Ex(dumper) is texting that he is scared!

[TaraMaiden2]

You should not, and cannot expect to even have begun to recover after fewer than three weeks. It takes a long time, and your heart is still fragile, tortured and in pain.

If a leg break is in plaster for anything up to 2 months, you think a broken heart will take less time to recover?

 

Please, let yourself grieve, take the time, but try to not wallow or dwell.

 

I heard a great quotation today: "Accept the Softness. Lose the Hardness". The hardness is thinking of him with envy and resentment, that he appears to be blazing a trail through life that leaves no tyre tracks.

 

The softness is self-forgiveness; the kindness you should show yourself as you recover, and move on.....

 

Read my signature.

Stop the harmful thought-process and start dwelling in the 'space' more often....

 

Be well.

[BC1980]

It's been 17 days of NC right now. After he invited me to join him for a dinner 10 days ago and i ignored that message, he didn't reach out at all. As far as i know he's meeting a lot of new people now, partying a lot and posting happy pictures of him and friends on facebook.

 

It's not hard for me not to contact him. But what is hard for me is to let go of hope. To stop thinking about him and get rid of memories. I was really happy in our relationship and it still seems like a fairy tale to me, the kind of connection we had. And i don't understand how can a person throw something like this away so easily. Well, i am just saying to myself that it wasn't a fairy tale for him then:)

 

If you are following him on social media or allowing friends to feed you information, you are not NC. You should not be aware of what he is doing for the very reason you mentioned. It's hard to stop thinking of the memories, and you can't let go of hope. You are making it that much more difficult on yourself by not blocking him and by knowing about his social media activities. No one expects you to be healed at this point (not even close), but you are poking the bear by staying in contact. You are leaving that door open, and it's dangerous. Just a little crack in that door can wreak a boatload of havoc on your life.

 

I realize that it's tempting to allow an ex to you contact you because it feels very powerful to ignore your ex. That's a pretty good ego hit in the moment, but it's not worth the long term pain it causes. If you stay on this road, you will feel the same a year from now. Hope is detrimental in this situation.

[Glx]

Today i ran into him again.

I was with my female friend; he was talking on the phone. and the moment he came close and nodded his head i pretended that i don't see him and didn't even look at him.

that was totally unintentional. i'm still surprised that i reacted like this and i'm not proud of that reaction.. always thought that ignoring someone is really immature

[TaraMaiden2]

No, it isn't. In this situation is self-preservation.... and you were right to do it.

 

Quit beating yourself up, hun.....

[BC1980]

Today i ran into him again.

I was with my female friend; he was talking on the phone. and the moment he came close and nodded his head i pretended that i don't see him and didn't even look at him.

that was totally unintentional. i'm still surprised that i reacted like this and i'm not proud of that reaction.. always thought that ignoring someone is really immature

 

At work, I've always ignored my ex unless he came right up to me and spoke directly to me. Even then, I just say HI and move along. You're not at a point where you can exchange dialogue with him. You are still very emotional and fragile at this point, so even saying HI to him might cause you days of thinking.

[Simon Phoenix]

Today i ran into him again.

I was with my female friend; he was talking on the phone. and the moment he came close and nodded his head i pretended that i don't see him and didn't even look at him.

that was totally unintentional. i'm still surprised that i reacted like this and i'm not proud of that reaction.. always thought that ignoring someone is really immature

 

This process is hard enough without you beating yourself up unnecessarily about doing the right thing. It's not immature -- it's necessary. Don't add that drama on top of the already difficult situation you are facing.

[carotini]

I responded him like that: "It's ok. I understand you" and nothing more.

 

And that's all. I think i should keep all my answers short

 

Why are you even bothering to respond AT ALL? Why haven't you blocked? Do you want to get back on that marry-go-round?

[Glx]

I can't block him because we lived together and i still have some of his stuff.

 

I wanted to tell how i'm coping. So i was almost 1 month in NC by now; but today he called me; wrote that he can't find some stuff of his and said that he might have left it at my place. And asked to call back.

I wrote him that yes he has some stuff here. He asked if i need it; i said no. Then he said that he still has some of my t-shirts and that he wants to bring them to me.

I answered that i don't use them anymore and he can just leave them somewhere.

 

I know that it won't lead to anything and i am not hoping anymore.

