jl5099 Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 Okay, I'm not new here, but it's been a very long time since I've been around... Anyway, my story is long and very detailed, but I will do my best to just get to the point because I kinda need an answer quick... So my ex and I have been together 4.5 years... Lived together for the last 3.5... Well up until our final break up on our way home from Sturgis in August. He broke up with me, but didn't move out or stop sleeping with me... It's been horrible... THat went on for the next 3 months till he actually moved out. But he and I still talked everyday and still slept together weekly... I've written him very detailed goodbye emails and he comes crawling back only to continue being shady... In the midst of ALL of this, he was seeing another girl. I have 2 kids with my ex husband and he has 2 kids of his own. His daughter he only gets every other weekend and usually stays in the town where she lives, because there is problems with her and my kids. Well that's how the "girl" comes into play. He spends time with her while he's there and then comes back to me. Well, he said he ended it with her and wanted to come home to me. Well he didn't do either. He invited me to Thanksgiving and reneged, I lost it and broke it off with him again. He came back again. I sent him another email ending it and then tried to start no contact. This was on a Sunday night, and by Monday at 9am he showed up at my work with 2 roses and a card saying he wants to come home and he loves me and he'll prove it to me. Well, that's been 3 weeks ago and I find out on Christmas day he is back with HER. I sent him a text telling him I obviously can't trust anything he says and that's it. this was on the day after Christmas. He replies the next morning telling me he stopped over but I was still asleep. BS. Then called twice and I haven't heard from his since. Until yesterday, he texted my son about a new truck he bought. And then today again about how they should go for a ride in his new truck. I know I am portraying him as a real douche. And he can be/is... But I want him back. I want to make our relationship work and it's all ive been trying to do! There's SO much more to our 4.5 years... But I really am trying to get to the point. I stopped all contact with him as of Saturday the 26th. He still pays rent and texted me on Monday morning telling me "transfer complete". I was actually relieved because I thought l was goint to have to ask for it. I only replied thanks and haven't spoke or texted anything since. I also waited 2 hours to do that... But I am ANGRY that he's texting my son... Is that HIM breaking no contact? Do I ignore it and let it go or do I tell him to not contact my son? Is that breaking no contact for me? Another friend of mine says its just him trying to get under my skin, and he is! But I do understand the rules of no contact and I want this to work... I have since told my son to stop responding... But I just don't know what to do on my end... Please advise? And please don't judge, I am really just looking for positive advice... Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 If you don't want him contacting your kids..tell him to stop. This is a very turbulent relationship and it's not a great example for your kids. This guy has messed you around enough hasn't he. I'd be making him prove he was worthy of me this time. Don't take him back so easily. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 I want him back. You have seriously got to be kidding. He treats you like a piece of dirt on his shoe, and you want him back? Where is your self esteem? Have you no self respect? What kind of example are you setting for your kids, allowing yourself to be treated like this? When your kids are grown up and in relationships of their own, would you be happy if someone were treating them like this? What would you advise them to do? Tell him never to contact either you or your kids again. Tell him that if he does, you will go to the police and report him for harassment. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jl5099 Posted December 30, 2015 Author Share Posted December 30, 2015 Well like I said there is SO much more to our relationship than I have divulged. I am far from perfect and my self esteem is obviously ****. I am working on it. And also I am very aware what I am showing my kids... I guess I didn't give enough information on my background story. I was truly just looking for a no contact answer... I am not disagreeing with you ladies, but I asked for no judgement, just an answer... Thanks.. Link to post Share on other sites
goldway90 Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 (edited) When there are kids involved NC is very tricky, You broke NC when you texted him saying thanks. You're reading too much into the texts between him and your kids, it's up to you to decide if they should keep contacting each other. There's no set rules for NC you make them to protect yourself from confusion and to heal over times, think of NC just like boundaries. Side note you already say your self esteem is low and you're working on it which is great so the right thing is to focus on yourself at the moment, on your kids, forget about him for a moment. I wish you luck Edited December 30, 2015 by goldway90 Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey born raised Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 Why are you still accepting finical support from him (rent money). Could that be fueling his sense of entitlement? Is this a characteristic with his other relationships? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jl5099 Posted December 30, 2015 Author Share Posted December 30, 2015 He and I signed a lease together. He is still on the lease and I cannot afford it alone. I haven't been able to find a place to move, I live in a very small town, with custody issues with my ex so I can't move away... He doesn't want to pay it, so it's not a control thing on his part, which is why I said thanks... I need it to keep coming... him not changing his address and me still getting his mail, along with texting my 10 year old son about his new truck, could be control issues. He's not contacting me directly, but keeping me in his life by needing to come to my house and talking to my son. It's one reason I get confused. I want him to contact ME, directly, not my kids or my house when I'm not there. Link to post Share on other sites
goldway90 Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 I want him to contact ME, directly, not my kids or my house when I'm not there. Tell him this. It's clearly bothering you so just make sure he know what your boundaries are. Link to post Share on other sites
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