Jetts Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 So 4 months ago I started seeing this girl, after 2 months we went exclusive. She is great but I don't think she is over her ex. He was her first, and she was with him on and of for 3 years. He never wanted to actually date her, and always left her for other girls, but whenever he was single again she would go back to him. The last time he went back to another girl, she decided to move on (she said that she mostly started going out with me to get over him and it supposedly worked) She says she loves me and is happier with me than she ever would be with him but she talks about him all the time, and tells me all sorts of stories about when they were together or compares me to him, also often about their sex lives. Last week she told me she misses the time when they were dating. On other occasions she has told me that she never wanted to leave him and he is the only person she is comfortable talking to. Yesterday he texted her at 1am saying he wanted to see her. She basically lives at my place, but went home today so she can spend all day tomorrow getting ready to go see him and making herself look hot. She texts him on a regular basis but hasn't told him she is dating anyone. She said it will be uncomfortable tomorrow because he only wants her over to have sex, and this would be the first time that she went to his place and they didn't mess around but she is still excited to see him. She says she's over him but I don't know if i should trust her. Should I be concerned or am I being insecure? Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 (edited) I had to read your post about 10 times to make sure somebody hadn't slipped me a Mickey while I was drinking Iced Coffee... You need to listen to what I have to say young man. Really absorb the following, because I am not going to apologize one bit for being crude. Obviously you are under the assumption that this is acceptable behavior, and you are about to be disabused of that. You ready, son? Here we go Hell no she isn't over him. She is going to go have sex with him. You think she is going to go dress up to the nines and go give her ex Scrapbooking advice at the kitchen table or help him with a hangnail that just won't go away? Let me ask you a question...If what you just wrote was written to you or told to you verbatim by a friend of yours and asked you if you thought she was over her ex, would you even hesitate to say "Dude are you insane?" Please have some respect for yourself. It is true that we teach people how to treat us and you are teaching her it is quite alright not only to be openly in constant contact with her ex and not telling him she is in a relationship when she is basically living at your place, but you are also teaching her that it is ok to to walk all over you. Stop being a doormat. What you need to do is gather up all of the stuff she has at your house, put them in trash bags and send her a text that when she returns she can pick them up on your porch. Moreover, she is free to go see her ex at any time, just not while she is your girlfriend and living under your roof. She will go have sex with him for a day or two and then come back and give you a big kiss all the while snickering wondering how you like the taste of another guy's essence on your lips. Young man, there comes a time in one's life when one simply has to take a stand. If you do not do it now, it will become easier and easier for you to allow yourself to be walked on. And some day you are going to wake up with a beer gut, a mortgage, a janitor's job and 3 kids that don't even look like you and you are going to wonder how the hell you got into this damned mess. It will be because you allowed it to happen. That nightmare scenario could be your future if you don't put that crap into trash bags the second you get done reading this. You are not the first guy that has come here in the past week with a similar story that seems like they want to be talked out of standing up for themselves because they are in love. Well your girlfriend is in love, alright. she is in love with her ex and in love with the fact she can stay at your place and come and go and screw other guys as she pleases. Man come on. Do not let her back in your house or you will regret it for a long time. Let her back through the door at your own peril. You are a Dateline NBC episode waiting to happen. Edited December 29, 2015 by Space Ritual 6 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 What the hell? She has absolutely no respect for you or your relationship. There is no way I would allow anyone to treat me like that. Where is your self esteem man? Dump her today and do not look back. Link to post Share on other sites
Buddhist Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 The red flags here just started waving right around the time your gf told you all about her ex. And then they continued like the finish line on a formula one grand final. You can't be this hard up for sex surely? Even a hand job is better than watching your gf, get dressed up and shag her ex. Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 Dump her. You are really sitting back while she primps and preens for her ex fwb who doesn't know she is in a relationship? And believe she isn't going to sleep with him????? The fk? Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 Of course I agree with the posters above. I would send her a text right now, telling her that her decision to meet him made her single from this moment, so she is free to have sex with him. BTW, your stuff is packed outside my door, tell me where to send it please... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jetts Posted December 29, 2015 Author Share Posted December 29, 2015 (edited) Hey, thanks for all the answers. They really made me look at the situation and realise how messed up it is. I was kinda blinded because I love her. She texted me this morning and said she's coming over early because she called it off and doesn't want to see him. There is still a lot of red flags though. I'm going to talk to her today and see where it goes from there Edited December 29, 2015 by Jetts Spelling error Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 Well you either fight through this emotional letting go of her ex with her, or you dump her and let her do it on her own. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 Hey, thanks for all the answers. They really made me look at the situation and realise how messed up it is. I was kinda blinded because I love her. She texted me this morning and said she's coming over early because she called it off and doesn't want to see him. There is still a lot of red flags though. I'm going to talk to her today and see where it goes from there I would still tell this bitch to hit the bricks. She still had the intent of going to see him, whether or not she second guessed that decision. And that would lead me to believe that she will do it again if she feels the need. A dramatic turnaround with going from "dressed to kill" to "I called it off and am coming home" in such a short amount of time would make me even more suspicious. People usually do not make snap decisions and 180's like that unless something bad already happened and they are trying to cover their ass. Your GF does not come off as someone who would have change of heart so quickly after talking him up so much in front of you and putting in such effort to go see him unless she did something and felt bad after the fact. I don't buy that for a minute, and neither should you You really need to be aware that this behavior will continue as long as you allow it. My advice still stands. Get rid of her. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 The good thing is that she's honest. She tells you things that most girls would have been hiding from you. All that happened could be her process to delete him from her mind, so it might be a good sign. You just have to stay alerted. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 She needs to not talk about him with you...that is just rude and inconsiderate. She is not over him. I would walk away personally... She has no self respect either letting a man treat her like an option like that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 She is definitely not over him and she has very little respect for you or your relationship. I would bet any money he canceled on her, but she's spinning it to make herself look like the good girl. Even without this "cancellation" she is still very clearly in love with him and misses him. Sorry, but you need to break up with her. It couldn't be much clearer that she's bad news. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 She sounds skanky, you can do better. I mean that, even if you invented an imaginary girlfriend in your head that would be better then this. She also went to see him WHILE you are still together? Ugh dude, drop her. She has no business seeing a dude she used to bang. No business talking to a dude she used to bang. Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 She basically lives at my place, but went home today so she can spend all day tomorrow getting ready to go see him and making herself look hot. She texts him on a regular basis but hasn't told him she is dating anyone. She said it will be uncomfortable tomorrow because he only wants her over to have sex, and this would be the first time that she went to his place and they didn't mess around but she is still excited to see him. ? Hahaha come on. Someone's yanking the chain. Link to post Share on other sites
Keke1 Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 Hey, thanks for all the answers. They really made me look at the situation and realise how messed up it is. I was kinda blinded because I love her. She texted me this morning and said she's coming over early because she called it off and doesn't want to see him. There is still a lot of red flags though. I'm going to talk to her today and see where it goes from there One night stand. Probably asked her to leave. The trust would have been gone the second she started getting dressed up to meet him. Did you want to hear all the details of her ex? Why not put a stop to it? Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 Why not put a stop to it? Pussywhipped would be my first thought. LOL! Link to post Share on other sites
cupcakebunny Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 Hey, thanks for all the answers. They really made me look at the situation and realise how messed up it is. I was kinda blinded because I love her. She texted me this morning and said she's coming over early because she called it off and doesn't want to see him. There is still a lot of red flags though. I'm going to talk to her today and see where it goes from there Err...I would still give her some space. Like you're going to have be dealing with the emotional fallout of this girl cutting off her other relationship(which also sounds jacked up) of 3 years. It's not going to be fun and happy. If she loved you and was happy with you, she would have cut the other guy off no questions asked and you wouldn't be posting on here. She still loves the guy and has a lot of baggage to work through. I would give her space to do that, if in a few months you still feel the same and she reaches out to you and is committed, re-evaluate. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 I think Jetts have taken off lol. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 I think Jetts have taken off lol. Yeah I guess when somebody just comes out says you're pussywhipped its time to move over to Surviving Infidelity. Let those dopes wipe his butt for awhile and tell him its all gonna be ok. LOL! Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 She texts him on a regular basis but hasn't told him she is dating anyone. She said it will be uncomfortable tomorrow because he only wants her over to have sex, and this would be the first time that she went to his place and they didn't mess around She texts a guy a regular basis that she admits "only wants her over to have sex", does not tell him that you even exist, and you think that this is how people in an exclusive relationship act? Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 I don't know how old you are..... but why stay with a girl who is in love with another guy. He'll call her up whenever he's single and she'll be open to it. Do yourself a favour and leave her or pull back. Tell her it's obvious she's still stuck on him and you don't want to be the consolation prize....... because you deserve better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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