denoted09 Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 This question mostly goes out to the men, but women please feel free to give your opinions as well. How do you feel about your gf/wife going out clubbing without you and instead with coworkers/friends you have never met? Link to post Share on other sites
Terry8889 Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 I'm a girl, I think it is okay to have a girls night out once in a while like on a friends birthday or other special event. Men and women need some "me-time" or time with friemds. As long as it is not a habit and there are only girls in the group. When there a boys in the group I think a girl should bring along her bf or at least ask if he wants to come, it is up to him if he decides to come along or not. But yeah once in a while doesn't hurt. Most of my female friends are married and they do it but not all the time as I said mostly on special ocassions. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 I've never been clubbing with friends my hubby has never met. But he thoroughly endorses me getting out with my best friend every now and then for night of drinks and/or dance. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
11012015 Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 This question mostly goes out to the men, but women please feel free to give your opinions as well. How do you feel about your gf/wife going out clubbing without you and instead with coworkers/friends you have never met? "We are just going out to have fun and dance" is the biggest BS invented in the world of relationship, right after "he is just a friend" and "let's take a break; I need some space". There is something wrong with that picture where committed women dressing up like dolls and going to a known 'single-crowd meat market' (without their men, mind you), and then pretending that they were just there to 'dance' with their friends and all the guys just happened to hit on them over there. Yeah right? Interestingly, if you voice the opinion I just stated you'd get a reaction as if you are some caveman who belong to some third world muslim country. Yet, the same crowd would burn the village if their husband would tell them "Going out to strip club with my guys .... but honey just for the free buffet." Go look at the cheating forum and see how this behavior was one of the predictors. Data doesn't lie. Enough said. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 Nothing with time with the girls or the guys and I know the signs of a woman cheating. If she is coming home all the time at three in the morning looking disheveled though then that is a sign there is a problem. Link to post Share on other sites
Platinum Aura Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 It's not inherently wrong. It really depends on trust and the relationship itself. If she seems like she's hiding nothing and isn't suspicious then sure, no problem. There's nothing wrong with a night out. If she's hiding things, acts suspicious and gets mad when asked about it, then something's not right. Link to post Share on other sites
BlackHat Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 This question mostly goes out to the men, but women please feel free to give your opinions as well. How do you feel about your gf/wife going out clubbing without you and instead with coworkers/friends you have never met? The most important thing in a relationship is: If the actions of one part hurt the other part, and such actions are important for the inflicting part, then you are with the wrong person. I don't smoke. Can't stand it. Therefore, I seek women who also do not smoke. If a girl smokes she will be my occasional lover but hardly anything else. Some people like to go clubbing. This seems offensive for others. If that's the case, you should not be with someone who goes clubbing. Now let's state that we are talking clubbing, not going to a sports bar of drink latte with friends. We have all done clubbing, and specially when it's "girls night out" or "guys night out" we know what we are going to find: People looking to grab some, and hopefully get some. Some people don't mind having his gf/bf grabbed or kissed by a complete stranger and even spices the relationship. Others prefer to believe the lies of "nothing happens there, we just like to go dancing". I challenge you to go to any club in the world where girls dance without being approached by guys, and if the guys are handsome I challenge you to find me a girl who, in a club, will not be "grabbed" or worse. Just find someone with the same interests as you and you will be happy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LookAtThisPOst Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 This question mostly goes out to the men, but women please feel free to give your opinions as well. How do you feel about your gf/wife going out clubbing without you and instead with coworkers/friends you have never met? Without me, something I won't want. With me...yes all the way. I'm kind of surprised and rather wonder why a spouse would want to go without the husband. Why can't she go to a movie with her female friend or shopping? Why does it have to be a night club? Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 This question mostly goes out to the men, but women please feel free to give your opinions as well. How do you feel about your gf/wife going out clubbing without you and instead with coworkers/friends you have never met? I need more information. How often are you talking about? A couple of nights a week or once a month? Why do you have to know who her co-workers are? Does she know all of your co-workers? Wouldn't you already know her friends and if you don't, why haven't you met these people? How often do you take her out? Does she prefer going out with friends over going out with you and why? