smile95 Posted June 2, 2005 Share Posted June 2, 2005 I need some advice from anyone who has ever been thru a divorce. I met a guy who was already sep and living away from his family. We have been dating 3 yrs as I patiently wait for the divorce. He is very to himself and never talks about his feelings. He goes thru stages where he just stops talking to me for months at a time. This time it has almost been a month. But after he gets himself together (work is crazy too) he calls and professes his love to me. I do not doubt that he loves me, but I doubt he is in a place where he can let me love him and love another. There is no chance of him getting back with the wofe, but money and custody is holding this up. I am torn. I have not caontacted him in a while, but is a div THAT stressful for a guy? I mean, should I leave him be and if it is meant to be, he will explain one day and find me? I don ot want to push him into talking to me, but he ignored me and I did nothing wrong? Just need a little help. Every other time, I take him back, but I do not feel I am being respected? I mean, tell me you need space to deal and I will give it? Maybe this time he will not call agian, but it is the 5th time he has done this. help-anyone Link to post Share on other sites
wyzeup Posted June 2, 2005 Share Posted June 2, 2005 From the start of our relationship, he went out of his way to tell me how much he wanted more kids one day (he already had 2). We eventually got engaged. He wanted to spend time picking up baby names, that's how much he made me believe he wanted more kids. I came to find out later that he'd had a vasectomy and if that wasn't enough, he'd told his parents long before that he NEVER ever wanted more kids. Needless to say, although he tried to make me believe he was going for a "reversal", I lost trust in him because of this monumental lie. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smile95 Posted June 2, 2005 Author Share Posted June 2, 2005 how does this relate to my question?????just wondering? Link to post Share on other sites
nicegal31505 Posted June 3, 2005 Share Posted June 3, 2005 vcxcv x REALITY CHECK GIRL, THIS IS A MAN ONLY CAPABLE OF LOVING HIMSELF. I WOULD SAY GET A NEW BOYFRIEND DUMP HIM AND MOVE ON, OR ELSE YOU WILL BE THE NEXT WIFE BEING CHEATED ON AND THERE WILL BE SOME OTHER GIRL HE IS STRINGING ALONG WHEN HE GETS BORED OF YOU....HOW CAN YOU EVER TRUST HIM KNOWING HE HAS BEEN UNFAITHFUL TO HIS CURRENT WIFE? SOUNDS LIKE HE HAS BEEN TREATING YOU PRETTY BADLY YOU DESERVE BETTER AND I AM SURE YOU WILL FIND MUCH, MUCH BETTER!!! (I AM NOT YELLING AT YOU JUST EASIER TO TYPE WITH CAPS DOWN!!) Link to post Share on other sites
Author smile95 Posted June 3, 2005 Author Share Posted June 3, 2005 he was legally sep for 6 months when we met so he never really cheated on his wife. But, I still want a man who is not selfish and can treat me right!he plays games and then expects me to take him back Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted June 3, 2005 Share Posted June 3, 2005 Nicegal Welcome to the internet, but you really have to learn to type with lowercase. It's extremely difficult for everyone else to read, and as you already know, it looks like you're screaming at ppl On the positive side, great advice and hope you stick around on the forums Originally posted by beth5201 he was legally sep for 6 months when we met so he never really cheated on his wife. But, I still want a man who is not selfish and can treat me right!he plays games and then expects me to take him back Beth Why do you want this man? You know he's not good for you. He wont even get a divorce because of money. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smile95 Posted June 3, 2005 Author Share Posted June 3, 2005 awww you remember my story......I guess my problem is afraid I will never love again like I loved him. It is so easy to see what other people should do. If I were my friend, I would say RUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNN. But I am in this. It sux. But I am 8 days into NC! Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted June 3, 2005 Share Posted June 3, 2005 8 days is amazing! Keep up the good work. Trust me, it'll get easier. I know how you are afraid, because I'm the same way. But your coping out of finding the right person and just going with the first guy who gave you a little attention, then broke your heart. We deserve so much better, and when you start to accept that he's not the right one for you, the sooner you'll find _the_ right one. It takes time, and you really have to ask yourself why you will accept crumbs from this guy when you could be soooo much happier. Just stick to NC, and if he comes around, then worry about what to do. Until then, live your life and let him go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smile95 Posted June 3, 2005 Author Share Posted June 3, 2005 thank you so much. You always know what to say! I get upset because one day I am so strong and the next I am devestated. I guess that may be normal. 8 days is not much, but I can tell that not contacting him is really helping me. I no longer have new things to be upset over or feel rejected by him ignoring me. thanks again. I hope you continue to hang in there too. One day we will look back I hope and wonder why we wasted so much time getting over them! Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted June 3, 2005 Share Posted June 3, 2005 heh You can thank my therapist (tough love baby) lol I need to sink this into my head too. It's so much easier when you see someone else going through it, but it's soooo difficult when it's you. Logically we know what to do, it's just our heart keeps pulling us back. Just keep to NC during our heartaches! Atleast you save face, and I really havent regretted sticking to NC yet. He know's where to reach me if he truely loved me and couldnt live without me. And that's the type of guy I want in my life. If he really doesnt love me, or if he cant swallow his pride to come back, then he really doesnt deserve me! Link to post Share on other sites
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