Friend tried to have sex with my boyfriend today

[Buddhist]

It's 11 pages of.....

 

I'm so hot

My boyfriend is sooo in love with me

My friends are jealous

This is why I'm so hot

 

Someone's trying to convince themselves of something that's for sure.

[brakco]

It's 11 pages of.....

 

I'm so hot

My boyfriend is sooo in love with me

My friends are jealous

This is why I'm so hot

 

Someone's trying to convince themselves of something that's for sure.

 

That's EVERY thread or response to someone else's thread that she's ever participated in. I challenge anyone to go through her history and convince me otherwise. It's starting to get very fishy to me. I wonder how much of this is real at this point.

[Timshel]

I hadn't pictured myself making this post. A history of my own posts will show as much.

 

This is really quite enough with an attack on Leigh. There is no lack of understanding; how much I have observed and been in disagreement of Leigh's perceptions.

 

I know that Leigh first brought up the word sociopath. Subsequent posts have been very judgmental...as if some of you do not know Leigh's posting well or that the term sociopath should not be tossed about like dodge ball.

 

Leigh...it sounds as though you are on solid ground with your relationship.

I would suggest that you remain on guard and use judgement. When ever a question of infidelity of this sort comes up...shenanigans all around. You left the house, alcohol is involved, stories are shifty.

 

There is no reason to believe your boyfriend is a sociopath, however, people are put on their guard with unnecessary references to personal appearance.

 

Rightfully so Leigh. Anyway, good luck to you.

[Buddhist]

This is really quite enough with an attack on Leigh. There is no lack of understanding; how much I have observed and been in disagreement of Leigh's perceptions.

 

It's not an attack on Leigh. It's a realisation that there's a pattern here which does call into question the authenticity of the story. Believe it or not, no-one is actually wishing her ill. In fact they are cautioning her not to get carried away with her feelings in this matter and lose judgement. Which she appears to have done by derailing her own thread with communication along the lines of.....that could never happen to me because of the way I look.

[Timshel]

It's not an attack on Leigh. It's a realisation that there's a pattern here which does call into question the authenticity of the story. Believe it or not, no-one is actually wishing her ill. In fact they are cautioning her not to get carried away with her feelings in this matter and lose judgement. Which she appears to have done by derailing her own thread with communication along the lines of.....that could never happen to me because of the way I look.

 

I know Buddhist. I know.

[Leigh 87]

This is unbelievably tidy.

 

First, Leigh belatedly remembers that her bf was too drunk to have propositioned her friend.

 

Now, the friend has decided that because she "does tend to forget appointments with friends that she makes when drinking" this must mean that she did in fact try to seduce Leigh's bf, even though she has no recollection of doing so.

 

Really?

 

Leigh, I feel at this point that you made up the friend's "confession" in order to shut down posts suggesting that maybe your bf isn't totally innocent.

 

None of this has the ring of truth to me, including your friend's and bf's constant reference to you as "hot" (as another poster pointed out several pages back).

 

Something doesn't add up here.

 

 

Why is me being considered hot by my bf and friend hard to believe?

 

I was a magazine model (albeit underwear and topless) for years. They only let you in if you're thin with large breasts and bottom .

 

Jist because that one poster is adamant that I am suoer plain jane, that DOES NOT speak for the majority.

 

It sbould not be hard tp believe that my friend referenced my being hot? Especially since I am half her size and slender with a nice body shape?

[Leigh 87]

That's EVERY thread or response to someone else's thread that she's ever participated in. I challenge anyone to go through her history and convince me otherwise. It's starting to get very fishy to me. I wonder how much of this is real at this point.

 

Well last time I checked, being 120 isb lbs, 5 foot 6 with 32 DD s and a sticking out butt, WAS universally considered "hot".

 

The vast majority in my real life refer to me as hot.

 

I find it very easy to meet men who think I am really attractive.

