Author Wheremyheartis Posted January 5, 2016 Author Share Posted January 5, 2016 Things are moving very fast. I'm very overwhelmed that I haven't been eating or sleeping much. We called a realitor today about putting our house on the market. This has been hard and I admit I had cried. We are going down to the city this weekend to look at a few places. Hopefully put a deposit on a place so its one less thing for us to worry about. I have a few marriage counselors I'm going to check out before making a decision in that department. My husband has been the model husband since making this decision. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wheremyheartis Posted January 5, 2016 Author Share Posted January 5, 2016 Things are moving very fast. I'm very overwhelmed that I haven't been eating or sleeping much. We called a realitor today about putting our house on the market. This has been hard and I admit I had cried. We are going down to the city this weekend to look at a few places. Hopefully put a deposit on a place so its one less thing for us to worry about. I have a few marriage counselors I'm going to check out before making a decision in that department. My husband has been the model husband since making this decision. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 It's gonna be fine, hon. I promise. Just keep a positive outlook and stay excited about being together. That's all that matters now. Military families move nearly every year. Millions of other people move for work every year. If you can look at it as an adventure that brings the two of you together, you'll have a great marriage and a great slew of great new memories. Link to post Share on other sites
MJJean Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 I don't know the layout of cities and suburbs or how reliable public transportation and the roads are, but it's usually less expensive to live in a suburb or smaller town/city and commute to work in the larger city than it is to live in the city. Not just rental homes or homes for sale are less expensive, but I've found that so is nearly everything else from restaurants to car mechanics. When DH and I were considering moving to another state for him to get a better job, we spent some time on Google Maps going over the smaller cities and towns near the city where he would be working. We traced routes, checked prices on rentals, and used the satellite/street views to get a feel for the places we were considering. You might consider checking out suburbs and towns up to a 40 minute commute away. Sure, the commute might not be a lot of fun, but the savings could be substantial. My DH and uncle both have longish commutes of about 30 minutes. They've both said they kind of like the drive time to decompress from work before coming home to wife and kids. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 When you get there, look up the Visitors' Bureau and the Chamber of Commerce. They will you a lot about where to live, transportation, shopping, prices, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wheremyheartis Posted February 11, 2016 Author Share Posted February 11, 2016 My husband and I are separated and heading for divorce. Everything was going well or I thought after the last time I posted. On the January 10th we put our house on the market to try and sell. Two weeks later we received an offer which we accepted. So we had to be out no later then February 15th which was no problem because we were planning on having everything moved out by the end of January. We had a mini sale last weekend, getting rid of some of our stuff since we were downsizing. Everything turned to **** when I left to pick up the keys. The plan was I was going to fly down the day before to pick up the keys and he was going to drive all night with our stuff. So arrive on the 31st to pick up our keys. My husband was suppose to handle the location to where I was suppose to pick up. I show up and the landlord wasn't there. I called my husband and he told me he would call the landlord and call me back. The week before we signed the lease, which I had on me. I thought the landlord was scamming me. I seen the two bedroom apartment and everything seemed legit. Anyway I didn't hear back from my husband the rest of the day. Here I am waiting, not sure what I was suppose to do. Finally around eight at night I found the phone number of the landlord in the phone book. Stupid I know I should have just contacted him myself before I left. The landlord told me that my husband backed out of the lease a few days prior. He said he transferred the first month rent back into my husbands account and kept the security deposit because we backed out of the lease. I apologized and hanged up. I went and checked my husbands account and sure enough the money was transferred and then withdrawn. The next day I flew back and got in touch with a lawyer. I didn't see my husband until the 3rd when he finally showed up at my parents house. I told him I didn't have anything to say to him. The following day he dropped off my belongings. At least the belongings that meant anything to me. Yesterday my husband was officially served with divorce papers. So far the proceeds of our house will be split. Half going into his bank account and half into mine. I took half my savings out of our joint account and put it into my savings. My lawyer says I could get some alimony from him if I wanted. But at this point, I just want this to be over with. In as little as 90 days I could be divorced. I still don't know what his plan was or why he did what he did but I'm completely done. My job luckily hired me back. Once the divorce is finalized I have enough money to put a down payment on a 1 bedroom condo. I'm heartbroken that my marriage failed and that I'm losing who I thought was my best friend. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted February 11, 2016 Share Posted February 11, 2016 (edited) That's insane! That has to be one of the coldest, craziest things I've ever seen a person do. I can't believe you had to go through that. I'm so glad you're rid of him and can get on with a better life. I tell you what, though. I'm a stubborn person. I'd be taking that alimony AND letting everyone I know - and hopefully it will get back to HIS circle - what a POS he is for doing that. That conflict-avoidant stuff...it's a killer of relationships. I really thought he'd come around but I guess he's just one of those people who only does 'easy.' Better that you found out now. Edited February 11, 2016 by turnera 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wheremyheartis Posted February 11, 2016 Author Share Posted February 11, 2016 I know I could be bitter and go after everything I possibly can. But I'm getting the two important things I want. Half my savings and half the proceeds from my house. The alimony would only be a couple hundred a month for a few years. It just doesn't seem worth the trouble to fight him on that. As for others knowing. We live in a remotely small community. So everyone knows everyone. I told a few people including my parents. Half the town knows all ready. I mean there is something going on with him. If he wanted out he should have just told me. Something or someone had to have an influence on this. At this point I'm done. The sooner I can detach from him the better I'll be. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 I'm so very sorry. What your H has done is cowardly & cruel. The only consolation is you discovered these things about him before you had children. Living your life with children AND a passive aggressive, runaway husband would be a living nightmare. Stay strong. I can't start to imagine why he handled this in such a childish, selfish, cruel way. It's truly pathetic. Luckily you have family & friends to love & support you. Lean on them. Best wishes for your future. Again, I'm so sorry. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 Wow have you got big shiny brass ones!! Seriously I am full of admiration of your strength, the way you swiftly and deftly handled that. No drama, no waffling, no NOTHING for him. You were simply DONE. Totally left him in the dust. Love it!!! The world needs more women like you. Hats off to ye!! Brighter days ahead. Well done. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
RRM321 Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 My husband and I are separated and heading for divorce. Everything was going well or I thought after the last time I posted. Thank you, so very much for sharing your story. Through all the heartbreak, I find myself inspired by how well you handled yourself each step of the way, sincere in your thought and commitment, willing to challenge your own beliefs, and always looking to the next step with so much courage and determination. You certainly know how to love. I think you're an incredibly strong and compassionate woman with a future potentially more amazing than anything you had previously dreamed of. All the best to you, and the loved ones around you! Link to post Share on other sites
seekingpeaceinlove Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 (edited) Wheremyheartis, your soon to be ex is cuckoo. I can't believe he put you through all that sh*t. At least you can say that you have no regrets and you tried your best in the marriage. You were willing to sacrifice your job, and comfort, move away from your friends and family for your husband. And...this is how the idiot treats you? Disgusting. You sound strong and level headed, my dear. The positive thing is now you are no longer uncertain about your husband. You are now set to march forward and live life as you wish and deserve..without someone who was contradicting your efforts to save the marriage at every step. Good luck and hopefully you'll see that all of this is a blessing in disguise. Edited February 12, 2016 by seekingpeaceinlove 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wheremyheartis Posted February 13, 2016 Author Share Posted February 13, 2016 My family has been a great support in this entire process. My in-laws called me today and told me that they are sad that we are getting a divorce but understand, considering the circumstances. His mom didn't make excuses for him like I thought she would, which was nice. I don't expect to keep in contact with any of his family once the divorce is final. It is a shame because I really like most of his family, but since we have no children together. I feel it is better to sever ties. As for my husband he is now realizing the reality of our situation. After he was served with the divorce papers, he has been blowing up my phone with text messages and phone calls. I ended up sending him a final text after ignoring him, telling him to talk to my lawyer. I blocked him. Then last night he started calling my parents, who were ignoring his calls, and then messaging my friends to try to get a hold of me. They ended up all blocking him. He has yet to show up on my door step yet. My parents said they will call the police on him if he does. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 It's starting to sound like he has a mental condition. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wheremyheartis Posted February 13, 2016 Author Share Posted February 13, 2016 I do think he is suffering from more then just depression. I really do hope he gets the help he needs. I don't wish him harm but at the end of the day I have to look out for me. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
seekingpeaceinlove Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 Stay strong, girl. Your soon to be ex has to get help for himself. Neither you nor anyone else can fix him. It's time to now focus on yourself and to move on with your life. I know I'm not the only one here who is really blown away but your strength and resolve in this situation. My family has been a great support in this entire process. My in-laws called me today and told me that they are sad that we are getting a divorce but understand, considering the circumstances. His mom didn't make excuses for him like I thought she would, which was nice. I don't expect to keep in contact with any of his family once the divorce is final. It is a shame because I really like most of his family, but since we have no children together. I feel it is better to sever ties. As for my husband he is now realizing the reality of our situation. After he was served with the divorce papers, he has been blowing up my phone with text messages and phone calls. I ended up sending him a final text after ignoring him, telling him to talk to my lawyer. I blocked him. Then last night he started calling my parents, who were ignoring his calls, and then messaging my friends to try to get a hold of me. They ended up all blocking him. He has yet to show up on my door step yet. My parents said they will call the police on him if he does. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
