Friend tried to have sex with my boyfriend today

[Leigh 87]

I am fuming.

 

My so called *friend* of 4 years tried to have sex with my boyfriend today.

 

What a stupid skank.

 

I went for a walk. I took her daughters out and treated them to food. While I was gone, she went into the room my boyfriend was sleeping in and started to interrogate him.

 

She started asking him inappropriate questions such as "what do you see in Leigh" and "are you only with her because she's hot".

My boyfriend, feeling extremely uncomfortable, just continued to say"I am with her because I love her" and " yes she is hot but we click and I love her".

 

Apparently she kept asking him repeatedly "why are you with Leigh?"

 

After asking a series of inappropriate questions to my boyfriend, she jumped into his bed. She was extremely intoxicated so at first my boyfriend thought that she aas just crashing. He was about to get up when she started rubbing her bottom against him.

 

My boyfriend stood up immediately and my *friend* said are you running "

 

My bf got up immediately out of bed and told her " you're not a good friend to Leigh"

 

The skank then said " huh..... I wasn't trying to seduce you or anything "

 

 

My boyfriend leaves the room. She follows him and says " so do I have to look like Leigh if I want to get a guy as hot as you?

 

 

She seems to think that her and my partner "connected" and "clicked".

 

This is a girl who called me when she was in hospital after a miscarriage, called me for support. To which I immediately went to the hospital. She's had Christmas with my family. I baby sit her daughters. Her daughters love me.

 

I am really bummed. I don't plan on talking to her again. I am not going to confront her. I don't have the urge to be mad atm. I am just so sad that she thinks so little of me. I thought we were good friends.

 

Oh well. A 4 year friendship down the toilet.

 

Just needed to rant.

 

I've been totally drunk and had men trying to hit on me numerous times. And I've never cheated.

[Leigh 87]

My bf seems totally wonderful. Loyal caring he spoils me is affectionate etc.

 

When I was overseas he texted and called daily and acted very involved and into me.

 

Our sex life is spectacular. Chemistry off the charts. When at home all day we sbag at least 2 to 3 times a day.

 

....but I am sick at the thought that maybe he is a sociopath or mentally ill and therfore had the capacity to sleep with my mate and then act like she did it and not him?

[Snakechammah]

Some friends you have there, Leigh.

 

Not everyone is cut from the same cloth in terms of integrity and values.

 

Does she have a partner? Maybe being alone, older, with young daughters, and seeing you happy with a 'hot' boyfriend, just ignited her desperation? How old is she anyway?

 

I guess you have not listened to HER side of the story? Just your boyfriend's?

 

Since you know her well enough (4 years), do you think she is capable of doing what your boyfriend says she did?

 

You know... there are cases that even sisters cheated with their husbands. That's really sad. If your friend truly did what she did, good riddance. You don't need enemies under the blanket (or whatever the saying is)

 

I feel sorry for the kids though - robbed of a nice, kind family friend, who loves them.

[lollipopspot]

....but I am sick at the thought that maybe he is a sociopath or mentally ill and therfore had the capacity to sleep with my mate and then act like she did it and not him?

 

So you are thinking something more might have happened?

 

Get her side of the story too before you decide what to believe here, especially as you are questioning him.

[GemmaUK]

I think you need to speak to your friend.

Relying on just one side of the story is naïve.

[Cherryz]

While reading i find the words hes using weird.

 

 

But either way, if she is your friend, why isnt she the first one or at least second one that tell you what happen?

If she innocent? Or not ok with what happen. So she try to make it a secret?

 

And the worst thing you can do in things like this is not to confront people about it.

Especially the one that tryed to sleep with the other.

Because they may try again, since you that easy to fool.

 

And why you think he may be crazy or so? Try to have a conversation with both separate.

If you cant get a clearer view, then put both together and talk about it.

 

How long you know this guy? And who ever did this, is not your friend . break the relationship!

