Friend tried to have sex with my boyfriend today

[Winterina]

Leigh, I would put them in the same room to solve the case. Tell the story you heard from both and say you want to know what is going on. Observe both of their reactions and use your intuition. Read about how to spot a liar before that. This IS possible to figure out.

 

Another thing that I just have to say... you are just very averagely looking girl judging by your photo here. And even if you were as hot as one would think reading your description of yourself, there is a waaaaaaay more to a good relationship than looks. It is just one out of hundred traits people look for in their partners. So my advice is to stop focusing so much on it and emphasizing it so much as it does not reflect well on you. Attraction is not tied to looks or objective factors.

[loveweary11]

Leigh, I would put them in the same room to solve the case. Tell the story you heard from both and say you want to know what is going on. Observe both of their reactions and use your intuition. Read about how to spot a liar before that. This IS possible to figure out.

 

Another thing that I just have to say... you are just very averagely looking girl judging by your photo here. And even if you were as hot as one would think reading your description of yourself, there is a waaaaaaay more to a good relationship than looks. It is just one out of hundred traits people look for in their partners. So my advice is to stop focusing so much on it and emphasizing it so much as it does not reflect well on you. Attraction is not tied to looks or objective factors.

 

I wish more people understood Leigh.

 

She has brilliantly figured out that yes, looks matter a great deal in initially attracting a mate.

 

Looking as good as she can gets her a much wider selection of mates to choose from than the "be your ugly self" crowd has.

 

You can maximize your outward appearance while still being true to yourself.

 

She has a serious issue here.

 

Why don't we just help her with that and not bring her other posts as she went through her outward appearance transformation into the picture.

 

She wouldn't even be having this problem if she hadn't focused on her outward appearance a bit. She'd have nobody.

[brakco]

I wish more people understood Leigh.

 

She has brilliantly figured out that yes, looks matter a great deal in initially attracting a mate.

 

Looking as good as she can gets her a much wider selection of mates to choose from than the "be your ugly self" crowd has.

 

You can maximize your outward appearance while still being true to yourself.

 

She has a serious issue here.

 

Why don't we just help her with that and not bring her other posts as she went through her outward appearance transformation into the picture.

 

She wouldn't even be having this problem if she hadn't focused on her outward appearance a bit. She'd have nobody.

 

I understand all of this. I was a model back in the day and because of the **** I went through doing that I still have body dis morphia and all that other fun stuff. I'll have issues for the rest of my life. However, I've never based my relationships on how hot I am or how hot the other person is. If the OP is really THAT into her BF and trusts him so much that her friend of 4 years doesn't have much of a say in anything because she's older and not as attractive then how is this a relationship at all? Relationships are based on trust most of all, not how physically attractive someone is.

 

I've been head over heels crushing on John Cusack since I was 13. I still have a huge thing for him and maybe as far as the general public is concerned he's more attractive than my fiancé but I think my man is the hottest thing on earth cause I am madly in love with him and if Cusack came into a bar and propositioned me I'd be flattered but would kindly decline.

 

Not saying that John Cusack is the hottest thing on earth but for years I thought he was. Everyone is different when it comes to what we find attractive.

[Leigh 87]

Leigh is known for having a fragile sense of self. All this talk about her hotness etc is false bravado because she feels insecure. When you're fully invested in something like the appearance of your body you can't be secure because time marches on and one day you will be the older woman you think is unattractive. That's the general vibe I always get from her posts anyway. She claims to love herself but has some really negative PUA type attitudes towards women in general which can't be helping. She is one, after all. You can't denigrate something you're a member of and be healthy at the same time.

 

She's clinging to the idea that this relationship is her ideal relationship and that's why she's instantly siding with a boyfriend she hardly knows. I don't wish her any ill but I can see where that is heading and it will be heartbreak.....for her.

 

And why is that?

 

Is it really that hard to believe that my bf is actually totally crazy about me and in love with me?

 

I actually think I am hot and have a lot of hope with men.

 

And I am not *clinging* to my bf. I genuinely just feel like we click perfectly and are head over heels in love.

 

He's done everything right.

 

This friend thing is the only thing that's come up.

 

I can't see it seems LIKELY that it'll end in heart break for ME. Why me? He definitely seems to be as crazy about me as I am about him. HE has every chance of being heartbroken just as much as I do.

