MM brought up Divorce

[eye of the storm]

My MM has been living with his W for the last few months. First time in about 10 years. He called me and said that he is going to ask her for a divorce in about 3 months time. (He has a valid reason for the time frame.)

 

Because since he moved we have only been talking sporadically and only about professional topics I was kinda shocked. Shocked that he, for the first time ever, mentioned divorce and for me it was out of the blue. In the past he always said he had no interest in D, that he and his W got along just fine.

 

I told him that until he actually filed and they were no longer living together I really didn't want to be involved. It hurt to much when he left me last time and I didn't want to go thru that again. He understood but asked if I would move to be with him after the D. I told him that he needed to get the D done with first. And then we would talk about it, but before I hung up, I did tell him that I would demand a closed relationship and if he didn't think he could handle it, then to leave me alone. He said he could.

 

I thought I had crushed all the hope I had for him to come back to me, to choose me. But this phone call brought it all back to life. I am almost angry about it.

 

My BFF thinks MM living with me enabled him to ignore the huge cracks in his M. She actually bet me when he left that them living together would result in a D. I called and told her until the papers are signed I would not be paying up.

 

I am doing my best to ignore words and only listen to actions. But it is hard.

 

But until I see papers, I will continue to try to move on and live my life.

[bathtub-row]

I think it's a very positive thing but I don't know all your backstory. If I were you, I'd be cautiously optimistic. Just sit back and watch the show.

 

I will say this, though, if he has hurt you a great deal by being insensitive or in other ways that you will find hard to forgive, I would recommend that you stay away from him. Although my xMM never did anything like throwing me under the bus, he did hurt me a lot and I don't think I could ever overlook it. Just something to think about.

[whichwayisup]

My MM has been living with his W for the last few months. First time in about 10 years. He called me and said that he is going to ask her for a divorce in about 3 months time. (He has a valid reason for the time frame.)

 

Why did he tell you now? Why not tell you when he's actually done it? I'm calling bullshi.t. Tell him to call you once the divorce is finalized.

[eye of the storm]

I did tell him to let me know when it's done. We do still talk, not as often and normally just about work topics. Even though he is working for a different company we are in the same industry. And I still consider him a friend.

 

Even though I ended our A, he knows I still love him.

 

And I am going to continue to maintain the boundaries we set up when he left.

 

But this divorce thing has thrown me for a loop.

[winterkeep]

Stay strong and do not get involved until he has actually divorced, this will show if he's serious or is just trying to lure you back into the OW role.

[minimariah]

do they have children...?

 

your friend might just be right; now that he is living with the W, he might just become aware of the holes in his marriage + he doesn't have you as a stabilizer.

 

you'll see what happens in three months. continue with your life and if he doesn't follow through - that can maybe be your final nail in the coffin.

 

if he does - i would recommend both you and him take some time off; continue the relationship but allow both of you to date first. moving in would, in my opinion, be rushed because i'm sure he needs to deal with his own issues on his own first.

 

good luck!

[pacific_vibrations]

echoing the others- it will be great if he lives up to his word. common sense and statistics say he will not.

 

until then, he can contact you when the divorce has been filed and you can continue to leave yourself open for available men and not let him rule your life

[eye of the storm]

Their kids have all left the nest. The last one just recently. And we have already lived together for off and on depending on our job locations for about 3 years.

 

But. I am listening to the posters here. I did tell him I wasn't going to fall back in till he actually did divorce. And I made hIm aware that I would not accept him either in front of me or behind my back being with other women and he would need to think about it.

 

Just posting sometimes helps me work thru things. If he goes thru with it. And asks me to move, I'll evaluate at that time if I want to start back up with him...but until then I'll just keep living my life. Thanks for the feedback.

[Lurkeraspect]

Wow! Aren't you tired? Here's a man who can easily choose, yet here he sits. Your BFF is right. Personally, I wouldn't entertain any of his nonsense. He's free to divorce, free to move on. He stays, because he's a coward and knows you'll wait on him to align his life. I truly hate to see women wasting their lives on weak ass men.

[bathtub-row]

But this divorce thing has thrown me for a loop.

 

Something like that would throw me for a loop, too. Just try to keep your head together.

Edited December 31, 2015 by bathtub-row