[ExpatInItaly]

You obviously have doubts about his version of events if you bizarrely wonder if he could be mentally ill or a sociopath. That is a pretty big leap. Why would you go from claiming he is wonderful to having a suspicion that he is mentally ill? Something isn't sitting well with you here. Ask yourself why.

 

Talk to your friend. You'd be foolish not to get her side of the story too.

[Leigh 87]

I strongly feel my bf is innocent.

 

I only started to wonder after a male friend told me to npt blindly believe him.

 

It's sickening thinking about him lying. I just don't believe he'd want other women. Especially not her. He honestly seems legitimately head over heels in love with me.

 

I would be shocked if he slept with her. I am not anywhere near as shocked about my friend.

 

It just feels.... real this time. With my boyfriend. Plus my friend hasn't talked to me. So if he was in the wrong, surely she would have told me by now?

 

My boyfriend has shown amazing qualities. Even in his old low paying job, be sent me money while I was overseas. Just because. Not because I asked or alluded to needing it. He does everything he can to show his love. He loves quality time witb me. He showers me with ALL 5 love languages. ..

 

I reallydon't have the feeling that he's sticking around with me whilst he shags my less attractive older friends withchildren. I mean it doesn't fit his profile. ... he is relationship orientated. He was waiting for the love of his lifeand was single for years. Has only had one prior relationship. He doesn't date around.

 

He seems so much more about seeking quality, rare connections as opposedto cheap thrills. It just isn't who I think he is.

[ExpatInItaly]

I strongly feel my bf is innocent.

 

I only started to wonder after a male friend told me to npt blindly believe him.

 

It's sickening thinking about him lying. I just don't believe he'd want other women. Especially not her. He honestly seems legitimately head over heels in love with me.

 

I would be shocked if he slept with her. I am not anywhere near as shocked about my friend.

 

It just feels.... real this time. With my boyfriend. Plus my friend hasn't talked to me. So if he was in the wrong, surely she would have told me by now?

 

My boyfriend has shown amazing qualities. Even in his old low paying job, be sent me money while I was overseas. Just because. Not because I asked or alluded to needing it. He does everything he can to show his love. He loves quality time witb me. He showers me with ALL 5 love languages. ..

 

I reallydon't have the feeling that he's sticking around with me whilst he shags my less attractive older friends withchildren. I mean it doesn't fit his profile. ... he is relationship orientated. He was waiting for the love of his lifeand was single for years. Has only had one prior relationship. He doesn't date around.

 

He seems so much more about seeking quality, rare connections as opposedto cheap thrills. It just isn't who I think he is.

 

Not necessarily.

 

Years ago, my best friend's then-boyfriend blatantly hit on me one night when a big group of friend was out at a pub. He made it very clear he wanted me to go home with him. Tired to touch me. The whole nine. He was severely intoxicated, but I was furious with him. The next day, after he sobered up, he texted me to apologize for his behaviour. I told him he had the next 24 hours to tell my best friend what he'd done, as I would be speaking to her the following day. (she'd been out of town attending to an ill relative)

 

He talked to her. Then I talked to her. I asked her what he'd told her. I corroborated his version, as I was concerned he wasn't going to be totally honest.

 

I really do think you need to speak to your friend. It's possible your boyfriend is telling the full truth, but I think you'd be doing yourself a total disservice by not at least approaching her.

[Leigh 87]

Maybe she's jealous.

 

She has kids and doesn't work much or have many prospects of lifting herself out of near poverty. She's smart but has issues and not enough money to invest in changes that would ever make her close to being well off. She's never left the country. She has no parents or supportive family. She had a crappy up bringing. One of her daughters father's died.

 

She has crap luck with kmen.

 

3 of her exes asked me out. Her last one hit on me before they got together. ...the other two asked me out after they were done with her.

 

I have travelled heaps and come from a good childhood and have strong family support. I have also found an amazing seeming boyfriend. My bf is hot but does not know it. He is the most down to earth man I've ever met. He's hard working. He spoils me. He showers me with affection both verbally and physically. We get each other and laugh a lot.