[Leigh 87]

Leigh, I would put them in the same room to solve the case. Tell the story you heard from both and say you want to know what is going on. Observe both of their reactions and use your intuition. Read about how to spot a liar before that. This IS possible to figure out.

 

Another thing that I just have to say... you are just very averagely looking girl judging by your photo here. And even if you were as hot as one would think reading your description of yourself, there is a waaaaaaay more to a good relationship than looks. It is just one out of hundred traits people look for in their partners. So my advice is to stop focusing so much on it and emphasizing it so much as it does not reflect well on you. Attraction is not tied to looks or objective factors.

 

I am treated like an attractive woman.

 

I get different treatment than plain Janes.

 

I have straight teeth, full lips and large eyes with very long lashes. I am a 6.5 to 7 in the face.

 

And I am slim with large breasts and butt.

 

I am not drop dead gorgeous but I am above average to the majority.

[smackie9]

:rolleyes:Oh brother...........:rolleyes:

[Leigh 87]

:rolleyes:Oh brother...........:rolleyes:

 

I am being honest.

 

She thinks I am very average. Which I am to a lot of people.

 

But trust me, I am considereda hot girl by the vast majority of men. Not gorgeous but I am not treated like I am average.

 

I am a solid 7. And I find it easy to date men who think I am gorgous (despite the majority just finding me hot)

[Leigh 87]

My money is on the latter - he drunkenly approached Leigh's friend, who perhaps had been flirting with him but wasn't prepared to actually act on her flirtations, and subsequently turned him down. Since nothing actually happened, they agreed to keep quiet but, when Leigh came home, he realised how precarious his position was, so he presented a scenario that (he thought) protects him. This way, he's on record first and his story would seem more credible.

 

I'm with Tara - get them together and ask them what happened. Should be interesting.

 

No offense but I am way more attractive than my friend and my boyfriend is totally crazy about me and my looks.

 

He can't keep his hands off me as it is.

 

Why would he go for a chubby mum of 2 when he has a slim girlfriend who hasn't endured the gross changes of child birth?

 

There is no signs that this guy isn't over the moon about me and blind to other women.

 

My friend didn't even admit to him doing anything wrong.

[xxoo]

I am being honest.

 

She thinks I am very average. Which I am to a lot of people.

 

But trust me, I am considereda hot girl by the vast majority of men. Not gorgeous but I am not treated like I am average.

 

I am a solid 7. And I find it easy to date men who think I am gorgous (despite the majority just finding me hot)

 

It really doesn't matter. People of all attractiveness can experience love, fidelity, and betrayal.

 

What matters more is that your bf knows how focused you are on your looks, and it's strange that the skank friend story mostly focused on your looks. It's suspicious.

[Leigh 87]

My boyfriend has a STRONG preference for SLIM girls with my curvy body type.

 

He isn't sexually attracted to larger women. My friends body type definitely isn't the type my partner would be into.

 

His exes were all skinny or stick thin.

[Leigh 87]

It really doesn't matter. People of all attractiveness can experience love, fidelity, and betrayal.

 

What matters more is that your bf knows how focused you are on your looks, and it's strange that the skank friend story mostly focused on your looks. It's suspicious.

 

She has expressed jealousy in the past. I am no super model but I get a lot more men that think I am attractive than the average women. I'd know, I have friends who are plain.

 

She has lamented with me about how I am so lucky with my world travels and exciting life when she is stuck forever in tbis country with no prospects of leaving.

 

I always got the vibe that she alsodidn't respect me. Because even as a college student, a full time one in a difficult degree may I add, I DON'T have to work. Like most full timers that have to wait tables 30 hrs a week abd juggle that with full time study.

 

She has given me the distinct impression that she resents that I get it easy in life.

 

THREE of her exes also hit on me; her last wanted me before they met (he was a weird man working in my local wine store), and her FWB wanted to DATE me and take me out.

 

And her youngest daughters father's asked my friend for my number lol and openly hit on me when my friend was not there.

 

Again, I think I am considereda hot girl, but I am certainly not the usual type of girl who has jealous friends; soI was shocked at her jealously but make no mistake, I am not the type of girl who EXPECTS other women to be jealous.

[Leigh 87]

I think you all missed the part where I explained that all my friends exes have hit on me (and not her other friends ).

