Had sex with his best friend, Now he's blanking me

[smackie9]

Now I'm not saying he has to accept the situation.....hey if he feels weird about it, so be it. I would expect too many people to be OK with something like this. I don't think I would either.

[smackie9]

Something tells me that his best friend didn't refer to me in positive terms. I ended things with him over a year ago as he was basically taking the **** and I wouldn't put up with it.

 

I think it's worth mentioning though that his friend actually messaged me a few months back asking me if he could take me out to dinner to make amendments but I politely declined and thanked him for the offer. I can't help but he's done this for 1 of 2 reasons: Either he is trying to brag about his 'conquest' so to speak, or he is purposely doing this to get back at me "/

Unfortunately he is going to be more apt to believing his friend over what you tell him. I was thinking the same thing, that he was getting back at you for dumping him and rejecting him.

[rodawaybecky]

Unfortunately he is going to be more apt to believing his friend over what you tell him. I was thinking the same thing, that he was getting back at you for dumping him and rejecting him.

 

I agree, I think his friend knew exactly what would happen by revealing this. He made a really snide comment when they were both discussing it, he said something along the lines of "when you see her, tell her she can have back the dvd's that she left at my house, I don't want them." Although I'm trying to be mindful of the fact this is his best friend, he's also someone I know quite well and I can safely say he is a ******* idiot.

[Snakechammah]

I agree, I think his friend knew exactly what would happen by revealing this. He made a really snide comment when they were both discussing it, he said something along the lines of "when you see her, tell her she can have back the dvd's that she left at my house, I don't want them." Although I'm trying to be mindful of the fact this is his best friend, he's also someone I know quite well and I can safely say he is a ******* idiot.

 

Exactly, Becky. Don't worry, it's good riddance. You should be thankful they showed their true colours.

 

True gentlemen won't resort to snide comments - confused or not - and they will accept the fact gracefully and go their own merryway.

 

Consider yourself lucky and be selective for the next guys you date/or sleep with.

 

All the best for 2016!

[Keke1]

Clearly she didn't know him then, otherwise he'd know her too!

 

It's just a very unfortunate coincidence, for both.

 

Or looked at pix. Or Facebook page or whatever else social site. Not saying it's true but she could have known the guy without knowing him.

[oregon0011]

Yes immature/insecure, because " he would make jokes about me and his friend or if I called him a cute name like baby he would say "oh did you call ****** that as well?" That kind of things is rude, so yes tack on being douchey.

 

Texting dropped off, NC after two days....he did a 180 in his behavior. Again it's very telling.

 

Well there is a balance to everything.

 

If you are a girl and give sex easily, it is a short cut , albeit to a lower level,of attention, validation, guy friends,men , gifts, dates etc. I mean is there no upside at all to the girls who wait for love and one guy? Op is admittedly sleeping with jerks for some reason.

 

It seems like her and this guys friend were just about sex. Not a long term steady relationship.

 

So, in the future, one way or another a guy you date finds out, and it leads him to backing away, smart ass comments etc. that's the trade off. Can't have it all.

[Cherryz]

Thats really bad thou.

I think its everyone's worst nightmare for someone they messed with

turns out to be freind of their new bf.

 

Thats why its best not to mess around with many people also.

Because guys talk to. And you can easily get the name of slut or easy and no guy will take you serious.

 

In this case why dont he have a conversation with you?

He clearly not taking you serious after knowing all of this true his freind.

Even thou maybe he wants to. But i can understand it can be hard for him

to show off with you around his freinds while his freinds been with you.

 

I think you better leave him alone and move on.

Or call him once to talk to him about it.

Even thou i think he pretty much..........not taking you serious or hurt or something about this.

[William]

Folks, I edited out the threadjack that was begun in error and am reminding folks that terms like 'douchebag' are discouraged here just like other pejorative terms for either men or women, pursuant to our individual and group berating policy instituted back in Sept 2015. Find different language. Thanks!

[rodawaybecky]

Well there is a balance to everything.

 

If you are a girl and give sex easily, it is a short cut , albeit to a lower level,of attention, validation, guy friends,men , gifts, dates etc. I mean is there no upside at all to the girls who wait for love and one guy? Op is admittedly sleeping with jerks for some reason.

 

It seems like her and this guys friend were just about sex. Not a long term steady relationship.

 

So, in the future, one way or another a guy you date finds out, and it leads him to backing away, smart ass comments etc. that's the trade off. Can't have it all.

 

I understand where you are coming from with this and I agree, but me and his so called best friend weren't 'fooling around' for one of a better word.

 

I guess it meant more to me than it did to him, hence why he begun acting like an idiot and I called it a day. So admittedly yes I do make the wrong choices and sleep with jerks. However, the last time I spoke to his friend, we were on friendly terms. So I guess I just find it irritating that he would want to sabotage a potentially new relationship for me.