 

He told my friend, when she asked him and I how we came to be,that he felt an instant connection and had to have me. We hsd instant sparks and fireworks and we both feel like ae won lotto in finding each other. We are 29 and not young anymore. We feel that we know a soul mate when we see one.

 

I just don't get a gut feeling that ny boyfriend would cheat. It would be..... just totally the last person I would suspect. It doesn't fit his profile .

 

Plus we seem VERY satisfied in the sex department. It's 4 monthsin; we are still in the honeymoon phase, having sex like rabbits.

 

What kind of guy would need to shag your older friend when he is currently in the honeymoon phase of a new relationship with the supposed love of his life?

[Leigh 87]

So how do I confront her?

 

Ugh. It is going to be so uncomfortable.

 

How should I word it?

 

Help.

[ExpatInItaly]

Maybe she's jealous.

 

She has kids and doesn't work much or have many prospects of lifting herself out of near poverty. She's smart but has issues and not enough money to invest in changes that would ever make her close to being well off. She's never left the country. She has no parents or supportive family. She had a crappy up bringing. One of her daughters father's died.

 

She has crap luck with kmen.

 

3 of her exes asked me out. Her last one hit on me before they got together. ...the other two asked me out after they were done with her.

 

I have travelled heaps and come from a good childhood and have strong family support. I have also found an amazing seeming boyfriend. My bf is hot but does not know it. He is the most down to earth man I've ever met. He's hard working. He spoils me. He showers me with affection both verbally and physically. We get each other and laugh a lot.

 

He told my friend, when she asked him and I how we came to be,that he felt an instant connection and had to have me. We hsd instant sparks and fireworks and we both feel like ae won lotto in finding each other. We are 29 and not young anymore. We feel that we know a soul mate when we see one.

 

I just don't get a gut feeling that ny boyfriend would cheat. It would be..... just totally the last person I would suspect. It doesn't fit his profile .

 

Plus we seem VERY satisfied in the sex department. It's 4 monthsin; we are still in the honeymoon phase, having sex like rabbits.

 

What kind of guy would need to shag your older friend when he is currently in the honeymoon phase of a new relationship with the supposed love of his life?

 

Unfortunately, lots of people do this. And few "seem" like cheaters.

 

The man in question in my story is one of them. Seemingly very good character, actually had split from his ex-wife because she cheated on him and it was devastating to him. Definitely not the type of man who one would expect to pull the crap he did with me. Seemed totally in love with my best friend, not a known womanizer.

 

The flip side of the coin is that you are still getting to know this man. Yes, you're in the honeymoon phase but 4 months is not very long. I'm not saying he's a cheater, but I am saying you don't know him all that well just yet. Nobody does after a few months. It takes a long time to know someone's real character. Saying you're the love of each others' lives strikes me as a bit premature at this stage.

 

And if you've been friends with this woman for 4 years, I think you owe it your friendship to talk to her too. Find out what her side is. You're already making conclusions about her being jealous of you and whatnot without even discussing this with her. It's only fair to get both sides before crucifying her. If it happened the way your boyfriend says it did, then get rid of her.

[Leigh 87]

While reading i find the words hes using weird.

 

 

But either way, if she is your friend, why isnt she the first one or at least second one that tell you what happen?

If she innocent? Or not ok with what happen. So she try to make it a secret?

 

And the worst thing you can do in things like this is not to confront people about it.

Especially the one that tryed to sleep with the other.

Because they may try again, since you that easy to fool.

 

And why you think he may be crazy or so? Try to have a conversation with both separate.

If you cant get a clearer view, then put both together and talk about it.

 

How long you know this guy? And who ever did this, is not your friend . break the relationship!

 

 

 

My bf is hot.

 

I doubt he'd bother shagging a much older woman when he can get pretty younger girls to date him.... why go to the effort when he has options?

