memomma Posted June 3, 2005 Share Posted June 3, 2005 I signed the papers to begin our divorce on 05/31. I had informed my husband of this decision the week before and asked him if he wanted to come into the attorney's office with me and sign the papers or if he wanted the papers to be mailed to him. He still lives here in the same house. He refused to answer me so I told him the papers would be mailed. I have typed up a list divividing our assets in what seems to be an equal and fair division. I gave him this list and have asked that he talk with me so we can handle the particulars of the divorce amongst ourselves without the additional expense of the attorney. We have no children together and things are not too complicated......sell the house, etc. Well, he refuses to talk to me. That is 80% of the reason we are now getting divorced. No communication. He just is unable or unwilling to discuss things with me. He clams up, shuts down and leaves the house. This has been known to go on for weeks....the longest time period was 8 weeks to be exact. Lived together in this house and not a word was spoken for eight weeks. I really do not want to hurt this person any more than what is to be expected when a marriage fails.....it's a disappointment but I did not make the decision for any other reason beside the fact we do not belong together. Anyway.....I guess now I just wait it out? Any advice or encouragement? Link to post Share on other sites
smile95 Posted June 3, 2005 Share Posted June 3, 2005 I am in the middle of a relationship where he has not spoken to me in 3 weeks. So I feel your pain. If they would talk and communicate, a lot could be resolved and our feelings would not be so hurt. Just know that you have done nothing wrong and these are his issues. They run when they are either scared or hurt and do not know what else to do. The best thing you can do is not to back him into a corner and let HIM come around. It is best that you are getting divorced. Can you imagine living like this all your life? Ignoring you is actaully a form of emotional abuse. Many people do not know that, but it is. It leaves you wondering and hurt and rejected and ignored. All I can say is hang in there. If it takes him a while to get to the papers, it will get done. Does he not want the divorce? You are doing the right thing. Men just complicate things for spite sometimes. Women do too though. I feel for you and I am in the same boat right now. I have to stop pressuring him and he usually comes around. I wish you the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Author memomma Posted June 3, 2005 Author Share Posted June 3, 2005 Thanks.....it really doesn't help our situation that I'm a bit of an extroverted Italian and talking is VERY important to me......as is listening but when he refuses to participate in our conversations.......all I hear is the silence. I'll be okay and you will too. Hang tough. Sorry about the silent treatment that is going on at your house.....I think that is such a waste of energy. Find a way to create a sense of joy and peace for yourself despite your husband's behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted June 3, 2005 Share Posted June 3, 2005 How on earth could you go on for 2 months and not say a word? Was it always like this? Why didnt you break the silence? I would literally freak out on the guy if he refused to speak to me for 2 months. I would have then packed his bags and told him to get the hell out. Mind you, my relationship with my stbxh was not ideal either, and I was blindsighted by our problems. It's easier to say what you'd do when you're looking at it objectively. I had to take a good look at my relationship and figure out why i didnt see the problems and why I let it happen in the first place. I still dont have the answers to that, but I'm trying to figure it out. Do you have any feelings for your husband? Have you gone to counselling? If 80% of the reason you're getting a divorce is due to communication, have you tried learning some communication skills? A therapist might be able to help you communicate with your husband so that he'll communicate with you. I think you should try every possible avenue to fix the marriage before dissolving it. However, if your husband still refuses to work on the relationship, you have to get out. If he wont talk to you about the legalities, just go through the lawyers. Sure it'll be more money, but atleast you wont go insane. Money isnt everything. Your health is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author memomma Posted June 3, 2005 Author Share Posted June 3, 2005 To be honest...I was testing him. I wanted to see just how long he would go without talking. I allowed it to continue for eight weeks just to prove to myself the type of man I had married. After eight weeks, I did break the silence.....I cannot say how long it would have continued if I had not. The feelings are gone. It has been over for a long, long time but because of multiple reasons...I chose to wait before making this decision. I have three kids of my own that I support alone financially and my job is directly related to our home.....I had to seriously consider the effect divorcing this man and losing the house would have on all of us. I also provide a home to a child with multiple disabilities and changing my circumstances involves finding suitable placement for this child to receive the skilled nursing care he requires. A bit more complicated than just packing the man's clothes and throwing him out.....things had to be done in a certain way. Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted June 3, 2005 Share Posted June 3, 2005 Sounds like you're doing things in a mature and responsible way. I do sympathize with you. Your husband seems to be withdrawn emotionally, and refusing to work on the relationship. There's not much else you can do. Get the lawyers involved. It'll help you move on and not drive you crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
tonia Posted June 5, 2005 Share Posted June 5, 2005 Silence was the biggest reason we divorced. I decided if my house was going to be quiet, I was going to learn to be happy in the quiet ALONE. It was hard to tell him that, I love him but I don't love us anymore. Best wishes Link to post Share on other sites
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