 

She was crazy about her youngest daughters father. He treats her like crap yet hit on me. Even asked HER for my number.

 

Her FWB also did the dirty on her; he wanted to take me out on dates and date me properly. Where as he only ever wanted to have sex at her place.

 

She also got pregnant to that FWB. She miscarried. I rushed to be by her side in hospital. He on the other hand couldn't have cared less:sick:

 

And finally, her last bf asked me out before her.

 

Oh. Actually, her ex best female friend even asked me for sex. No kidding. And never bit my friend up. My friend wasn't even aware that her friend was into women.

[Buddhist]

And why is that?

 

Is it really that hard to believe that my bf is actually totally crazy about me and in love with me?

 

What's hard to believe it that you constantly need to reiterate it as if you don't even believe it yourself.

 

I actually think I am hot and have a lot of hope with men.

 

Good for you. But is there a reason why you need to keep stating it over and over like a broken record? It sounds like you're trying to convince yourself. If your reality reflected this belief you wouldn't need to shout it from the rooftops, you'd just believe it and keep it to yourself. All the people I know who really do have numerous options in life rarely talk about it. It's assumed fact.

 

And I am not *clinging* to my bf. I genuinely just feel like we click perfectly and are head over heels in love.

 

He's done everything right.

 

And here's where my disbelief kicks in. Real relationships don't sail on with everyone doing everything right. There are no shades of grey in your posts, only black and white. That kind of thinking is indicative of objectivity being lost and people seeing what they want to see. I know I've been guilty of it in all my relationships that weren't good for me. But lets see, no-one else understood. They were just jealous of me and my perfect boyfriend, they didn't want me to be happy, they don't know 'us'. Sound familiar?

[smackie9]

LOL if you believe in yourself you don't need to defend yourself.

 

 

Like I said all arrows point to this friend of yours. I feel you are being very gullible/blind on what she is capable of.....she know how to manipulate you quite easily. In fact I bet she has spent her whole life manipulating others. That's how she survives.

 

You are not looking at the big picture here. It was by her actions that she has put a strain on your relationship with your BF. She is jealous, of what you have, and of him taking up your time away from her. I say she is plotting to try to disrupt you two again, so she can have your full attention back. She is that messed up IMO. Your BF didn't make up such a story, because it doesn't make sense. She is lying, and she is putting on a pretty good act.

 

I dare you to put them in the same room together and discuss what happened....

[Leigh 87]

Leigh - I don't know if your bf is innocent or your gf is innocent or if either one or both of them are pathological liars ...

 

BUT. You need to change things if you want this or any relationship to last and be healthy.

 

For one thing you IMMEDIATELY went to the place of wondering if your BF is a sociopath over this. Now you are backpedaling on that but you DID it. That shows that you actually do not trust him no matter how many pages you go on and on and on afterwards. Maybe he is not trustworthy but maybe it's just that YOU can't trust. Either one makes a healthy relationship impossible.

 

Also the fact that you have talked about this with every single person that you know including a "close male friend" is damaging to your relationship. If you were secure in that your "friend" is just a nasty skank who would do this to you, why instill doubts about your bf in all the people you know??

 

It's not wrong that you talked about it, but you are clearly demonstrating that you have doubts about your bf. That is hurtful to your relationship.

 

You said that this has put a lot of strain on your relationship, I can understand that. But what are you DOING having people black out drunk and vomiting at your house with little kids around??? What kind of behavior is that?? :( It sounds like kind of a sleazy scene where anything could happen.

 

You still live in your parent's flat, at their expense, your bf lives there with you, you pay his bills, it appears to be a drunken crash pad, that is not a good setup for adults who are supposed to be in a "serious relationship."

 

Sorry but you need to look at all this stuff - you have to live like an adult in a serious relationship if you want to actually have one.

 

 

I live together with my boyfriend in a nice house in a nice neighborhood.

 

I was at my "friends " hahaha.

 

She is the one who saw it fit to get hammered in front of her daughters

 

I didn't drink. I am not into drinking in front of young children

 

She is over all a good mother though.

 

My bf wasn't drunk until it was early morning and my "friend" kept begging my bf to have shots. She wouldn't relent.

 

She then asked me to take her daughters for a walk.

 

Hmmmmmmm.

[Buddhist]

I think you all missed the part where I explained that all my friends exes have hit on me (and not her other friends ).