 

This month was actually good for me. First two weeks of NC were awful. I grieved, couldn't study at all.

Then i decided to take some action. I started saying "yes" to all the invitations; met my female friends, made some new friends. One guy asked me out. I didn't like him that much but it's nice to see that actually guys notice me. That even if my ex decided that i'm not good for him - i'm still "likeable" and attractive.

 

But the most important thing is that i started building my own happiness. I understood that i can make myself happy.

Sometimes i went out to a reastaurant or a cafe alone. Explored new places by myself. Bought myself some nice stuff, ate delicious food. Even when i don't have any plans with anybody for the evening, i'm still going out, preparing really good - putting make up, wearing good clothes. I'm treating myself very well.

I'm reading a lot of artictles about psychology lately, watching motivating videos.

And i started feeling much better.

I even started enjoying the fact that i'm alone! Of course i want to have a relationship, but not now. If i ever want to be with a great guy, i need to become great too. And it takes some work and time. So now i just want to "date" and build myself. One of the best things that i discovered lately was the fact that i don't need a guy to feel good and happy. And it's so empowering!

 

I still have some bad thoughts from time to time, i'm still sad sometimes and have memories but i know it will pass. I'm not concentrating on it anymore.

Maybe it's just spring, i don't know!

Edited February 27, 2016 by Glx

[Glx]

Couple of days ago he called me, then texted me if i have any of his stuff because he couldn't find some things.

me: - what exactly couldn't you find?

him: - i don't like texting and i am not sure what you might have. if you can tell me it would be nice. but i guess you have some of my childhood photos and i need them back because they are really important for my family

 

then i texted him about the stuff he left at my place. he asked if i need any of it, i responded "no". then he asked if he can bring back some of my stuff that i left at his place. i told him that he can just leave it somewhere and i don't need it (i really don't want to see him so it's better to leave some of my stuff than to meet him again)

 

then he texted only after tree days (in the night): "when can i come and take the stuff that you don't need"

 

of course i didn't answer because i was going to sleep at that point. i texted back only in the evening of the next day that "i'm at home right now"

 

he didn't respond at all for entire day, thought he was online in all social networks.

 

he showed up after 0:00 at my place, knocked my door. i would never open a door to somebody (especially him) after this hour, but i live in the student dorm and my neighbor opened

 

him: "i wanted to call you but my battery died…" yes of course. like i said - he was online entire evening.

 

i already packed everything that he had in a bag and gave it to him. he started asking me how am i, how is my school going ect. i was short and said that everything is ok. then he continued asking about my family and i interrupted him and asked if he's finished with everything because i wanted to sleep. it sounded kind of offensive but i really didn't want to have any kind of conversation.

him: "i didn't come here to talk, don't worry, just asked about your family"

then he said that he heard some bad rumors about one of my female friends and that i should be aware of it. i said that i was not interested, he should't worry about me and then we said goodbye.

 

i didn't want to seem negative, but unfortunately even though i feel much better and confident, even happy sometimes, bad feelings arise again when i see him and it's hard to control it. i guess he sensed that i was nervous too.

 

i know deep down that i would still forgive him and take him back, but he never sincerely apologized or tried to change the situation… it's a bit sad to realize that most probably he doesn't regret his decision, but i know i'll be ok after some time will pass. i still don't understand how can a man who loved me so much during these 2 years lose his feelings so easily. well, there are some questions that can't be answered and i am trying not to concentrate on them

 

i gave all of his stuff back so now he won't have an excuse to call or see me again.

Edited March 4, 2016 by Glx

[BC1980]

I think you did as well as you could have given the circumstances. Often times, it seems like getting these things back is some kind of ploy to be nosy or get the person to talk to you. As you could see, he was trying to bring up all kinds of stuff about your family and rumors about your friends to get you to react and talk to him. If he wants to have a genuine conversation, that doesn't cut it. My ex did that kind of stuff when I would see him at work. He would start asking about my family. Really? My family doesn't like him because of what he did to me. Honestly, it's just nosy and a need for attention. I'm sure he doesn't genuinely care about how my family is doing. I would just give him a one word answer and walk away.

 

And who shows up at midnight? That's so rude. He now has no further reason for contact. Also, you need to block him, so you aren't aware of when he is on social media. That kind of stuff feeds the obsession.