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 It's just as 'wrong' as a guy having a night out with the lads, going clubbing and drinking to a lap-dancing club, or Vegas for the weekend. I'm sorry if I sound, to some, like a feminist harpy, but the word 'wrong' in the thread title implies that you, as a male partner, have a right to judge and dictate what you consider to be correct behaviour for you, from your partner. I thought we were past the days where a man had a right to evaluate 'right' and/or 'wrong' in his lady's behaviour...? Frankly, if you cannot find what she does acceptable and be comfortable with her behaviour, either there is already cause for mistrust and there is an imbalance in the relationship - or you need to grow a pair and get over yourself. It's ok for women to go out and party, have fun and let their hair down. Jut as it is for guys to do the same. When the relationship is stable, has trust, communication and respect, neither party need ever fear a thing. Comments like this tell me menfolk still have a way to go, before they learn that this kind of sentiment is just one great big fat example of double standards. "We are just going out to have fun and dance" is the biggest BS invented in the world of relationship, right after "he is just a friend" and "let's take a break; I need some space". There is something wrong with that picture where committed women dressing up like dolls and going to a known 'single-crowd meat market' (without their men, mind you), and then pretending that they were just there to 'dance' with their friends and all the guys just happened to hit on them over there. Yeah right? Interestingly, if you voice the opinion I just stated you'd get a reaction as if you are some caveman who belong to some third world muslim country. Yet, the same crowd would burn the village if their husband would tell them "Going out to strip club with my guys .... but honey just for the free buffet." Go look at the cheating forum and see how this behavior was one of the predictors. Data doesn't lie. Enough said. Because if you perceive these women to be loose and on the pull, then of course it naturally follows that you would be precisely of the same opinion, if a woman was posting this about her guy. Wouldn't you? Yeah, right.... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
LookAtThisPOst Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 (edited) It's just as 'wrong' as a guy having a night out with the lads, going clubbing and drinking to a lap-dancing club, or Vegas for the weekend. Yes, just as wrong as a men that's doing this. It's ok for women to go out and party, have fun and let their hair down. Jut as it is for guys to do the same. This is why men should keep an eye out for the dating profiles where women say, "I'm over the club scene." and some women even express the same from men. Therein lies the compatibility. I'm not into clubs or gentlemen clubs, and I'm a man. Edited January 4, 2016 by LookAtThisPOst Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 This question mostly goes out to the men, but women please feel free to give your opinions as well. How do you feel about your gf/wife going out clubbing without you and instead with coworkers/friends you have never met? When I was married, my exW did do ladies-only events, some including travel, and I knew the people personally, meaning I'd hugged them and looked them in the eye because, well, they were our friends and we were their friends. Nearly all were married themselves. Not much involved 'clubbing'. IDK about that, or socializing with unknown parties on a regular basis. By the time a couple is married, the parties should be known. My exW worked with a dozen other stylists in her shop and I knew most of them on a first name basis because, well, I visited the shop and got to know them and would fix stuff for them on occasion. Interaction and time are how trust is established, in general. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MightyPen Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 Is it "wrong?" I guess my answer is, in a relationship, you and your partner decide what's acceptable and what is not. So have you had this discussion with her? If so, what did you decide upon? If not, it sounds like now is the time to have this talk! And I'm generally on the progressive side of things, and I'm pretty much a "live and let live" type of person, BUT I think we'd be sticking our heads in the sand to ignore the fact that club atmospheres, with (generally) drinking, and (generally) dancing/grinding, and (generally) many patrons out looking for some romantic/sexual attention, include many temptations that movie theaters, coffee shops, mini-golf courses, laser tag, and book clubs don't feature. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 Going out with same sex friends without your SO is certainly not wrong. Neither is having a drink or dancing. Where people get in trouble is they act like they are single in that environment. That is where the problem lies. Personally if I want a girls' night I want it some place quiet where I can actually talk to my friends. A noisy dark club does not fit that bill. When I was younger & only a few of us had SOs it was tougher to get away with the quiet venue because the single girls wanted to go out & party. While I'm not against partying, it's not that easy to draw clear boundaries in a club. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 This question mostly goes out to the men, but women please feel free to give your opinions as well. How do you feel about your gf/wife going out clubbing without you and instead with coworkers/friends you have never met? Doesn't bother me at all. Link to post Share on other sites
S_A Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 This question mostly goes out to the men, but women please feel free to give your opinions as well. How do you feel about your gf/wife going out clubbing without you and instead with coworkers/friends you have never met? Never bothered me. She was (ex gf) usually excited about going but after 15 min would text or call me saying she wishes she was with me. She'd carpool there and I may have picked her up early once or twice lol. But even if she enjoyed herself at the clubs it would not bother me. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 "We are just going out to have fun and dance" is the biggest BS invented in the world of relationship, right after "he is just a friend" and "let's take a break; I need some space". There is something wrong with that picture where committed women dressing up like dolls and going to a known 'single-crowd meat market' (without their men, mind you), and then pretending that they were just there to 'dance' with their friends and all the guys just happened to hit on them over there. Yeah right? Interestingly, if you voice the opinion I just stated you'd get a reaction as if you are some caveman who belong to some third world muslim country. Yet, the same crowd would burn the village if their husband would tell them "Going out to strip club with my guys .... but honey just for the free buffet." Go look at the cheating forum and see how this behavior was one of the predictors. Data doesn't lie. Enough said. What about clubs which aren't 'single-crowd meat markets'? When I go clubbing with my best friend, we go to goth clubs. We don't dress like dolls - we dress like goths. And about the only interaction I've ever had with a man there is when one guy complimented my purple and black corset. I smiled, said 'thanks' and that was that. I didn't even get far enough into conversation to tell him I made it myself. Some clubs really are all about the dancing and music. If there's anything 'wrong', I think it's to assume all clubs are the same. And for what it's worth, I wouldn't care if my hubby went to a strip club. Frankly, I'd expect it if he was out on a buck's night. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author denoted09 Posted January 5, 2016 Author Share Posted January 5, 2016 Is it "wrong?" I guess my answer is, in a relationship, you and your partner decide what's acceptable and what is not. So have you had this discussion with her? If so, what did you decide upon? If not, it sounds like now is the time to have this talk! I think this makes the most sense to me. Relationships and people in general are pretty different and having an understanding for what works and what doesn't is the best way to avoid any problems. Link to post Share on other sites
