laprek5988 Posted January 1, 2016 Share Posted January 1, 2016 It's New Year's Day, I live here in Leicester, England, UK, and I'm struggling to cope with the revelation my wife told me earlier today. I'm 42, with a 17-year-old son and 14-year-old daughter. My wife's 43, we've been together since we were 19. My wife told me that she'd been with her OM since August; the OM is 17 and my son's best friend (let's call him John, rather than naming names explicitly here). She then dragged out her iPad and showed me a selfie of her in a bikini cuddling up to "John" (who was standing by our luxury car, a posh Mercedes S-Class I've had since new in 2003!). She admitted to sleeping with him since early April 2015 (he turned 16 in March 2015) and going to fancy hotels, restaurants etc. with him, and even took him to visit an Ann Summers shop (not that a 17 year old would be found there). WTF, I thought? She was delivering the news in a very matter-of-fact, deadpan, way. She said that she wants to be with John, but likes having the stability of me around for financial reasons, even though she's from a middleclass background (she's Indian and from a wealthy-ish family, I'm white, English and wealthy, but don't boast about my wealth). Before anyone says anything, no, she's not religious, as some people think Indian women are, but she was brought up Christian. Me and my wife met when I was 19, got married aged 21, and have been together through thick and thin. I felt sickened. At first I thought this was some sick joke, but she was deadly serious when she told me, she said she still loved me, but not in that way. I had NO suspicions she was having an affair, if anything, I was oblivious. There was nothing to make me suspicious. Don't want to get all Elvis Presley about it (you know, suspicious minds). I have to tell my son about this but I'm worried about his reaction, he is a teenager after all, it's not just about the issue of a divorce etc. but the fact his mum is cheating on me with his best friend. My wife said she's thinking of marrying him soon, when he turns 18 next March, and having a baby with him. A baby? At 43?? I think this is some midlife crisis she's going through. Normally doesn't a midlife crisis involve a sports car, going the gym excessively, new clothing/haircuts etc.? None of these with my wife (if anything, maybe excessive spending on new tracksuits and ill-fitting crop tops, which she never used to show any interest in wearing). She did recently become obsessed with buying midriff-baring tiny crop tops, e.g. MUSIC IS THE ANSWER ones and lurid tracksuits, but that's not an indication of a midlife crisis, is it? We argued for hours over this, she told me she didn't know what to do, she claimed I worked long hours and ignored her. Nonsense, I only work 10am-3pm weekdays so how would I be working long hours? I'm thinking of divorcing her, but it's New Year's Day, and I won't be able to find any divorce lawyers who are open. I feel so angry with her, I really, really love my wife but now it feels like my marriage was a sham. How am I meant to cope with this, and tell my kids about it? It's a new year, and I shouldn't be getting stressed out, but I am. I'd appreciate any advice. Sorry for the long rant, btw. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted January 1, 2016 Share Posted January 1, 2016 Let her have him. Within a year or so, he will kick her to the curb... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted January 1, 2016 Share Posted January 1, 2016 your wife is a child molester -- no one really thinks about it because it's a 43 year old woman + 17 year old boy combination. if the situation was reversed -- a 43 year old man and a 17 year old girl... enough said. report her to the authorities for rape. Link to post Share on other sites
Author laprek5988 Posted January 1, 2016 Author Share Posted January 1, 2016 your wife is a child molester -- no one really thinks about it because it's a 43 year old woman + 17 year old boy combination. if the situation was reversed -- a 43 year old man and a 17 year old girl... enough said. report her to the authorities for rape. 16 is the legal age of consent in the United Kingdom, so AFAIK, the police won't do a thing. Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted January 1, 2016 Share Posted January 1, 2016 16 is the legal age of consent in the United Kingdom, so AFAIK, the police won't do a thing. in that case -- seek sole custody and report the relationship to the child services; seek some kind of psychological evaluation of your wife. a woman who enters a relationship with a TEENAGE best friend of her son is an unfit mother - make sure you protect your children from that. and get counseling for yourself and your kids -- especially for the boy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted January 1, 2016 Share Posted January 1, 2016 You should post in the infidelity forum. I'll start by saying some of what you've posted has me wondering .... but ill give my 3 cents anyway.... So what do you plan to do now? Divorce? Do the boys parents know? Why don't you tell your wife to tell him? Advice.. see a solicitor and protect yourself financially Chances of a 17 year old sticking with sugar mama are slim to none..but hopefully you'll have moved on by then. From one Brit to another. ... sorry for the mess you're in. