Toodaloo Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 Count me in as one that does not approve... for the most part. As mentioned many time in this thread, clubbing is what people do to meet people of the opposite sex, and the drinking and dancing adds to that. Especially it the SO let's her hair down, dresses sexy or without the wedding ring. It's not about going out with the gals for a drink to a place that is not a meat market. It's about the environment that is conducive for misbehavior. Just like meeting one of the opposite sex, alone for a business dinner or drink after hours, or even at the office. A smart person, who is in a committed relationship, just doesn't put themselves in that situation. Other people can comment about "I trust her/him", "it's alright to flirt a little", "only friends" etc, etc.... absolute BS. Those are boundaries that should be established. But to each his own. For goodness sake. When I go clubbing I go to have a giggle with my friends, use it as an excuse to dress up because going round in tatty jeans and a jumper gets dull and yes have a couple of drinks. Where does it say I am going to go and get some crumpet in the toilets or behind the bike sheds. Its just pure assumption and speculation. Besides which if it were that bad we wouldn't have so many on the dating thread or so many on OLD trying to find partners now would we. Perhaps you should look after yourself Rover so you know your worth. If you are worth something there is no way any woman will risk messing about even if she is in a situation that is assumed to be ripe for it. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 Where does it say I am going to go and get some crumpet in the toilets or behind the bike sheds. Toodles you've probably got the most quotable quotes of any Loveshacker. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OldRover Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 For goodness sake. When I go clubbing I go to have a giggle with my friends, use it as an excuse to dress up because going round in tatty jeans and a jumper gets dull and yes have a couple of drinks. Where does it say I am going to go and get some crumpet in the toilets or behind the bike sheds. Its just pure assumption and speculation. Besides which if it were that bad we wouldn't have so many on the dating thread or so many on OLD trying to find partners now would we. Perhaps you should look after yourself Rover so you know your worth. If you are worth something there is no way any woman will risk messing about even if she is in a situation that is assumed to be ripe for it. Toodaloo, Well, sounds like you're single, and that's fine. It's just not a good plan for me or my lady. Risk is not the issue, it's just the wrong setting for either of us. Not to say it can't be done. There are times when she goes out or I go out and the other can't make it. We all know our worth, but look at all the posts where good people with marriages that they wouldn't leave ending up in the OM OW column. If she or I get dressed up, for the most part, it's for the other. Do as you wish, and for the single people, OLD, dating sites, and meat markets are just fine, if that's your thing. Never been mine, even when single. Link to post Share on other sites
hasaquestion Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 If someone wants to cheat on you they'll find a time and place cheat on you. If someone doesn't want to cheat on you they won't cheat on you at a club. So who cares? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 We all know how important respect is for a woman's attraction and any man who is okay with his women just grinding on a bunch of guys will never be respected by her. Those are not the actions of a woman who respects the man in her life. They just aren't. If you put your foot down she might get mad, cry, call you controlling and all of that but if you draw your line and stick to it she most likely will come around and if she doesn't just drop her. I myself would rather get a woman who on principle doesn't do this though. I want a grown woman and not a child I have to discipline. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 In my case my entertainment preference is music, so I would think that anyone who knew me well enough to marry me would surely know I wasn't about to stop going to clubs to see bands. She's not your inmate. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
hasaquestion Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 We all know how important respect is for a woman's attraction and any man who is okay with his women just grinding on a bunch of guys will never be respected by her. Those are not the actions of a woman who respects the man in her life. They just aren't. If you put your foot down she might get mad, cry, call you controlling and all of that but if you draw your line and stick to it she most likely will come around and if she doesn't just drop her. I myself would rather get a woman who on principle doesn't do this though. I want a grown woman and not a child I have to discipline. Why does grinding on random dudes follow from going to a club with friends? I've gone to a club plenty of times with female company who just stand around and gossip and dance with themselves. its not unusual. What if she wants to spend time with her friends? Like I said before. If people want to cheat they do, and if they don't want to they don't. Is it wrong for women to go to motels? Coffee shops? Cheating happens wherever you want it to and nowhere you don't. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Aniela Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 We all know how important respect is for a woman's attraction and any man who is okay with his women just grinding on a bunch of guys will never be respected by her. Those are not the actions of a woman who respects the man in her life. They just aren't. If you put your foot down she might get mad, cry, call you controlling and all of that but if you draw your line and stick to it she most likely will come around and if she doesn't just drop her. I myself would rather get a woman who on principle doesn't do this though. I want a grown woman and not a child I have to discipline. Who says they're out there grinding on other men, though? Women can go out to dance, just to dance. It has nothing to do with men. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
