Whats going on...

[BadMistakes]

Hello guys, I want to cut a VERY VERY long story short. I'm male, me and my ex got together 2011 and end of 2014 we broke up. Our relationship started to fall apart around mid 2013, during 2012 we were involved in bad habits which made our arguments and other situations really bad.

 

The core reason why things fell apart were I'd say greatly due to me, I had no control over my emotions and anger towards her. so even a small problem would become heated and end up with me being horrible to her and sometimes I was horrible to her for no reason. I made her always feel on edge and now I know how much I really hurt her, I came to this realization towards the end of 2014 by which time we'd not officially broken up but things had been crumbling long before than and we didn't really speak to each other for about 5 months apart from the odd texts, we arranged to meet up but couldn't for whatever reasons. I guess at this time it still wasn't clear to me that she had actually changed.

 

So her birthday 2015 march, I went to her house without her knowing and I wrote a letter to her just explaining how bad I felt and how wrong I was to hurt her, because in reality I come from a very dysfunctional family and I know it isn't an excuse but I think the way I behaved before I thought was normal as messed up as it sounds, in a sick way I ended up reenacting my parents horrible relationship of anger, accusations and aggression.

 

So I asked her if she wanted to be back together or give it a try and she said ok but it will take time, so eventually we started speaking on the phone more and then come summer time we saw each other quite a bit and things seemed more normal, she'd ring me, I'd ring her, we'd hang out at hers and even do intimate stuff and before she went holiday with family she told me she loves me without me saying it first!

 

However as summer ended we stopped seeing each other as much, apart from the odd time but we still kept in contact over the phone. This is partly due to some reasons which I think had a big impact on our relationship from the start. Her house is really small and she lives with her mum so it's hard for us to go around there as there really isn't a lot of space, sometimes we still did but I dunno I guess a lot of the time she felt uncomfortable with her mum there and my house was a no go, I can't bring anyone back to mine as I live with my parents too but the situation here isn't one where I can do that!

 

One thing I used to get angry about was the lack of communication from her, like if a problem came up it'd be hard to discuss it with her but I know I could have gone about reacting in a COMPLETE different way. Also she did invite me around this Christmas to her families house and when I speak to her about us she says she doesn't know because of how I was, I'm not sure if it's because she thinks I haven't changed or what but I don't get why things were different in the summer compared to now. Recently she's been feel depressed she says and since 2014 september when we stopped talking she met up with her old friend and since then has also developed somewhat of a habit for taking coke, which I'm sure has an impact on her.

 

I thought I could make this post short but obviously not lol, so I guess what I want to say is I've come to really hate the person I was because of what I did to her and how I made her feel she was a really sweet girl and I feel like I'm the reason she's changed, even the way her personality is now has changed although I think she's a bit different towards me compared to other people sometimes, like sometimes she'll say "wouldn't you rather meet other people" and I think she feels like she wants to sometimes but then she also said if she wasn't talking to me still then she wouldn't want to see anyone.

 

I don't really know whats going on and what to do it's as if I'm in limbo another thing she says is that she thinks about the future a lot and what the future with me will be like because of not being able to meet my parents, I don't mean to toot or anything but hell it's a forum so whatever but the thing is financially my family is pretty wealthy especially in the last 2 years which wasn't always the case, so in terms of a future I know things would be fine but this isn't something I really want to tell her out right. I've mentioned some stuff about some projects my family have done but I don't think she understands the worth of them as it's hard for me to explain to her.

 

Sorry one last thing, from the start of 2015 I quit my job and started my own company which is doing pretty well now, the only downside is I don't have anyone to talk to and spend all my time alone...so part of me also thinks am I feeling this way out of loneliness? Or is it also feeling alone because she was the only one who cared for me a lot, as I mentioned growing up I didn't have a very loving upbringing I guess it was more neglect and abuse and now I feel the same way again in my adult life, lonely, no one there for me, no one to share my feelings with or be happy with...at least with her we could go for a coffee even for a few hours and it'd be a happy little time. Now I'm just left with my bitter home life and literally no one to speak to .

 

thanks!

[ShatteredLady]

Will you please clarify? It reads like you will not take her home or let her meet your parents because you don't want her to know how affluent they are? I'd find that REALLY offensive.

 

It sounds like you're expecting her to have a lot of blind faith in you & forgive a LOT but you won't let her even see your home....you could be married with kids!! If you see a future with this woman you need to take a leap of faith, be completely open & honest.

[BadMistakes]

Will you please clarify? It reads like you will not take her home or let her meet your parents because you don't want her to know how affluent they are? I'd find that REALLY offensive.

 

It sounds like you're expecting her to have a lot of blind faith in you & forgive a LOT but you won't let her even see your home....you could be married with kids!! If you see a future with this woman you need to take a leap of faith, be completely open & honest.

 

No no, I can't have people back because my family is extremely dysfunctional my parents don't talk to each other and there is a lot of tension in the air + my relationship with my mother is non-existent and I don't want to bring her into a household which will only give her a negative experience, so what is the point of that

 

What I also meant is, recently she has been saying that she needs to think of her future and what not and I know if that were to happen it would be fine in terms of finance but the thing is she doesn't know/believe that I am financially set in the long run because when we were together I didn't have much money so I think in her head she thinks "well he probably still doesn't have money" even though she says it's not all about money, she hasn't ever mentioned money but I'm pretty certain thats what she means when she says "future" so I don't want to start splashing money out just to show her I have money if that makes sense...

 

Also part of me thinks she just doesn't have it in her to tell me it's not going to work and now it feels like a game of being strung along, it's like shes giving me mixed signs but most of them are leaning to her not wanting me again.

 

EDIT: At the same time I also think this is justified and it's what I deserve for being the way I was, I believe life is about lessons and learning from each action you make and I can safely say I've learnt how important it is to treat someone you love properly, but it still hurts all the while.

Edited January 3, 2016 by BadMistakes