I hate my head...

[FallenAngelFromHell]

So me and this guy have been In a relationship for just over a week, I'm going to explain the whole situation, he's 31 and I'm 23, we've been best friends for just over a year as it happens, we never intended to become partners, but lately we confessed our feelings for each other and he always did like me more than a friend, he's always been there for me and he makes me real happy

Now this happened not long after I was in a relationship with another guy who I thought I loved but I don't think I did, all I know is I've loved the guy I'm with right now for a while I've cared for him and been there for him a lot, he has a little girl who's aged 10 and even though we have only been going out a week he introduced her to me and I've been talking to her and she even likes a lot of the same things that I like and she's just really awesome, he told me I was going to be a mum to her as well, things have been going amazing and he's not given me any reason to doubt him, he tells me every day he loves me, that he's not going to leave me, that he wants to spend a future with me, and that he is going to come here, he's in America and I'm in Scotland but that doesn't stop him, he's jobless right now as he lost his job and says when he can get the money he's coming here with his daughter, we Skype all the time and talk on different things.

The reason I'm here is mainly because of my bipolar and mental health aswell, so his ex had a go at him the other day said some really horrible things and tried to make him feel guilty... The only reason he didn't block her was because she still has his daughters puppy, but he has now.... I actually really do trust him cause he print screened the whole conversation and showed me everything that was said... They had a long relationship of 3-4 years and I get that completely as I was in the same a year ago and I understand how hard it must be to be reminded of them but ever since I can't stop getting myself into right states I'm not eating again and not sleeping and I've told him, but he's not replied or been online since but yet again he's looking after his daughter who he just got custody of... I understand she comes first but I can't stop myself getting so worked up... He did tell me he needed to catch up on sleep that he felt unwell, and stressed and he promised me that everything was going to be ok between us, that he wouldn't leave and so on, that he loved me very much, but it just feels like the last relationship I was in, where I was told they weren't going to leave and so on.

I have major trust issues but things have changed a little since we have been together from when we were best friends, obviously he does tell me everything but sometimes I wonder he might not tell me everything that goes on in his head like he use to. I just don't know what to do. He's not given me any reason to worry but my bipolar and severe anxiety I feel is getting in the way now. I hate it. I love him very much. I don't want to feel like a burden to him and I always tell him when something's bothering me but just this is the first time I can't repeated to himself again and again and not feel like screaming or crying or hurting myself but I've got this far and I'm ok. Surely you wouldn't introduce someone to your little girl if you weren't serious.... I just can't stop my head going around and I feel like im going crazy

[ExpatInItaly]

Whoooooa, Nellie. Hold your horses a bit here, OP.

 

Have you ever met him in person? If not, do not get invested or emotionally attached unless and until that happens. What does it mean to be in a relationship with a person who lives on the other side of the world?

 

I don't mean to be a naysayer, but there are some big red flags here. Him claiming he will never leave you is one of them. This is simply not a realistic declaration when you haven't had an offline relationship, and I hope you can see that. The same goes for him introducing his daughter to you. How did you meet her? He very likely would not be able to travel internationally with his minor daughter without the written consent of her mom, too.

 

Also, him being jobless but promising to bring his daughter to visit is another. Don't pin your hopes on this right now. If he has no job, where is he currently living? Who pays his bills and for his daughter's care?

 

The bottom line is that this not just your anxiety or Bi-polar speaking to you - it's your common sense and logic screaming at you to be careful.

 

Please take care of your well-being first. Are you currently in any type of treatment for your Bi-polar and anxiety?

Edited January 4, 2016 by ExpatInItaly

[TaraMaiden2]

Spot the red flags:

 

So me and this guy have been In a relationship for just over a week, I'm going to explain the whole situation, he's 31 and I'm 23, we've been best friends for just over a year as it happens, we never intended to become partners, but lately we confessed our feelings for each other and he always did like me more than a friend, he's always been there for me and he makes me real happy

Now this happened not long after I was in a relationship with another guy who I thought I loved but I don't think I did, all I know is I've loved the guy I'm with right now for a while I've cared for him and been there for him a lot, he has a little girl who's aged 10 and even though we have only been going out a week he introduced her to me and I've been talking to her and she even likes a lot of the same things that I like and she's just really awesome, he told me I was going to be a mum to her as well, things have been going amazing and he's not given me any reason to doubt him, he tells me every day he loves me, that he's not going to leave me, that he wants to spend a future with me, and that he is going to come here, he's in America and I'm in Scotland but that doesn't stop him, he's jobless right now as he lost his job and says when he can get the money he's coming here with his daughter, we Skype all the time and talk on different things.

The reason I'm here is mainly because of my bipolar and mental health aswell, so his ex had a go at him the other day said some really horrible things and tried to make him feel guilty... The only reason he didn't block her was because she still has his daughters puppy, but he has now.... I actually really do trust him cause he print screened the whole conversation and showed me everything that was said... They had a long relationship of 3-4 years and I get that completely as I was in the same a year ago and I understand how hard it must be to be reminded of them but ever since I can't stop getting myself into right states I'm not eating again and not sleeping and I've told him, but he's not replied or been online since but yet again he's looking after his daughter who he just got custody of... I understand she comes first but I can't stop myself getting so worked up... He did tell me he needed to catch up on sleep that he felt unwell, and stressed and he promised me that everything was going to be ok between us, that he wouldn't leave and so on, that he loved me very much, but it just feels like the last relationship I was in, where I was told they weren't going to leave and so on.

I have major trust issues but things have changed a little since we have been together from when we were best friends, obviously he does tell me everything but sometimes I wonder he might not tell me everything that goes on in his head like he use to. I just don't know what to do. He's not given me any reason to worry but my bipolar and severe anxiety I feel is getting in the way now. I hate it. I love him very much. I don't want to feel like a burden to him and I always tell him when something's bothering me but just this is the first time I can't repeated to himself again and again and not feel like screaming or crying or hurting myself but I've got this far and I'm ok. Surely you wouldn't introduce someone to your little girl if you weren't serious.... I just can't stop my head going around and I feel like im going crazy

 

First of all, are you under supervision and medication for your bi-polar condition and other mental issues? Do you have a therapist?

 

If you want me to be brutally honest, and I'm trying to be gentle here, I would advise not only you - but him as well, to take things far more slowly, relax and not hurry anything.

 

You, if you will forgive me for saying so, should not be a mother to his daughter. He has no right to dismiss his daughter's mom in that way, nor state his desire or expectation of you.

You're only 23, and to be honest, with the issues you have, don't need to have that weight added....

As an additional factor, your brain has actually not finished developing to 'adult-mode' yet, which is a biological fact, but certainly nothing you can do anything about. It's simple development and biology. But you're close.... however, with your bi-polar condition, it's not easy for you.

 

As questioned, have you guys actually met, physically?