Ex(dumper) is texting that he is scared!

[TaraMaiden2]

What do you mean by "regretting the whole thing?"

 

It actually really doesn't matter what it means.

It means he may be considering the whole relationship a bad deal. It could mean he's counting the cost of push-pulling.

 

It doesn't matter.

What matters is that you - follow - advice - and - stay - NC.

[Glx]

Today he deleted all our pictures from facebook. It's just facebook but still it hurts so much...

Before he always said "i won't delete out pictures even if we'll break up - i like them a lot"

It hurts to understand that he is trying to forget me so much. Or already did.

[AT15]

No contact is going to destroy this guy. He will be begging for you to come back. I can just tell by his egotistical behavior.

[TaraMaiden2]

Today he deleted all our pictures from facebook. It's just facebook but still it hurts so much...

Before he always said "i won't delete out pictures even if we'll break up - i like them a lot"

It hurts to understand that he is trying to forget me so much. Or already did.

 

Ok, stop with the pity party, ok?

Enough, gurl.

 

He hasn't forgotten you at all. He has you very much in mind. In fact, everything he's doing is designed to confuse, bewilder and manipulate you.

From telling people he's waiting for YOU to make your mind up, to deleting pictures when he swore he wouldn't. He's being a childish little....can't say the word, but it rhymes with 'trick'.....

 

He's pathetic and idiotic and honestly darlin' you gotta stop now, ok?

[Glx]

I feel like he met somebody and deleted pics so that girl won't ask questions.

Now i am thinking - should i block/delete him from friends on facebook? Or is it childish and unnesesarry?

[Glx]

And is it better do delete pictures also?

[Glx]

A small update.

Directly after our BU in december i noticed that he was texting really cute and warm with one girl from his university. She is originally from Slovenia i guess; but he told me that he "just felt lonely" and he knew her for 3 years (but when we were together he never texted her!) and he said there was nothing between them.

 

When in january we had a dinner and i came to his place, i noticed that there was a bisuness card of that girl directly on the table. He was irritated by the fact that i noticed it; He said it was nothing and again "nothing can happen between us because she is just different"

Next day i noticed a paper with phrases in sloven language (with the translation in english); written by him. There were some flirting phrases like "you are so beautiful" also. He said he was just learning new languages; but i know he was never interested in that.

 

Yesterday he deleted almost all our pictures (even from the times when were just friends and our group pictures with other friends - he deleted everything where was my face) and left only two but they are hidden - only me and him can see them, other people can't.

And directly after that, yesterday evening he added her on facebook.

 

Now i have a really bad feeling that i was played and actually all this time he had if not already a girl, but maybe an interest in her for sure.

And just 5 days ago he told me how much he also loved me and felt hurt. He also mentioned that "i'm trying to stay away from the girls right now and i don't even want to have close female friends because i need to work on myself first. And it will be not healthy also"

 

I am staying in no contact for sure. But what i saw made me feel not really good...

Edited January 19, 2016 by Glx

[BC1980]

A small update.

Directly after our BU in december i noticed that he was texting really cute and warm with one girl from his university. She is originally from Slovenia i guess; but he told me that he "just felt lonely" and he knew her for 3 years (but when we were together he never texted her!) and there was nothing between them.

 

When in january we had a dinner and i came to his place, i noticed that there was a bisuness card of that girl directly on the table. He was irritated by the fact that i noticed it; He said it was nothing and again "nothing can happen between us because she is just different"

Next day i noticed a paper with phrases in sloven language (with the translation in english); written by him. There were some flirting phrases like "you are so beautiful" also. He said he was just learning new languages; but he was never interested in that.

 

Yesterday he deleted almost all our pictures and left only two but they are hidden - only me and him can see them, other people can't.

And directly after that he added her on facebook.

 

Now i have a really bad feeling that i was played and actually all this time he had if not already a girl, but maybe an interest in her for sure.

And just 5 days ago he told me how much he also loved me and felt hurt...

 

I am staying in no contact for sure. But what i saw made me feel not really good...

