Author Fruitee Posted April 14, 2016 Author Share Posted April 14, 2016 ^ Oh the LDR guy hasnt done anything wrong! It was that new guy who I went out with in January who now accidentally texted me. And then gave me that same lecture. Only thing that bothers me and is a red flag with that LDR guy is his ex. And his compliments. He hasnt done anything wrong. Or weird. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fruitee Posted April 17, 2016 Author Share Posted April 17, 2016 So one of my crazy ex's friends send me some bs messages yesterday. I have now blocked him too. And while I was blocking him I decided to block more people too since I hadn't 100 % blocked that new guy for example. When I told that LDR dude about what happened yesterday he kind of blamed me. Like I should dissappear 100 %. But why should I do that? I mean I am allowed to live my life, keep my fb and insta and number and everything. I do have other social contacts. I have used this information in all of my official documents and when I apply for jobs etc. Some idiot people are not gonna remove me of my right to live. I will continue my life and minding my own business. And when ever they try to creep back I keep blocking them. I am the freaking victim here. And these people are not gonna win. They can do the **** they want to do. I am standing my ground and being strong. I am moving on when they are still hang upon on some old bs. I dont understand why I should have to change my number or name or whatever. It would just mean they have won. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fruitee Posted April 17, 2016 Author Share Posted April 17, 2016 I actually feel some how empowered now. Which is good feeling. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fruitee Posted April 17, 2016 Author Share Posted April 17, 2016 I realized that I have been too invested on that LDR guy and thinking too much of my future from the point of view where I will end up with him. I need to learn to plan for myself and alone not with some guy. I need future plans alone. So I wont break down if someone betrays me or something and the plans dont happen. I need to remember I can only rely on myself. And I cannot plan anything with others. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted April 17, 2016 Share Posted April 17, 2016 One thing that worked for me, is something that most people don't want: Time alone. Really alone, with no-one else for company. It transformed me into a much happier person. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fruitee Posted April 18, 2016 Author Share Posted April 18, 2016 So yesterday that LDR guy didnt answer any of my messages after our disagreement. And silent treatment is not something I am willing to tolerate. I decided to control my feelings but I didnt sleep well. Anyway I decided to wait this day and if he dont send me anything I will move on. He had no right to lecture me. I will check the trips to Asia today and book during evening if I hear nothing from him.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fruitee Posted April 18, 2016 Author Share Posted April 18, 2016 Well this sucks and hurts but I guess it is better this way. I really liked that dude but he has been ignoring me now whole day yesterday and whole business day today. And it is making me feel very bad. I dont want someone who first blames me without even listening to me and lectures me on how I did something wrong and then just ignores me. So it is time to move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 Good. That was controlling behavior you were experiencing. It's good that you are now recognizing it as wrong. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fruitee Posted April 18, 2016 Author Share Posted April 18, 2016 Yeah. In a relations it should be possible to disagree and still after that try to work things out if the other person is willing. Now I am trying and he is just ignoring me. And that is not how it should be. I made a friend today!! A female one. I am so happy. We agreed to go for drinks. Also my boss is very happy with me so I have been able to tackle my problems at work. Got even yearly bonus. No trips to Asia. But I will travel to Europe during summer. Be alone for long weekend. And go also one road trip with two of my friends. So all is good even that dude is now ignoring me.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fruitee Posted April 19, 2016 Author Share Posted April 19, 2016 Baggage Reclaim hits the spot again: “Listen, I like you and everything but I’m not your mother/father/slave/groupie/fluffer/ or like all the other men/women who have let you get away with [whatever their shenanigans are]. Of course I’ll take care of you and I can take care of myself but you also need to do the same. If you want to be in a relationship with me, I will ask questions, I’ll expect you to be a person of your word, and I won’t be putting up with this whole airy fairy ambiguous crap or being censored about what I can talk about. Of course I’d be disappointed if you didn’t want to continue on that basis but at the same time, it would be wrong for us to continue if you want something different. There are plenty of men/women out there who can give you a no strings relationship or one that just bumbles along but that ain’t me”, Are you doing the other person?s ?job? in your relationships? That is exactly how I feel and think. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fruitee Posted April 19, 2016 Author Share Posted April 19, 2016 I wonder how it is with these guys who say they want succesfull woman with clear boundaries and principles and who have big personality and whatever. And then they meet me and dont know what to do with me. How they can say something like that and be weirded out or run away or whatever after they get a taste of boundaries or big personality. What people say they want or need doesnt mean **** I have noticed. They hardly know what it means or what it takes. I am so proud of myself to stand my ground. To tell that guy his behaviour is not something I am willing to tolerate and then removed myself. Instead of being afraid of raising my voice and moving on. Because I did my list and this is not what I accept. So I need to be true to myself even it hurts. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fruitee Posted April 19, 2016 Author Share Posted April 19, 2016 Why guys do this whole silent treatment thing or ghosting. Why he just doesnt say sorry im busy or i dont like you or something instead of just being quiet. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 The better an upbringing a guy has, the more chance he'll turn out normal and healthy. Always find out what their past was like before getting involved. If they had dysfunctional parents, they're going to be dysfunctional too, since that's what they learned as a child. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fruitee Posted April 19, 2016 Author Share Posted April 19, 2016 Yeah he had it rough but it dont explain this. Its been 2.5 days. I havent acted crazy but I do feel like ****. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fruitee Posted April 20, 2016 Author Share Posted April 20, 2016 Well the good thing is I can deal with this. Im not feeling that bad. But still I think this sucks big time. Im surfing Tinder and looking at trips. I feel kind of unmotivated to do stuff because of that ghosting. But at the same time I am proud of myself. Im functioning and I kept my boundaries. Lets see if he wakes up and what he has to say. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fruitee Posted April 20, 2016 Author Share Posted April 20, 2016 Now I am really starting to think there is something very wrong with me. I think that ldr guy wasnt honest with me about his ex. My friend saw that she had posted in her fb about him and in that post it looked like they are still together. So i guess that explains it all Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fruitee Posted April 20, 2016 Author Share Posted April 20, 2016 Omg. This must be new low. He actually put our common friend to tell me that he is not gonna talk to me again. Im done. Im taking a gold fish. This is it for me Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted April 21, 2016 Share Posted April 21, 2016 That's what I mean by your picker is off. You are somehow attracting crappy guys. Nutty guys. Swear off men for awhile and just focus on figuring out who you are, what you want out of life, becoming more sure of yourself, to the point that you don't NEED a man to be interested in you. Once you are there (and you obviously aren't), THEN you'll be able to spot the signs before becoming invested in a guy and you'll be able to easily dump anyone who doesn't meet your standards. Look into joining some groups or clubs. Go to meetup.com events. Take up some hobbies; meet people that way. Get lots of girlfriends. Join a travel group that takes trips together. Become THAT woman, and before long, the good guys are going to start noticing you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fruitee Posted April 21, 2016 Author Share Posted April 21, 2016 Yeah I am done now. I am just gonna do my own stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fruitee Posted April 24, 2016 Author Share Posted April 24, 2016 So during silent treatment I actually did realise I have become quite self-centered and jaded and bitter. I have now started to process that. Thing is I just dont feel so interested right now on other peoples stuff. I need to figure out so much of myself. Anyway after like 3 days of ignoring me he send me message and we chatted bit. But no apology or anything. So I concentrated on myself and trying to be nicer etc towards others. Then I just stopped texting him altogether and eventually he send me text how we are drifting apart. Well what does he expect? I send him that and told him that if he has problem with me or my behaviour he should raise the issue with me and he needs to explain his ex behaviour to me. I am not really feeling like putting effort towards him or travelling to see him. But I will see now what he answers me. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 "I'm focusing on myself and fixing my issues. I can only include healthy, positive people in my life. If you don't feel like being positive, that's fine. But don't be surprised when I don't respond." 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fruitee Posted April 25, 2016 Author Share Posted April 25, 2016 ^ Exactly. I said something like that to him. He just said he dont get me or something similar. And we could fix our issues better if I travelled to see him. I told him Im not travelling to fix anything. If its ldr that he wants with me then we need to be able to fix issues via phone etc and when we meet its not about fixing issues. I feel like I am already in relationship with this dude and he is not even able to say he would want to be in one with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fruitee Posted April 25, 2016 Author Share Posted April 25, 2016 Ugh. Now he is saying again how he wants me to go there. I told him that flights are now too expensive and next time I tell him about cheap flights and me being able to come he shouldnt cancel our plans and stop talking to me. So I decided to see one month how it goes with him. Then I will decide if its worth my time to travel to meet him in June. We were both wrong and right. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 Next time he says he wants you to travel, just say 'wire me the money for the ticket, and I'll come.' A few days ago, you said you were done. Just sayin'. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fruitee Posted April 25, 2016 Author Share Posted April 25, 2016 ^ I know. Im hopeless.. But yeah. Im not travelling there. And I dont have any other plans either. I have lot of stuff to do now at work and school. So I guess either he will shape up or this thing will die naturally. Link to post Share on other sites
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