Lonely and Bored

[SethDamien]

lonely and bored - Most of my year was spent circling these feelings.

 

Living alone, i live a monotonous life. I wake up, go to work, go home, spend time to feel sorry for myself, sleep.

 

2015 felt like it just passed me. Its the fastest year i've spent so far. Perhaps its because i wanted time to sort everything out. But as i figured, time wont do sh*t for you unless you act on it. I can't even remember much of what happened this year.

 

I've been feeling excessively tired both physically and mentally. Just when I thought 10 hours of sleep might do the trick, i still end up really tired mid-day. There are weekends that i spend the day never getting off my bed.

 

Right now, i've escaped everything that's caused me pain but im more alone than ever. Im living independently and do everything on my own for the first time, but im still bored as ever...

 

Im just figuring out ways to break this cycle. I dont wanna waste my years staying this way...

I have plenty of plans for myself.... Im planning to start my own business, but still keep my work. I'd do well, get promoted, all the while watering my personal business to grow. Its still in the pipeline but im working on it.

 

But none of this would matter if i had no purpose. and right now, im doing all of these things not for others but for myself... i guess i lack the motivation and purpose, something that a partner could fix. I've been feeling lonely for a couple of years already, i think im beyond the emotional dependency mark.

 

There are times im feeling really down and that's when i need someone to talk to, but i end up feeling sadder because i have nobody to talk to.

 

any comments oh how to break this cycle?

[justanotherguy1]

hey dude.. I understand your situation. i'll try my best hear to tell you what i think.

 

first of all.. your not going out much. and you need to do that. staying in all the time is not helping you fill that hole which is lonliness and boredom. You need to go out, and by that i dont mean a date. Take yourself out go do fun new things and while you do it you will meet new people and slowly build healthy relationships.

 

your doing well professionally and have good goals, a lot of people aspire to have that so keep that going.

 

You really need to get out the house, and even at work try and be more sociable and get yourself out there, make friends with everyone. you'll be surprised how easy it is just by telling someone good morning or giving a smile or hello. you seem like a cool guy dont do this to yourself.

 

whatever you feel you can do , do it and go for it. the simplest people are the most fun and make great friends, the janitor at work, the waitor who brings your food or gets your coffee.. you dont have to seem desperate, but the more you get out there the better you will be and feel.

 

Also i think you need to load up on calories and nutritious food. keep the body healthy and moving so you wont feel to just dump in your bed you would rather get up and do something.

 

Getting out there is the way to start . hope this helps man.

[RedBaron2765]

I was in my mid 30's about 15 or so years ago - no girlfriend, no dates. Had a decent job and a house, and hung out with one buddy of mine in the same boat. Was I bored? Not really.

 

Now I'm in my late 40's, two little ones, and although I love these two buggers I often think back to my easier single days. No dealing with a moody wife, no dealing with her family (one person in particular, rest are fine). I'm not getting any sex now, so that's no different. Miss getting enough sleep (it can be hard with kids).

 

I know what you're feeling - find something constructive to do. Work out, find a hobby. I often wonder what I'd be doing if I was still single - that buddy that I hung out with is now married with a kid and I rarely see him anymore (thanks to his wife).

[SethDamien]

thanks @justanotherguy and @Redbaron!!

 

I have been going out, but not as often as i like. But when i do, it does make me happy and gives me a sense of accomplishment knowing i got my buns off the bed. I exercised regularly a couple of months ago but stopped due to my hectic work schedule.

 

Im not good in starting a conversation, but i can manage a smile to strangers though.

 

Somehow I feel all the spark has been taken from me. Nothing excites me anymore, everyday has been dreary and days go by so fast. Sometimes i worry if i may never heal. I also worry time may eventually catch up with me.

 

2015 just passed by, and I'm caught off guard every time i remember 2016 is just two days ahead. But hearing RedBaron's story game me hope.

 

i guess what i need to do now is to change my sleep schedule so i can wake up earlier for my morning run, and start eating healthier.

[still_an_Angel]

I had a time like that in my single years, I had a good career, travelled a lot and felt tired of it all. Even going out with friends bored me coz it was like a routine of partying, drinking and still felt empty after going out. I get what you're feeling.

 

My suggestion is for you to look into something that has really interested you in the past and sign up for it. Something that makes you happy and challenged. I once took bollywood dancing, I sucked at it totally but I had a blast during the lessons, had great laughs and now I consider that a "skill" which is so fun because its so unlike me. Best of luck to you, I think you have to break the monotony of your life and make it interesting.

[truthtripper]

 

Right now, i've escaped everything that's caused me pain but im more alone than ever.

Hey Seth, I can relate too. Just wondering, if you don't mind me asking, what was causing you pain??

[SethDamien]

Hey Seth, I can relate too. Just wondering, if you don't mind me asking, what was causing you pain??

 

My girlfriend dumped me 2 years ago. Yet she said i still have a chance.

 

A few weeks later my dad was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, he died 4 months later.

 

While i was away for a couple of weeks grieving for my dad, I found out my gf was already dating another guy.

 

I fell into depression. My mom also fell into the same pit losing her husband of 35 years.

 

Me and my mom often argued. We were both angry and i was getting a bit too rebellious, so i left home.... Away from everything.

[truthtripper]

My girlfriend dumped me 2 years ago. Yet she said i still have a chance.

 

A few weeks later my dad was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, he died 4 months later.

 

While i was away for a couple of weeks grieving for my dad, I found out my gf was already dating another guy.

 

I fell into depression. My mom also fell into the same pit losing her husband of 35 years.

 

Me and my mom often argued. We were both angry and i was getting a bit too rebellious, so i left home.... Away from everything.

I'm so sorry you had to experience two devastating losses at the same time, double grief or perhaps triple grief, since you also had to escape your mom.

 

I lost my cousin to cancer so I know what that's like. I think grief is something we just cannot escape, we have to let it wash over us, let ourselves feel the loss and pain and as time passes it slowly dissolves. If we try to push it away, our grief can't be processed, it will retaliate and cause us even more pain.

 

It sounds like your ex is playing mind games with you. It's actually worse to 'half-dump' a partner than it is to officially dump them, because it leaves the dumpee confused. She has given you mixed messages and this is abusive. When an ex leaves you hanging, this is a bright red flag to keep away. She is being manipulative and wants to hurt you. Don't let her do it. Look after yourself. She's so not worth wallowing over.

 

Re grieving, it really helps to write your feelings down. Pen and paper is better if you have the patience. It's a really effective way of processing your thoughts/emotions and the best thing is that you can go back and read over your past writings which can put things into a better perspective in your mind. This has helped me, anyway.

 

Whatever you do, try not to push grief away. Let it out. Find a medium through which you can express it. Let yourself grow.

[ZA Dater]

I can sympathise with this situation well. My 2015 felt very similar, I tried to keep myself busy to find some purpose and when I look back I mostly accomplished that.

 

 

However friends can be a two way street because people tend to pair up and in my experience its difficult to fit in when everyone else is paired up.

[Beach Guy]

lonely and bored - Most of my year was spent circling these feelings.

 

Living alone, i live a monotonous life.

Do at least one brand new thing each day. Could be taking a strange route to work. Go see a movie you wouldn't normally see (foreign flick, for instance). Attend a high school basketball game and cheer for both teams' good play. Etc.