 

I get a lot more men thinking I am gorgous than a universal plane jane. All guys have to go by are tiny pictures of my face, not body. I sincerely doubt you can judge that I am a totally plain jane to the vast majority of the population by pictures anyway.

 

It should not be hard to believe that my bf or friend made references to me being hot....

[Leigh 87]

It's 11 pages of.....

 

I'm so hot

My boyfriend is sooo in love with me

My friends are jealous

This is why I'm so hot

 

Someone's trying to convince themselves of something that's for sure.

 

I honestly don't think I am a plane jane. I have perfect teeth and really full lips. Plane janes do not have nice smiles. They also don't have naturally long mascara esque lashes.

 

People are being unreasonably harsh in ASSUMING that I am not considered hot to anyone in real life. When I was a former magazine model, in a magazine that doesn't employ universally agreed upon plain women. You need nice eyes and smles along with the body for them to pay you top dollar to use your body to male mlre men buy the mag.

 

And I do believe my bf is completely crazy about me.

 

You stated in your posts that not many men fancy you pr find yiou attractive? It screams to me like you can't believe that a 29 yr old like me findsit super easy to find men who think I am really attractive?

 

Maybe it's because YOU don't regularly meet people who think your gorgous, you project your lack of admirers onto me?

 

Because anyone in MY real life will tell you that I am considered hot by the society in which we live. Not stunning but definitely hot.

[brakco]

Well last time I checked, being 120 isb lbs, 5 foot 6 with 32 DD s and a sticking out butt, WAS universally considered "hot".

 

The vast majority in my real life refer to me as hot.

 

I find it very easy to meet men who think I am really attractive.

 

I get a lot more men thinking I am gorgous than a universal plane jane. All guys have to go by are tiny pictures of my face, not body. I sincerely doubt you can judge that I am a totally plain jane to the vast majority of the population by pictures anyway.

 

It should not be hard to believe that my bf or friend made references to me being hot....

 

I rest my case.

 

WHERE in ANY of my posts did I say ANYthing about you being hot or otherwise? You are a broken record, Leigh.

[Leigh 87]

If there's one thing I know after reading this thread.. it's that Leigh is hot. I just don't understand why you have to say it time and time again though.... only someone insecure would do this... especially when nobody doubted how 'hot' you are... at least I didn't see that written anywhere.

 

Two people pointed out that the story seems fishy because I am not hot and therefore wby on earth would my bf or friend make references to my looks whenI am soooooo plain jane.

 

Introverted also recently made a post stating that it's hard to believe that my own bf or friend would refer to my looks being hot.

 

Pretty darn rude.

 

Hello? my bf thinks I am hot. He tells me DAILY hot insanely attracted to me he is and how hot I am. HE definitely believes I am hot and not just to him; he thinks I am good looking in general.

 

So it is super insultijg to assume that my own bf totally doesn't beoieve I am hot or attractive to society?

[TaraMaiden2]

Leigh, why do these discussions always come round to you constantly telling us how attractive you are, how 'hot' people think you look, how guys keep coming on to you, how gorgeous you look....

 

Somehow, no matter WHAT the original topic, every single thread you create eventually comes down to you repeating this same, old same-old...

 

You do realise that looks fade, skin wrinkles, breasts sag, butt-cheeks drop and flab accumulates in ALL the places you'd rather it didn't?

 

Re-read your threads, hun. You keep telling us how great your (at the time) bf is, how sweet, how much he loves you how sexy... then you tell us what he thinks of you, and then what others think of you, then what you think of yourself....

 

It's lather-rinse-repeat, all. the. time.

 

The tragedy is, that I'm not the first to have pointed this out to you. And probably, as you create more threads, I may well not be the last.

So I'll sign out now, and let you carry on repeating the same- old same-old, because clearly, what you look like, and the apparent effect you have on every hot-blooded male, is of more importance to you than listening to thread-contributors.

 

Good luck.

[Leigh 87]

I rest my case.

