blank264 Posted January 3, 2016 Share Posted January 3, 2016 My wife has decided after 8 years of marriage that we are incompatible. I've tried to reconcile but she won't do it. It's so quiet and I feel very lonely. Trying to make it through a 13 hour work day. I probably won't see anybody today at work. I wish I knew what went so wrong. I don't get it. Link to post Share on other sites
Beach Guy Posted January 3, 2016 Share Posted January 3, 2016 If she is cold like that, then it's best to let her go. You deserve a partner who wants to be with you. Go out and find her. Embrace this new year. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted January 3, 2016 Share Posted January 3, 2016 Very sorry to hear that, OP. Is the door totally closed on reconciliation? Would you consider Marriage Builders and trying the 180? I find it very sad to hear a husband say he doesn't know what went wrong, when the wife is out the door. Does this mean there was no emotional intimacy in the marriage? Not each other's best friends, rarely talked about things that matter? Never asked "How do you feel about this marriage?" Did she ever say she was unhappy or wanted a change? Link to post Share on other sites
Author blank264 Posted January 3, 2016 Author Share Posted January 3, 2016 We tried counseling but she decided to stop going. She says we are incompatible and that is as far as she goes on communicating. The thing is that we were having fun and doing things together. Then all of the sudden she wanted space. I don't even know what that means. We do many of the same things. I mean am I like a DVD in a CD player? Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted January 3, 2016 Share Posted January 3, 2016 She is not willing to explain anything but "we are incompatible"? That is as far as she goes on communicating? Well, she surely knows the specific reason, but she won't tell you. It may be because she doesn't want to hurt you with the truth. The truth can be anything from "I don't love you anymore", through "I'm not attracted to you", to "I'm cheating on you and I love OM". I cant imagine other reasons. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blank264 Posted January 3, 2016 Author Share Posted January 3, 2016 Yeah, I tried to work it out. I suppose the incompatibility doesn't really matter now. I'm tired of trying to figure it out. I guess I'll go look at coping threads. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 I hate to ask...Is it possible she's met someone else? Link to post Share on other sites
Author blank264 Posted January 4, 2016 Author Share Posted January 4, 2016 I've been asked that a number of times. I don't think that's the case. There is to much going on to make time for that I think. Who knows. To be honest, if she is I don't want to know. That would make it worse to me. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveMyCat Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 Individual counseling is probably a good idea, for a while anyway. Help you get through the "shocked" period. Friends and family can or will listen only so much but you need to be able to speak freely to someone. Also start thinking about things you enjoy that maybe you never tried, or gave up, due to your marriage, that you can look into doing once you feel a bit steadier. Maybe classes or a gym or a sport, whatever. It helps keep you busy, you meet new people and it puts structure into your down time when you have things planned. Good luck. It does get better and you will meet someone else but don't be in a big hurry for any new committments for a while. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 I've been asked that a number of times. I don't think that's the case. There is to much going on to make time for that I think. Who knows. To be honest, if she is I don't want to know. That would make it worse to me. In the absence of abuse, adultery, abandonment, alcoholism/drug abuse, chronic unemployment and extreme neglect on the part of the husband, it is very rare for a wife to just pack up and leave unless there is another man involved. in order for us to actually help you, we need to know more information. What other than "incompatibility" is occurring here? What are her stated reasons for leaving and what reasons do you think is behind this? If you are insistent that there has been no mistreatment, infidelity, substance abuse, unemployment, extreme neglect etc etc on your part, Have you actually investigated to see if there is someone else involved???? Just asking her doesn't count because she can just say no. And extramarital trysts can and often do occur in literally minutes. single women need to be wined and dined and have moonlight walks on the beach and go through courtship rituals before a romance unfolds. If a married woman is frustrated, bored and dissatisfied at home, she can seek and obtain extra action on the side in an extremely short period of time. I have personally been involved with a married woman in my youth that would swing by my house for literally under 10 minutes after dropping her daughter off at school and then getting home before her husband even wondered where she was. I also personally know a woman that met a man at a class reunion on a Friday night and by Monday morning both she and the OM disclosed their affair and were packing up to leave their respective spouses and they were married within weeks of their divorces going through. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blank264 Posted January 4, 2016 Author Share Posted January 4, 2016 You don't need to help me with this. It is over. I've attempted to reconcile and she tried for a little while but quit. I've never cheated on her and she never cheated on me. There wasn't enough sex, she made herself so busy that I didn't have any of her time. I was unhappy and lonely in my home. We would go extended periods like that. She would talk in a way that hurts and angers people close to her. Maybe I'm too sensitive. I was only able to handle 5 abusive sentences before I'd become angry. I was able to deal with it most of the time but every now and then I couldn't take it and we would fight. I left because I knew this wouldn't continue to work. I thought we could work it out from a distance. She said she had already mentally detached. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blank264 Posted January 4, 2016 Author Share Posted January 4, 2016 If there was an affair I can't find it. The thought crossed my mind even though she isn't that type of person. I've looked at phone logs and done reverse lookups on unknown lines. I can't review text logs. I can't review facebook chats. I would expect extended cell calls from somebody I don't know. I don't want to worry about that anymore. She has provided the answer she will give. I don't want to run possibilities through my mind anymore. I want to accept it's over and try to pick myself back up. I'm just feeling sad, worthless and angry right now. I can't fix what I wanted. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 I would bet my bottom dollar that there's someone else on the scene. It is the only thing that explains why she would act like this. Unfortunately that doesn't really help you out much. All you can do is to file for divorce and begin the lengthy process of trying to move on with your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blank264 Posted January 4, 2016 Author Share Posted January 4, 2016 Yes, knowing she ended it do to an affair would make it worse. I still have to iron out details. We will be doing joint custody. I have to see her too much. It makes me think I can say something. I'm not going to anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
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