 

Deleting you from FB could be a big clue that he is trying to pursue this other girl. He doesn't want any public ties to you. He wants to keep you hidden in the background in case things don't work out with her. Tale as old as time. You're not the first person who has been played, though I know it hurts when it actually happens to you. About the same thing happened to me that you are describing, minus the FB. Still, it's difficult to believe a person you loved would do such a thing. You just never want to believe it until you see it with your own eyes.

[Glx]

And the worst part is that she seems like the one he was searching for - she's older than me (mature), beautiful, finishing the university (and it's just my first year), already has a really good job position, has a lot of friends, much more active and all the time travelling (i have some problems with finances that's why i can't afford it at the moment but my ex always wanted to travel).

 

So she'll keep him motivated and i feel like he'll need to fight for her attention - what he didn't do that much with me. (For us it took only 2 weeks to start a relationship and we even didn't have a first date because we met in student dorm) yes we had a lot of happy times but mostly he just sat at home and was playing games. This year he's finishing the university and needs to find a job so maybe this girl will help him a lot with that.

 

He always said that i was immature, too shy sometimes, didn't have enough self-confidence. And that if i have a problem with finances why don't i start working and only complaining all the time. Well i guess the only solution is to work on myself right now..

 

I always felt like i was not right for him, not good enough. And this new girl.. I understand why he's so interested in her right now. Just sad that he already found somebody much better for him. And now he'll do his best to try to impress her

[Glx]

Another update:

He called me today. I deleted his number and when he called there was no name; so i picked up and didn't know it was him.

He told me that he has some stuff left from me. And then he asked about my life, classes ect. Mentioned that party and my friend who asked about our relationship. He told me "don't listen to what people will say"

Then he asked about one guy who was hitting on me after our BU. Told me to be careful. I answered that i can take care of myself

 

Invited to eat with him again but i refused.

He told me also (don't know why) that he is going to bars almost every day and that he is drinking a lot. Told me that he is glad that i'm fine and that we should keep in touch. He seemed upset.

 

I didn't tell too much stuff about myself. Tried to keep it short, told about my progress in school and was positive during entire conversation. Didn't bring any emotions or problems up - just wished him luck with his upcoming exams.

 

I am still not going to initiate any contact first and definitely won't meet him even if he'll invite me again. Just don't know if i should answer when he texts/calls or no.

After all the past events i just feel like he wants to string me along or calls just to check up on me.

Edited January 19, 2016 by Glx

[Glx]

he called me twice and asked again if i want to go out to a cafe (before that he invited me to his place)

i told him that i already ate.

him: "when we have some plans - tell me upfront that you can't meet because i was waiting for your answer"

 

what? WE had some plans? i replied that "i think you didn't hear but i already said no, thanks"

him: "ok, we'll talk later then"

wished him a good evening and that's it.

[TaraMaiden2]

Could you do me a favour?

Could you pass the nearest mailbox and throw your phone in it so that you QUIT F**KING WELL ANSWERING HIM???

 

Do NOT engage...!!

Do NOT respond...!!

 

 

I am still not going to initiate any contact first and definitely won't meet him even if he'll invite me again.

But you ARE!! You do inotiate contact!!

Don't you realise that it's you breaking NC?

Not him...?

 

You break it every time...!

 

He can't break contact, he can only tempt you to so so - and you do - every single time!!

 

Just don't know if i should answer when he texts/calls or no.

After all the past events i just feel like he wants to string me along or calls just to check up on me.

Don't answer, at all!!

Of course he wants to string you along!! He's doing exactly that and you are lertting yourself be dragged along, hook, line and sinker!!

 

The next time he calls, and you realise it's him - just put the phone down!!

 

Block his number, don't just delete it - that does no good at all - as you have amply demonstrated!

Stop being his submissive little doormat - he's got you precisely where he wants you...!

[Glx]

if he writes "are you there need to ask you something" and then even calls two times - what should i do?