serial muse Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 (edited) I'm sure that the marketing folks for those videos about the dangers of married women going out to clubs were gleefully rubbing their hands together and patting each other on the back as they pondered their targeted demographic, saying "like candy from a baby". Available on Amazon, indeed. Oh, I'm sure it is. Act now! Anyway. While I think the overwrought fears of women dancing in clubs are just that, I do think that the unknown coworkers factor is significant, actually. I think lots of people - even women, and probably especially women - go to clubs because they like to dance and it's all perfectly innocent. But when women go out dancing like this it's usually with some favorite friends. Clubbing with coworkers seems weird to me anyway, because a lot of the time you're not really friends with those people, but regardless - why doesn't your SO know these people, OP? And why can't you just invite him along? It'd be one thing if the coworkers were going out for dinner and/or drinks to complain about work and he'd be totally bored and wishing he were anywhere else. But if you're going dancing anyway, why shouldn't he come along, at least once in a while, to meet these people and be an integrated part of your life? That's what's weird to me. Compartmentalization is a thousand times more dangerous than Cosmopolitans, IME. Edited January 8, 2016 by serial muse 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 Who says they're out there grinding on other men, though? Women can go out to dance, just to dance. It has nothing to do with men. True but there are a lot of things going on between men and women at many places. To deny that is just being naive. I am not saying that the guys are 100% right but stop acting like they are just making this stuff up to hate women. Some of you sound very naive and sheltered. Link to post Share on other sites
Aniela Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 True but there are a lot of things going on between men and women at many places. To deny that is just being naive. I am not saying that the guys are 100% right but stop acting like they are just making this stuff up to hate women. Some of you sound very naive and sheltered. No, we're actually women, who know our own minds and behaviour. We also know other women, and even have them as friends. When my friend was considering cheating - one friend, out of too many to mention here - she knew how I felt about what she was doing. I didn't cheer her on. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 No, we're actually women, who know our own minds and behaviour. We also know other women, and even have them as friends. When my friend was considering cheating - one friend, out of too many to mention here - she knew how I felt about what she was doing. I didn't cheer her on. You know your mind and who you associate with. There is a whole world outside of your circle. I am a man and I know how some men can be. I have seem guys blatantly cheat on business trips and their wives knew nothing about it so I am not going to call an honest and faithful woman a misandrist and accuse her of trying to control men if she has some fears about being betrayed. I can certainly admit there are members of my gender who can't be trusted for anything so why can't you admit the same? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Aniela Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 You know your mind and who you associate with. There is a whole world outside of your circle. I am a man and I know how some men can be. I have seem guys blatantly cheat on business trips and their wives knew nothing about it so I am not going to call an honest and faithful woman a misandrist and accuse her of trying to control men if she has some fears about being betrayed. I can certainly admit there are members of my gender who can't be trusted for anything so why can't you admit the same? I'm saying that clubbing isn't the cause, not that women never cheat. I mentioned one friend who was ready to cheat, and on some level regrets not doing so. But she was faithful to her husband for years, and she shut down men trying to get involved with her beyond friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
