justanotherguy1 Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 For the guys. ladies as well if youd like to. What ultimately defines you as a man. Is it the money? The job? The relationships? The confidence? Popularity? Achieving it all? I seem to hit a brick ball when i try to plan my life, or simply look for a direction. I never had a dad, or even a role model or man in my life to give me advice or simply a talk. Everything i did and accomplished was on my own, simple situations i use to struggle with and i use to be a weak man because of it. that no longer exists tho. So what truly defines us as men?? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 For the guys. ladies as well if youd like to. What ultimately defines you as a man. Is it the money? The job? The relationships? The confidence? Popularity? Achieving it all? I seem to hit a brick ball when i try to plan my life, or simply look for a direction. I never had a dad, or even a role model or man in my life to give me advice or simply a talk. Everything i did and accomplished was on my own, simple situations i use to struggle with and i use to be a weak man because of it. that no longer exists tho. So what truly defines us as men?? As one of the ladies, I would say it's the relationship you have with yourself that defines you, gender neutral. It's not the material things that define a person, its' the immaterial things such as confidence, gratitude, empathy, humbleness which all become your strengths of character. There are a lot of people who think striving to achieve it all is the key to happiness. It's in the definition of what achieving it all is for you. It's personal happiness and satisfaction and the ability to share that with others.....and that is immaterial and only defined by you. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 I could be mistaken about 'all' but my recollection is that all or overwhelmingly all of the FDNY and PA personnel who died on 9/11 were men, doing what men do, running into the maw of death for cause when others run from it, doing what normal humans generally do, seeking to save themselves. Overwhelmingly, this is a male trait, bravery in the face of death. This is followed by another male trait, not talking about it. Share a few hugs, crack a few jokes and move on. Don't dwell. We didn't die so it's on to the next thing. I know my best friend and I constantly get grief from the wives for the dangerous (to them) things we do when making jokes about them. Our laughing about how close we came or what happened when we cut our margins too close riles them up no end. To us, it's over and fodder for jokes. That's what a man does. That's my .02 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 chromosomes. everything else is social dictated... and even then its fill in the blanks. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
LydiaLong Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 To me, courage is what defines a man. Protecting the weak. Link to post Share on other sites
DrReplyInRhymes Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 I'd say it was the penis that you had when you were born, Everything else can be instilled upon you as a societal norm, Except for the DNA enzymes that dictate how you develop and stand, Can't just 'install' a dick and expect to actually be a man. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 Ha, ha, somehow this topic took me to this and I discovered yet another harbinger of maleness - prurience. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Digger123 Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 What defines a man in my eyes? Honest, not afraid to stand up for what he believes yet is patient, kind, respectful! He has a back bone! Looks you in the eye hen he is talking! What makes a man? I can't answer that, but I have 5 brothers and they each have taught me about what a good man is and a bad man can be! In my book one doesn't look to another for their identity, but into their heart of who they are and stands on his morals, values and has integrity! The greatest man I have ever known is the man I am in love with! Why? Because he is black and white, doesn't let people push him around, willing to listen to me even if he disagrees. He is patient with me even if he doesn't understand me!!! Link to post Share on other sites
truthtripper Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 For the guys. ladies as well if youd like to. What ultimately defines you as a man. Is it the money? The job? The relationships? The confidence? Popularity? Achieving it all? I seem to hit a brick ball when i try to plan my life, or simply look for a direction. I never had a dad, or even a role model or man in my life to give me advice or simply a talk. Everything i did and accomplished was on my own, simple situations i use to struggle with and i use to be a weak man because of it. that no longer exists tho. So what truly defines us as men?? Woman, man or transgender is not the point. As long as we try to make the world a better place in our own small ways. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 I'm a woman. What defines me as a woman/human: - all that you listed - ability to set goals and reach them - ability to empathize and help others - knowledge - memories There is probably way more. I'm curious is there any qualities differing between the defining ones for a woman and a man. I tend to think that it is more about the magnitude rather than distinct qualities - e.g. For a man confidence goes uppermost on the list For the guys. ladies as well if youd like to. What ultimately defines you as a man. Is it the money? The job? The relationships? The confidence? Popularity? Achieving it all? I seem to hit a brick ball when i try to plan my life, or simply look for a direction. I never had a dad, or even a role model or man in my life to give me advice or simply a talk. Everything i did and accomplished was on my own, simple situations i use to struggle with and i use to be a weak man because of it. that no longer exists tho. So what truly defines us as men?? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 Yeah, the OP, never having had a male role model when young, is rightfully casting around for aspects of his personality which a healthy male role model would have helped solidify at a young age. There are many aspects of our personalities that are shared between men and women. Each gender possesses them. I got the perception that the OP was looking for what makes men uniquely men and unlike women. Those are lessons I was taught at my father's knee and at his job and out in the woods and on the field of play, like baseball as an example. Heck, even, respecting this time of year, Christmas gifts, like Tonka trucks and army men and erector sets. Those were boy toys for boy things which become men things. Things we do. Who we are. Parts of us which make us uniquely men. Another one is a uniquely male respect and care for the aspects which make women uniquely women. That's important to a man in a way it is to no other. It may cost us our life. It's part of who we are. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 OP, NOTHING in your list defines a man. Aside from chromosomes, and the effects of hormones, I think it is a social definition. For me, that's behaving with integrity, from principles of compassion and protection of those who are weak or oppressed. The majority of men do not do this, and so become unethical bigots and oppressors, taking advantage of others because they can. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PogoStick Posted January 1, 2016 Share Posted January 1, 2016 I believe the entire package is important. However, if I have to choose a singular description of a man, it would be: Someone who can get (sh)IT done! In other words, effectiveness. Being able to accomplish goals. Link to post Share on other sites
GravityMan Posted January 1, 2016 Share Posted January 1, 2016 (edited) I think having a father figure and/or strong quality male role model is essential for a boy/man to have in his life, especially during teenage and early-20s years. It's sad the OP never had that. Edited January 1, 2016 by GravityMan Link to post Share on other sites
Author justanotherguy1 Posted January 1, 2016 Author Share Posted January 1, 2016 I never had it or anything close like it. i have a mom and sisters, and theres no one to stand up for them and i always get stuck in a tight spot. Many occassions i had to be more than i should and had to deal with immense pressure. it really does get hard sometimes. i was treated like absoloute rubbish in a relationship, and even when she was wrong i was apologising, even when i was disrespected by her friends i apologised for her sake, never though about myself. and i have lost so much dignity and pride because of it. and i still cant get the balls to cut her off clean. still hope for reconciliation feel so pathetic sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
lollipopspot Posted January 1, 2016 Share Posted January 1, 2016 (edited) To me, courage is what defines a man. Protecting the weak. I think that's what defines a courageous human. Some men are like this, some women are like this, some are not. Is a courageous woman manly? That would be somewhat offensive to say that. To me, it's a problem to define human qualities as manly or womanly. I think this is why trans folks change their bodies - they think some quality in them is something that only a man or woman should have, rather than a human quality. I haven't yet seen evidence of a specific gene for "courage" that only men might receive. Don't mean to pick on you, or imply you were saying more than you meant to (maybe protecting the weak defines a woman to you too). Your post just had something that I wanted to expand on. Edited January 1, 2016 by lollipopspot Link to post Share on other sites
deckard11 Posted January 2, 2016 Share Posted January 2, 2016 According to most women it's money, muscles, looks and a big penis. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 2, 2016 Share Posted January 2, 2016 Running with the trans-gender idea, having asked a trans out on a date once (M-F), it just occurred to me one simple aspect that defines a man is a deep and authoritative voice. That transition was still in process or hadn't occurred with the person I had asked out and her voice was distinctively, to me anyway, manly. Even with marvelous female looks and body, something still felt just a little off. Good catch. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Thatmixedotaku Posted January 2, 2016 Share Posted January 2, 2016 I never really had a healthy male role model growing up as well, so to me a lot of the "good" male traits are being learnt , either through pain and mistakes, or simply observation of my peers and elders as i mature . Personally, i noticed a "male" for most people must be one who does not show emotion, a rather "strong" approach to life . Well, thats what i aspire to,i picked so many toxic behaviors off my step father without even realizing it , that affect how i interact with people to this day . I get your struggle man. Link to post Share on other sites
lino Posted January 3, 2016 Share Posted January 3, 2016 Other than being born with a knob, there shouldn't really be any definition. If you were to read this board regularly enough though you'd quickly come to the assumption that men are expected to pay for everything, not allowed to show any emotion, not allowed to be inexperienced with women and not allowed to be short. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 The ability to spend virtually your entire life doing things you really don't want to do......and somehow managing to survive... That about sums it up.... TFY Link to post Share on other sites
anonymousbear00101100 Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 I hope I'm not too late to opine here. Essentially he breaks down the three myths of masculinity, which are: 1. Manliness is based on your size, strength, athletic ability, etc. 2. To be a man you must have conquered women sexually. 3. A man can be measured by his position of power or economic success. He says that masculinity is based on the relationships you have with others and your commitment to a cause. The whole presentation is really powerful. Above all else, love yourself and love the people around you. Link to post Share on other sites
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