 

it's really confusing when he's writing he needs something but doesn't write what exactly.

so it can be something important or something really stupid also…

[BC1980]

if he writes "are you there need to ask you something" and then even calls two times - what should i do?

 

it's really confusing when he's writing he needs something but doesn't write what exactly.

so it can be something important or something really stupid also…

 

If it's really important, he will find a way to get to you, but I can't imagine what would be that important. What has he presented so far that has been important? Nothing. He doesn't get to ask you anything anymore. He doesn't get to call you anymore. He doesn't get to go to lunch with you anymore.

 

NC means you wouldn't even know if the person died. That's how serious it is.

[mightycpa]

Put his number back in your phone, and change his name to DONT ****ING ANSWER.

 

block the texts and you won't know that it's "really important"

 

send the emails to spam and you won't know that it's "really important"

[TaraMaiden2]

if he writes "are you there need to ask you something" and then even calls two times - what should i do?

Ignore it completely.

 

it's really confusing when he's writing he needs something but doesn't write what exactly.

It's not confusing at all. He 'needs' something? So it's not about you, it's about him. See?

so it can be something important or something really stupid also…

I would always look to the latter. as stated, if it was really important he'd walk through fire.

It's not, because he hasn't.

 

Follow above advice.

 

Delete, block. There are several very good and free apps which will do the job nicely...

[Glx]

yesterday he showed up at my place again. said that i was acting really rude and childish by ignoring him. i didn't agree with that and he said "our break up wasn't that nasty to ignore each other afterwards"

he wanted to talk and "clear the situation". again started talking about break up, how he was also hurt, that i think that only i was hurt but it's not true, that partly i caused that break up. i couldn't stand it and said that he should stop blaming me and i cried again explaining that i wanted to change my bad sides for him and that i loved him a lot. he answered that "love is not enough in relationship - people need to be compatible and tolerant first of all"

 

i told him that i was really hurt because i was waiting these 2 months for him to make up his mind and reconsider his decision but all he did was just small talk and trying to be nice to me. he said "i still have responsibilities for you that's why i couldn't go away knowing that you were so hurt - i tried to take care of you and make you feel better"

 

i laughed after that and said "after you're breaking up with someone don't try to be nice - it won't help you"

 

then he asked what can he do to make me feel better, what do i want from him. he said "most probably you still want me to give it a second chance or for me to do something"

 

and finally i had strength to say "the only thing you can do to make me feel better right now is to stop appearing in my life. i tried my best and had hope till the point when it started to hurt me a lot. and that was also the reason i didn't take your calls - i gave up, because nothing comes after your calls"

 

he had tears in his eyes and said that it hurt him. and "why didn't you say it earlier if you didn't want me in your life?" i answered: "because now i finally have courage to say it. you took a decision to break up with me - that's ok. and now i am taking a decision of not being hurt anymore."

 

him: "well now you understand how i felt when i broke up with you. i was too hurt to fight for this also"

 

i also told him that it was wrong that he came to my place and it made me feel worse. he apologized for this and we said good night to each other

 

that's it. i feel like i put an end to this.

on one hand i feel powerful; on another i am still doubtful because i feel like he will just move on and forget about me.

Edited January 27, 2016 by Glx

[TaraMaiden2]

yesterday he showed up at my place again.

 

<SNIP>

 

...that's it. i feel like i put an end to this.

Well done!! FINALLY!!!

 

 

on one hand i feel powerful; on another i am still doubtful because i feel like he will just move on and forget about me.

 

Good! That's what you want! You've closed the door on this!

You've told him (in not so few words) to get lost

You'd better hope he DOES move on and forget about you.

Because that's what you now have to do with regard to him.

 

I'm betting though, that his Ego will not permit him to let go so lightly.

He wants you to keep him in mind, be reminded of him, and to be constantly in your head.

 

Please do as previously advised:

 

Block, delete, deny and do not let him trespass on your time, without any reward to you, except more heartbreak.

