Dela Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 one week ago the wife found out about the affair... she found some pics of me in his phone and nothing else... the hell started i wanted to protect him because she was threatening to leave with the kids again, so we agreed he will tell her we met few months ago and we just chatted online, nothing else... i told him he can give her my phone number to confirm if she wants... turns out she asked for my fb and he gave it to her and she messaged me... when i saw i immediatelly texted him and i thought i was talking to him, but the wife had his phone and she pretended it s him... so bottom line i confirmed that we did sleep together (while i thought i was talking to him)... i tried to make this situation easier for him and his kids and it bit me in the a$$... so he made the whole situation as he met me and we had sex 2 times as a revenge for her affair... i felt bad talking to her... she was not mean(just a little). i told her i m sorry and i never intended to ruin her family.. she said it s ok, that i didn t do that, he did.. i feel awful that she doesn t know the whole story i don t know if i should tell her or not. he s a coward that told me if she wants to reconcile after this, he may do that (for the kids)... but he loves me and doesn t wanna give up on me (WTF).. Link to post Share on other sites
HappyAgain2014 Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 Hopefully now you can see this is all about him. His concern isn't his wife or you. It's always about him. He had an opportunity to tell her he loved you. Instead, you've been relegated to being the tool for his revenge for her affair. Pay attention to how he's characterizing you. You've been minimized in the most predictable way. Kids are merely an excuse for his inaction. If he was really concerned about his kids, he wouldn't be bouncing in and out of an affair. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dela Posted December 30, 2015 Author Share Posted December 30, 2015 Hopefully now you can see this is all about him. His concern isn't his wife or you. It's always about him. He had an opportunity to tell her he loved you. Instead, you've been relegated to being the tool for his revenge for her affair. Pay attention to how he's characterizing you. You've been minimized in the most predictable way. Kids are merely an excuse for his inaction. If he was really concerned about his kids, he wouldn't be bouncing in and out of an affair. it was mostly my idea... i wanted her not to know everything about us, not to cause a drama with the kids and all... Link to post Share on other sites
HappyAgain2014 Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 Your idea? Now that you're minimizing yourself, what's left? You do realize he's a grown man who has made choices and now you're protecting him at your expense? Why? This man has lied to you, convinced you to abort his child, future faked, and now you're lying to his wife by basically saying you're nothing but a revenge affair. None of that is love. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dela Posted December 30, 2015 Author Share Posted December 30, 2015 Your idea? Now that you're minimizing yourself, what's left? You do realize he's a grown man who has made choices and now you're protecting him at your expense? Why? This man has lied to you, convinced you to abort his child, future faked, and now you're lying to his wife by basically saying you're nothing but a revenge affair. None of that is love. i just didn t want him to suffer for the kids!!! she is constantly threatening to take them and leave. he is so "soft" and he won t do anything. i didn t want him to lose his kids because of me or something. that s all i was trying to do. now i m not sure if his wife should in fact know about everything and that s it. Link to post Share on other sites
HappyAgain2014 Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 She should know the truth but you won't tell her because you're "loyal" to him. If you tell her, you'll lose him. You know that and it's the real reason you won't be honest with her. At this point, I hope you realize you shouldn't want him. He'd do all of to you, too. Tell her the truth and walk away. At least you'll get some of your dignity back. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Midwestmissy Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 He is so soft and won't do anything. Honey, that's the behavior that got him into an affair to begin with. I think some men choose to place themselves between 2 women very deliberately. It keeps them from having to act. Not making a decision is the decision. He's a conflict avoidant &$@ bag with 2 women. This IS his choice because he's soft and a giant coward. Not sure what's attractive or sexy or manly about that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Faust Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 He's not the coward. It is easy to blame him when it sounds like a lot of this is on you. I am almost starting to feel sorry for this moronic MM. Link to post Share on other sites
Midwestmissy Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 Agreed. There's a lot of mess here on both sides. Dela, you should really move on and away from this marriage that's not yours. I don't hear love and passion, it all seems to be about noise and drama. Not cool when you're 50, just pathetic. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dela Posted December 30, 2015 Author Share Posted December 30, 2015 Agreed. There's a lot of mess here on both sides. Dela, you should really move on and away from this marriage that's not yours. I don't hear love and passion, it all seems to be about noise and drama. Not cool when you're 50, just pathetic. i m not 50!!! Link to post Share on other sites
WestEndGirl Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 i just didn t want him to suffer for the kids!!! she is constantly threatening to take them and leave. he is so "soft" and he won t do anything. i didn t want him to lose his kids because of me or something. that s all i was trying to do. now i m not sure if his wife should in fact know about everything and that s it. Bullsh*t. He's not going to "lose his kids" because he had an A. When have you ever in your life heard of someone who never saw their kids again because they fell in love outside of their M? If you can't think of any situations, that's because they don't exist. No judge in the land would let that happen, and any MM who really believes that this is possible is operating with only a couple of neurons firing. 11 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dela Posted December 30, 2015 Author Share Posted December 30, 2015 She should know the truth but you won't tell her because you're "loyal" to him. If you tell her, you'll lose him. You know that and it's the real reason you won't be honest with her. At this point, I hope you realize you shouldn't want him. He'd do all of to you, too. Tell her the truth and walk away. At least you'll get some of your dignity back. that s true.... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Faust Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 Bullsh*t. He's not going to "lose his kids" because he had an A. When have you ever in your life heard of someone who never saw their kids again because they fell in love outside of their M? If you can't think of any situations, that's because they don't exist. No judge in the land would let that happen, and any MM who really believes that this is possible is operating with only a couple of neurons firing. You would think someone in her professional capacity would know this already... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Midwestmissy Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 Ugh I know you're not 50. And that shouldn't be the comment that most offends you. Smh. But continuing this behavior at 50 will be pathetic. So shut that **** down now 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dela Posted December 30, 2015 Author Share Posted December 30, 2015 and after all this, i still hear "is she will want to reconcile, i probably will"... so what now he thinks i will wait around another year until his wife decides if SHE wants him or not?? WTF. i see no fighting for me in this. i never asked him to D. he was the one talking about it and said he will. if i m guilty for something is that i foolishly believed in him. and now i hear that the wife finding out about me makes things harder... WTF... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dela Posted December 30, 2015 Author Share Posted December 30, 2015 You would think someone in her professional capacity would know this already... well i already know that... i tried to let him decide his life, gave him time, tried to protect him from this hell and believed he will do something! if u wanna blame me for something, that s it Link to post Share on other sites
Midwestmissy Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 It's awful to realize, but know that the only thing important to him was being believed - by you and his bw. That he was lying meant nothing to him, as long as he had you believing, he gets what he wants from both of you. And it worked. Because right now, you feel worse than he does. And feeling bad is what he's been avoiding at all costs. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
WestEndGirl Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 You would think someone in her professional capacity would know this already... Yup. What I think most of these MM really fear is that they'll get stuck with close to 50/50 custody. Which means that they'll get stuck with all of the crappy tasks their Ws do, like cooking for the kids, driving the kids around, and basically having to deal with the tantrums and drama, and not just the Kodak Moments. On weekends, heaven forbid. 12 Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Faust Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 You are guilty of going along with his lies and bull**** with your eyes wide open. You are guilty of collaborating with him to further deceive, in fact you say the revenge affair was your idea. You are guilty of casting all the blame on him while playing the hapless woman being strung along by a man. Supposedly you are a psychotherapist and should be very aware of your own part in this game, but you continue to minimize your role while exacerbating his. There are people who are victims, and then there are willing victims who thrive in their vixtimhood. You are revealing yourself to be the latter. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Midwestmissy Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 Lol. During my wh affair I was treated like a wife appliance. Reality bites for cheaters, fantasy island is much sunnier. BUT the everyday stuff with the kids is really the gift. The odd hug kiss and thank you from an angsty teen is pure gold. Not veneer affair fakery. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 Yup. What I think most of these MM really fear is that they'll get stuck with close to 50/50 custody. Which means that they'll get stuck with all of the crappy tasks their Ws do, like cooking for the kids, driving the kids around, and basically having to deal with the tantrums and drama, and not just the Kodak Moments. On weekends, heaven forbid. What...? Are you really saying most MM don't want a full, genuine relationship with their kids? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dela Posted December 30, 2015 Author Share Posted December 30, 2015 You are guilty of going along with his lies and bull**** with your eyes wide open. You are guilty of collaborating with him to further deceive, in fact you say the revenge affair was your idea. You are guilty of casting all the blame on him while playing the hapless woman being strung along by a man. Supposedly you are a psychotherapist and should be very aware of your own part in this game, but you continue to minimize your role while exacerbating his. There are people who are victims, and then there are willing victims who thrive in their vixtimhood. You are revealing yourself to be the latter. no it was not my idea to make the situation as a rvenge. that was his idea!!!! my idea was not to tell her we had sex!!! that s all. i didn t want her to know we had sex bcause she was going crazy about the kids and all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dela Posted December 30, 2015 Author Share Posted December 30, 2015 he was the one that told her we met right after he found out about her affair, to make it look like he was furious and that s why he cheated on her with me... he even lied in therapy about that when he was alone and with her... Link to post Share on other sites
Midwestmissy Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 I think she's saying the sexy titillating affair seems great until reality sets in. My wh did give up a lot of time with the kids - the not fun stuff like excruciating concerts lol and regrets it now. And reality with your own family is usually better than finding out the reality with your ap's dysfunction is really awful. Because oh yeah, we are both liars. The affair in my wh was case was short, but I remember the day I asked him if he ever considered having the mow sleep under the same roof as our kids (I was trying to figure out the emotional level they had) and vice versa (she has 4) and he went white as a sheet. That nasty reality was never part of the fantasy because, well, ew. He likened her to a moped - it seemed harmless and fun until someone saw him with her. Then it was embarrassing. And yes, I pointed out to him what an arrogant dumba$$ he was for saying such a thing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
WestEndGirl Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 What...? Are you really saying most MM don't want a full, genuine relationship with their kids? I take this comment as tongue-in-cheek! Hell, if I had it as easy as most of these MM do, I might have had a kid or two. I have a MM friend who travels overseas frequently and works till late at night. He gets the Kodak Moment of kissing his children goodnight once they're already tucked in. Everything that happens before that time is his W's to deal with. Not saying these guys don't love their children -- but there is a difference between being a parent and a caregiver. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
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