Friend tried to have sex with my boyfriend today

[Leigh 87]

I don't believe this girl remembers what happened.

 

Apparently after asking him inappropriate questions, she jumped into bed. Not touching him. Then she shuffled over and pressed her bum against him.

 

When he moved she went " why are you running. ... are you running away?"

 

Then after he berated her for being a crappy friend, she apparently said " I SO wasn't trying to seduce you"

 

So perhaps my boyfriend wrongly interpreted the situation. Or maybe she sas too drunk and truly doesn't remember it. Who knows.

 

I know my bf didn't lie.

[TaraMaiden2]

..<snip>..

I know my bf didn't lie.

 

No, you don't.

You don't know for sure.

What you mean is, given the circumstances, and given the developing feelings you have for this guy, and the emotional commitment you have chosen to invest, you have decided to give him the full benefit of the doubt, and believe him, even though there is a shed-load of 'maybe's.

 

Which is different to "I know my bf didn't lie".

[GemmaUK]

But then again the world is full of sociopaths who totally fake their entire personality. I am aware that I am taking a risk in living together so soon. I don't mind.

 

Then that's fine if you are OK with dating someone - sorry living with someone who is a sociopath.

The more you have posted about him the more I could add to the list of socio traits to watch out for and he has an awful lot of them.

 

As long as you are aware that lying and faking relationships for their own gain are what they do.

 

Just one more thing, you mentioned I think in the first post that he rarely drinks at all and that this night/morning he wasn't drunk until much much later. This is something which happens when someone takes coke. It's virtually impossible to get drunk so many coke users don't bother with alcohol much.

They also sniff (not coke) but just sniff a lot due to a feeling of numbness in their nose. They appear to have a constant sinus problem or a slight cold.

[Leigh 87]

Then that's fine if you are OK with dating someone - sorry living with someone who is a sociopath.

The more you have posted about him the more I could add to the list of socio traits to watch out for and he has an awful lot of them.

 

As long as you are aware that lying and faking relationships for their own gain are what they do.

 

Just one more thing, you mentioned I think in the first post that he rarely drinks at all and that this night/morning he wasn't drunk until much much later. This is something which happens when someone takes coke. It's virtually impossible to get drunk so many coke users don't bother with alcohol much.

They also sniff (not coke) but just sniff a lot due to a feeling of numbness in their nose. They appear to have a constant sinus problem or a slight cold.

 

 

 

I don't think he exhibits any traits of a sociopath.

 

I've also read novels on sociopaths.

 

He wasn't over the top with his declarations of love. He wasn't asking for a relationship right away or acting over the top.

 

We both fell hard and fast but there were no grandiose displays; he didn't even take me out for dates. He was broke. He had to save up for weeks before he could start spoiling me occasionally.

 

He is the complete opposite of a sociopath. He is quite, keeps well to himself and yes he can talk to people and mask his social anxiety but he is not exuberant or charming.

 

He is a weirdo. Like me. He doesn't act like the type who wins people over easily. He is really laid back and has a very gentle spirit.

[Leigh 87]

No, you don't.

You don't know for sure.

What you mean is, given the circumstances, and given the developing feelings you have for this guy, and the emotional commitment you have chosen to invest, you have decided to give him the full benefit of the doubt, and believe him, even though there is a shed-load of 'maybe's.

 

Which is different to "I know my bf didn't lie".

 

No one truly knows.

 

But so far, he has shown no signs that there's anything off about him.

 

He has been kind, generous, loving and respectful. My friends and family all say that he's the first boyfriend they have liked.

 

And my last bf was also kind and respectful and super into me-- and my family still didn't think he was a good match for me.

 

They are a tough crowd and always picked the low lifes and users.

 

There is no guarantee that any new partner is loyal.

[TaraMaiden2]

No one truly knows.

 

But so far, he has shown no signs that there's anything off about him.

 

Really? I mean, REALLY - ?!?

He has been kind, generous, loving and respectful. My friends and family all say that he's the first boyfriend they have liked.

One, I don't believe you. I'm sure your family took to your BFs to begin with. This relationship is embryonic. Opinions may change in time, as they begin to see things more clearly, which they are far more liable to do, than you are, it seems.

Two, liars are charming. Cheaters are charming.

Thieves don't go round in striped tee-shirts wearing masks and carrying bags marked 'swag' over their shoulders, do they?

Look up any story where women were duped by their partners. They all described him exactly as you have done. 'Fooling' is the whole point of the game, isn't it? Raffles? The Scarlet Pimpernel?

 

And my last bf was also kind and respectful and super into me-- and my family still didn't think he was a good match for me.

So they were right then, weren't they?

 

They are a tough crowd and always picked the low lifes and users.

You're part of the family aren't you? Or are you with them, but not of them? What makes you so different? History would demonstrate you're really not.

 

There is no guarantee that any new partner is loyal.

So what does that say for everything you've insisted so far?