[BC1980]

I think I remember saying something about the fact that he would likely come back to end this on his terms. Yeah, well, that is what just transpired. He came back to tell you how you were childish and how he is mature. He talked all about how he tried to be such a nice guy and be there for you after the breakup. Meanwhile, your heart was shattered again. Next time, don't open the door if he shows up unannounced. It's really that simple.

[Glx]

the question is: why do people always suggest to leave the door open if you want a chance to reconcile?

in my case i closed it. i am trying my best to stick to my decision, but i'm still second guessing sometimes.

[Simon Phoenix]

the question is: why do people always suggest to leave the door open if you want a chance to reconcile?

 

Who suggests this exactly? I haven't seen it on here at least. If anything, you should close the door, lock it, and make them knock if they want to come in. All leaving the door open does is keep you from evolving past a relationship that did not work.

 

But yeah, I don't know who you're talking to or reading that says that, but they aren't giving you very good advice.

[Glx]

another thing i am concerned about lately is that he's moving away in a couple of weeks. (30-40 min from me)

 

before that we always lived together/were neighbors, and i am afraid that he'll forget about me totally (new life, new place, new people)

 

in the last months of relationship he always dreamt of his own place and moving away. i was sad because of it, he said that it doesn't have to do anything with me, but because he just didn't like the district and needs something new in his life. and i thought that doesn't matter what but our relationship will survive and it's not a problem after all, it's not THAT far away and i can visit him anytime

 

while we lived near each other i had a hope that maybe we'll reconcile. now i feel like him moving away will be the end of everything, because changing places helps a lot to move on and to get over someone.

 

it's really hard for me to cope with this

[Glx]

Today we accidentaly met. A female friend of mine lives close to him and i met her today; we were staying next to her door and talking.

Then i saw him. At first i didn't show that i noticed him but then i waved to him to be polite; he said hi.

 

I went away; in the meanwhile he texts me that "i can join him for a dinner today"

 

I didn't answer anything.

 

Couple of days ago we bumped into each other again. I just said hi and didn't even stop on my way. Feel like i'm being harsh a bit though.

Edited February 6, 2016 by Glx

[BC1980]

Today we accidentaly met. A female friend of mine lives close to him and i met her today; we were staying next to her door and talking.

Then i saw him. At first i didn't show that i noticed him but then i waved to him to be polite; he said hi.

 

I went away; in the meanwhile he texts me that "i can join him for a dinner today"

 

I didn't answer anything.

 

Couple of days ago we bumped into each other again. I just said hi and didn't even stop on my way. Feel like i'm being harsh a bit though.

 

You're not being harsh. You are putting a boundary in place to heal your broken heart. It's fine to be cordial and say HI. Nothing wrong with that, but there is no obligation to take it further. I bumped into my ex at work last week. It was the first time I had seen him in a long while, and he attempted to start a conversation with me. He asked me a question, and I just smiled and nodded. I then walked away and got back to work. I made it obvious that I wasn't going to engage any further. Is that harsh? I don't think so. I could tell he wanted more, but I'm not going to do the fake friends thing with him. I don't feel obligated to get into a conversation about what I am doing with my life and how my family is doing. Most people will respect your boundaries if you assert them.

[Glx]

It's been 17 days of NC right now. After he invited me to join him for a dinner 10 days ago and i ignored that message, he didn't reach out at all. As far as i know he's meeting a lot of new people now, partying a lot and posting happy pictures of him and friends on facebook.

 

It's not hard for me not to contact him. But what is hard for me is to let go of hope. To stop thinking about him and get rid of memories. I was really happy in our relationship and it still seems like a fairy tale to me, the kind of connection we had. And i don't understand how can a person throw something like this away so easily. Well, i am just saying to myself that it wasn't a fairy tale for him then:)

 

I am telling to myself every day "he's not coming back, it's over. he's enjoying his life and doesn't want to be with you"

 

I feel better now, going to the gym, studying. But most of the time i am alone, i can't make so many friends like him. Maybe that's the problem. I was always a bit introverted (unlike him, he can't live without people around him). Don't know how to change myself.

 

Even when i am with somebody, i still miss him.

Edited February 15, 2016 by Glx