respect

[mylittleone]

You know (been told out right) that a girl likes you , wants a relationship with you. You are very clear about not wanting said relationship.

 

Is it ok to chat, hang out (movies) and ultimately have sex with her even knowing she wants more.

 

My opinion if you've been honest then it's fine, guess the question should be, how do I get more self respect for myself?

[d0nnivain]

It's not OK. By having sex with her, knowing she wants more, you are in effect using her.

 

 

You don't develop self respect by tearing others down.

[mylittleone]

Part of me does feel used by it all, but then I allowed it to happen so surly I'm to blame not him - he was honest with me. Just can't allow it to happen again, don't know how I can be friends with him.

[d0nnivain]

Sorry. I didn't initially realize that you were the girl in this unrequited love scenario.

 

 

Yes he used you. But you let it happen.

 

 

You do need to find your own self esteem & not let it happen again.

 

 

For now, you can't be friends with him. It will be too hard to be around him & not touch. You will only feel worse if you have sex again. You really don't need a front row seat to the next girl in his bed. Walk away.

 

 

Get some counseling or at least read books on improving your self esteem.

[mylittleone]

It's worse , we work together. Sit in the next cubicle as him

[d0nnivain]

Do your very best to avoid him. If there is an empty cube anywhere, ask to move. Start job hunting.

[mylittleone]

No chance of moving cubicle we work closely on accounts together. New job would be the prefect answer, but not at all feasible due to child care, traveling. I've just got to get on with it, stop being a friend (sure he only wants to hang because he's bored) just got to stay strong, and not allow myself into a position to sleep with him again.

 

I know what to do, just struggling to actually do it. So hard when he's being nice.

[preraph]

Not only do you need to have some self-respect, but it's time you put your big-girl pants on and started requiring some self-discipline. Sometimes the road to happiness requires not doing the easiest thing that's in front of you, not taking the easiest path or the path someone else is leading you down. Once you make a conscious effort to think about and make your own decisions and act on them, then you will get some self-respect. Don't let life just blow you around. Take the wheel and do your own steering. Ask yourself, Is this what I want or a step towards what I want? If not, it's a waste of time and emotion. Good luck.

[carhill]

OP, to answer your original questions from a man's perspective, mine is all relationship interactions are voluntary and each party is free to make decisions that benefit themselves. Honesty is preferable but human relations are rife with deception as well. Most of us of any substantial age have experienced the gamut and men and women are equal in their potential to engage at all levels.

 

So, what to do?

 

This is something I learned from the women who used me throughout life...

 

Accept that you want a relationship and he doesn't. Accept that your minds didn't meet and divorce that dynamic from sex. Sex is sex. You may view it in the milieu of life one way but your view, or mine, is not binding on any other person. They are free to view sex in any way they choose. Yes, sometimes that involves hurt. Sometimes illegality. Each choice has consequences. Accepting responsibility for your choices is but another step along the path. You are free to make different, or the same, choices in the future. It's up to you.

 

With more experience, you'll learn how to process this stuff and more easily move on from it. Hence, getting out there and dating other men will remove the significance of the guy in the next cubicle who apparently used you for sex from your mind and fill it with healthy memories of positive social interactions with men who want to date you. Good luck!