Author denoted09 Posted January 5, 2016 Author Share Posted January 5, 2016 "We are just going out to have fun and dance" is the biggest BS invented in the world of relationship, right after "he is just a friend" and "let's take a break; I need some space". There is something wrong with that picture where committed women dressing up like dolls and going to a known 'single-crowd meat market' (without their men, mind you), and then pretending that they were just there to 'dance' with their friends and all the guys just happened to hit on them over there. Yeah right? Interestingly, if you voice the opinion I just stated you'd get a reaction as if you are some caveman who belong to some third world muslim country. Yet, the same crowd would burn the village if their husband would tell them "Going out to strip club with my guys .... but honey just for the free buffet." Go look at the cheating forum and see how this behavior was one of the predictors. Data doesn't lie. Enough said. I come from a conservative background that does look down upon women going out without there S/Os, especially those in committed relationships so I pretty much get where you're coming from. Link to post Share on other sites
Author denoted09 Posted January 5, 2016 Author Share Posted January 5, 2016 I need more information. How often are you talking about? A couple of nights a week or once a month? Why do you have to know who her co-workers are? Does she know all of your co-workers? Wouldn't you already know her friends and if you don't, why haven't you met these people? How often do you take her out? Does she prefer going out with friends over going out with you and why? Actually I'm the 'she' in this situation. My boyfriend does take me out quite often but he doesn't exactly like it when I go out to a club without him. We have dated for some time now but he is yet to meet most of my coworkers. I have a very small group of friends that he has already met and he's ok with them. Link to post Share on other sites
Anderlie Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 Sometimes if I've finished laundry early and cooked a nice dinner my husband will loosen the shackles and let me out of the house for a bit of fun. /S Seriously, there's nothing wrong with either partner going out and having a dance, a drink and some fun. I go with my friends rather than my husband because he hates dancing and I want to talk with my girlfriends about girly things. If you're worried about your partner hooking up with someone don't be with them because there is no trust there. If you're worried about other people grabbing them or whatever then guess what? You're basically saying that your partner is your property and you don't want someone else poking your prime cut of steak. In that case you need to grow up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 (edited) Doesn't bother me at all. It better not from a person that wants open relationships. Most people are not like you in that regard. GNO in clubs drinking is how many affairs started. It is called taking the first step on the slippery slope. It is better to live life without exposing oneself to unnecessary temptation and risks. No matter how innocent the intentions are getting all dolled up and then go out drinking without ones significant other sends a bad message. Lowering of societies standards is never a good idea. Edited January 5, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Merge Link to post Share on other sites
TallGuy34 Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 As a single guy this doesn't bother me. What bothers me is that the married or taken women seem to be more willing to compliment me than the single ladies. This is regardless of whether the husband is there or not. I don't get it. Seems like the taken women are more fearless than the single ones I guess? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 Generally, and I've watched plenty of this go on, men can be shut down with the 'I'm married' or 'ha, my husband is right over there' and flirtations are along the lines of 'yeah, I'm married but I'm not dead'. It's safe. Been going on forever. Enjoy it for the moment and move on. It's part of the fun that some women enjoy; especially those who are socially active and enjoy clubbing when in relationships. They like the stimulation. Otherwise they wouldn't be there. They'd be home sewing their grandchildren quilts. Heh. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 You are seriously overreaching here. The OP chose the word wrong, because it is a simple word that works. No need for feminist dissection. Well from a thoughtless male's pov, of course it seems like over-reacting. But if as a woman, it keeps being suggested, by a man, that what you are doing, is wrong, then no, it's not over-reacting, at all. I thought we were passed the days of women telling men we need to grow a pair, but evidently I was wrong. Then. grow a pair, and it will pass. Just as women being judged by men, will pass. Again, reaching. The OP asked a question, nothing more. I wasn't responding to the OP. I will happily field this question. In just the last month I have turned down two friends who asked me to go along with activities that would make me feel uncomfortable if my GF were to engage in them. If a woman asked me if she thought it was wrong for a guy to go out clubbing with his friends, she would get the same answer from me. No reason why you should..... If you feel discomfort, then there's a lack of trust, or an insecurity there. Simply because you have a problem with it, doesn't mean it's something to be judged as wrong, for others. Link to post Share on other sites
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