OldRover Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 I'm saying that clubbing isn't the cause, not that women never cheat. I mentioned one friend who was ready to cheat, and on some level regrets not doing so. But she was faithful to her husband for years, and she shut down men trying to get involved with her beyond friendship. Aniela, Clubbing is not the cause, but it sure is the opportunity. Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 Women, and men, for that matter , needs and should have time to do things with their friends . But here is where the new double standard comes in . If you are a women who thinks it is fine guy time to go to a strip club where naked women are trying to give him lap dances , then he should have no problem with you going clubbing . But I get sick of hearing this bull **** that men are controlling Neanderthals because they are not accepting of their wives or girlfriends , under the guise of girl time, going out dressed in not much more than strippers would wear out to a meat market to see how many guys they can attract in an environment where you cannot even hear conversation with a bunch of friends who want to relive Spring Break . Basically what you are saying is hubby should be fine sitting at home while wifey goes out, has other men buy her drinks , try to sit at her table . If that is regularly a necessity for your wife to be happy , you need a new wife 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Rejected Rosebud Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 Well. I think that anybody who is worried about their wife going to a club and dancing without him must have a problem with insecurity. That said, if somebody wants to be going to clubs all the time it would be best if they were married with a person who wants to go along with them!! Otherwise it might be more of a question of incompatibility. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
big dog Posted January 10, 2016 Share Posted January 10, 2016 Aniela, Clubbing is not the cause, but it sure is the opportunity. You're right. And while not all women will take the temptation of the opportunity, many will. And those would not have had the temptation OR the opportunity had they not been in those places. It's just a bad idea all the way around. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted January 10, 2016 Share Posted January 10, 2016 (edited) You're right. And while not all women will take the temptation of the opportunity, many will. And those would not have had the temptation OR the opportunity had they not been in those places. It's just a bad idea all the way around. This is kinda silly thinking.....People get hit on everywhere...I mean, you cant keep them locked in a room... All I can say is this....As someone who was once on the inside(I worked for years at clubs as a doorman/bouncer)...We used to have a joke among the guys working... 1AM was the cutoff...Most of the "bad" stuff happened after 1 AM..And yes, I had seen many times where there were fistfights because a guy entered the club, only to find his wife/gf stone drunk or high and sucking face with some other guy...It was pretty sad...Ans there were other instances too numerous to mention...I could write a book.. But then as the others have said, this wouldn't happen if there weren't other underlying issues in the relationship... My thoughts are that even if a guy is confident in his relationship...If he feels intimidated by any scenario where the possibility exists that she might get hit on or she is just a party girl and he isnt, then find a home body to go out with,,,There are plenty of them around as well..You just don't have compatibility there.... TFY Edited January 10, 2016 by thefooloftheyear 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OldRover Posted January 10, 2016 Share Posted January 10, 2016 This is kinda silly thinking.....People get hit on everywhere...I mean, you cant keep them locked in a room... All I can say is this....As someone who was once on the inside(I worked for years at clubs as a doorman/bouncer)...We used to have a joke among the guys working... 1AM was the cutoff...Most of the "bad" stuff happened after 1 AM..And yes, I had seen many times where there were fistfights because a guy entered the club, only to find his wife/gf stone drunk or high and sucking face with some other guy...It was pretty sad...Ans there were other instances too numerous to mention...I could write a book.. But then as the others have said, this wouldn't happen if there weren't other underlying issues in the relationship... My thoughts are that even if a guy is confident in his relationship...If he feels intimidated by any scenario where the possibility exists that she might get hit on or she is just a party girl and he isnt, then find a home body to go out with,,,There are plenty of them around as well..You just don't have compatibility there.... TFY Well, not silly. Really, your example just point to the fact that night clubbing is what people generally do to meet and socialize others of the opposite sex. Why mess with fire? Sure, there's a lot of folks that could go there and it would never be and issue, but why go? There's plenty of other places to go to... and there's nothing wrong with just waiting until you can go with your SO. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted January 10, 2016 Share Posted January 10, 2016 Well, not silly. Really, your example just point to the fact that night clubbing is what people generally do to meet and socialize others of the opposite sex. Why mess with fire? Sure, there's a lot of folks that could go there and it would never be and issue, but why go? There's plenty of other places to go to... and there's nothing wrong with just waiting until you can go with your SO. Its all about trust.... What you are talking about is silly, in the context that the only way you can "trust" your SO is by eliminating any temptation??...Well...That's a weak way to create a relationship...You may as well confine her to the closet.. In my example, there is absolutely no doubt that every one of those women had issues in their relationships...Is it right to go out and get tanked and throw herself at some swinging dick? No...there are better ways to handle it, but there were issues all the same... TFY Link to post Share on other sites
