My boss and coworker are W.E.I.R.D. weird..

[teentitanrobin32]

Hi everyone. This is my first post on this site after lurking for awhile. Ill get right to it. My boss and coworker have a weird working relationship and im not sure if there is something going on behind closed doors or what (boss is a female (Pam), coworker is male (Jim).. both younger than me in their mid to early 30s, im 40). I've experienced the whole 'work husband' situation in other jobs, but nothing like this. I've been working with them for about 8 months and a lot of their behavior is downright odd or at least odd to me as this is a new workplace environment for me.

 

Here are some examples and would love everyones input

 

1. I know for a fact they text each other during off hours and on the weekends b/c of the conversations they have
   
2. When they talk to each other, they both seem to have a glimmer in their eye. Especially, Pam, she looks at him in a very peculiar way, almost batting her eyes
   
3. When Jim talks to Pam, I noticed he routinely touches her arm or knee mid conversation and she doesnt seem to mind
   
4. Pam constantly is taking pics of them together.
   
5. Jim has two nieces that he has a picture of on his desk, but...so does Pam..of Jim's nieces
   
6. We all went out to dinner as a team a few weeks ago. In a table of 8, and empty chairs all over. Pam sits directly next to Jim. She proceeded to get a bout of rancid shellfish, Jim without thought hands her a glass of water. And consoles her. I thought that was very chivalrous of jim, but I swear they acted like married couple! All through out the night, I noticed their body language was a bit...uhh..off. She definitely was facing him and he definitely was facing her.
   
7. During this dinner, again they would look directly at each other during group conversations and have that 'look;.
   
8. Pam constantly is asking Jim about the outfits she wears and routinely makes a point to show it off to him.
   
9. She let him leave early last week, but I had to wait until she got back from a meeting to leave (And i had no idea she was in a meeting until Jim said so, worse, I didn't even know how long the meeting would be, so I just sat there and waited)
   

 

 

I probably should mind my own business, but its hard for me to see all this going on, because its clear Pam is playing favorites with this guy. I understand that they've know each other for awhile and built up a chemistry. Don't get me wrong also, the two of them are the hardest two workers I've been ever been around, without hesitation they worked multiple 18 hr shifts and 12 days straight to ensure a project's completion.

 

 

I just want to make sure, I dont get the short end of the stick with anything due to this favoritism or should i just play it cool for now..

 

Ps: names have been changed to protect the innocent and guilty..

Edited January 3, 2016 by teentitanrobin32

[Survivor12]

You claim that your concern is because "it's clear that Pam is playing favorites" but none of the examples you listed have anything to do with professional issues.

 

I don't consider any of the things you mentioned to be "weird". Based on the niece's pictures, it sounds as though they have some family connection and are good friends, but it is also possible that they have an intimate relationship as well. Regardless, if they haven't offered details, it's not your concern.

 

What is weird is why you are anticipating problems when, after 8 months, you have not experienced any. Do you have a personal interest in either the boss or co-worker? Are you jealous of their friendship? Honestly, I can think of no other reason that you would be so concerned about their interaction.

 

In any case, focus on doing your job well, and stay out of it.

[whichwayisup]

Play it cool for now. Since this really hasn't affected you directly just go on like all is normal. If things change and you find he's getting special treatment and it's obvious to you and others in office, then that's when you come back here and post about it, do something about it.

[teentitanrobin32]

Agreed on both responses. I was more curious in pointing out how they get along and probably shouldn't focus on the favoriitism which has been non-existent, I am just fearful it might happen (Call me pessimist, i dont care ).

 

I've heard whispers from other people in the office how some people don't like their friendship and I guess I am just old school too, in where I feel there should be clear line between employer and employee. Yes, I have been around them for 8 months, but as of late I've been paying more attention to their behavior since I've heard the whispers and wanted an unbiased opinion on their behavior together. But, if they have a wonderful friendship who am I to get in the way and pry?

 

Only things that have affected me professionally were Jim got to leave work 2.5 hours before I did, I felt stranded, although Jim did volunteer to stay longer and help me with any work I needed. There are also times where she has expected me to stay later, whereas Jim is literally kicked out of the office if he stays any minute past 5.

 

Regardless, I will continue to play it cool.

[Got it]

Maybe maybe not. But since you didn't even start noticing until you heard gossip I think you are trying to back actions out to come to your conclusion.

 

In other words you are phishing. Mind your own business and do your job. If something actually happens that is evident of a company policy violation or state/federal violation then go to HR.

[Jammer25]

Sounds like "Jim got to leave early once" is causing a representativeness bias, also making you project favoritism in your mind.

 

Do great work and stay clear of drama, and you should be good.

[Maggie4]

I don't know how new this friendship is, it doesn't look like they try to hide anything at all. She has pictures of his niece on her desk, ok? It also sounds like she is very interested in Jim. She's his boss, so Jim might end up is a very bad position should he not want more. You know, a woman scorned...