 

If he wants a hot gf he can have one. No need to shag around with an older woman who is not is in as good a shape as I am? She's pretty but not to the extent where I am worried he'd fall silly over her. I sure didn't see any fireworks between them.

 

I have a gut feeling this girl never really got me anyway and doesn't see much personality in me; she's an extrovert who loves dancing for no reason. I am polar opposite. It makes sense that she'd assume ny slim body and big boobs and nice smile was the only thing he saw in me. Which explains her odd line of questioning......

 

We have only been dating 4 months. But he's adamant that I'm the love of his life. He wasn't over the top at first or anything red flag ish. We just fell hard and fast. He had not much money yet sent me hundreds whilst I was overseas traveling without him. After a month or two of first having met. He really didn't have much to give.

 

I don't think he slept with her. He initiated earth shattering sex with me as soon as ae arrived home anyway.

[Leigh 87]

Unfortunately, lots of people do this. And few "seem" like cheaters.

 

The man in question in my story is one of them. Seemingly very good character, actually had split from his ex-wife because she cheated on him and it was devastating to him. Definitely not the type of man who one would expect to pull the crap he did with me. Seemed totally in love with my best friend, not a known womanizer.

 

The flip side of the coin is that you are still getting to know this man. Yes, you're in the honeymoon phase but 4 months is not very long. I'm not saying he's a cheater, but I am saying you don't know him all that well just yet. Nobody does after a few months. It takes a long time to know someone's real character. Saying you're the love of each others' lives strikes me as a bit premature at this stage.

 

And if you've been friends with this woman for 4 years, I think you owe it your friendship to talk to her too. Find out what her side is. You're already making conclusions about her being jealous of you and whatnot without even discussing this with her. It's only fair to get both sides before crucifying her. If it happened the way your boyfriend says it did, then get rid of her.

 

 

Right.

 

But as if she'll be honest lol. Right?

[ExpatInItaly]

Right.

 

But as if she'll be honest lol. Right?

 

You might be surprised. There could be details he's not sharing with you that don't paint him in a flattering light either. She might be able to fill in some blanks.

 

But it's up to you. If you don't want to hear her side, then just tell her you can't be friends anymore. If what your boyfriend is saying is true, she will know why.

[introverted1]

Just talk to your friend, Leigh.

 

I find it odd that you are willing to trust the word of your bf of 4 months over your friend of 4 years, without even talking to her first. Are you sure you aren't afraid of what you might hear?

 

I doubt he'd bother shagging a much older woman when he can get pretty younger girls to date him.... why go to the effort when he has options?

 

If he wants a hot gf he can have one. No need to shag around with an older woman who is not is in as good a shape as I am? She's pretty but not to the extent where I am worried he'd fall silly over her. I sure didn't see any fireworks between them.

 

Please don't do this. It lowers you.

 

The infidelity boards are full of such claims -- how someone left his wife/fiancee/gf/whatever for someone else who was less attractive. This statement says more about the person making it than the person being judged.

 

Attraction is a funny thing. It's not objective and it covers more than external features.

 

Talk to your friend. She deserves that much.

[Buddhist]

 

I doubt he'd bother shagging a much older woman when he can get pretty younger girls to date him.... why go to the effort when he has options?

 

I don't think he slept with her. He initiated earth shattering sex with me as soon as ae arrived home anyway.

 

Now...I'm not saying your bf is cheating on you. But I do feel a need to address these two things, in general.

 

You'd be surprised how attractive many men find much older women. Speaking from the perspective of being one and having relationships with much younger men. There's a few things going on with that. Older women tend to have more facial definition because they've lost the fat there. Depending on your underlying bone structure you can end up looking better older than younger. I certainly did. There's the confidence mystique and sexual prowess too. Older women are often devoid of the rampant insecurities and jealousies that young women are plagued with. So....just her being older is no guarantee that he won't find her attractive.

