unforgotten Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 Since last october when my ex gf broke up with me I've went through hell. First depression for months and constant anxiety problems. I've had a thing for like 8 girls this year. I went on a single date with a couple of them, I was hanging out with one for like a month and the last one just told me a couple of days back she just wanted to be friends because everything was going too fast for her. Lame excuse. I went out wih her like 3 times and we were in contact daily through phone/messaging for a month. I really like this one and I saw a future with her. This is my problem, I get attached way too fast. The problem I have is I'm really anxious when there is no potential girlfriend in my life. Nothing feels right, I'm not calm. I'm emotionally drained and my health and productivity suffer. I'm a smart guy with big goals and when I have someone that fills that empty void inside of me I feel like I could concquer the world. The anxiety is gone and I feel calmness, I get motivated again, I do amazing stuff in all areas of my life. I'm not even looking for sex. Just talking to this girl on the phone each day and hanging out with her and feeling loved was enough for me. And not just feeling loved, also sharing my love with her, supporting her, motivating her and getting to know her. I don't think I have problems with confidence. I look good, I go to gym etc. I have hobbies etc. The problem I have is I don't find my inner peace. I've been in a relationship basicaly all my grown up life and I'm not used to being single at all. I'm so sick of falling and getting up again. Fighting depression and anxiety is hard but I've come a long long way this year but I still get those black thoguhts. I'm not sitting on my hands though, I read motivational books, push myself hard etc. etc. What else can I do? The new year is at the door and I want to be done with feeling this way. I want to find love inside of me not in exterior events. Link to post Share on other sites
Snakechammah Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 I think you may have co-dependency issues. Try not to be so desperate... Girls can sense a needy guy from a mile away. Even if they have a hot gym body and a good career, if they are incessantly needy, most sane girls will run. Try to love yourself first. The only way to do this is to be single for a while. Find your direction/calling. If you don't like your own company, how can you expect other people to? Treat this New Year as a time to be a friend to yourself. Embrace freedom, embrace being single! Enjoy being you! All the best! Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 Since last october when my ex gf broke up with me I've went through hell. First depression for months and constant anxiety problems. I've had a thing for like 8 girls this year. I went on a single date with a couple of them, I was hanging out with one for like a month and the last one just told me a couple of days back she just wanted to be friends because everything was going too fast for her. Lame excuse. I went out wih her like 3 times and we were in contact daily through phone/messaging for a month. I really like this one and I saw a future with her. This is my problem, I get attached way too fast. The problem I have is I'm really anxious when there is no potential girlfriend in my life. Nothing feels right, I'm not calm. I'm emotionally drained and my health and productivity suffer. I'm a smart guy with big goals and when I have someone that fills that empty void inside of me I feel like I could concquer the world. The anxiety is gone and I feel calmness, I get motivated again, I do amazing stuff in all areas of my life. I'm not even looking for sex. Just talking to this girl on the phone each day and hanging out with her and feeling loved was enough for me. And not just feeling loved, also sharing my love with her, supporting her, motivating her and getting to know her. I don't think I have problems with confidence. I look good, I go to gym etc. I have hobbies etc. The problem I have is I don't find my inner peace. I've been in a relationship basicaly all my grown up life and I'm not used to being single at all. I'm so sick of falling and getting up again. Fighting depression and anxiety is hard but I've come a long long way this year but I still get those black thoguhts. I'm not sitting on my hands though, I read motivational books, push myself hard etc. etc. What else can I do? The new year is at the door and I want to be done with feeling this way. I want to find love inside of me not in exterior events. Here is the bottom line.... You can't place that much importance(where you are not a "whole" person without someone else), on something which you really have no control...You can't "force" someone to be your SO,...No one can... Is it great when it works out? Sure.. I'll make the assumption that you are fairly young...As you grow older, you will realize that interpersonal relationships among strangers-(your mom will probably always think you are incredible), are fraught with let downs... Just don't place that strong of an emphasis on it, where you need it to function or have mental clarity...If you do, it will always hold you back from being who you need to be... TFY Link to post Share on other sites
Author unforgotten Posted December 29, 2015 Author Share Posted December 29, 2015 (edited) You're right I'm desperate and I'm fighting hard not to be. I've been way way way more desperate a year ago. You said I should just try being single. This is what I'm thinking too. To just forget about girls for at least some months or perhaps the whole year and focus on totally different things like career, personal growth, friends and family, hobbies. Do you think it's a good idea or will it be a setback for me? I don't know...perhaps I should get my heart broken a couple of times more to get more cold and less desperate? @thefooloftheyear, yes I get this but how do I achieve it? what steps should I take to become a complete me not needing anyone to make me happy? Edited December 29, 2015 by unforgotten Link to post Share on other sites
baffin Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 The more you actively look for love, i think the less you will be successful in finding it. It's a little like looking for happiness - you can't go out and find that either. When you say you don't feel complete inside when you're not with someone to love, you are just setting yourself up for disappointment. The only way for real love to happen is to put your faith and trust in a God who truly loves you and wants the best for you. He is the only one who can truly fill up that void you say is in your heart. Praying for that special someone to come into your life is a lot more productive then what you are going through now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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