sandylee1 Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 It's not just men who compartmentalise .... it's cheaters and APs of both genders. They minimise and rationalise so they can get through it. OP - your deception is quite something. You speak of choosing as though you're deciding what job offer to accept. These are people..human beings you're dealing with... I'm not sure why the OW unblocked you. I'm not sure if you have daughters ... ..or a sister or female cousin who you love. What would you tell them to do if they were married to a man like you? Really think about it and be honest. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 For men, this is easy. We compartmentalize. My commander tells me 'kill those men'. Now I don't know those men and they've done me no harm and I may not want to kill them but that's my mission so I do it. It doesn't mean I hate them or like them or love them. I divorce feeling from the act. This is socialized into most men as children, to ignore pain and divorce feeling from action. Men can certainly love their spouse and still commit acts that, viewed by others, appear to indicate no love at all. The key is this is other's perception being projected onto the man. None of them can get into his head and read his mind. Certainly, they can offer their opinions. Men compartmentalize reception of those too, and can analyze them without any emotions. Kind of like they analyze and execute targets set forth by their commander. Dispassionately. Agree with much of what you say but it's a different issue if we're talking about compartmentalizing the murder of your next door neighbor rather than the killing that's part of a war. Regardless, I was just highlighting the yawning gap between the OP's actions and his stated intentions... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
66Charger Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 The answer is obvious. You and your wife cheat. The NYC lady abhors cheating and is trying desperately to rid herself of you. Do not soil another flower with your obvious lack of integrity and honor. Its almost like you are trying to infect her. Let her find a LOYAL and FAITHFULL man. Leave her alone already. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 make a list of all the things that you like about both...compare them...then give them each the list....for the OTHER woman then let them decide which one is best for you 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 make a list of all the things that you like about both...compare them...then give them each the list....for the OTHER woman then let them decide which one is best for you Sounds like the relationship equivalent of "Trading Spaces"... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 except that i think both ladies will probably tell him to take a flying leap 2 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 That can be a healthy outcome too. Choose none of the above. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 That can be a healthy outcome too. Choose none of the above. I agree- I feel like when you this conflicted its really not about choosing one or the other-its about getting your head on straight about what you want you life to look like 6 months or 6 years down the road- Link to post Share on other sites
Rejected Rosebud Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 I read the whole thing ... I can't believe you think you're in a position of choosing a woman. You really need to get a divorce from your wife, because that relationship has never been healthy. After that IMO you should try to live the rest of your life with honesty; if you don't want to be in a monogamous relationship you don't have to - and if you choose to do that again please take it seriously! Link to post Share on other sites
veryhappy Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 Is your ow from NYC? I can imagine the city was changed if you changed the way you normally write... Go to therapy. It's practically what you're trying to get through posting here, but you can get more help and tailored to you. It will help you find out what you are really lookig for - if you can be honest with the therapist. Now, if you want an answered to your question, leave the ow alone and apply yourself to your m. It's what most cheating men end up doing. You don't seem that special. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Shadowburn Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 I think your marriage is over. You cheated on your wife multiple times, took condom? On a road trip? It really means you are completely checked out and once dust settles, you'll be back to the same thing with your wife. She is holding on to you right now out of desperation, but once she will feel she got you back completely, anger will hit her and she will let you have it. As far as OW - you're just being selfish and cruel. You deceived her, and now using her weakness because she developed feelings for you to keep pulling her back. If you really love her, leave her alone. Sort yourself out, end your marriage if it's beyond salvation, and then go back to her, but stop torturing poor woman. She is a true victim here. Link to post Share on other sites
Robert Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 The thread starter hasn't been back on the site since December 30th, so we'll close this up. If the thread starter returns and wishes to have it reopened, they can use the Alert Us button on this post. Thanks for your participation, ~6 Link to post Share on other sites
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