What can i do?

[bubbles]

THis problem isn't as much about me as my friend. See, she's having problems with her boyf of 4 yrs and wants my help. I really think they should break up. They've only ever slept with each other, and i think they need to move on. But she really loves him and can't let him go. She had the same fight with another of our friends, and they haven't spoken in months. How can i tell my friend to let him go without losing her friendship?

[Bannsider]

Listen, at the end of the day you cannot make someones decisions for them, everybody has the God given right to live there lives as they see fit.

 

You do not know what your friend needs to be happy. You might have an inkling, but this doen`t entitle you to direct her life for her.

 

I know its hard to watch someone you care for make mistakes, but how else do people learn. You mentioned she`s already lost a friend who`s tried to push her in the right direction. Your friend is obviously aware of others views on her situation and HER CHOICE has been to ignore these.

 

Leave her alone on this matter and let her do what she wants, I can only see you perhaps, losing this friend if you try to push her.

 

The best thing she can do for herself is to end the relationship because she wants to, by drawing the courage to do so she will feel better about herself in the long run.

 

Just leave her be, and support in what ever SHE decides, you are friend after all. Do not make her decisions for her.

 

Would you at the end of the day like people meddling in your relationships, with there opinions and judgements? You will do nothing but confuse her and cloud the feelings she has towards this guy.

 

I don`t mean to sound nasty, but you do not hold the key to her happiness, she does and she must use the key for herself.

 

Give her time and support, not opinions and judgements...

[Tony T]

Stay out of this. Very often when a friend is asking for advice like this, they are really wanting someone to encourage them or give them reasons to stay and hang in there. They really don't want to break up. They want positive words, even though from your perspective it's a bad relationship and should end.

 

A lot of people who are in love with people but have bad relationships with them stay that way and just don't want to leave. It's really a decision they have to make and many ultimately see the truth.

 

But if you spend a lot of time telling her how crappy her guy is and how she should be away from him...and she ends up staying with him (which is probably what she ought to do right now), you will be in a very awkward position and your friendship will be severely strained.

 

So, instead of being her personal relationship advisor, ask her to post her situation on this forum...and we can do the dirty work.

 

Until people are ready to hear the truth, they will be angry with the messenger and not the message. If you have to convince somebody they should get out of a relationship, they are not nearly ready to do so.

 

Stay out of this whole thing for the sake of your friendship with this lady. And let her know value the friendship just too much to get involved this way. Suggest she see a counsellor or post here for some annonymous help.

 

I'm sure you've already done so, but don't tell her anymore that you think they ought to break up. Keep this to yourself. If they end up getting married, you will feel so dumb...and it happens everyday!

 

Even if she begs you for advice, people are often just begging to hear what they want to hear...and most people want to hear that everything's going to be just fine.