tjeliot Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 So, I googled my dilemma and it brought me to an old post by Jill229. Her story mirrors my problem but no one responded to her question... I've been friends with the guy for a decade too, all the problems are the same! The only difference than instead of a 4 hour drive, mine is a 4 hour flight (but money wouldn't be an issue since we both have good jobs). Can someone please help. Here is the story again (and link): ------------ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/long-distance-relationships/377541-long-distance-friends-long-distance-lovers-what Long Distance Friends to Long Distance Lovers to What?? Since many of my friends haven't really offered quality advice, I am hoping that some strangers on the internet may have some... I have known my friend J for over 10 years. We are real life friends. Met through mutual friends. Always had a friendly relationship when we saw each other (we live about 5 hours apart). At one point a few years ago he told a mutual friend that he liked me, but I was seeing someone. That relationship ended, J and I hung out, I realized that maybe I liked him more than friends - but he was seeing someone. We maintained our friendship - hanging out with mutual friends a few times a year. Recently, timing was finally right, neither of us were in a relationship, we hung out again and it just felt right and we made that jump from friends to "more than friends". There was a comfort with him that I never had with anyone I dated before or any of my other male friends. It just made sense. But herein lies my dilemma - we have seen each other twice since that weekend when we finally got together. It was the same both times. It was really good. But we haven't had a "talk". I don't know if I'm just a girl who he sees occaisionally who puts out, or if there is a chance for something more. I want to just flat out ask him. We have 10 years of friendship to fall back on - but I'm partially concerned that our recent intimacy may ruin that 10 years of friendship if I am interested in actually pursuing a relationship and he just isn't. I understand that a 4 hour drive isn't an ideal circumstance for starting a relationship, but I am willing to at least give it a shot. And while I am kinda stuck in my current location for a year or so - there is a possibility I could move to where he is in a year or two, and he has said in the past (before we hooked up) that there isn't much keeping him where he is now once his employment contract is up (in a few months). But most of my male friends have said that I can't "just ask him" what's going on. But I also don't want to invest much more time in travel and rearranging schedules to see him if I'm completely misreading the situation. So, I should just flat out ask him right? Can we go from being friends to being in a long distance relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 So, I googled my dilemma and it brought me to an old post by Jill229. Her story mirrors my problem but no one responded to her question... I've been friends with the guy for a decade too, all the problems are the same! The only difference than instead of a 4 hour drive, mine is a 4 hour flight (but money wouldn't be an issue since we both have good jobs). Can someone please help. Here is the story again (and link): ------------ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/long-distance-relationships/377541-long-distance-friends-long-distance-lovers-what Long Distance Friends to Long Distance Lovers to What?? Since many of my friends haven't really offered quality advice, I am hoping that some strangers on the internet may have some... I have known my friend J for over 10 years. We are real life friends. Met through mutual friends. Always had a friendly relationship when we saw each other (we live about 5 hours apart). At one point a few years ago he told a mutual friend that he liked me, but I was seeing someone. That relationship ended, J and I hung out, I realized that maybe I liked him more than friends - but he was seeing someone. We maintained our friendship - hanging out with mutual friends a few times a year. Recently, timing was finally right, neither of us were in a relationship, we hung out again and it just felt right and we made that jump from friends to "more than friends". There was a comfort with him that I never had with anyone I dated before or any of my other male friends. It just made sense. But herein lies my dilemma - we have seen each other twice since that weekend when we finally got together. It was the same both times. It was really good. But we haven't had a "talk". I don't know if I'm just a girl who he sees occaisionally who puts out, or if there is a chance for something more. I want to just flat out ask him. We have 10 years of friendship to fall back on - but I'm partially concerned that our recent intimacy may ruin that 10 years of friendship if I am interested in actually pursuing a relationship and he just isn't. I understand that a 4 hour drive isn't an ideal circumstance for starting a relationship, but I am willing to at least give it a shot. And while I am kinda stuck in my current location for a year or so - there is a possibility I could move to where he is in a year or two, and he has said in the past (before we hooked up) that there isn't much keeping him where he is now once his employment contract is up (in a few months). But most of my male friends have said that I can't "just ask him" what's going on. But I also don't want to invest much more time in travel and rearranging schedules to see him if I'm completely misreading the situation. So, I should just flat out ask him right? Can we go from being friends to being in a long distance relationship? Yes, ask him but dont get too involved and bring up ruining friendship...just say, unless Im mistaken we seem to share the some mutual feelings beyond friendship and I wonder if your open to taking the chance to explore giving it a shot as a couple. He might not stay single long and you will miss the chance. Be prepared for him to reject this notion because it sounds like when you hooked up at least the 1st time he was fresh out of a relationship so people act out of low self esteem and will seek comfort in another based out of lonliness and wanting some closeness to not feel the pain of a breakup (rebound) but the feelings dont always go deeper. You have to take a chance though so just be honest and be open to rejection...guys can seperate friendship and sex...girls get emotionally involved. You can only know his true feelings if you ask. Link to post Share on other sites
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