Hersheys Posted January 3, 2016 Share Posted January 3, 2016 This may seem like a silly question but I'd like to learn how to be a snob without coming across as rude or arrogant... I did a lot of reflecting during the holidays and I got to thinking that my cordial and friendly approach to people have not been reciprocated by some. Not that I'm expecting to be treated exactly the way I want but just some basic manners that you'd expect grown, adult people would have learned by now. You can't change people but you can change yourself, right? So how do I control myself from being too "nicey nicey" and be snobbish in a way.... Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 3, 2016 Share Posted January 3, 2016 I think you're using the wrong word. A snob is a person who thinks they are better than others and who looks down upon those who they deem to be of lesser quality. This doesn't sound like it would give you what you want. How about 'assertive'? Would this be more what you're seeking? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted January 3, 2016 Share Posted January 3, 2016 Maybe aim for something between nicey-nice and snob? How about approachable and cool. Genuine smile, but don't go out of your way to cater to others and make them comfortable. Be the first one to exit a conversation sometimes. With a smile, of course 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LydiaLong Posted January 3, 2016 Share Posted January 3, 2016 Maybe 'aloof' is the word you're looking for. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted January 3, 2016 Share Posted January 3, 2016 Oddly I get where this OP is coming from. Today I stood in line, passing pleasantries waiting my turn, and this lady immediately jumped the line and proceeded to make her wants known. My pleasantry took second seat because clearly this lady conveyed how much more important she was in her time and needs. I stood marveling how she commanded the staff. Mind you I considered her brash and a bit full of herself, yet she pretty much didn't give a dern ... Seems that being a snob works! Friendly folks really have become second class citizens .. So do as that lady did... ( not that I endorse it, but it got her what she wanted) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
loveweary11 Posted January 3, 2016 Share Posted January 3, 2016 I find a combination of Tayla and her arrogant friend to work best. Start the conversation with pleasantries, common bonding and rapport building, then move into your exact wants/needs and be very firm/articulate about them. The service people then put you above the rest because first, they like you and second, they understand where you are coming from regarding your problem. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sportygirl89 Posted January 3, 2016 Share Posted January 3, 2016 I have taken an I don't give a damn approach to things recently. Not saying I want to do poorly on anything. However not as maucho or hard core as Rhonda's (female wrestler) approach. I care about who I hang out, but if they don't want anything to do with me I ignore them. I am constantly meeting people. I just don't like my emotions played with. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hersheys Posted January 3, 2016 Author Share Posted January 3, 2016 Maybe 'aloof' is the word you're looking for. Yes! That's it "aloof" is what I'm aiming for... I just couldn't think of the proper term when writing my post and the first thing came to mind was "snob"... Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted January 3, 2016 Share Posted January 3, 2016 try doing it... i dare you if you're not naturally aloof (or for that matter, naturally friendly), you're going to feel very inauthentic when you try to be 'not nice.' if any behavior goes against how you naturally are, it actually hurts inside to do it and leaves you feeling more shame than anything else. just be who you are imo Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 3, 2016 Share Posted January 3, 2016 This may seem like a silly question but I'd like to learn how to be a snob without coming across as rude or arrogant... I did a lot of reflecting during the holidays and I got to thinking that my cordial and friendly approach to people have not been reciprocated by some. Not that I'm expecting to be treated exactly the way I want but just some basic manners that you'd expect grown, adult people would have learned by now. You can't change people but you can change yourself, right? So how do I control myself from being too "nicey nicey" and be snobbish in a way.... Being a snob isn't what you want to be. Don't change who you are!! Those people who snub you and don't appreciate your kindness aren't worth knowing! What you can do though is, set boundaries and don't let anybody take advantage of you or use you. Those who give a lot can be taken in by selfish people who don't give back. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted January 3, 2016 Share Posted January 3, 2016 Which wayup, well said! I think us Friendly and courteous folks ( with manners) are more oft seen as targets for the "dismissive" types. The aloof snobbish person gets where they are because they know that a friendly person wouldn't dare to interrupt a person. I sincerely do not like endorsing a devil may care attitude as it ultimately does dismiss others and is offputting. Its probably one of the reasons I stay away from New Yorkers or jersey folks . They may get what they want by being ballsy but ultimately it corrodes any hope that equality in society exists. The only one who matters is themselves... rather a small mind to be of that nature... After I was waited on at the service desk the Manager saw the incident and gave a 10% off my purchase, He said i handled the wait graciously. I said thank you and told him, It was either wait or get punched out, and I am not in the mood to pick a customer up off the floor . Link to post Share on other sites