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted January 1, 2016 Share Posted January 1, 2016 (edited) Ask her to leave and if she refuses move her stuff to another bedroom, tell your son and her family, exposure has a way of bringing reality to any situation. Cancel any joint credit cards you have with her. Don't finance her affair. Change your banking password so she can't clean out your bank account until you can meet with a lawyer and do everything he tells you to do in order to protect your finances. Read up on the "180" and follow it's recommendations, you need to detach from her so you can make decisions that are the best for you and your son. She is having a complete mental breakdown. This is not an affair, she fully intends to leave you and start a life with teenager. An intervention needs to happen fast. You can't reason with crazy, protect yourself by carrying a VAR(voice activated recorder), who knows what she is capable of doing at this point because she is not thinking rationally but like a love sick school girl. Edited January 1, 2016 by aliveagain 4 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted January 1, 2016 Share Posted January 1, 2016 (edited) Talk to his parents about this! I know it's not illegal in UK but if he's living under their roof they have every right to know....& can exert a lot of pressure! I'm not usually a big proponent of exposure (I'm just confused) but in this situation!! If it was my son!! OMG!!! This is the sort of thing you read about in newspapers, not 'real life'! I'm so sorry. You must be deeply in shock! I know I couldn't think straight for the longest time after I was told about my husbands A. I agree that this is 'crazy' behavior. I'd see a solicitor & lock down the family finances at least. It's suspicious that nothing physical happened until his 16th birthday! Have you done some snooping to see what you can find? In situations like this 'privacy' goes out the window in my opinion. Do you have other children? Can your kids visit grandparents etc for a few days? I had a baby in my 40's. It's very common now. Edited January 1, 2016 by ShatteredLady Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted January 1, 2016 Share Posted January 1, 2016 I think you should just let her go. Work it to where the divorce is in your favor. I would use her wanting to go be with him to your advantage in the divorce. Once you get her to sign off have her move out immediately. The truth is even if you were able to get her to stay she just showed the kind of person and partner she is. She is willing to go after a child should tell you everything. I would distance myself and the kids as much as you can from her. I think the others are right once the OM or Child realizes she is not all that great he is going to kick her to the curb and she is going just come running back to you. I am really sorry you are going through this but understand your not alone. When It happened to me. I did use all the things I said to my advantage. In my divorce I paid no alimony. She did not get custody of the kids. She did not get any money from our house or our car. My xWife walked away with nothing. C 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 1, 2016 Share Posted January 1, 2016 We argued for hours over this, she told me she didn't know what to do, she claimed I worked long hours and ignored her. Nonsense, I only work 10am-3pm weekdays so how would I be working long hours? How is she able to carry on a year-long affair with teenager if you only work 25 hours a week? What do you do with the rest of your time? I have to tell my son about this but I'm worried about his reaction, he is a teenager after all, it's not just about the issue of a divorce etc. but the fact his mum is cheating on me with his best friend. I'd guess that, if he doesn't already know, he's at least suspicious... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted January 1, 2016 Share Posted January 1, 2016 Your wife's actions are disgusting, selfish and abnormal. Sorry that you are going through this. She reminds me of a Desperate Housewives character! Divorce your wife. I hope she signed a prenup. Be there for your son during the emotional fallout of his mother's nonsense. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Mind of Shazam Posted January 1, 2016 Share Posted January 1, 2016 Pal, tell her to go for it and have her served with divorce papers. See what boyfriend does next. Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted January 1, 2016 Share Posted January 1, 2016 Collect your evidence & go to see HIS parents!! Go see HER parents & ask for help. Get your kids out of the house! Protect your finances! Get legal advise. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted January 1, 2016 Share Posted January 1, 2016 She is coo-coo! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted January 2, 2016 Share Posted January 2, 2016 If it's me, I tell why wait until March. Then hand her the packed suitcases and throw her out. It's obvious that she's living in Never Never Land. She's 43, he's 17. In ten years she's 53 and he's 27, Twenty years she's 63 and he's 37. Yeah right. Let her go. I would let everyone know what she's doing including Peter Pans parents and family. Find a good lawyer and get the ball rolling. By the way, your son will find out either from you, gossip on the street or come March when they tie the know so you may as well sit him down and explain the situation to him Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted January 2, 2016 Share Posted January 2, 2016 Your wife should tell your son. She started this mess let her figure it out. Obviously she's an entitled princess. Cut off all her funds and find a good divorce attourney. Not sure what the minor laws are there but that should come into play in the divorce. Act fast. If you are weak, timid you will suffer unnessecarily. I would not be so embarrassed as your wife has mental issues as everyone will notice in this. Link to post Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse Posted January 2, 2016 Share Posted January 2, 2016 I feel sorry for the kid she's sleeping with. At 17 the attentions of a much older experienced forbidden married woman must make him very easy to manipulate. If she'd been 'oh my god I made such a mistake, I'm so sorry, I'll do anything to fix it', even then I'd be concerned about giving her a second chance due to the absolute ridiculousness of her actions. But she's saying she wants to be with him and have a family. What are you sticking around for? File for divorce, protect your assets, and tell her she's welcome to move out and be with her affair partner. Do not show weakness or beg to keep her or bend over backwards to make things easy for her. Act decisively and like a man, you deserve so much better than this, within a few months she'll be alone and realise what an error she made, too late. She made her bed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TX-SC Posted January 2, 2016 Share Posted January 2, 2016 Run from that situation. Get the papers filed ASAP. Link to post Share on other sites
jnel921 Posted January 3, 2016 Share Posted January 3, 2016 It's sad that you are going through this. Your WW obviously lacks boundaries and respect. I doubt that she is going through any mid life crisis. She is going through some kind of mental delusion. I am 47 and my son is almost 20. He has many friends that frequent my home and although I have to admit some of them are handsome, I'd prefer they have an interest in my daughter and not me. While attention is flattering it is a no no to act upon it. I am sure once your son know will be upset not only at his friend but at his mother. I am sure the boys parents will have plenty to say to her as well. Hopefully the shame of it all will be enough to end this relationship. Your WW will realize that if she continues this relationship it will be much like caring for another son if she has to pay for him and drag him here and there and most of all teach him how to be an adult. I think its disgusting that she took advantage of this young man. All he knows is that an older woman is willing to give him some tail. I am sure he is not thinking about M like she is. He is too young. I am sure he will want other girls his age down the road. When your wife is 50 and he is in him prime years he wont want her. The question is do you? Honestly this would be a deal breaker for me if my H was screwing my daughter's friends. And yes I agree with some of the poster's here that this looks like a form of pedophilia. I don't care what the legal age of consent is. When couples marry young I think there is a greater risk of infidelity. As you get older I think that its harder for some to resist the temptation. It doesn't matter how wealthy you are. Money doesn't buy or keep love. I hope this gets better for you. Good Luck. Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted January 3, 2016 Share Posted January 3, 2016 Folks, this appears to be a drive-by so, per policy on this kind of stuff, I'll close it and thank members for their responses. If I'm wrong, I'm sure the starter will let us know. Link to post Share on other sites
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