[smackie9]

No one wakes up one morning and say "I'm going to find myself a jerk and have sex with him."

 

You don't know they are jerks until later when you realize, they are not in it for the same reason.

[smackie9]

I understand where you are coming from with this and I agree, but me and his so called best friend weren't 'fooling around' for one of a better word.

 

I guess it meant more to me than it did to him, hence why he begun acting like an idiot and I called it a day. So admittedly yes I do make the wrong choices and sleep with jerks. However, the last time I spoke to his friend, we were on friendly terms. So I guess I just find it irritating that he would want to sabotage a potentially new relationship for me.

 

 

From a different perspective he may felt, in his opinion, he was doing his friend a favor.....

[Keke1]

No one wakes up one morning and say "I'm going to find myself a jerk and have sex with him."

 

You don't know they are jerks until later when you realize, they are not in it for the same reason.

 

I wouldn't say that exactly but ppl overlook red flags even from a distance. It's the I have to see for myself and he/she won't do that to me attitude. My favorite is the I can change him types.

[oregon0011]

No one wakes up one morning and say "I'm going to find myself a jerk and have sex with him."

 

You don't know they are jerks until later when you realize, they are not in it for the same reason.

 

Well, I'm not into using labels and names.

 

It's pretty easy being a girl to avoid "jerks" just by not sleeping with them right away. I am amazed by my female friends who sleep with guys immediately, then complain "all guys just want sex" or "are jerks" etc.

 

If you have sex right away, that does not mean you now own the guy. It was a fun thing for both of you to do. That's it.

Edited January 7, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[veggirl]

Would you want to continue dating him? Sounds like things w/ you and the bff didn't end well, you'd 100% end up in situations where he is around and your bf may feel he eventually needs to choose between you guys. Sounds too messy.

[smackie9]

Well, I'm not into using labels and names.

 

It's pretty easy being a girl to avoid "jerks" just by not sleeping with them right away. I am amazed by my female friends who sleep with guys immediately, then complain "all guys just want sex" or "are jerks" etc.

 

If you have sex right away, that does not mean you now own the guy. It was a fun thing for both of you to do. That's it.

 

The jerks we are talking about are the ones that intentionally mislead the girl into thinking it's a relationship.

Edited January 7, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Buddhist]

I don't know what to do? Let it go? Call him and explain?

 

Explain what exactly? That you had a dating life before meeting him? You haven't done anything wrong and if he's bothered by it, then he's not the right guy for you.

[Chi townD]

Blah, just move on and write this off. It's too complicated and too messy.

 

 

You've only invested a short amount of time into this relationship. Count your blessings that this was discovered early on rather than later when you were more emotionally tied to this guy.

[oregon0011]

The jerks we are talking about are the ones that intentionally mislead the girl into thinking it's a relationship.

 

I have probably never seen that in my life. If you are talking about a guy takes out a girl for a few months, 10-15 times, sleeps with her, just to mislead her.

 

What I have seen is some girls won't have sex quick, and some girls do. The girls who have sex on the first date keep having sex with the guy and then they think they are owed a relationship because they had sex. When the guy, who never "worked for it at all" shows he has no interest and never really did past sex, then he is a "jerk".

[Toodaloo]

Can I just point out that this guy has been incredibly crass to go discussing you like this. My exes do not do this and I have dated a couple of guys who have been friends. Heck we are still all friends. Because we understand what respect and dignity are!

 

If I were you I would be really angry with him.

 

I think you should cut your losses and move on because this guy is a total *I keep being slapped for swearing so put your own swear word in this space*

 

If a woman wants to fling her knickers in the air and have some fun then why should she be blamed for that but if a guy does the same he gets a pat on the back?

 

Gah this whole thing has made me so mad on your behalf OP.

 

Do not waste any more time, emotion etc with this one. He simply isn't worth it and nor is his friend! Poor you to meet a couple of idiots! Get rid quick!

 

Have a hug!

[Toodaloo]

I understand where you are coming from with this and I agree, but me and his so called best friend weren't 'fooling around' for one of a better word.

 

I guess it meant more to me than it did to him, hence why he begun acting like an idiot and I called it a day. So admittedly yes I do make the wrong choices and sleep with jerks. However, the last time I spoke to his friend, we were on friendly terms. So I guess I just find it irritating that he would want to sabotage a potentially new relationship for me.

 

Everyone makes mistakes.

 

We have all slept with people that perhaps in hindsight are not worthy of our time.

 

Seriously don't worry about it.

 

Just get rid asap.

[road]

Can I just point out that this guy has been incredibly crass to go discussing you like this. My exes do not do this and I have dated a couple of guys who have been friends. Heck we are still all friends. Because we understand what respect and dignity are!

 

If I were you I would be really angry with him.

 

I think you should cut your losses and move on because this guy is a total *I keep being slapped for swearing so put your own swear word in this space*

 

If a woman wants to fling her knickers in the air and have some fun then why should she be blamed for that but if a guy does the same he gets a pat on the back?