 

WHERE in ANY of my posts did I say ANYthing about you being hot or otherwise? You are a broken record, Leigh.

 

Buddhistis strongly alluding to not believing that I am coandiered attractive.

 

Which I find super rude. As I think I have a firm grasp on my own reality. I KNOW what society treats me like.

[xxoo]

Leigh,

 

It isn't odd that your bf would find you hot, or call you hot. Of course your bf thinks you're hot! That's normal.

 

It is odd that, in the midst of your friend trying to seduce your bf, the entire conversation would center around how hot you are. That's fishy.

[TaraMaiden2]

Buddhists know that everything is transitory, and that being uber-attached to the superficial is not conducive to a truly blessed life.

Looks are shallow.

Attachment to being super-hot and sexy, is grasping at straws.

 

It would be healthier for you to address this need to express just how physically desirable you are.

Because you won't always be.

And the loss of everything you define yourself as, will hurt all the more.

[Leigh 87]

Leigh, why do these discussions always come round to you constantly telling us how attractive you are, how 'hot' people think you look, how guys keep coming on to you, how gorgeous you look....

 

Somehow, no matter WHAT the original topic, every single thread you create eventually comes down to you repeating this same, old same-old...

 

You do realise that looks fade, skin wrinkles, breasts sag, butt-cheeks drop and flab accumulates in ALL the places you'd rather it didn't?

 

Re-read your threads, hun. You keep telling us how great your (at the time) bf is, how sweet, how much he loves you how sexy... then you tell us what he thinks of you, and then what others think of you, then what you think of yourself....

 

It's lather-rinse-repeat, all. the. time.

 

The tragedy is, that I'm not the first to have pointed this out to you. And probably, as you create more threads, I may well not be the last.

So I'll sign out now, and let you carry on repeating the same- old same-old, because clearly, what you look like, and the apparent effect you have on every hot-blooded male, is of more importance to you than listening to thread-contributors.

 

Good luck.

 

I ONLY reference my looks when some idiot comes along and points out that THEY don't beoieve I am considered attractive.

 

If people just took my word for it and stopped trying to tell me that I am merely a plane jane to the strong vast majority, I wouldn'tfeel the need to defend my very obvious status ij my real life.

 

Peoplequestioned ths validity to the story because they thought it was so unlikely that my bf or friend wouldactually believe that I was hot.

[Gaeta]

I read the whole 10 pages.

 

It was more entertaining than Coronation Street.

 

Leigh your boyfriend's story does not ad up and your story is full of holes.

 

You were all in your friend's house. She hit on him while you were gone with her kids. You came back home and then what? They were having coffee together? Your boyfriend was still in his bedroom as if nothing? After he got up to get away from her then what? Did you all remained at her place or your boyfriend insisted on leaving?

 

Leigh: Would you answer my questions please. Thanks!

[Leigh 87]

Buddhists know that everything is transitory, and that being uber-attached to the superficial is not conducive to a truly blessed life.

Looks are shallow.

Attachment to being super-hot and sexy, is grasping at straws.

 

It would be healthier for you to address this need to express just how physically desirable you are.

Because you won't always be.

And the loss of everything you define yourself as, will hurt all the more.

 

Well I find it rude that 3 posters have all accused me of being delusional about my own looks.

 

They very clearly pointed out that I am very strongly a plane jane and that I am delusional for thinking that I am considered attractive.

 

Of course I am going to defend myself.

 

I am not delusional. I know the way society treats me. I know for a fact that I easily find men that think I'm attractive.

 

I am sick of people questioning my reality. As though I am some plane jane that people rarely look twice at, that thinks she is hot when she's not.

[introverted1]

Why is me being considered hot by my bf and friend hard to believe?

 

I was a magazine model (albeit underwear and topless) for years. They only let you in if you're thin with large breasts and bottom .

 

Jist because that one poster is adamant that I am suoer plain jane, that DOES NOT speak for the majority.