 

She was crazy about her youngest daughters father. He treats her like crap yet hit on me. Even asked HER for my number.

 

Her FWB also did the dirty on her; he wanted to take me out on dates and date me properly. Where as he only ever wanted to have sex at her place.

 

She also got pregnant to that FWB. She miscarried. I rushed to be by her side in hospital. He on the other hand couldn't have cared less:sick:

 

And finally, her last bf asked me out before her.

 

Oh. Actually, her ex best female friend even asked me for sex. No kidding. And never bit my friend up. My friend wasn't even aware that her friend was into women.

 

Who cares? I mean honestly, what has this got to do with anything? Other than you believing that she must be guilty as accused because you feel you are physically superior to her.

[Leigh 87]

What's hard to believe it that you constantly need to reiterate it as if you don't even believe it yourself.

 

 

 

Good for you. But is there a reason why you need to keep stating it over and over like a broken record? It sounds like you're trying to convince yourself. If your reality reflected this belief you wouldn't need to shout it from the rooftops, you'd just believe it and keep it to yourself. All the people I know who really do have numerous options in life rarely talk about it. It's assumed fact.

 

 

 

And here's where my disbelief kicks in. Real relationships don't sail on with everyone doing everything right. There are no shades of grey in your posts, only black and white. That kind of thinking is indicative of objectivity being lost and people seeing what they want to see. I know I've been guilty of it in all my relationships that weren't good for me. But lets see, no-one else understood. They were just jealous of me and my perfect boyfriend, they didn't want me to be happy, they don't know 'us'. Sound familiar?

 

 

 

I am honestly considered attractive in real life and do have options. That's what me and everyone that meets me believes. It is an assumed fact.

 

And of course there are shades of grey.....we have both been going through tough financial times and of course it isn't all sunshine and rainbows. He gets paranoid because ao many guys hit on me and while we are totally in love and definitelyhave something special, it hasn't been cloud 9 all the time.

 

I went overseas. He had massive anxiety and paranoia. But we really are happy and in love and having fun together for the most part.

 

There is absolutely no evidence to suggest he wanted my friend. I am his type --- thin and large breasted with a nice smile.

 

I feel the need to defend my looks because people on here allude to not believing that I am considered attractive. Which couldn't be further from the truth.

[Leigh 87]

Who cares? I mean honestly, what has this got to do with anything? Other than you believing that she must be guilty as accused because you feel you are physically superior to her.

 

Lol I am just honest and realistic.

 

I am hotter than my friend to the vast majority.

 

I also have friends whoare much more attractive than me. In fact, MOST of my mates are gorgeous. And I am merely attractive and hot.

 

I call a spade a spade. I am above average but not gorgeous or beautiful either.

[Buddhist]

No offense but I am way more attractive than my friend...

 

Why would he go for a chubby mum of 2 when he has a slim girlfriend who hasn't endured the gross changes of child birth?

 

And statements like this make you look very ugly indeed.

[Leigh 87]

LOL if you believe in yourself you don't need to defend yourself.

 

 

Like I said all arrows point to this friend of yours. I feel you are being very gullible/blind on what she is capable of.....she know how to manipulate you quite easily. In fact I bet she has spent her whole life manipulating others. That's how she survives.

 

You are not looking at the big picture here. It was by her actions that she has put a strain on your relationship with your BF. She is jealous, of what you have, and of him taking up your time away from her. I say she is plotting to try to disrupt you two again, so she can have your full attention back. She is that messed up IMO. Your BF didn't make up such a story, because it doesn't make sense. She is lying, and she is putting on a pretty good act.

 

I dare you to put them in the same room together and discuss what happened....

 

I honestly feel she was too drunk to remember.

 

And we never sas each other regularly. Just a few times a year.

 

She recently got out of the relationship with her ex, and admitted that she was quite depressed about it.

 

I am not delusional; I KNOW I am not the usual girl that incites jealously from other women. I am hot and treated like an attractive woman by society but I sure do not go around assuming that I make other women jealous.

 

She has genuinly made a compelling case that highlights her jealously loud and clear.

 

Not because of looks persay; yes I am a lot thinner and younger, however, it's my lifestyle she bemoans often. My yearly overseas traveling. The fact I'll have a degreeand career. Things she won't ever have until her girls are older.

