Honest perspective requested

[kieraglass]

Rea,

 

Your situation mirrors mine. However, I did indeed become pregnant a year and a half or so, in, about twenty months into the affair. We were both married. My MM was elated. I thought at the time it was because he loved me, but I see now, as you said, it may have been because it would finally compel him to get off the fence and leave, by force of hand.

 

I left my marriage wanting to do right by the baby. I was 42. Half term I went into premature labor and our son died. He was still at home married, still making deadlines and not meeting them. All his elation over the baby and he never even came to be by my side in hospital. They are not authentic people, these men who juggle their realities. We think, because we are authentic, that they must be as well. We think, because we love and risk so much, that it must be, will be, someday, mutual, but we're deluded. They're incredibly adept at the half in, half out game, on us, on their families, on their long spouse. .. They are damaged, manipulative people, and we are caught in their web of fantasy and lies.

 

My MM is still there now a year and a half later, after our son's passing. And I am still in limbo. Crushed. Unwilling to move on after all I went through for him, thinking, every day, what if he does leave for me? How can I end it, with that possible future? On and on it goes, the someday carrot dangling. Meanwhile, I am celebrating our child's first birthday, by lighting a memory candle, alone this weekend, while he is with his family.

 

Don't let this happen to you, Rea. At the very least, get on birth control. Please. This was the worst experience of my life, trusting him, and his promises. Trusting his joy at my pregnancy.

 

The compassionate responses to your post have been insightful, and they have helped me see things even more clearly. I'm thankful to your responders.

 

 

I don't think your MM will ever leave, and i don't think mine will, either. I've been in this hell nearly two years since I peed on that stick. Don't waste two more years, as I did. I implore you. I'm so different now, so low. I want out more than I've ever wanted anything and yet, I remain, dehumanized. I'm changed to my very core. I hope you are stronger than me and stop this before you waste so much more of your life.

 

I'd do anything to go back. I know I have the power in me to change my now but I simply don't know how. All affairs weaken our self esteem to some degree. Otherwise we wouldn't continue holding on. But this has been catastrophic. Get out. It's all I can say. And btw? I'm not sure, either, if he truly texted his daughter accidentally even once, never mind twice. Mine had a couple of drama stories and close calls as well, stories I believe he concocted to distance himself for a time from the chaos of our affair. It's called a side exit. Sometimes they need a dramatic,albeit entirely fake, excuse, so you won't flip out. It's common.

 

I wish you so very well, rea. I'm so sorry you are in this place with the rest of us.

[MidnightBlue1980]

Kiera, I am very sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story. You've given me a lot to think about. I wish you peace.

[Grammie]

Kieraglass, your story brought tears to my eyes. I hope you can find the courage to let go of that destructive MM. He has caused enough harm to your emotional well being; don't allow any more to happen. Please be brave and move forward with your life.

 

OP, like others, I doubt the "oops" texts...one way to be sure is to ask to see his phone and see the text message he allegedly sent..or any messages from his daughter after she read the texts? Just seems highly unlikely he would send 2 texts; you would think after the first one, he would have learned his lesson. Only he knows the truth. Like others, I hope you are moving forward and leaving the affair behind you.