You are in a better position than Jim. You can just do your work and not worry about your job being jeopardized by a failed or unwanted relationship.

[Beach Guy]

Let them act how they want to act. Some other coworker with a low emotional IQ will blurt out what you/others are thinking. Don't be that person.

[teentitanrobin32]

I agree with what everyone is saying, but after last night's events. I have been thrusted to speak to HR by other coworkers. Last night, we had a happy hour situation where the entire team gathered for light snacks and a few drinks. In total, there were about 10-12 of us. Anyway, Pam arrives first, then Jim a few minutes later. They said hi to each other then began talking to other people for a bit as people shuffled in.

 

 

Anyway, as the night progressed, my coworkers and I noticed something... All 10 of us were hanging out at the bar, except we were missing two from our group.. Guess who was missing? That's right. We noticed Jim and Pam were off in their own little area about 15 feet away having their own conversations away and enjoying the food away from the rest of us. My coworkers just rolled their eyes, but as the night grew on, they were getting more and more agitated. A few people began to leave, then Jim left a few moments later. We all assumed that Pam would soon leave too, but surprisingly she did not. She stayed. The remaining people thought we could use this time to speak to Pam about things, well, she could not have been more unapproachable. The whole time, her head was buried in her cell phone, sending pictures and text messages. We immediately knew she was texting.

 

 

This morning's conversations between Jim and Pam confirmed that.

 

 

I have been approached by my coworkers to say something to them, but as per all of your advice, I don't want to be that guy and I at this point, I have accepted that they get along so well. If they are doing something on the side, more power to them. Just good friends? THat's fine with me too.

[preraph]

I think it's fair to say no one appreciates it when someone is banging the boss and assumes they are getting preferential treatment and are always given the benefit of the doubt. That said, there's nothing you can do about it except that if you believe specific incidents directly impact your promotions or whatever, you'll want to document that with a log and any available documents in case you want to do anything about it.

 

From what you've said, I'd say they definitely have it all going on. If she's openly displaying his family photos on her desk, well, she's not even really trying to be secret, so I assume everyone who's been there any length of time knows.

 

These things usually implode and when you do you will NOT want to have even acknowledged to either of them you knew what was going on and will not want to get caught in the middle. In other words, you want to be as uninvolved with both of them as possible, except for getting your work done. Look at it this way, if you basically don't buddy up to either of them OR gossip with any other coworkers about this (refuse to take part in it if they do -- say "I don't want to know" and walk away) then when it all implodes and there's people walking around looking for someone to be on their side, the fact that you are ignoring them will not be taken harshly -- since if you are smart, you will start ignoring them now and keep your head down and pretend you are dumb, deaf and blind.

 

Just say detached from them and keep it strictly professional and strictly polite so they can't criticize you for being too cold, but no more than just professionally polite and try to be cheerful at the office so you don't look like a grump who's taking notes.

 

I've been in this situation more times than I can count. i was once accused, when some girls lower down the ladder than me came to me to tell me they were getting the crap end of the stick, of being their ring leader and got blamed for it when all I was doing was my duty of reporting up the ladder after they came to me. This eventually really pissed the new VP off, who was complicit, and he found the first excuse to get rid of me after I'd been there 10 years. Because he did not want anyone telling him (and this other guy, my immediate supervisor) not to act like they're playing favorites with this little idiot girl who was a big troublemaker.

 

So keep your head down and it will probably all blow over you until it breaks up and then hopefully it will blow around you.

[teentitanrobin32]

Ok. One final post and rant. Last night was our team holiday dinner with clients where we all had to get dressed up. Well, the boss and our coworker came in wearing matching outfits! WTF. Is this prom? I do admit, they were the conversation piece throughout the dinner. Throughout the whole dinner though, the boss was taking selfies and asking people to take pics of them. One caught my eye though. The one I had to take...

 

I was in the middle of talking to my coworker when all of a sudden the boss came out of nowhere and put her arm around him and wanted a picture of the two of them. Coworker then put his arm around her and i took the pic. The pic was really cute, awkward how she came up to him though. I guess it could have been worse, they could have put their arms around their waists, right?

 

In other news, I am moving onto another department where I no longer will have to deal with this, but of course I had one final rant. Thanks to everyone for the advice!

[Bobbi7]

First off, its none of your business what they do, your job is to do your job and not distract yourself from doing a good job. This is according to what others have told me. So, I don't know why none of these people didn't tell you what they told me. These are the threads that I made similar to yours.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/platonic/business-professional-relationships/560246-do-you-think-its-appropriate-supervisor-best-friends-her-employee

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/platonic/business-professional-relationships/563010-should-employees-become-facebook-friends-their-supervisors

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/platonic/business-professional-relationships/555528-co-worker-being-immature-about-her-seating-area

 

Again, others have given their advice that its NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. Why should they tell you any different? Why do you care if they are weird? What, so its none of my business when I bring the subject up, but people come to your aide when you are in crisis at work?