselves in order to fit in, it starts from childhood, and please don't deny it. Attracting and keeping a man is just another thing in life that most of us women want, and changing ourselves to become the best girlfriend/wife possible is not embarrassing or self-betraying. It's smart. You can be yourself, sure, but if that's not what your man likes then you'll be continue to be yourself, alone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 You can be yourself, sure, but if that's not what your man likes then you'll be continue to be yourself, alone. If yourself is not what your boyfriend-husband likes than he needs to find another girlfriend-husband and YOU need to find someone that loves you just the way you are. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Stephanie91 Posted December 29, 2015 Author Share Posted December 29, 2015 If yourself is not what your boyfriend-husband likes than he needs to find another girlfriend-husband and YOU need to find someone that loves you just the way you are. this sounds like those hollywood cliche movies or self-help books...none of which reflect reality Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 this sounds like those hollywood cliche movies or self-help books...none of which reflect reality I am 50 years old. I was married 15 years, then 4 years, then single 11 years and just made it exclusive with a new man. I think I have a good understanding of reality. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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