"Denial ain't a river in Egypt, honey!"

[Leigh 87]

Anyway, my friend called again. She wanted to apologize.

 

She said that she is totally mortified. She doesn't remember hitting on him. But she said she takes responsibility for it since she does tend to forget appointments with friends that she makes when drinking.

 

She was really upset. ..she had over our mutual friends to show them my texts....she needed support over this.

 

She said she feels really sad about what hapoened. She apologised profusely for any crappy things she may have said about me whilst drunk.

 

Thoughts?

[Leigh 87]

Really? I mean, REALLY - ?!?

 

One, I don't believe you. I'm sure your family took to your BFs to begin with. This relationship is embryonic. Opinions may change in time, as they begin to see things more clearly, which they are far more liable to do, than you are, it seems.

Two, liars are charming. Cheaters are charming.

Thieves don't go round in striped tee-shirts wearing masks and carrying bags marked 'swag' over their shoulders, do they?

Look up any story where women were duped by their partners. They all described him exactly as you have done. 'Fooling' is the whole point of the game, isn't it? Raffles? The Scarlet Pimpernel?

 

 

So they were right then, weren't they?

 

You're part of the family aren't you? Or are you with them, but not of them? What makes you so different? History would demonstrate you're really not.

 

So what does that say for everything you've insisted so far?

"Denial ain't a river in Egypt, honey!"

 

What are you on?

 

He has been really great so far. He's treated me well and seems to be head over heels about me.

 

There has been no drama until now. He has been the perfect gentleman.

 

My parentsand friends HATED all my exes. Even the ex who loved me like crazy.

 

They all immediately said that ny bf was different and they hsd a good feeling about him.

 

They never complimened my exes aside from my last. And that was only to say he was nice. Which he was.

 

So... my friends and family like him. .. he's treated me well so far. .... he has always acted like he was head over heels for me and helped me out with the low income he previously had. ......

 

What's suspect? He has nothing to use me for. I aint rich and I am difficult. To date or be friends with. What on earth would he have to gain by pretending to be in love with me?

 

I literally see NO signs that my bf isn't totallyij love andenamoured with me.

[almond]

 

My parentsand friends HATED all my exes. Even the ex who loved me like crazy.

 

They all immediately said that ny bf was different and they hsd a good feeling about him.

 

 

Do they know that he's a recovering meth addict?

[GemmaUK]

I've also read novels on sociopaths.

 

Novels? Are fictional books the source of your knowledge about sociopaths?

[MidwestUSA]

....but I am sick at the thought that maybe he is a sociopath or mentally ill and therfore had the capacity to sleep with my mate and then act like she did it and not him?

 

Why on earth would this come to mind so quickly? Oh, the mentally ill you've already attested to.

 

I lived with a sociopath for seventeen years. They are masters of disguise, and it can take a while to figure it out. Be glad he's giving you all the signs this early.

 

Defend him all you want, but you've told us plenty.

[ExpatInItaly]

Anyway, my friend called again. She wanted to apologize.

 

She said that she is totally mortified. She doesn't remember hitting on him. But she said she takes responsibility for it since she does tend to forget appointments with friends that she makes when drinking.

 

She was really upset. ..she had over our mutual friends to show them my texts....she needed support over this.

 

She said she feels really sad about what hapoened. She apologised profusely for any crappy things she may have said about me whilst drunk.

 

Thoughts?

 

I don't buy it. Sorry.

 

I simply cannot fathom a friend suddenly apologizing for apparently trying to seduce your boyfriend when she first claimed it never happened.

 

Someone is full of crap here. I think we know who.

[Leigh 87]

So where is any shred of evidence that my bf isn't totally crazy about me?

 

I think it's hilarious that people think he's showing such strong signs of being a sociopath.

[ExpatInItaly]

So where is any shred of evidence that my bf isn't totally crazy about me?

 

I think it's hilarious that people think he's showing such strong signs of being a sociopath.

 

I think what some posters are saying is that there are some points of concern, independent of this situation with your friend. Being crazy about you doesn't have anything to do with those concerns.

 

It seems to be more the speed at which this relationship has moved; may I ask what motivated you guys to move in together so quickly?

[Leigh 87]

Why would my friend deny that he made a move anyway?

 

And btw... a lot of men have fallen head over heels for me. It's not THAT unusual so as to make him a "fast moving sociopath ".

 

My bf isn't charming like typical sociopaths. He is withdrawn and shy. He's also an empath. The opposite end of the spectrum to sociopaths. .. he feels too much and takes on others emotions. That's very apparent. Without knowing the guy and knowing my friend, I doubt anyone here can bet much money on any type of personality disorder.

 

My former friend called me back btw and admitted guilt....a short while ago. She was extremely upset and hated herself for it but admitted that she was guilty. ..... and was just crushing on my bf inappropriately and the extreme intoxication is what pushed her to do it.

