Why am I thinking of the ex if I'm in a happier relationship?

[evry1luvzaazngrl]

I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years and even though I thought of my ex fondly, I had no doubt about my relationship. Everything was coming together...we are looking for a new place together, I felt butterflies, I was happy, we're compatible. I knew this was the guy I wanted to marry and be happy with.

 

Recently I received an email from my ex to see how things are going with myself. Told me he finally divorced his wife and that she was emotionally abusive manipulating him with his PTSD, told me about his new career, and wanted to see how I was doing. Said he understood if I couldn't respond because of my relationship. He was my first love, we were together for almost 6 years about 5 years ago. Broke up due to long distance and the military preparing for his deployment.

I kept it short and told him I can't talk to him really because I don't want issues with my relationship and wished him well.

 

Now I keep wondering what could've been even though my relationship now is better than it what is before with my ex. I keep wondering if he changed if things would be great..the connection was still there. He was the one who broke up with me but tried to get me back but I moved on to someone else to see where things would be with the new guy (current bf), that's when he freaked out before his deployment and met some random girl and got married but now they're divorced. I feel guilty for having these thoughts, I can't stop thinking about my ex now of what could've been.

 

I'm not talking to him, but I can't shake the thoughts.

[Clockwork]

I don't know................it is a bit of a red flag if you think about an ex and wonder how things could have been in a positive way. I think about my exes too from time to time but take comfort in knowing I chose the right girl and know that my life would be in ruins if I was with either of them. Definitely some questions you should ask yourself

[Samhain]

I looked at your past threads and in 2011 when you first got with your current boyfriend you were worried that you wouldn't be able to love him the way that you loved your ex.

 

4 years later and you are wondering about this same ex, while you are with this same guy.

 

Honestly, I think you settled for this guy because you could have a stable relationship with all the hallmarks of what a real long term relationship should be, and because he is a good safe, reliable guy. But your heart wasn't initially in it from the start, if you had to say that you were afraid you could never love him. I'm sure you love him and are very fond of him and quite content, but if you have these thoughts and fears from time to time, the longer the relationship progresses, the more pressure it will put onto you.

 

I think you need to do some real soul searching before you make financial commitments that will be hard to get out of.

 

It might not be anything to do with your ex at all, perhaps you are thinking of him because you know you felt a love for him that you never can for your current guy. Doesn't mean you want your ex back, but it doesn't mean you can't feel that for somebody else in the future either. But it probably won't be the guy you are with now.

 

There are enough threads on here about people being miserable unhappy in their marriages years later because they settled for the safe option. I guess you just really need to think hard about if you really are where you want to be with regards to this guy, 4 years is a long time, but forever is something else.

[Mr. Lucky]

I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years and even though I thought of my ex fondly, I had no doubt about my relationship. Everything was coming together...we are looking for a new place together, I felt butterflies, I was happy, we're compatible. I knew this was the guy I wanted to marry and be happy with.

 

Wondering why you use past tense in referring to your current boyfriend ???

 

Mr. Lucky

[Friskyone4u]

You might want to try IC therapy because it appears he has made the first step towards starting an online relationship with you that can start the slippery slide to a bad place.

You probably will not like this but the easiest way to stop this is to TELL YOUR HUSBAND and show him the communication. Then tell your ex that your husband sees all your electronic communication because you share. My guess is that will pour cold water on his lap quite quickly.

If you are communicating with an ex boyfriend and NOT telling your husband, you are already emotionally cheating. And isn't it convenient that your ex contacts you after his divorce.

Now look yourself in the mirror, and do you really believe he only wants to know how you are doing????? You know better.

If you escalate this, you are headed into a world you need to be sure you want to be. If you are not happy with your husband, find a new one. But if you read on here, you will see how many affairs start with a reconnect of an old flame, which is where you seem to be thinking of heading.