burnt Posted January 3, 2016 Share Posted January 3, 2016 Being a snob isn't what you want to be. Agree, completely. In fact, don't aim to be 'aloof' either. Don't change who you are!! Disagree. Do try to change, because the only person you can ever really change is yourself. So change yourself to be person you aspire to be, based on the qualities you admire in others. Those people who snub you and don't appreciate your kindness aren't worth knowing! Disagree. Be kind, only if you believe in the value of being kind, not based on the worth of the other person or based on how well you may be rewarded for your kindness. Be kind only when you can be kind without the expectation of receiving anything in return. In fact be kinder to the person, especially the person who you 'think' isn't worth knowing. When you see someone acting like a hateful arrogant snob, consider the highly unlikely, but possible case that this person is going through the worst time in his life or has become bitter and cold because he was treated with bitterness for far too long. The times when we appear to be cold is the time we need the compassion the most. You love someone? Be kind. You hate somone? Be kind. Just be kind. For yourself. Period. Because you can save someone--someone who's broken. It's that simple. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted January 3, 2016 Share Posted January 3, 2016 Yes! That's it "aloof" is what I'm aiming for... I just couldn't think of the proper term when writing my post and the first thing came to mind was "snob"... You could do worse than study Debrett's Book of Social Etiquette, and read the Jeeves books of P. G. Wodehouse. What you seek, I believe, is "Standards" and "Form". Nothing at all wrong with that. Learn from the masters, emulate and latch onto Stephen Fry. Now there's a character. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 3, 2016 Share Posted January 3, 2016 OP, try frequenting a church in the wealthy part of town. Excellent place to learn a precise balance of snobbery and humbleness bathed in a liberal dose of faith. I was subjected to it weekly during my formative years and it was quite enlightening. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted January 3, 2016 Share Posted January 3, 2016 If aloof is what you're going for, just detach a bit. Sit back and observe people with curiosity, but not vulnerability. You can still be kind. Just have few expectations of people who haven't earned your trust. When people act in ways that are less than friendly and kind, respond internally with a little pleasure at getting to observe the "specimen" in its natural habitat. People are truly fascinating creatures when viewed from a safe distance. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted January 3, 2016 Share Posted January 3, 2016 OP, try frequenting a church in the wealthy part of town. Excellent place to learn a precise balance of snobbery and humbleness bathed in a liberal dose of faith. I was subjected to it weekly during my formative years and it was quite enlightening. The Rabbi is praying to God to bring him humility, in order to best minister his flock... The Gabbai hears him and also prays for humility to God. The cleaner, on his knees, at the back of the synagogue hears these two Elders praying for humility, and follows suit. The Rabbi turns to the Gabbai, and nodding his head at the cleaner, says, "Huh! Hark at him praying for humility like we do!" I agree with Carhill. If you want snobbery, go to the same Church Frazier would go to... Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 3, 2016 Share Posted January 3, 2016 So how do I control myself from being too "nicey nicey" and be snobbish in a way.... call your girlfriend "Buffy" Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted January 3, 2016 Share Posted January 3, 2016 I agree with Carhill. If you want snobbery, go to the same Church Frazier would go to... While suitably arch in his manner, I fear Frasier might be a tad too emotional, needy and earnest for the OP's copycatting purposes in this particular context. What the OP really needs is to learn how to clasp a hand firmly while delivering a direct, compassionate gaze that provides the following message to an unreliable friend in need: "I don't need you a fraction as much as you need me - which is rather fortuitous given your, if you'll forgive the vulgar terminology, flaky tendencies. Nonetheless, I am postponing a social climbing activity with more important people on the basis that you need me. Just the sort of behaviour you can expect from a splendid and warm-hearted pillar of society. Now do tell me what the problem is. I'm all ears, and you have exactly fifteen minutes to spill the beans before I have to spruce myself up for more elegant company." Who better to emulate than Niles? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hersheys Posted January 5, 2016 Author Share Posted January 5, 2016 Thanks for all the very useful advice!☺ Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts