Cheers to Confession Time

[alwayslookup]

Sandylee, I'm honestly not sure if your last sentence there is sarcasm or not, but.....your profile photo speaks something great to me....and it should to everyone.

A little background on me. I've always betrayed. I was heartless and careless with men. It wasn't until a man I was with for over 6 years, whom I stuck by through some extreme times, it wasn't until he started talking to another woman emotionally....they didn't even evolve to physical.....but it wasn't until then, that a giant mirror was held up to the amount of pain betrayal actually causes. And he was actually honest about what he did, I did not catch him, and felt terrible for it. Unfortunately the lack of trust I then developed dissolved that relationship. Because it will never ever be the same after trust is gone.

 

I had never (to my knowledge) been cheated on in any relationship. I was always the bad one. That feeling of finding out was the most intense pain I had ever felt. Especially for what him and I had been through. I tried to make it work, but ironically I couldnt handle the constant feeling I had. It changed me. For the better....in ways.

 

Now I despise married people who cheat. Yes. Unfortunately, but fortunately, I learned an extremely hard lesson. I do not feel sorry for emotionally hurting these people. The 3 year relationship happened immediately after what happened to me. Did I take it too far? Perhaps. It was a rebound. Do I regret it or do I feel bad? .....no.

 

Ive learned its quite simple you see, if you are not happy in your relationship, speak up. If you want another man or woman, speak up. Will it hurt them? More than likely. Will you break up? Maybe. Is it easy to discuss these things? Hell no. But if you LOVE them. You would. If you dont love them. LEAVE before you destroy them.

 

As the saying goes somewhat.....Isn't it better to be hurt by the truth then comforted by a lie? Because believe me, it kills a part of you to have someone you love betray you. You'll never be the same.

 

Did anyone here ever watch Dexter? Granted he is the murderous kind and I'm the type that scoops up a bug in the house and let's it outside....but, point being....sometimes people deserve what they get.

[Midwestmissy]

The op sounds a bit like my mother in law. I can't recall what op sentence sent a shiver through me, but here's what I've experienced with dear mil: She plays The Game. And the only rule of The Game is to deny that there's a game. Bat eyelashes and be shocked that she was so cruelly misunderstood. "I'm sorry you looked at it that way! How silly of you to think I was being unkind!" Which then makes you feel oddly guilty. Manipulate, use, toy, triangulate, back stab then act innocently bewildered when someone's hurt. After all, she has a masters in social work and is a therapist because she throws it into every conversation. Or, call her out and guess what? You no longer exist to her at all. She's not kind, but acts smarmy and nice and for the most part is viewed as "nice". Image is king. I was told for 28 years how much she loved me - I went to her for emotional support (she's been waving that degree in my face after all) and got crickets. That was almost 2 yrs ago. Like I never existed. She just cut me out. Telling everyone she can solve problems for others is very different from actually being in the trenches doing the work. I got cut from the team I didn't even know I was ever on. She was widowed, lost the love of her life until, wait, he wasn't the love of her life! Listen to what she had to endure during that marriage! This new guy is the love of her life! And if you don't accept him and let your kids get on his boat the day you meet him (he looked a bit tipsy after all and lured them with gummy worms) you just want to deny her happiness! Cue the tears. And, scene. And the whole family hates you for making her cry. Lol.

 

She's not happy, she's empty inside and really doesn't feel much. In her world, there has to be a winner and a loser. Even within her family there are teams, and she's in charge of the roster. Playing the game keeps her from having to feel anything other than control. Because she's a damaged toxic chicken ***** who's terrified to feel. As she gets older, it's getting worse and people are quitting the team. She's angry and scrambling. The mask is slipping and it's ugly. The holidays with her as the matriarch of an ever growing adoring family have become she and her husband sitting alone. And of course, she's the victim.

 

Get help.

[alwayslookup]

Well damn, I'm not like that. I only play games with those who deserve it. I'm quite good at distinguishing who that is.

[Midwestmissy]

But didn't you say your husband doesn't deserve the way he's been treated? That doesn't sound discerning.

[eye of the storm]

alwayslookup, your stance changes depending on what someone posted to you and your mood (I assume).

 

You start out by saying you felt sad and bad about what you did. Now you are saying you don't feel anything at all about the original situation.

 

You say you despise cheaters, but you willingly put yourself into intimate contact with them. When I despise something, I avoid it. Most people do, unless they are trying to punish themselves.

 

I think you need to spend less time worrying about him and more time figuring out why YOU do the things you do. You cannot change them, you cannot fix them, you cannot punish them. You can only do those things to yourself.

[ladydesigner]

Sandylee, I'm honestly not sure if your last sentence there is sarcasm or not, but.....your profile photo speaks something great to me....and it should to everyone.

A little background on me. I've always betrayed. I was heartless and careless with men. It wasn't until a man I was with for over 6 years, whom I stuck by through some extreme times, it wasn't until he started talking to another woman emotionally....they didn't even evolve to physical.....but it wasn't until then, that a giant mirror was held up to the amount of pain betrayal actually causes. And he was actually honest about what he did, I did not catch him, and felt terrible for it. Unfortunately the lack of trust I then developed dissolved that relationship. Because it will never ever be the same after trust is gone.

