Mixed Signals Galore

[randomniceguy]

Brief Synopsis:

 

I met this girl a few months ago. We became friends and over the past month have gotten really close. We got to the point where were texting 100's of messages a day and started hanging out one on one a lot. She invited me over for a home cooked dinner last week but there was virtually no physical contact. Lots of mixed signals over the past few weeks.

 

Monday night we'd been texting for a little while and had said goodnight. A couple of hours later she asked if I was still awake. I replied and she told me I was like her best friend but she really wanted me to come over. She I go over to her place at 1am. She got really emotional and told me that she had really strong feelings for me but she also loved having me as a friend and didn't know how to feel about that. I told her I felt the same way and we just sort of hung out until about 3, nothing got more physical than just some couch cuddling.

 

I know what the intention was behind calling me over there at 1am but once I was there I could tell she was really nervous and emotional and it just didn't feel right to get physical at that time. I told her that I wanted to try to date her and we could just take things slow and see how it goes. She didn't really respond either way. Since that night she's been acting differently. She almost has come across like she was angry or upset about something.

 

Last night I had this grand plan to kiss her at midnight and sweep her off her feet, but we were hanging out with a group of friends and when it neared midnight she positioned herself away from me rather than near me. I understand it's the guys job to make the move, but she went and sat down on the couch in an unapproachable position. I still walked over to her and leaned over from behind the couch and kissed her on the cheek. She smiled really big but that was it. Today she was very short with me and seemed upset again.

 

To anyone with two cents, why would she put herself out there like that and tell me she is attracted to me and has feelings for me, only to become cold and distant the days after?

 

Do I need to bring the topic back up and have a clearer discussion, or is her behavior indicated that she's just confused about how to feel and I just need to give her some space to process everything?

[road]

When a woman calls a man over at 1 am it is not to cuddle. You blew it. She has lost interest in you because you appeared weak failing to act. Instead of strong. You have been banished to FRIENDZONE land.

[Leucine]

She wanted to sleep with you and was upset that you didn't make the move. Poor girl, she must have been really horny calling you over at 1am, and then you go there but fail to do anything about it. No mixed signals there apart from your own indecisiveness. I bet you wouldn't be happy if a girl did that to you?

 

When she directly suggested that she had feelings for you but wasn't sure what to do about it (because that's your job), the appropriate course of action would have been telling her "let's find out", going in for the kiss and initiating sex. She is now under the impression that you don't have what it takes, and you would be lucky to get another chance to prove that you do.

Edited January 2, 2016 by Leucine

[privategal]

I disagree that you messed up. The girl seems immature.

You went over, acknowledged your feelings were the same and you'd like to date...and you didn't take advantage and rush physical intimacy.

If you did let her down somehow then she can speak up.

Its scary to have feelings for a friend and she might just be overwhelmed and processing the mutual admission.

If its gonna work you have to have good conversation and be open and honest.

Tell her you have felt confused about her seeming upset in some way...tell her about your midnight plan too so she realizes how her actions kinda blew it.

Cook a homecooked meal for her and talk it out no beating around the bush...just be clear..then carry on with your plan to sweep her off her feet.

[Leucine]

I disagree that you messed up. The girl seems immature.

You went over, acknowledged your feelings were the same and you'd like to date...and you didn't take advantage and rush physical intimacy.

If you did let her down somehow then she can speak up.

 

Mature or not, it's pretty clear what a girl has in mind if she calls a guy over at 1am and him initiating physical contact isn't about "taking advantage". Most girls aren't going to speak up about being let down because they know that other guys would jump at the chance to sleep with them, so they will simply move on if you postpone physical intimacy for no apparent reason when she's clearly expecting it. At worst, she will resent you for not making her feel wanted, which is what seems to have happened here.

[Montgomery Burns]

Mature or not, it's pretty clear what a girl has in mind if she calls a guy over at 1am and him initiating physical contact isn't about "taking advantage". Most girls aren't going to speak up about being let down because they know that other guys would jump at the chance to sleep with them, so they will simply move on if you postpone physical intimacy for no apparent reason when she's clearly expecting it. At worst, she will resent you for not making her feel wanted, which is what seems to have happened here.

 

I concur. If I text a guy to come over at 1and cuddle with him, its to hook up. If he doesnt try, I start looking elsewhere.

[randomniceguy]

I appreciate the feedback. Maybe I blew it and she's pissed. At the same time, I didn't go into extreme details in the description, but when I got over there, we went to the couch and she sat down at the opposite end of the couch from me and pulled a blanket over her head. That's not exactly an invitation to go in for a kiss in my book. Then she was crying a lot when telling me she was confused and didn't know how to feel.

 

So if it was wrong to not forcefully throw myself on someone I care deeply about who seemed confused and overly emotional and creating distance, then I'll just be wrong. Also before I got over there she told me "I'm not promising anything." It just felt like she was really confused, which in turn made me really confused.

 

We talked today and things felt a little more back to normal.

[Montgomery Burns]

I appreciate the feedback. Maybe I blew it and she's pissed. At the same time, I didn't go into extreme details in the description, but when I got over there, we went to the couch and she sat down at the opposite end of the couch from me and pulled a blanket over her head. That's not exactly an invitation to go in for a kiss in my book. Then she was crying a lot when telling me she was confused and didn't know how to feel.

 

So if it was wrong to not forcefully throw myself on someone I care deeply about who seemed confused and overly emotional and creating distance, then I'll just be wrong. Also before I got over there she told me "I'm not promising anything." It just felt like she was really confused, which in turn made me really confused.

 

We talked today and things felt a little more back to normal.

 

Hmm..well based on the new information, she may have been mad at you. Was she drinking when you went over?

[road]

I appreciate the feedback. Maybe I blew it and she's pissed. At the same time, I didn't go into extreme details in the description, but when I got over there, we went to the couch and she sat down at the opposite end of the couch from me and pulled a blanket over her head. That's not exactly an invitation to go in for a kiss in my book. Then she was crying a lot when telling me she was confused and didn't know how to feel.

 

So if it was wrong to not forcefully throw myself on someone I care deeply about who seemed confused and overly emotional and creating distance, then I'll just be wrong. Also before I got over there she told me "I'm not promising anything." It just felt like she was really confused, which in turn made me really confused.

 

We talked today and things felt a little more back to normal.

 

 

She wanted you to take the blanket off of her, put your arms around her and go for the big kiss. She was sending the message I am into you but need to hear you say you are also before I will come out right and say it incase you do not like me that way so I get to save face.

[randomniceguy]

Hmm..well based on the new information, she may have been mad at you. Was she drinking when you went over?

 

She'd been drinking earlier, and I hadn't had a drop. She didn't seem to be drunk but that was also in the back of my mind as well.

[Montgomery Burns]

She'd been drinking earlier, and I hadn't had a drop. She didn't seem to be drunk but that was also in the back of my mind as well.

 

 

So many variables. She mayhave just gotten real honest and then realized what she said could be problematic. Drinking and confessions cause so many issues.