Tried to reconcile, she said no, but has sent a number of flirty texts

[samanil]

You said you want her back, she knows this so act like it, move on man. Take her off this pedestal, live your life if she wants you back, she'll will contact you. Go on dates with other girls, stop wasting too much time, life is short.

 

"Also--she does badly dig me! (Or at least she did, I believe she still does seeing as she contacted me 8 minutes after new years)"

 

If she did, she'd be with you, but this girl is just not that into you right now, don't project your own interest level onto her.

 

Your tough love is appreciated.

[ExtraSpice]

Thanks for this. I think in both of our cases, our exes are very conflicted. They love us but they are scared of being hurt again. It is very understandable. However, let us both hope that love triumphs over fear! I will let you know what the conclusion of my situation is, and please let me know what happens with you as well.

 

Well my situation has concluded. She came over yesterday to talk and give me her decision. She decided not to give the relationship a second chance. She gave me her reasons which were legitimate. I was expecting the answer to be no but it still hits you like a brick.

 

I don't know exactly how I feel right now. I am somewhat numb. Only thing to do now is to move on, as much as that may hurt or as difficult as it may be, at least I know that is the only thing left to do.

 

I hope your situation ends up more in your favor.

[samanil]

Well my situation has concluded. She came over yesterday to talk and give me her decision. She decided not to give the relationship a second chance. She gave me her reasons which were legitimate. I was expecting the answer to be no but it still hits you like a brick.

 

I don't know exactly how I feel right now. I am somewhat numb. Only thing to do now is to move on, as much as that may hurt or as difficult as it may be, at least I know that is the only thing left to do.

 

I hope your situation ends up more in your favor.

 

Wow, I am sorry to hear that man. Get lots of exercise and social interaction if you can. Your brain is going to be in "withdrawal" mode for a while. No fun.

 

My situation is still limbo basically. Getting breadcrumbs here and there. However I have resolved to hike the Pacific Crest Trail this spring (something I have wanted to do for a long time) which has liberated my mind from caring so much.

[ExtraSpice]

Wow, I am sorry to hear that man. Get lots of exercise and social interaction if you can. Your brain is going to be in "withdrawal" mode for a while. No fun.

 

My situation is still limbo basically. Getting breadcrumbs here and there. However I have resolved to hike the Pacific Crest Trail this spring (something I have wanted to do for a long time) which has liberated my mind from caring so much.

 

Yeah not what I wanted but what you wan't isn't always what you need. So maybe it will be for the best. I am going to try to occupy myself as much as possible.

 

Sorry about the breadcrumbs. For me it was uncertainty that was eating me up. So as sad as this is, I am happy that at least now I know for sure.

 

But the trail thing is awesome to hear. I have wanted to do something like that as well. It is good to have challenges that you can put your mind to and distract yourself from constant thoughts.

[samanil]

Yeah not what I wanted but what you wan't isn't always what you need. So maybe it will be for the best. I am going to try to occupy myself as much as possible.

 

Sorry about the breadcrumbs. For me it was uncertainty that was eating me up. So as sad as this is, I am happy that at least now I know for sure.

 

But the trail thing is awesome to hear. I have wanted to do something like that as well. It is good to have challenges that you can put your mind to and distract yourself from constant thoughts.

 

Yes. What I recommend is for you to look back at the personal issues that caused you to break up with your girl in the first place. Whatever progress you have made on them, I am guessing you haven't fully resolved them (since personal growth is a challenge that takes a lot of time and effort--hell, sometimes a lifetime of it).

 

Work on going deeper into those issues and making more progress. I know for sure that the inner issues that caused me to breakup with my girl are still there, and I have miles to go on them. Hiking the trail is actually going to be a huge opportunity for me to explore and deal with those issues.

 

Also--you don't actually know if you'll get back together with your girl. No one knows what the future holds. Obviously don't wait around for her to take you back, but move forward optimistically. Work on yourself, and be positive knowing that something good will come your way, whether in the form of your ex or someone new and equally amazing.

[ExtraSpice]

Yes. What I recommend is for you to look back at the personal issues that caused you to break up with your girl in the first place. Whatever progress you have made on them, I am guessing you haven't fully resolved them (since personal growth is a challenge that takes a lot of time and effort--hell, sometimes a lifetime of it).

 

Work on going deeper into those issues and making more progress. I know for sure that the inner issues that caused me to breakup with my girl are still there, and I have miles to go on them. Hiking the trail is actually going to be a huge opportunity for me to explore and deal with those issues.

 

Also--you don't actually know if you'll get back together with your girl. No one knows what the future holds. Obviously don't wait around for her to take you back, but move forward optimistically. Work on yourself, and be positive knowing that something good will come your way, whether in the form of your ex or someone new and equally amazing.

 

Figured I will give a little update. I was sad and lonely after the no but I was generally doing well. Well in the sense that I was going on with my routine and getting out more and socializing.

 

Well this Tuesday I got a text from her. Essentially saying that she is debating whether she made the right decision. And asked for an explanation on something. I offered the explanation. Then she said she needs to reevaluate her feelings. So I was a little confused about that. But I let her reevaluate. She came back and said no again. And the reasons were pretty much exactly the same as before. So whether she had the explanations or not, the answer would have been the same.

 

It is funny because you read on so many threads to not respond unless she says I want to get back together. And sure it is not that easy sometimes and not the best move in some cases. But this was a good example of me screwing myself over. I feel mostly angry but it was a good wake up call that it is over and time to move on.

[samanil]

Figured I will give a little update. I was sad and lonely after the no but I was generally doing well. Well in the sense that I was going on with my routine and getting out more and socializing.

 

Well this Tuesday I got a text from her. Essentially saying that she is debating whether she made the right decision. And asked for an explanation on something. I offered the explanation. Then she said she needs to reevaluate her feelings. So I was a little confused about that. But I let her reevaluate. She came back and said no again. And the reasons were pretty much exactly the same as before. So whether she had the explanations or not, the answer would have been the same.

 

It is funny because you read on so many threads to not respond unless she says I want to get back together. And sure it is not that easy sometimes and not the best move in some cases. But this was a good example of me screwing myself over. I feel mostly angry but it was a good wake up call that it is over and time to move on.

 

Dang dude, I'm sorry to hear that. That must be tough. Yes, definitely time to move on.

 

As for me, if I get another breadcrumb (I've received 2 cat videos via Facebook, even though she unfriended me), I'm going to say something along the lines of "Hey, I love hearing from you, but I think it would be best if you didn't contact me anymore unless it's something important."

 

BTW - what were her reasons?

[ExtraSpice]

Her original reason was that there is uncertainty in the future and she had already accepted the first break up so it didn't make sense to go back. That I could understand.

 

After she asked to reevaluate her decision she said no again stating the uncertainty in the future as the reason. So to me that reason didn't change whether she had asked me for explanations or not.

 

The uncertainty in the future refers to the time I would be in the current country. Immigration and work related.

[66Charger]

Send her a final text. Let it simply say,

 

Thank you.