 

I had never (to my knowledge) been cheated on in any relationship. I was always the bad one. That feeling of finding out was the most intense pain I had ever felt. Especially for what him and I had been through. I tried to make it work, but ironically I couldnt handle the constant feeling I had. It changed me. For the better....in ways.

 

Now I despise married people who cheat. Yes. Unfortunately, but fortunately, I learned an extremely hard lesson. I do not feel sorry for emotionally hurting these people. The 3 year relationship happened immediately after what happened to me. Did I take it too far? Perhaps. It was a rebound. Do I regret it or do I feel bad? .....no.

 

Ive learned its quite simple you see, if you are not happy in your relationship, speak up. If you want another man or woman, speak up. Will it hurt them? More than likely. Will you break up? Maybe. Is it easy to discuss these things? Hell no. But if you LOVE them. You would. If you dont love them. LEAVE before you destroy them.

 

As the saying goes somewhat.....Isn't it better to be hurt by the truth then comforted by a lie? Because believe me, it kills a part of you to have someone you love betray you. You'll never be the same.

 

Did anyone here ever watch Dexter? Granted he is the murderous kind and I'm the type that scoops up a bug in the house and let's it outside....but, point being....sometimes people deserve what they get.

 

When you say for the better, you mean you do not feel intense pain anymore?

 

You sound like a child who has been abused and had the power taken away from them (like the man you dated for 6 years to betray you). It seems you are doing what some victims do later and that is to act out by becoming the perpetrator to get that feeling of control back.

 

Not good!

[oceansaway]

Sandylee, I'm honestly not sure if your last sentence there is sarcasm or not, but.....your profile photo speaks something great to me....and it should to everyone.

A little background on me. I've always betrayed. I was heartless and careless with men. It wasn't until a man I was with for over 6 years, whom I stuck by through some extreme times, it wasn't until he started talking to another woman emotionally....they didn't even evolve to physical.....but it wasn't until then, that a giant mirror was held up to the amount of pain betrayal actually causes. And he was actually honest about what he did, I did not catch him, and felt terrible for it. Unfortunately the lack of trust I then developed dissolved that relationship. Because it will never ever be the same after trust is gone.

 

I had never (to my knowledge) been cheated on in any relationship. I was always the bad one. That feeling of finding out was the most intense pain I had ever felt. Especially for what him and I had been through. I tried to make it work, but ironically I couldnt handle the constant feeling I had. It changed me. For the better....in ways.

 

Now I despise married people who cheat. Yes. Unfortunately, but fortunately, I learned an extremely hard lesson. I do not feel sorry for emotionally hurting these people. The 3 year relationship happened immediately after what happened to me. Did I take it too far? Perhaps. It was a rebound. Do I regret it or do I feel bad? .....no.

 

Ive learned its quite simple you see, if you are not happy in your relationship, speak up. If you want another man or woman, speak up. Will it hurt them? More than likely. Will you break up? Maybe. Is it easy to discuss these things? Hell no. But if you LOVE them. You would. If you dont love them. LEAVE before you destroy them.

 

As the saying goes somewhat.....Isn't it better to be hurt by the truth then comforted by a lie? Because believe me, it kills a part of you to have someone you love betray you. You'll never be the same.

 

Did anyone here ever watch Dexter? Granted he is the murderous kind and I'm the type that scoops up a bug in the house and let's it outside....but, point being....sometimes people deserve what they get.

 

It appears you are seeking revenge for the extreme pain your exbf has caused you.

 

I hope someday you find peace and love

[stillafool]

what do you feel bad about? that you've evil?

 

 

or that you ain't gettin any younger and you already wasted 3 years on the poor slob that thought more of you then you deserve?

 

Yeah as the years tick on they will put an end to her misery because it will become harder and harder to manipulate men. What men will accept from a younger woman they will quickly turn away from this behavior from an older one.

[sandylee1]

what about the women that meet her leavings? some great guy that got his teeth kicked in just because he's got a soul and no limits.

 

Well this guy was married. So if he had an affair and got played ... then that's on him for cheating.

[sandylee1]

Sandylee, I'm honestly not sure if your last sentence there is sarcasm or not, but.....your profile photo speaks something great to me....and it should to everyone.

 

.

 

Partially.. but if most MMs experience of an affair was like yours.... then they'd never do it again.

 

I watched a more extreme version of your behaviour post betrayal. A woman became a high class escort... with the sole purpose of stealing from rich married men... because her father used escorts. She was hell bent on teaching them a lesson and she sought them out and reeled them in.

 

As you can imagine. They were ashamed of reporting the crimes... because they were doing what they shouldn't have been as MM. In the end she then uped the anti to the most extreme crime possible.

 

The thing to ask yourself... is are you happy? Does what you do make you happy? Is it fulfilling your life?

 

I'm sure it wasn't your life's ambition to waste time faffing about emotionally destroying cheaters.

 

Are you happy with the person you've become?

 

You've spent 3 years of your life on this last 'game'..... times the ONE thing you don't get back.

 

If you want to start up with another MM and waste 3 more years of your life.. go ahead. You've just allowed one cheating guy to turn you into what you ... and I bet he's moved on without giving you a second thought.

 

I'll never allow one person's behaviour to turn me into a bitter, twisted, resentful and spiteful person..... unless of course that's your natural default character.

[trailrunner1975]

The marks for borderline are quite strong. I was married to one for 14 yrs so I know one when I see one. I would not be surprised if the man she is throwing under the bus is actually a saint in real life.