 

It sbould not be hard tp believe that my friend referenced my being hot? Especially since I am half her size and slender with a nice body shape?

 

THAT'S your take-away from what I wrote? That I am challenging the notion of your hotness? :confused:

 

In the midst of not knowing whether your bf was faithful, of wondering with your friend of 4 years betrayed you, of the hurt and confusion that would logically follow from the events presented in your OP, your actual concern is whether INTERNET STRANGERS think you are hot?!

 

Leigh, it is just this sort of response that makes me and some others question the reliability of your posts.

 

The issue here isn't whether you are hot (I would certainly hope that your bf thinks so, just as I hope that every person's partner finds him/her hot and most indeed do). But it seems so unlikely that your friend and bf would keep referring to your "hotness" since normal people do not speak of their friends this way. I never consider whether my friends are more or less hot than I am and I doubt they are comparing themselves to me. And while my guy often tells me that I am beautiful and perfect, I recognize that his feelings for me color his words. I certainly don't go around on a message board telling others I am beautiful! If I thought my guy had been propositioned by my best friend, I'd be devasted by the betrayal from one or both and not the least bit concerned with convincing a bunch of strangers of my hotness!

 

Leigh, have you considered counseling?

[Buddhist]

I was a magazine model (albeit underwear and topless) for years. They only let you in if you're thin with large breasts and bottom .

 

And here's the crux of the problem Leigh. You've fully identified with your physical form as being your prime sense of worth. I fear those years being a sexual object has taught you this is all that you are. I'm not saying this an attack but because actually I'd like to see you become more secure in yourself. It's obvious to me and everyone else who's commented that you appear insecure because you need to constantly reiterate something you supposedly know to be true about yourself.

 

There's nothing wrong with looking after yourself and taking pride in your appearance, no-one is saying that. But it often appears that this is the only thing about yourself that you value. The problem with that is, one day (very soon) you won't be in your twenties. You will start to enter the same territory as all the women you repeatedly tell yourself are unattractive. And then what? You will have no choice except to start living in regret about a youth that has passed and becoming bitter about the inevitable change that age brings.

 

I look after myself and I do a good job. But change happens none the less. I have no control over the level of fat in my face, no control over the loss of muscle bulk. No control over the change in the texture of my skin. Those are hormonal changes that occur on a cellular level. These changes hit everyone hard, but your reaction to them determines your life experience. If your whole world revolves around being a topless model then your world will crumble once it's no longer possible to see yourself in that light.

 

The concerns people have here is that you've got a very shaky foundation to your life. Considering that you are about to turn 30 and your sense of self relies upon other people's perception of you as hot. It would be a relief if this thread held any hope that your boyfriend is with you for reasons beyond your looks. But it doesnt. We fear what is going to happen when someone hotter comes along, and they will. It's time to mature a bit, and find other things in your life to base that self esteem on because the one you've got now is setting yourself up for massive disappointment.

 

I've seen what happens to women with your mindset who hit middle age. They start up with cosmetic procedures and they just keep grasping for it, getting more and more desperate about it with every passing year. They end up looking like freaks because no surgeon can ever reverse the appearance of age. They don't look younger, they look like old people with strange faces and are very unattractive.

 

I don't look young for my age, I look like a 40 something woman. But that doesn't mean I'm unattractive. I've read your posts for over a year and the one thing that strikes me every time is how often you express that a woman's worth lies solely in her ability to be hot. Sure it's a common enough thought out there, but it's not one that supports you being happy in your own skin once you start going down the road of approaching mid-life and beyond.

 

If I didn't care, I wouldn't bother posting this. I would just let you get hit by that Mack truck in the coming years.

[Leigh 87]

Leigh: Would you answer my questions please. Thanks!

 

My bf was not in the room when I came bac.

 

He wantedto eat his maccas and leave. He wasn't actually suspicious. I didn't get a bad vibe at all.

 

When I left, ny friend asked me to pretty please take her kids with me. Her request.

