Rorocher Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 MW here in love with MM. We met, feelings grew, etc etc. He has 2 young kids and I have one. I will take all the flaming that you want to fling. I am a terrible person for what I am doing, I know. I admit that I started this affair because I was bored in my marriage. My husband is a good man and I love him as such but I can't say that I am in love with him. We are good friends and we co-parent our child together but sadly, even way before my affair started, I realized that romantically, we were not meant to be. There is very little shared romantic attraction or connection between us. My marriage is low conflict thankfully and we do get along great, which is why I think we have remained together for this long but if I am going to be completely honest with myself, I would admit that I am simply not romantically attracted to my husband, for all his "greatness". He doesn't need to change anything about himself, he is awesome, just as he is, just not for me. Why not divorce, you might ask. Well, because we have a young child, and I don't want her to grow up in a broken home. Especially when she seems so happy to have her parents together in the same house. My husband and I very rarely fight, we don't yell, we laugh and get along, we are just not intimate and I have tried and tried, I faked it for a long time but it gets tiresome. As far as I see it, I don't have a good enough reason to initiate divorce and cause an an upheaval of my child's life just because I am not romantically attracted to her father. So we keep on keeping on. Another reason to not divorce is because financially, I carry our household, my husband doesn't have a high income earning potential in his profession. We just eek by on two incomes. If I leave, he will be left in a financial lurch, his income will not even allow him to rent a one bedroom apartment by himself, he will always have to live with roommates which will be hard on our daughter with joint custody. And also, even though my income is higher, I am not exactly living high on the hog either and the general quality of life for our daughter will be greatly diminished financially. So now in comes the MM. At first, we were both just having fun and cake eating. But then gradually feelings grew, to the point that we started fantasizing about leaving our spouses, him much more than me based on the reasons I outlined above. The "noise" of leaving has now grown stronger and stronger and he's pushing for things to move forward. I am the hesitant one. I think that MM and I would have a fulfilling relationship together and I don't feel as if I have rose colored glasses on with him. We have had our ups and downs with some really nasty conflicts, yet, through it all, when I think of him, I smile. BUT more importantly, even if things don't work out with him in the long run, I have no issues being on my own, never have. The dilemma for me right now is that I feel paralyzed to leave my marriage mainly because of my child's overall happiness and partly because I feel financially responsible for my husband. But at the same time I love MM and desire a life with him. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 If there's no intimacy in your marriage... doesn't your H feel it too? Have you thought of an open marriage..so you can have sexual partners with each other's knowledge? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rorocher Posted December 29, 2015 Author Share Posted December 29, 2015 I do think that my husband feels it although he hasn't brought it up. He is generally a conflict averse person and part of it is also being oblivious in general. I honestly cannot really think of any "talks" that he has instigated over something that he doesn't find satisfactory with our marriage. If I don't bring it up, he churns along and seems happy go lucky. It could be that he has a low threshold for intimacy in general due to his conservative upbringing or it may be something else. There are times that I wonder if he has also checked out and is content with the roommate situation that we are in for our daughter's sake. A couple of years ago, I suggested an open marriage during one of our "talks" that I initiated. He countered that we should try to work on developing intimacy but that was just talk and we dropped the subject after that. And there was another time that we both acknowledged to each other that our love/marriage is kind of superficial and surface level but we owe it to our daughter to keep her home intact. When the time came that I finally was getting sick of faking the physical intimacy and sex dwindled, I offered him a hall pass. Because I realized that sex is important to men and I wouldn't want him to feel deprived if I'm not meeting his needs, as long as he can be safe and discreet about it all. I didn't say that my attraction was dwindling, I didn't want to hurt his feelings, I merely said that I am a low-drive woman (which is partly true). In response, he didn't seem shocked and said that he would think about it but we haven't spoken about it since then. He is still physically affectionate, not overtly, and I also try a touch, hug and peck here and there, because he is a good man and I feel incredibly guilty for being a less than perfect spouse that he deserves Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 A lot going on there that is not in the open. Just remember many children live happily with one parent. YOU MY DEAR HAVE ONLY ONE LIFE. Make sure you don't waste it. Poppy. Link to post Share on other sites
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