66Charger Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 Unbelievable. I wrote a lot of words supporting your husband/work/move and I was obviously wrong. Even though I am a anonymous poster on a forum, and it may not mean much, I do apologize. I would like to say that there is no kind of psychological help for your husband. He has a trait that most men (and women) detest. MC/IC can not cure this. Your STBXH is a coward. Never speak to this "man" again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wheremyheartis Posted February 17, 2016 Author Share Posted February 17, 2016 (edited) Well look like I will still be legally married to this man until a minimum of one year. I won't get into details but my lawyer thought I could bypass the one year separation requirement to divorce in my country. A judge didn't agree so now instead I got a legal separation agreement. I was forced to see my husband yesterday to sign the separation papers which should be finalized through the court by early next week. At that time I'll be free to buy myself a property, which he will have no rights too. As I was leaving he tried to tell me he was sorry, and that he didn't mean for things to go this way. I asked him if their was another woman or was he just an ******* for no reason. He said their was no other woman but couldn't give me a reason why he did what he did. So I walked away. At this point it doesn't even matter. Edited February 17, 2016 by Wheremyheartis woman not reason 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ilovemefirst Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 WOW, he deserved this. Good for you! You did the right thing. I wish you all the best! Please keep us updated. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wheremyheartis Posted February 17, 2016 Author Share Posted February 17, 2016 This isn't really an update but more of a rant. With all the support I have been getting from family and friends, there is that one person who can make you feel 100 times worse. My cousin and aunt came over to my parents house for a visit. My cousin who is 19, is a bitch. I don't want to sugarcoat or make excuses for her because there is denying she is one. Well, she found out my separation and the story of what happened. After a few hours when it was just her and I in the living room, she said that I never loved my husband because I was so quick to move on. That I'm taking this break up so well, that it proved I didn't love him. I ended up shouting at her and calling her a ****ing bitch. I'm sorry for my language but this girl, is unbelievable and cruel. I admit I love my husband. It's more of the reason I'm detaching myself from him. I don't get where she is saying I'm moving on. Maybe in the physical sense I'm cutting ties with him, but emotionally I'm far from moved on. I see no reason to talk to him unless its dealing with the separation. It will not make things any easier, and their is no benefit from rehashing things with him. I hope I find someone who truly loves me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ProdigalMe Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 I admit I love my husband. It's more of the reason I'm detaching myself from him. I don't get where she is saying I'm moving on. Maybe in the physical sense I'm cutting ties with him, but emotionally I'm far from moved on. What you're feeling is right, even if it is confusing. I know. I miss her, I hate her, I love her, I'm glad she's gone, I wish she was here. Even if on the surface you appear calm, rational and detached, behind that surface is an unseen storm. Your cousin doesn't understand that at 19, or maybe she does and she's just a b*tch like you said. I hope that when she turns 27 she doesn't come to understand you because she's gone through exactly what you've gone through. You can pull up a chair here any time. We understand you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
seekingpeaceinlove Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 (edited) She's 19. Girls at that age think they know everything about love, life and the world in general. And what's worse is that they're usually really outspoken about it. Good for you for sticking up for yourself and your character but take her comments with a grain of salt. The only person who's opinion should matter, in regards to your life, is YOU. No one can take away the love, effort and committment you put into the marriage. A marriage, a good & healthy one, takes two willing and loving partners. One person cannot carry the marriage alone. You absolutely deserve true, mutual selfless love and you will find it one day. Don't let a little girl bother you. Edited February 17, 2016 by seekingpeaceinlove 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wheremyheartis Posted February 24, 2016 Author Share Posted February 24, 2016 I'm falling apart here. I know my husband is a piece of ****. We are legally seperated but Im waiting for my heart to catch up with my head. Last night I got a call he was in a serious car accident. He ran into a fence. I called his mother to let her know. So they went up to see him. They call me and I can hear him in the back ground moaning my name, or the nick name he use to call me. I nearly fell apart right there. His mom told me he is very disoriented and confused. This morning I found out his condition has worsen. I still love him so much so I visited him in the hospital. He was in pretty rough shape. He was confused but he said he was sorry for everything, and that losing me was his biggest failure. I stayed for about twenty minutes before leaving. I wish I never went because now I'm emotionally a mess. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 Lots of armful people regret what they do, honey. But they are simply incapable of BEING a good partner. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wheremyheartis Posted March 3, 2016 Author Share Posted March 3, 2016 I got the money and the okay to start looking for a house. We are legally separated so as long as I don't get back together with him my assets are safe. I made an appointment with the bank last Friday once the funds from the house sale was released. I found out I was preapproved for a mortgage. I've been looking around at what is out there. I have found some nice 1 and 2 bedroom condos and houses I really like. There is on that is a 1 bedroom + den, 1 bathroom 650sq house. It is small but it is very cute and low maintenance. As exciting as looking for my own place is, it is still painful because I miss my old house. As for my husband. He got out of the hospital a few days after I visited. We hadn't any contact except to inform him that the legalities of our separation are finished. We are both able to go and do whatever we want. The only tie I have to him is I have to be married to him until February 2017. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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