 

My bf was feelijg seedy and sorry for himself and wanted rest. Apparently she came in to the bedroom after I left and chatted to him. He was annoyed and wanted to rest.

 

Then she slumped down on the bed away from him. My bf was contemplating his escape when she slid her back over to him. He got up immediately after that and she said " are you running "

 

As he got up and accused her of being a crappy friend that's when she said "I wasn't trying to hit on you or anything "

 

So she didn't exactly grope him or anything. ... maybe she was just sloppy drunk after drinking half a bottle or more of tequila between then two? Since I didn't join in and stuck to water.

 

She has just flopped down into bed with men before. It's her personalty. But what concerns me is:she is SUPER HORNY.

 

I know a guy who previously got with her snd he sayz she is a total ssx fiend and genuine nymphomaniac. And she's always given me thatimpression.

 

Where as my bf is super conservative.

[Leigh 87]

I am not sure if this is relevant.

 

But a year into our friendship I was staying over at her house. Kids were in bed. I crashed in her bed.

 

I am pretty sure that she tried to touch me. I brushed her away and that sas that.

 

My male friend....an ex actually. .. has been with my friend after he was done with me. He say she is super horny and HE for one , believes that she would've come on to my bf. Plus all my friends and family think he's ultra conservative and wouldn't do that. They ALL think my nate is the type to do it,and my bf isn't.

 

She pretty much rang me to confess her guilt so............ she didn't say the exact words but she sure sounded like she was confessing her guilt!

 

I don't feel that there's anything here that paints my bf in a guilty light.

 

End of the day I live with him. I know how he's acted towards me versus other guys.

 

I have ignored screaming instincts and red flags before. And I don't feel them now. He has honestly been great. I've pinched myself daily because of the Wonderfulnature of the relationship so far.

It hasn't all been roses... we struggled with sharing finances and our individual anxiety issues. But as a whole, it's been quite magic.I don't think it's wise to throw a guy under the bus when it is SO hard to meet decent men, and you have a man that has treated yiou so so well. You just don't disbelieve them until you have strong evidence.

 

If this happens again I'll be worried.

 

Then again, my exes mates hit on me. 3 of them did. And I am telling you, I was totally innocent! HOW is this any different to when my exes jerk friends made passes at me!??!?!?!

[Timshel]

Leigh, there really isn't anything in your story that makes sense.

 

I do not agree that your bf is a sociopath, necessarily, but I do agree, in all fairness, that your story does not make sense.

 

Of course regardless of this or any thread, counseling is appropriate.

Edited January 4, 2016 by Timshel

[Leigh 87]

And here's the crux of the problem Leigh. You've fully identified with your physical form as being your prime sense of worth. I fear those years being a sexual object has taught you this is all that you are. I'm not saying this an attack but because actually I'd like to see you become more secure in yourself. It's obvious to me and everyone else who's commented that you appear insecure because you need to constantly reiterate something you supposedly know to be true about yourself.

 

There's nothing wrong with looking after yourself and taking pride in your appearance, no-one is saying that. But it often appears that this is the only thing about yourself that you value. The problem with that is, one day (very soon) you won't be in your twenties. You will start to enter the same territory as all the women you repeatedly tell yourself are unattractive. And then what? You will have no choice except to start living in regret about a youth that has passed and becoming bitter about the inevitable change that age brings.

 

I look after myself and I do a good job. But change happens none the less. I have no control over the level of fat in my face, no control over the loss of muscle bulk. No control over the change in the texture of my skin. Those are hormonal changes that occur on a cellular level. These changes hit everyone hard, but your reaction to them determines your life experience. If your whole world revolves around being a topless model then your world will crumble once it's no longer possible to see yourself in that light.