 

So.... case is definitely closed.

[ExpatInItaly]

Why would my friend deny that he made a move anyway?

 

And btw... a lot of men have fallen head over heels for me. It's not THAT unusual so as to make him a "fast moving sociopath ".

 

My bf isn't charming like typical sociopaths. He is withdrawn and shy. He's also an empath. The opposite end of the spectrum to sociopaths. .. he feels too much and takes on others emotions. That's very apparent. Without knowing the guy and knowing my friend, I doubt anyone here can bet much money on any type of personality disorder.

 

My former friend called me back btw and admitted guilt....a short while ago. She was extremely upset and hated herself for it but admitted that she was guilty. ..... and was just crushing on my bf inappropriately and the extreme intoxication is what pushed her to do it.

 

So.... case is definitely closed.

 

I didn't refer to him as a sociopath. I was only curious why you moved into together so fast?

[Leigh 87]

I think what some posters are saying is that there are some points of concern, independent of this situation with your friend. Being crazy about you doesn't have anything to do with those concerns.

 

It seems to be more the speed at which this relationship has moved; may I ask what motivated you guys to move in together so quickly?

 

The moving in together was about circumstances. Plus it felt right.

 

We just get along really well and function well together.

 

Plus I am happy to take chances. I know relationships don't usually last forever. I have a really good feeling about him and am enjoying the relationship so much that I am willing to take risks.

 

We spent a lot of time together and I pretty much was at his place all the time. ....it was long distance and we were miserable at the thought of weekends only once my college degree started uo again that we decided to take the plunge.

 

We couldn't fathom the idea of weekends only together basically.

 

I have never moved this fast before. I know its a bit different.

Edited January 3, 2016 by Leigh 87

[ExpatInItaly]

If you're confident and secure and healthy in the relationship, there's not much more one can ask for.

 

It's when insecurity or doubt spikes that we need to take an objective step back and ask ourselves where it's coming from. Many of us have got caught up in the honeymoon phase to the point where it clouds our judgment even though we're hearing some warning bells.

[GemmaUK]

The moving in together was about circumstances.

 

He had nowhere to live or could not afford where he was living right?

 

You were the one who mentioned that you thought he was a sociopath on the first page of the thread Leigh.

I then posted a list of the traits from a book I am reading on the subject and referred them to details you have posted about him.

 

There's more concerns here than just the incident you described, way more but you would rather take no notice - that's up to you.

 

FWIW make sure that you convert his phone over into his name and payment details soon as should you split up you won't have a leg to stand on if it's all under your payment details and the phone company come chasing payment.

 

Good luck! I think you will be needing it.

[Redfisher]

Why would my friend deny that he made a move anyway?

 

And btw... a lot of men have fallen head over heels for me. It's not THAT unusual so as to make him a "fast moving sociopath ".

 

My bf isn't charming like typical sociopaths. He is withdrawn and shy. He's also an empath. The opposite end of the spectrum to sociopaths. .. he feels too much and takes on others emotions. That's very apparent. Without knowing the guy and knowing my friend, I doubt anyone here can bet much money on any type of personality disorder.

 

My former friend called me back btw and admitted guilt....a short while ago. She was extremely upset and hated herself for it but admitted that she was guilty. ..... and was just crushing on my bf inappropriately and the extreme intoxication is what pushed her to do it.

 

So.... case is definitely closed.

 

Don't believe it for a second....

[introverted1]

This is unbelievably tidy.

 

First, Leigh belatedly remembers that her bf was too drunk to have propositioned her friend.

 

Now, the friend has decided that because she "does tend to forget appointments with friends that she makes when drinking" this must mean that she did in fact try to seduce Leigh's bf, even though she has no recollection of doing so.

 

Really?

 

Leigh, I feel at this point that you made up the friend's "confession" in order to shut down posts suggesting that maybe your bf isn't totally innocent.

 

None of this has the ring of truth to me, including your friend's and bf's constant reference to you as "hot" (as another poster pointed out several pages back).

 

Something doesn't add up here.

[letmoc]

I'm starting to believe this whole thing is made up.

[Gaeta]

I read the whole 10 pages.

 

It was more entertaining than Coronation Street.

 

Leigh your boyfriend's story does not ad up and your story is full of holes.

 

You were all in your friend's house. She hit on him while you were gone with her kids. You came back home and then what? They were having coffee together? Your boyfriend was still in his bedroom as if nothing? After he got up to get away from her then what? Did you all remained at her place or your boyfriend insisted on leaving?

[smackie9]

I'm starting to believe this whole thing is made up.

Ya she did a post in a different thread by mistake...makes me believe this person is starting threads under different names.

[sandylee1]

If there's one thing I know after reading this thread.. it's that Leigh is hot. I just don't understand why you have to say it time and time again though.... only someone insecure would do this... especially when nobody doubted how 'hot' you are... at least I didn't see that written anywhere.