 

Speaking from the perspective now of someone who's had a cheating partner. Coming home and initiating earth shattering sex with their SO is often what they do to divest themselves of guilt or claim dominance over their unaware partner. So that's not an indicator of his innocence either. My cheater shagged me twice a day while he was shagging half the neighbourhood too. It's a myth that a cheating partner loses interest in sex with their committed partner or that a lack of sex is an indicator of cheating.

 

But what I am picking up here is that you are feeling very insecure. I find it curious that all this happened while you were out and your bf found it necessary to fill you in. Something comes to mind here, I wonder if he has a vested interest in you no longer being in contact with this woman.

[TaraMaiden2]

Two things:

 

If a person is honest, no matter how many times you ask them to give their version, it will always be exactly the same.

 

If a person is dishonest, no matter how many times you ask them to give their version, it will never be the same.

 

They will embellish, justify, change and distort their story.

 

Secondly, the best thing to do would be to call her and tell her:

 

"There are two sides to this: What's your version?"

Say nothing else.

 

And just listen to her reply.

[Leigh 87]

This just feels different to my cheating ex.

 

I knew feep down that my ex didn't cherish me. I wasn't surprised when I snooped and found he was cheating. .....

 

This guy seems to be truly in love. I'd be shocked if he cheated.

[Leigh 87]

I believe my boyfriend.

 

I just remembered that he was totally dizzy and violently ill. Literally just before I left the house.

 

Nup. There's no way he would have been horny. He was seriously sick. I felt so bad for him. He doesn't get drunk according to him and he hasn't in 4 months that I've known him. He got very drunk and he was seriously sick.

 

He told me that ot took every bit of his energy to muster up the strength to even get up out of the bed. And away from here.

 

Yeep. Skank she is.

[TaraMaiden2]

..."You just remembered..."?

It didn't occur to you to tell us that, when you revealed in your first post that she'd crawled into his bed?

 

For the record, a friend of mine had sex with his gf when he had a high temperature and acute spasms of his stomach...

he said the 'therapy' actually worked.

He maintains the sex sweated it out of his system.

 

Just sayin'.....

[GemmaUK]

How did the two of them getting drunk happen? Was it the night before and this was the next morning or something?

And what actually happened when you got back with the kids?

[road]

..."You just remembered..."?

It didn't occur to you to tell us that, when you revealed in your first post that she'd crawled into his bed?

 

For the record, a friend of mine had sex with his gf when he had a high temperature and acute spasms of his stomach...

he said the 'therapy' actually worked.

He maintains the sex sweated it out of his system.

 

Just sayin'.....

 

We do not know how sick each man was so we can not assume their ability to soldier on.

 

 

Also motivation to man up and do it for a GF is a lot greater then to man up and cheat on a GF when you are that sick.

[ExpatInItaly]

I believe my boyfriend.

 

I just remembered that he was totally dizzy and violently ill. Literally just before I left the house.

 

Nup. There's no way he would have been horny. He was seriously sick. I felt so bad for him. He doesn't get drunk according to him and he hasn't in 4 months that I've known him. He got very drunk and he was seriously sick.

 

He told me that ot took every bit of his energy to muster up the strength to even get up out of the bed. And away from here.

 

Yeep. Skank she is.

 

You've only just remembered this now? Girl, you backpedallin'.

 

Something really isn't adding up here. If he were so drunk that he was violently ill and could barely walk - how does he remember the finer details of your friend's advances? And how in the world did he initiate "earth-shattering" sex when you arrived home?

 

What happened when you arrived back with your friend's kids? Did you notice anything was off? When did he tell what had happened - on the way home?

 

It seems you're refusing to talk to her because you're terrified of what she might tell you. If you aren't going to confront her, I think you know the reason why.

[loveweary11]

I have nothing useful to add because I feel like there aren't enough facts yet.

 

However, after having read your while journey over the years, Leigh, I'm feeling for you.

 

Hope you're ok.