 

The concerns people have here is that you've got a very shaky foundation to your life. Considering that you are about to turn 30 and your sense of self relies upon other people's perception of you as hot. It would be a relief if this thread held any hope that your boyfriend is with you for reasons beyond your looks. But it doesnt. We fear what is going to happen when someone hotter comes along, and they will. It's time to mature a bit, and find other things in your life to base that self esteem on because the one you've got now is setting yourself up for massive disappointment.

 

I've seen what happens to women with your mindset who hit middle age. They start up with cosmetic procedures and they just keep grasping for it, getting more and more desperate about it with every passing year. They end up looking like freaks because no surgeon can ever reverse the appearance of age. They don't look younger, they look like old people with strange faces and are very unattractive.

 

I don't look young for my age, I look like a 40 something woman. But that doesn't mean I'm unattractive. I've read your posts for over a year and the one thing that strikes me every time is how often you express that a woman's worth lies solely in her ability to be hot. Sure it's a common enough thought out there, but it's not one that supports you being happy in your own skin once you start going down the road of approaching mid-life and beyond.

 

If I didn't care, I wouldn't bother posting this. I would just let you get hit by that Mack truck in the coming years.

 

 

I only reference my looksbecause creepz like introverted tell me that I am not actually considered attractive or hot. When I know I am in real life.

 

They disbelieve that I am considered attractive. So I sas merely defending myself.

 

This is purely me defending what I know to be true:which is, I am not a universally accepted plane jane.

 

I think a lot about overall compatability with prospective partners. My by andI clicked on ALL levels which is extremely rare. I don't believe our relationship has a shallow foundation at allm we spend every evening together watching tv, and we interact and talk so comfortably and freely it feels like we just met; it feels as exciting as a first or second date with us, every night. It never gets boring. We laugh a lot. We aren't even funny people yet we both find each other very funny. We both share similar views and a strong curiosity about spiritually and the way the world works. Our fundamental views and mindsets seem to be very in synch.

 

I could carry on forever but we definitely clicked on more levels than the physical. We have similar communication styles, the same values and I absolutely love his personality and the person he is and he seems to feel it mutually.

 

Again- I am considered hot. So if I wanted a purely physical thing, I am regularly approached by men that are also hot. If I wanted a relationship based on superficial crap, I'd pick the hottest guy I could get and try to forge relationships with them. But thats not how I work.

 

I have stated many a time that I look for connections. Not the hottest lookint face. The men I've felt the biggest pull for weren't hot. But to me they were irresistible based on our connection and shared chemistry.

 

I picked my bf because we clicked and instantly felt a huge draw to talk to each other. It wasn't about his arms; he has sexy arms and a hot body but I didn't even notice any of that.

[LivingWaterPlease]

 

Plus my friend swore he didn't make moves on her.

 

If your friend had done as your bf said she did most likely she would, knowing inappropriate behavior had taken place, have told you it was HE who had been inappropriate by making moves on her.

 

Instead she says nothing at all occurred. From all you've posted this rings true to me. Doesn't mean it has to be true, just rings true.

 

Also, if it happened as your bf says it did, in my opinion he was inappropriate by not asking her to leave his bedroom fairly early in the convo if not right away. The way he described the situation they were in the bedroom together talking (albeit he calls it her interrogating him) for relatively quite some time.

[Leigh 87]

If your friend had done as your bf said she did most likely she would, knowing inappropriate behavior had taken place, have told you it was HE who had been inappropriate by making moves on her.

 

Instead she says nothing at all occurred. From all you've posted this rings true to me. Doesn't mean it has to be true, just rings true.

 

Also, if it happened as your bf says it did, in my opinion he was inappropriate by not asking her to leave his bedroom fairly early in the convo if not right away. The way he described the situation they were in the bedroom together talking (albeit he calls it her interrogating him) for relatively quite some time.

 

My bf was pretty out of it.

 

He wanted to sleep.

 

He was annoyed that she came in and started talking.

 

My bf is very traditional and straight laced where as my friend is super horny and openly "out there"

 

It's also the temperament of my bf and former friends personalities that influenced by decision. .......