Naively.Sensitive Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 One option, as an alternative to divorce, maybe to just live together with your spouse, under the same roof, with the kids, in a loveless relationship, hoping that the love and connection may be restored at some point. What are the psychological implications of this, both to the BH and WW? How long can one go on like this? Many times, some people try a spiritual path for healing and take this as an opportunity to develop detachment, and disillusionment of the world around us. If this opportunity is taken, does it serve better to separate (and thus make it "easier" to develop such detachments) or to stay (and make it "harder", yet develop more "spiritual muscle" as a result of it being harder)? The analogy is similar to: Is it better to develop a resistance towards (assumingly bad) candy by quitting a job at a candy store or by continuing to work at the candy store (and hence developing a true resistance towards it and not just running away from the problem) Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 My DIL's parents......lived in the same house for many years.....she lived in the bedroom...he lived in the basement. After several years....she divorced him...but they still had this living arrangement for 10 more years. By that time their children were married with families of their own. I never understood it....but then it isn't any of my business. Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 My DIL's parents......lived in the same house for many years.....she lived in the bedroom...he lived in the basement. After several years....she divorced him...but they still had this living arrangement for 10 more years. By that time their children were married with families of their own. I never understood it....but then it isn't any of my business. I have a friend who is D'd from her H, they are still living under the same roof because of finances, They share a daughter and she is now dating someone new while still living with exH. They all get along great! Crazy but works for them! Link to post Share on other sites
EverySunset Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 So, I know a few people who tried this. I mean, tough financial times, right? In most of the cases it blew up spectacularly, with a fireworks style finale of an explosion when someone finally has enough, almost ALWAYS in front of the kids they were trying to protect. And a couple started keeping people on the side, which got sad/embarrassing to the other spouse. See: fireworks display above. I have never seen a reconciliation come from it. Only Springer-esque drama. Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 One option, as an alternative to divorce, maybe to just live together with your spouse, under the same roof, with the kids, in a loveless relationship, hoping that the love and connection may be restored at some point. What are the psychological implications of this, both to the BH and WW? How long can one go on like this? It can be lonely at times, and a loss, but not unpleasant if the marriage is other wise ok. Life and marriage and family have other things to offer. Even with out an affair - many marriages find themselves going through phases with out "feelings" of love and they remain committed and functional and beneficial, and other phases where passion and feelings come back in. A very long while. The question is whats the alternative provide or look like? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 What are the psychological implications of this, both to the BH and WW? How long can one go on like this? You're concerned about the wrong parties, the adults can protect themselves in a number of ways. It's the kids exposure to this dysfunctional model that has the longest lasting effect. The analogy is similar to: Is it better to develop a resistance towards (assumingly bad) candy by quitting a job at a candy store or by continuing to work at the candy store (and hence developing a true resistance towards it and not just running away from the problem) It's best not to let kids have too much candy... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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