OldRover Posted January 10, 2016 Share Posted January 10, 2016 Its all about trust.... What you are talking about is silly, in the context that the only way you can "trust" your SO is by eliminating any temptation??...Well...That's a weak way to create a relationship...You may as well confine her to the closet.. In my example, there is absolutely no doubt that every one of those women had issues in their relationships...Is it right to go out and get tanked and throw herself at some swinging dick? No...there are better ways to handle it, but there were issues all the same... TFY It's not about trust, it's about just doing stupid things. Neither one of use have any interest in doing that alone, nor did any one I've ever dated. What's the point? Go back and re read the post above about the guy who worked there. Interesting observation. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 Toodaloo, Well, sounds like you're single, and that's fine. It's just not a good plan for me or my lady. Risk is not the issue, it's just the wrong setting for either of us. Not to say it can't be done. There are times when she goes out or I go out and the other can't make it. We all know our worth, but look at all the posts where good people with marriages that they wouldn't leave ending up in the OM OW column. If she or I get dressed up, for the most part, it's for the other. Do as you wish, and for the single people, OLD, dating sites, and meat markets are just fine, if that's your thing. Never been mine, even when single. Rover dear fellow. My friend (not single) and I (single but sort of starting to see someone) went out on Saturday night. As we left her house I gave her other half a massive hug and told him not to worry I would have her flashing her bossoms at 20 year olds in no time... Reality. We went out. I delivered the birthday card I wanted to drop off. We then went to a "kicking" bar. Got our drinks and sat down to "admire the view". We soon realised that the pair of us sat with our heads close together giggling, me drinking a pint of Guinness, her a glass of wine, that we looked like a pair of lesbians... Not conductive to picking up young men for a one night of wonder eh! As we perused the room the comments we made were along the lines of "Blimey he will be good looking when he is 40 and has filled out a bit"... Again. Epic fail. We soon decided that as we had no hope in hell of looking like we are 20 let alone walking in the heals that girl over there is tottering about in that really it was time to go home. As we walked to my car we soon realised just how utterly ridiculous it was that we should assume to be young again. We were walking towards my battered old estate car... we came to the conclusion that if were were to do this "clubbing thing" properly we would have to flog my car and get a fiesta with bling bling wheels and lady bird stickers and endure plastic surgery. It also didn't help that Frank Sinatra was in the CD player and not some rap. Nether the less we endured and played it loudly while singing along. That is dedication to the cause for you. As for the fiesta and surgery... neither of which we have the inclination to do. So we went home. Got munchies and a DVD and shared a bottle of wine and laughed, rather than shagged the night away. That is pretty much how it is for middle aged women who go "out on the tiles". I don't see anything there that would suggest we are going to embark on affairs or sleep around. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 Clubbing is not the cause, but it sure is the opportunity. What opportunity? All the guys are young enough for us to have given birth to them! Yes they may be kind on the eye, but oh my days, sleep with them? NO! They have only just started growing pubic hair and are still learning to use a razor! In what twisted world is that attractive? Actually no, don't tell me, as that would lead down a road that I do NOT want to go down. I doubt any sane man or woman would want to either. Link to post Share on other sites
OldRover Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 What opportunity? All the guys are young enough for us to have given birth to them! Yes they may be kind on the eye, but oh my days, sleep with them? NO! They have only just started growing pubic hair and are still learning to use a razor! In what twisted world is that attractive? Actually no, don't tell me, as that would lead down a road that I do NOT want to go down. I doubt any sane man or woman would want to either. You're going to the wrong aged clubs.... there's clubs for all ages. And you can still pick up some young dude and be a cougar.... some do. Whatever you want, there's plenty of opportunity. Link to post Share on other sites
serial muse Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 You know your mind and who you associate with. There is a whole world outside of your circle. I am a man and I know how some men can be. I have seem guys blatantly cheat on business trips and their wives knew nothing about it so I am not going to call an honest and faithful woman a misandrist and accuse her of trying to control men if she has some fears about being betrayed. I can certainly admit there are members of my gender who can't be trusted for anything so why can't you admit the same? But then the analog here would be that men shouldn't go on business trips because it's an opportunity to cheat. And yet no one would suggest such a thing. The point, I think, is that people who want to cheat - men OR women - will find a way to do it, and being draconian about clubbing isn't going to solve a thing. I think that's realistic, not naive. The fact is that there's a double standard here, no question. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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