Hozgrake101 Posted January 3, 2016 Share Posted January 3, 2016 Hello there. This is my story. I'm a dad of two twins; both girls, aged 14. I was charging our iPads and my iPhone yesterday. I took our shared iPad (wife also has one, but it's a work one) off the charger and found a shocking picture; my wife cuddling up to my best friend, both of them wearing croptops and teenytiny booty shorts. It was dated "2015-09-12" and there were six or seven other photos. I was surprised, how did she manage to hide this from me? And as for my best friend, why the hell was he wearing her clothes, he used to treat crossdressing as a joke and said "Caitlyn Jenner is a joke, but her boobs are hot, I want the Kardashian boobs to go with my six-pack" (and yes, my best friend does have a sixpack). He used to be dismissive of crossdressers, treat them as a joke and he does this, what the ****ing hell? I confronted my wife, asked her what the photos were all about, she didn't speak, then admitted to the affair, said it had gone on since mid-2013, said she couldnt hold herself in any longer, said he instigated it, it began as ****-and-suck, they even travelled out-of-state to a motel for sex (and she'd lied about a work conference for it). My best friend has a wife and a young son, so I will have to tell her,painful as it is. I worry his wife wont believe me, she'll say theyre photoshopped (she works in IT/graphic design etc. and does some SEO work on the side for people). I'm 35 but have been with her since I was 19, got married aged 21 when she was pregnant as well. I really love her, really love her but now I wonder if it was a mistake, did a marry a harpy? She gets told how much she looks like Kourtney Kardashian(even though she's Mexican-American, she's from SoCal, and I'm from St.Paul, we live in the Twin Cities area) by friends co-workers etc. and we have argued a bit over the past 6 months over her egotistical behaviour and spending on crop tops, she accused me of being jealous, I was concerned because it was using family finances, money was the issue, but on the whole our relationship was good. I feel like a broken man now, and need help from you guys. My co-worker and good friend advised me to post here, so I have. Will check back in a few days when I can, work schedule permitting, on public wi-fi etc. and general travel. I'd really appreciate the help of you guys. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted January 3, 2016 Share Posted January 3, 2016 Hello, I am so sorry for you. Your wife apparently lies very well. You need to get tested for STD's as soon as possible. Since this has been going on since 2013 you know that there have probably been times that you were with her after she was with him. The fact that your wife would engage in such a long affair and with your best friend is such a double betrayal. You need to realize that this was her choice and that she knew that sleeping with your best friend behind your back would be extremely painful and humiliating to you. A person who engages in these types of affairs with a husband's best friend must get some sort of perverted sick pleasure in humiliating them in such a horrible way. I would suggest that you expose this as soon as possible. In addition, the fact that she would engage in such a humiliating affair upon suggests to me one of two things: 1. She simply did not care that she was destroying two separate families for her own selfish pleasure and/or 2. She thought of you as a good family man in that you would never divorce her if found out so in fact she had nothing to lose. 1.You need to contact a lawyer immediately to understand your options. 2.You need to get tested for STD's immediately. 3.You need to expose this to the OM's wife immediately. Her actions clearly shows that she has absolutely no respect for you whatsoever or her children. IF YOU DO NOT RESPECT YOURSELF THEN WHO WILL? I wish you luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted January 3, 2016 Share Posted January 3, 2016 Full exposure immediately. Friends, family, etc. It'll probably end the affair. Find a good afforded and see where you stand. Take some time and figure out if you can live with this long term. It never goes away. Do not attempt reconciliation immediately. Make sure you know what you want long term. If you can't live with this file for divorce. The level of deceit here is great and was carried on for a long time. Good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
HereNorThere Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 As a computer professional, I can assure you that a graphic designer has the ability to tell a genuine photo from a photoshopped one, so that's not something you need to worry about. As far as everything else, expose her and start planning out your new life. Set up appointments for a therapist, attorney and depending on your living situation, a real estate agent/apartment finder. The best thing you can do is accept that this happened and move on. You'll kill yourself obsessing over the details or you can put all your energy into starting over and create a better life for yourself. What's done is done and now it's time to pick up the pieces and move on. Godspeed. Link to post Share on other sites
harrybrown Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 Go see your attorney. Expose to all. She does not respect you. You have to show her consequences. if your attorney says D, file for D. Tell her to go live with your former best friend. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cephalopod Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 I'm sorry this happened to you. My ex wife also left me for a guy who I considered a friend. So I know a bit of what you are feeling. Had this bee a one night stand sort of thing I would say try to save the marriage. However this has been a long term affair with your best friend. Your wife is a pretty low down person to have lived this lie for so long. Go see a lawyer but I say wait and expose and see what happens before pulling the plug completely. Maybe she might show some true remorse. Maybe she will solve the problem for you and do both of you a favor and just leave. Link to post Share on other sites
Buckeye2 Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 I confronted my wife, asked her what the photos were all about, she didn't speak, then admitted to the affair, said it had gone on since mid-2013, said she couldnt hold herself in any longer. Don't give her any credit for coming clean. She was caught with photos and had no choice. She also immediately through the other man under the bus. What a great gal. DNA your kids. You can buy a kit at about any drug store. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 What are you wanting to do? Do you want a divorce? Stay married? Link to post Share on other sites
happyman64 Posted January 6, 2016 Share Posted January 6, 2016 Secure the ipad. Secure the pictures. Take your iPhone. Set it to record and ask your wife what she would like to happen now that the affair is out in the open. Mention the OM's name and ask if his wife knows of the affair and for how long it has been going on. Use this recording when your let the OMW know. Speak to an attorney to understand your rights, your kids rights and if infidelity can be used if you decide to divorce. Take all the time you need to figure out what you want to do. HM Link to post Share on other sites
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