BF's female friend gets mad over our upcoming marriage

[inhighwater]

Names are changed for privacy.

 

I met Harry early last year and we hit it off great. He told me that he had this friend out west that was just like a little sister to him. Harry had told me that they met online and she lives around 900 miles away. He said at first they both thought that they may be meant for each other but after a little while of thinking things over they both agreed that they were just met to be friends. Like a brother and sister kind of thing. Harry didn't want to move out west and he had everything going for him here and she didn't want to move out east and she had everything going for her there. Plus, Sarah (that is what we will call this girl) likes to live in big cities and Harry doesn't want to live in ANY place that they call a city. Harry and Sarah did say that they would like to meet in person someday but till this day they have not met in person. Well, Harry met me and he told Sarah that we were boyfriend and girlfriend but was not for sure since our relationship was so new at the time if it would end up being more or not. Harry later on introduced me to Sarah online and her and I started chatting on a regular basis without Harry being around as well as him and her continued to chat on a regular basis with and without me being around. Well, Sarah started to get a very busy schedule and sometime last fall Harry talked to her and said that Harry and I were getting closer. Come the end of the year, Harry asked me to marry him. One night Harry and I were on the computer and one of Sarah's family members comes on line and we were under Harry's screen name and he starts talking to Sarah's FM and they asked him when he was going to come out west to visit them and he told them that he had got a new job. So he had no vacation time and that he needed this new job for more money because he needed to by a house to start his own family. Sarah's family member told him he didn't need a house. And then Sarah's family member went on to ask "what family". And he told them that he wanted to tell Sarah himself about that we were going to get married. Well, sometime a days later Harry and I were online under his screen name again and Sarah came online and she Instant Messaged him and he told her that him and I were getting married and Sarah went OFF! She said something like, "You don't need enemies if you have friends" (You know that saying!). Then Sarah went on to say to Harry that their friendship between him and her will never be the same.

 

Harry is not mad at me just confused of why Sarah is acting this way and I am confused to.

 

I need help! I feel as if I have destroyed a good brother-like and sister-like friendship even though I don't think I ever said or did anything to try and destroy it. Will I ever be able to get her to come around and talk to him on a regular basis again?

[Debster]

I think that maybe Sarah had high hopes that you were not going to be 'the one' but just to be on the safe side, she would keep her friends close, and you even closer.

[Caidy]

Sounds to me like she's got a crush on him, and now that he's married, her cyber fantasy of meeting him has been destroyed.

 

Therefore, it doesn't sound like much of a friendship. Genuine friends are happy for one another when marriages occur.

[LucreziaBorgia]

She's acting that way because she was holding out in hopes of it one day being more. Friends are genuinely happy for each other when they find love. "Friends" react with jealousy and rage. Perhaps it will be best to put 'Sarah' behind you both before starting your life together. Your stbH might genuinely value what he thought was her genuine friendship, but its apparent that 'Sarah' has something else in mind and probably did all along. You didn't destroy a brother-sister relationship because there never really was one. I expect that stbH will be sad at realizing this, and that's natural.

[inhighwater]

Names are changed for privacy:

 

I found out a lot of stuff in a short time. I found out that the reason Sarah said that Harry and her's friendship would never be the same was cause she could never have the same feels for him which her feels was more than just friendship.

 

I am online the other day and an IM pops up. It was Sarah! I never had e-mailed or IM'd her since the time she went off at Harry when he told her that we were getting married so she was not replying to anything. She asked me how Harry and I was doing and stuff.

 

She told me she is seeing a guy that she met online and that she has only known him for just a few months and that she is planning on marrying him.

 

I just think she just gets too attached to the opposite sex too quickly.

 

She asked me if I had bad or good feelings toward her. The thing that bugged me the most was she knew that Harry and I were boyfriend/girlfriend and not just friends and even knowing that she still let her feels for him get out of control.

[Fritz]

Ahh, online "friendships" that have a bit of "flirting" in them. Hmm, need a better barfing smilely.

 

I'd be nice but distance yourself, your bf as well. She's clearly got issues aka fantasyland dreams. I went through a period like this with a gal online. I thought it was perhaps more serious, realized it wasn't as per some of her words, backed down, then she still flirted a bit. I mostly ignored it but didn't want to lose the friendship part as she was mostly a nice person (if being a stereotypical woman ). Then she got more involved in RL relationship but still kept in contact. She sent a friendly holiday card, I sent one back and then I kinda get the impression she thinks I still have an "interest" in her simply because I sent her a card.. So whatever.

[alex434]

Originally posted by Debster

I think that maybe Sarah had high hopes that you were not going to be 'the one' but just to be on the safe side, she would keep her friends close, and you even closer.

 

told it how it was!

[Treasa]

So this is the girl you posted four different threads about? She isn't a "friend", then. You sound insecure and obsessed about her. Just ignore her and worry about yourself and your own relationship. Tell her you're happy for her, and then leave it be.

[alex434]

Originally posted by Treasa

So this is the girl you posted four different threads about? She isn't a "friend", then. You sound insecure and obsessed about her. Just ignore her and worry about yourself and your own relationship. Tell her you're happy for her, and then leave it be.

 

hi five for you!!