skylark100 Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 Hi everyone, Looking for opinions. I have know my wife for over 3 years, lived together for 2 and have been married a little over 6 months now. The problem is the following - she always seems to have some sort of sickness and or health problem. Last year she had something wrong with her hands, and they were very painful, she went for oodles of tests, nothing came back abnormal. The night of our wedding she was convinced she was biten by a tick and had contracted Lyme disease. We waited in the ER for 5 hours...it was just a spider bite. Now at work she claims to have accidentally seen a construction worker welding, and is convinced she is loosing vision in her eye. The doctor indicated their was minor irritation in the eye and gave her drops. In the meantime she has broken her foot and been in a walking boot for 10 weeks, but X-rays and MRIs are inconclusive. We are in our middle 30s - fairly healthy in my opinion. However our love life is non existent. I can count the number of times since we got married on 1 hand, and it's less than 5. Im concerned that I have really screwed up on getting married, and that these idiosyncrasies will only get worse. Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 Very strange and no doubt very annoying for you. I'd insist that she start seeing a therapist, or that the two of you go together. This no sex thing is unacceptable but seems to be an extremely common theme. For the people who dislike sex so much, I have to wonder why on earth they choose to get married. There seems to be an epidemic of anti-sex people these days. It would be great if they could find each other and get married. No sex, no problem. I'll tell you my thoughts on this. No sex, no marriage. This would be a total deal breaker in my book. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 Looking for opinions. I have know my wife for over 3 years, lived together for 2 and have been married a little over 6 months now. How was your sexlife before you tied the knot? Based on your timetable, some of this had to be going on during courtship... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 Very strange and no doubt very annoying for you. I'd insist that she start seeing a therapist, or that the two of you go together. This no sex thing is unacceptable but seems to be an extremely common theme. For the people who dislike sex so much, I have to wonder why on earth they choose to get married. There seems to be an epidemic of anti-sex people these days. It would be great if they could find each other and get married. No sex, no problem. I'll tell you my thoughts on this. No sex, no marriage. This would be a total deal breaker in my book. This. No reason for marriage to be sexless. Your wife sounds like a hypochondriac. She needs to think about why she seeks attention through illness. It isn't fair that she is holding you hostage with her irrational fears. Married couples should be there for each other through sickness, but only if the ill partner is willing to take steps to heal. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 Was she a hypochondriac before you married or did this start after the marriage? Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 Here you go, this could be it - she wants attention: Mental Health: Munchausen Syndrome Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 If you screwed up, own it and move on. People abandon people all the time and, yup, go one to live long and fruitful lives with other people, rinsing and repeating all along the way. While the deity of your choice may confer sainthood upon you after you expire from this mortal coil, you'll get no rewards in this life for falling on the sword of in sickness or in health. You might get dead from going crazy though. Crazy and sexless. Heh. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Anderlie Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 I mean, she had a legitimate spider bite and has really broken her foot - hell the doctor even gave her something for her eye so I hesitate to call her a full blown hypochondriac. Maybe a little over dramatic about it all but you seem pretty unsympathetic as well. Maybe she's sensing your lack of compassion and is kind of playing it up just to get some attention from you? To me the sex issue is different from this, unless she's saying the pain is preventing her from having sex. In that case I really want to point the finger at you. The woman has had a run of bad luck and is probably sore at points and all you're worried about is getting your end away. If it dwindled before all the injuries well.... you knew what you were in for. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 This is really tough because I think you just want to date and run around with your young wife and be in the sack alot! perfectly acceptable and yet your losing respect because its always something, and your not getting your needs met. If you opened convo lightly like "babe, weve only been married a few years and Im so attracted to you but wonder if the sexual attraction is there for me since theres almost no sex, are we growing apart? Its important to me" Also I think as a partner, best friend, husband you can gently bring up all the ailments and tell you you care and feel concern but that again being 30 why so many ailments and that youd maybe like to travel, date her still, enjoy your youth, not always running to the doctors in your 30's. Ask her the possibility of this being something more than meets the eye. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 Why do these people ask for help and never come back? Link to post Share on other sites
Author skylark100 Posted January 1, 2016 Author Share Posted January 1, 2016 Perhaps because the responses need time to be analyzed, and maybe some of the comments don't really illicit a response. I need to think about this carefully. Glad you have life all figured out. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 1, 2016 Share Posted January 1, 2016 Yep, major life decisions bear reflection. Not to mention it's the holidays IMO, you'll find an answer which works for you. I've seen the gamut. My two best friends are now caring for ill wives, one with a brain malfunction and the other with incurable cancer. They're practicing the in sickness and in health mantra. Everyone's different. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skylark100 Posted January 2, 2016 Author Share Posted January 2, 2016 I would to thank everyone for their input. It's always difficult to give an opinion based on on a 200 word synopsis. Upon reflection, I should be more sympathetic to her unfortunate string of bad health, and will try my best to take care of her without prejudice to how sick or injured she may or may not be. While I may have a strong threshold for pain and sickness, she may just have a different level which will take time to get used to. My only concern is if it will ever change or if there will always be some sort of ailment. While she has been sick I have not asked or even approached her about sex, because if I was feeling ill, I wouldnt exactly feel like doing it either. However when she is healthy, there is absolutely zero interest on her part, and that changed as soon as we got marries. I guess time will tell how this works out. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 2, 2016 Share Posted January 2, 2016 Is there a reason you're not considering counseling? I'd want to be sure I was communicating clear expectations, MC provides a chance to get that done... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
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