[Leigh 87]

And statements like this make you look very ugly indeed.

 

I am just realistic.

 

My tall and skinny friend looks like a model. She is obviously more attractive than me.

 

My other friend is a Russian model. She's clearly more attractive than me.

 

I was actually friends with a super model. Now SHE was a total knock out!

 

I know what I am and what I'm not.

 

And what I am not is plain jane. Society treats me like I am attractive.

 

I can tell that you don't believe me so that's fine. I am after all, the one that witnesses how men treat me when compared to my friends (the plain and gorgous ones).

 

I know my place in society in regards to my looks and dating value.

 

I am a realist.

[almond]

I guess that's sorted then. Not much point to anyone offering any further opinons at this stage.

 

Sumarry:

- Friendship ended

- Boyfriend is perfect

- Leigh is hot and has big boobs and a great lifestyle etc. etc.

 

 

I hope you made the right choice Leigh, and considering that you already live with this guy you've known for a few short weeks, you've obviously become very invested, very quickly. I hope you don't have to learn the hard way that he is not what you think he is...

[sandylee1]

So........

 

You live together after just 4 months...... Why so quickly?

Why are you paying his monthly phone bill of $160?

 

I won't bother saying what others have....except to say people cheat with those less attractive than their partners.

 

Her getting you to take the kids out was suspicious.

 

You are soooooo invested in your relationship after a short while. ..that is kinda scary

 

Have you considered he might be using you for something else? Perhaps immigration reasons?

 

I hate to say this.. but you sound rather immature for 29. Maybe you haven't lived much..... but insecurity screams out in all your posts.

[Leigh 87]

So........

 

You live together after just 4 months...... Why so quickly?

Why are you paying his monthly phone bill of $160?

 

I won't bother saying what others have....except to say people cheat with those less attractive than their partners.

 

Her getting you to take the kids out was suspicious.

 

You are soooooo invested in your relationship after a short while. ..that is kinda scary

 

Have you considered he might be using you for something else? Perhaps immigration reasons?

 

I hate to say this.. but you sound rather immature for 29. Maybe you haven't lived much..... but insecurity screams out in all your posts.

 

 

 

I am not insecure. I honestly think I'm attractive (but not gorgeous) and that I haveplenty of options in men.

 

He has lived in Australia since age ten.

 

And he is definitely not using me. I am a poor student atm. The phone was a present to him... he spoils me and he's the one who treats me when we eat out.

 

The man in this relationship is the one that spoils me (I don't date men who ask tp go Dutch on dates, I am only interested in men who naturally like to treat women). So it is a 2 way street with me... he does the spoiling when it comes to dates and treating me to occasional clothes when out shopping together so I find ways to spoil him.

 

He isn't the type to treat himself. And he had an awful phone. I wanted to treat him to the latest smartphone. With gradual monthly payments, students can afford it.

 

My way of spoiling is about treating people to things that I know they would be THRILLED to own, yet would never do for themselves.

[Leigh 87]

So........

 

You live together after just 4 months...... Why so quickly?

Why are you paying his monthly phone bill of $160?

 

I won't bother saying what others have....except to say people cheat with those less attractive than their partners.

 

Her getting you to take the kids out was suspicious.

 

You are soooooo invested in your relationship after a short while. ..that is kinda scary

 

Have you considered he might be using you for something else? Perhaps immigration reasons?

 

I hate to say this.. but you sound rather immature for 29. Maybe you haven't lived much..... but insecurity screams out in all your posts.

 

He pays rent.

 

He is traditional. He believes the man takes care of his partner. So I felt the least I could do is pay for the phones.....

 

And I have lived a lot for my age. Lived in different countries. Travelled to literally every continent. I was taken to the slums of impoverished countries when I was a young child. I saw armless and legless beggars on the streets at such a young age.

 

I also have ample dating experience. I know when I click with someone. And I've learnt what it REALLY feels like to have a guy fall for me and be into me versus not.

 

We can all be fooled. But this is the last guy I'd pick for it.

 

But then again the world is full of sociopaths who totally fake their entire personality. I am aware that I am taking a risk in living together so soon. I don't mind. I will be okay if it doesn't work out. It'd be totally worth the amazing time we spent together.

 

I am not afraid of things not going to plan and the consequences.

 

I just don't think my boyfriend lied or did anything wrong here.