 

Gah this whole thing has made me so mad on your behalf OP.

 

Do not waste any more time, emotion etc with this one. He simply isn't worth it and nor is his friend! Poor you to meet a couple of idiots! Get rid quick!

 

Have a hug!

 

 

It all goes back to the dawn of man until the 20th century. Men have made it known how bad they want sex, how high they value sex. Women were smart to not let on that they felt the same. For women had the roll of being the DNA gate keepers.

 

 

Men granted entrance to the gate new best to keep the gate clear of competitors. Specially clear of past men that had gained entrance. For if allowed in once there was a good chance that it could happened again (look how hard it is to kill affairs, and often they restart even years later).

And men did not want any paternity doubts.

 

 

This has led to men not wanting to share their women and for good reason.

 

 

Men grow up competing, games, school, sports, war, courting, work, who makes the most money, nicest house, best car. So when a man finds out the woman he is dating has dated his friend and had sex the friend they drop this woman. The new car smell equivalent has been lost. They can't brag look at this fine woman I have and you never did. There is no victory. There is no upmanship. Ties are no fun. That why sports have extra innings and sudden deaths.

 

 

The is no wining for this woman. Is the sex better with me or my friend. GF says your friend she is screwed. GF says your better how does he know she is not lying. So the GF says matter of fact your the best out of all of the other men. Other, just how easy, err I meant others are there. Jeez, who hasn't she slept with.

 

 

If women were smart as they claim they would not have sex on the first date and not discuss past conquests with their new man.

[frigginlost]

Everyone makes mistakes.

 

We have all slept with people that perhaps in hindsight are not worthy of our time.

 

Seriously don't worry about it.

 

Just get rid asap.

 

Speak for yourself...

 

49 years old and I have never once slept with a girl who was "not worthy of my time". There are guys like us still out here...

 

OP, it has nothing to do with being immature, having no dignity, or having no respect. His being uncomfortable with it is directly tied to his thoughts on what sex means to him personally. He was bothered with it because he knows who his friend is...

 

I would just chalk it up to an unfortunate scenario and find yourself another great guy.

[Spectre]

Can I just point out that this guy has been incredibly crass to go discussing you like this. My exes do not do this and I have dated a couple of guys who have been friends. Heck we are still all friends. Because we understand what respect and dignity are!

 

If I were you I would be really angry with him.

 

I think you should cut your losses and move on because this guy is a total *I keep being slapped for swearing so put your own swear word in this space*

 

If a woman wants to fling her knickers in the air and have some fun then why should she be blamed for that but if a guy does the same he gets a pat on the back?

 

Gah this whole thing has made me so mad on your behalf OP.

 

Do not waste any more time, emotion etc with this one. He simply isn't worth it and nor is his friend! Poor you to meet a couple of idiots! Get rid quick!

 

Have a hug!

 

I just find posts like this disgusting. Why are you talking about guys getting pats on the back for sex and girls getting blamed? He is NOT upset over the fact she has had sex. He's just not comfortable with the fact she screwed his best friend.

 

I don't think either of them did anything wrong. It's an unfortunate situation. I don't think the guy is immature I think he is just insecure about the fact his friend probably got to do all kinds of things to his girl. But that isn't about misogyny, it's about "now I have vivid images of you riding my best friend in my mind".

 

It's just one of those unfortunate things. A lot of guys wouldn't be comfortable with this and it doesn't make them bad. Yes his making jokes about it was bad, but that is how some people show their insecurities. Obviously he is afraid of how he measures up to his friend. The jokes are a way to compensate.

 

So please don't make this a male female thing. I can guarantee you plenty of women would not be okay if their bf's had in the past screwed their best friend and been told intimate details about it.

 

To the OP I would say let the guy go, but please don't leave the situation following the advice of others and thinking both guys are slimeballs. I think the best friend is slime and your bf is just really having trouble dealing with something that I don't think people can entirely blame him for. I could never date someone who used to date a person I am close with. It just brings in drama. Remember you are *not* to blame either, it is just an unfortunate situation.

Edited January 7, 2016 by Spectre

[rodawaybecky]

Guys quick update,

 

After ignoring me for over a week, I decided to block this guy's phone number because quite frankly it was killing me waiting in the hopes that he may contact me.

He looked me up on Facebook (because we weren't actually friends on fb) and messaged me a few days later, the message simply read "cutie, is your phone broken or something?" He knows full well I have blocked his number, if any of you are familiar with whatsapp you will know, it's not difficult to find this out. I messaged back and said "It was lovely knowing you but unfortunately that ship has now sailed, take care x"

 

He immediately replied with "hahahaha fair enough" and that was that. This last message just proved in my mind that blocking his number was the right decision.

[candie13]

I think you got your Self fulfilling prophecy. I think you should have been a grown up and TALKED to him.