journey to no contact

[fiskadoro]

I had been on the fence about no contact. I broke things off with my ex-gf in late July, and she spent a few weeks being sweet and (gently) floating the idea of a reconciliation. I didn't bite, BUT I was (and am) gentle and sweet to her. Except for bad weekend, we ended on good terms, and after we ended we remained cordial. We went out for a few lunches, flirted a bit. She is going through a divorce, and I pressured her to open her world to me more than she was willing to. Looking back, I pressured her immensely, and she finally stopped meeting my demands. We broke up, but with the idea that we would reunite when she divorced. I regret it terribly now, but at the time it seemed quite the thing to do. Funny how time changes our perspectives.

 

 

Then the worm turned when I refused (somewhat selfishly) to drive her to a pretty important appointment out of town. She began to distance herself more and stop being flirtatious, stopped texting for the most part. Then, after a few weeks of this, she called me and told me to "not wait for her" and that she would never date again.

 

 

Since then, she has become somewhat sour towards me. I had heard about no contact, but I thought it wasn't for me. I remembered the closeness of our relationship (10 months) our talk of marriage and plans to move in together. I thought we were above all the nastiness of other breakups. And mostly we were, but I kept chipping away at her patience. I didn't give her time to hate me and process her emotions... a text about some restaurant here... another about the weather... finally in November I spilled my guts that I wanted her back. She told me it was too late. I kept it up though, being weak and texting a few times a month, which she usually answered cordially and briefly, but sometimes ignored.

 

 

I wish I had gone No Contact much earlier on. I hate to think of how weak and groveling I look now, as she has pretty much stopped initiating any contact with me. Yesterday I sent her a birthday text, and got no thank you at all. Then, I followed that up a few hours later with an apologetic text, as she generally doesn't celebrate birthdays at all, and I wanted to be sure I didn't offend her. Of course that received no reply either. I don't recognize myself, I seem a shell of my former confident self. It seeps through my pores, and comes out in the few interactions I have with her, hamstringing my chances of getting her back.

 

 

I have arrived, resigned and reluctant but defeated so here, at the point where no contact seems the best option. At my age and with my dating experience, I should be well beyond the grips of such maddening feelings about love. I promised myself several times I would go N.C., but didn't. I thought the next text would soften her up, or help repair my image in her eyes. I cannot speculate what she is thinking, but I am clear that I am tired. Tired of me, tired of her, frustrated that I dithered over a point of pride while she tried to reconcile, and then acted thirsty and needy when I saw her and tried to reconcile with her in November. I am in contact and on speaking (if not better) terms with all my exes, save for her. It vexes me.

 

 

So, not sure I am exactly a devout devotee of n/c, but I certainly have seen it's light. I know it's not to get your gf back, but it certainly would have saved me from digging the hole deeper.

[phenix]

Uve been acting needy at the beginning which turned her off. I've done that as well and the result is that you lose the girl forever. Neediness kills chemistry. Sorry man. Move on.