LimeBlue Posted January 6, 2016 Share Posted January 6, 2016 thanks so much this was his answer when i specifically asked IF we r taking a break or if it s really over (i asked specifically because in october when he came back, he told me he just needed some time and he should have said it like that, blah blah) so, his answer "i think it s the safest if we bahave as it s over. if it s meant to be, and my conclusions will be in this direction, i know to find you. but to put temporary hold means creating some expectations that could be proven wrong and i don t want that" As I said in another post somewhere else on these forumsites (can't remember if it was this thread), your MM and mine are cut from the same cloth and this proves it. They are masters at word salads. You will NEVER get a straight and honest answer from him, nor will I from my MM. It dawned on me yesterday that not only do I need to work on getting past him, but I need to come to terms with the fact that no matter how hard I try, he is not ever going to be honest with me nor give me an honest answer. Everything I ask is always met with a word salad. Everything. Perhaps if you think back you will see the same pattern from your MM. I still don't know how to get past it all though. I'm hoping that by acknowledging this, it will help the process. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted January 6, 2016 Share Posted January 6, 2016 Just don't interact with him at all! Take care of you! Pamper yourself and reward yourself each day you stay no contact. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LimeBlue Posted January 6, 2016 Share Posted January 6, 2016 It's not very attractive, manly or sexy to watch a grown man behave like a complete wimp. I'd love to use harsh language, but I get in trouble here. He's using word salad to make you feel like you have a chance, when in fact he wants you to sit tight with your legs closed while he puts out fires at home and reads up on becoming a better cheater. He is not leaving her. He loves her and wants to stay married to her. He makes her seem like a monster so you might feel bad and want to stick around. If he's the prize in this contest, it's time to make a clean break. He's so terrified of looking at himself he juggles with drama to distract himself. By not being up front with you, he doesn't have to make a decision. You will be replaced once you leave for good - his void can't be filled until he gets help. This guy is seriously effed up. This is my MM to a tee. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
seren Posted January 6, 2016 Share Posted January 6, 2016 Hi Dela, I have just read your posts and others you have written. I hope you are feeling OK today and that each day has you moving forward, not looking back, not trying to second guess what the MM meant or how his wife is or isn't. I hope that you take from this experience that you are in control of your life, that you cannot change what has happened, but you can control how you move on. You are just 26, you should have the World at your feet with plans for your future that don't rely on another making decisions that will affect you, but not include you. When I read posts like this I feel so old, I am nearly 59 so maybe a little old, but, I have learned that I will never knowingly be second to anyone. I hope you never ever allow someone to make you feel it is OK to knowingly share. Love doesn't work that way. Don't let someone hide you or make you out to be someone you aren't. I hope you can move forward, cut all contact, heal and then get on with your life with confidence and understanding that you are someone's first prize, to be loved and cherished. Take care of you x seren 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dela Posted January 6, 2016 Author Share Posted January 6, 2016 thanks so much for your posts i feel ok-ish, DAY 2 NC, i actually got some clients for therapy and i have appointments this week and i m thinking about their cases and how can i help them (i know i m in a ****ty place now with my own life, but i do very well fixing others, lol). It should help me focus on my work and myself, and well, MM can go f.u.c.k. himself. i now realize how much of myself i left behind and put on hold for the last months-year just because i was involved in his problems, always worrying about him and trying to FIX him and his drama. and for what? who i was protecting? he knows i won t tell his wife the whole truth, so that s not why he left the door open. but look who i was protecting and supporting!! a man who didn t think twice about dumping me like i m some kind of garbage, like i didn t mean anything! he doesn t deserve me! noneof these MM deserve us. I used to feel worthless, like oh why he dumped me, is it something wrong with me? Feeling worthless is the worst! But i realized i am not worthless! Maybe he is! Hugs, Girls 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted January 6, 2016 Share Posted January 6, 2016 Dela .. you'll be just fine in the end. Just keep telling yourself you're one hell of a catch for the right guy. Deep down you know the kind of life and future you want ..... get your old self back and you'll be so much happier. Link to post Share on other sites
Brokenlady Posted January 6, 2016 Share Posted January 6, 2016 thanks so much for your posts i feel ok-ish, DAY 2 NC, i actually got some clients for therapy and i have appointments this week and i m thinking about their cases and how can i help them (i know i m in a ****ty place now with my own life, but i do very well fixing others, lol). It should help me focus on my work and myself, and well, MM can go f.u.c.k. himself. i now realize how much of myself i left behind and put on hold for the last months-year just because i was involved in his problems, always worrying about him and trying to FIX him and his drama. and for what? who i was protecting? he knows i won t tell his wife the whole truth, so that s not why he left the door open. but look who i was protecting and supporting!! a man who didn t think twice about dumping me like i m some kind of garbage, like i didn t mean anything! he doesn t deserve me! noneof these MM deserve us. I used to feel worthless, like oh why he dumped me, is it something wrong with me? Feeling worthless is the worst! But i realized i am not worthless! Maybe he is! Hugs, Girls Stay strong and remind yourself as often as you need to what he really is and that he cannot and will not ever change. Accepting that makes it so much easier to let it all go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dela Posted January 6, 2016 Author Share Posted January 6, 2016 so, i was wondering, what s happening in MM house now? she cheated, he cheated, they both know, i m out of the picture, he s still going to therapy (where he talks about us, i know he s going because i recommended that guy and i know he is going), he "dumped me" still leaving a door open and still saying he doesn t know what to do... i don t want him to come back in this situation again, as to have me as OW, i really don t feel any urge to text him or anything, but i know he will be back and i just hope he only does that if his marriage is over. i kind of appreciate he left me alone for now, my brain was exhausted from all this drama and he really has many stuff to fix about himself and i m glad i m not there to see and worry about him anymore... i do miss him, it s only been 2 days NC and 8 days since i last saw him i know this isn t going to go away fast. it hurts to completely let go when in the last 4 months i was thinking he is going to divorce... i had plans and dreams and now i just have to let it all go... just having a sad night Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted January 6, 2016 Share Posted January 6, 2016 Be ready - because he will come on strong when he realizes you aren't contacting him. Have a plan to stay busy so you don't fall into his trap. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Brokenlady Posted January 7, 2016 Share Posted January 7, 2016 so, i was wondering, what s happening in MM house now? she cheated, he cheated, they both know, i m out of the picture, he s still going to therapy (where he talks about us, i know he s going because i recommended that guy and i know he is going), he "dumped me" still leaving a door open and still saying he doesn t know what to do... i don t want him to come back in this situation again, as to have me as OW, i really don t feel any urge to text him or anything, but i know he will be back and i just hope he only does that if his marriage is over. i kind of appreciate he left me alone for now, my brain was exhausted from all this drama and he really has many stuff to fix about himself and i m glad i m not there to see and worry about him anymore... i do miss him, it s only been 2 days NC and 8 days since i last saw him i know this isn t going to go away fast. it hurts to completely let go when in the last 4 months i was thinking he is going to divorce... i had plans and dreams and now i just have to let it all go... just having a sad night Even if when he comes sniffing back around he is single, that doesn't undo the really messed up stuff he's already done. And it doesn't change the fact that he's personality disordered- which can only bring you misery. But I'm sure it won't be long before he tries to engage you again. I'd put money on it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lemondrop21 Posted January 7, 2016 Share Posted January 7, 2016 Be ready - because he will come on strong when he realizes you aren't contacting him. Have a plan to stay busy so you don't fall into his trap. Just think of how amazingly strong you will feel when he reaches out and you don't respond. And then when it happens again. And again. Play this through in your mind so that when the time comes, you will be ready!! Good luck, I know you can do it! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dela Posted January 7, 2016 Author Share Posted January 7, 2016 (edited) Day 3 NC almost over... sometimes i miss him, than i cry, than i hate him, than i love him i swear, breaking up and letting go of someone feels like rehab. u go thru hell until u find some peace and get rid of it!! arghhhh Edited January 7, 2016 by Dela oneletter Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 7, 2016 Share Posted January 7, 2016 he s still going to therapy (where he talks about us, i know he s going because i recommended that guy and i know he is going), he "dumped me" still leaving a door open and still saying he doesn t know what to do... How do you this? Is the therapist telling you information about his sessions?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dela Posted January 7, 2016 Author Share Posted January 7, 2016 How do you this? Is the therapist telling you information about his sessions?? nooo, we don t do that. i just know he s going and he s talking about everything there. i recommended that guy because he s very good Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Girl Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 nooo, we don t do that. i just know he s going and he s talking about everything there. i recommended that guy because he s very good How do you know this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dela Posted January 8, 2016 Author Share Posted January 8, 2016 How do you know this? because he s seeing 2 therapists. one that he s telling the truth(this guy) and the other one where he lies because his wife goes sometimes with him also (she went once 3 weeks before) where they talk about their problems and whether they should divorce or not. Link to post Share on other sites
MusicGirl Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 the wise thing to do is just to back out of the situation, even though its seemingly impossible when you're stuck with strong feelings for a person in a marriage. If you tell her it's useless, at this point what she doesn't know detail wise won't hurt her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dela Posted January 8, 2016 Author Share Posted January 8, 2016 day 5 NC is over... i m feeling ok-ish but i miss him so much... i was busy today so i didn t feel the pain and absence.. someone invited me out for a coffee and i said maybe (i will not go). i m not ready for this again and the thought of going out there and date some stupid single men is not working with me right now. i m not ready to deal with other screwed men. i feel ok alone for a while. i read my last conversation with MM to my therapist and she just laughed and laughed )) told me he will be back... well, i m not ready for that either so unless he comes back divorced i don t wanna discuss being his OW again. i feel somehow relieved and at least the WAITING IS OVER! How is everyone feeling today? Hugs 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MJJean Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 day 5 NC is over... i m feeling ok-ish but i miss him so much... i was busy today so i didn t feel the pain and absence.. someone invited me out for a coffee and i said maybe (i will not go). i m not ready for this again and the thought of going out there and date some stupid single men is not working with me right now. i m not ready to deal with other screwed men. i feel ok alone for a while. i read my last conversation with MM to my therapist and she just laughed and laughed )) told me he will be back... well, i m not ready for that either so unless he comes back divorced i don t wanna discuss being his OW again. i feel somehow relieved and at least the WAITING IS OVER! How is everyone feeling today? Hugs It's good to be alone and become increasingly comfortable with your own company. It's also good to be open to life and possibility. You don't have to date and maybe fall in love with every and any male who asks you for coffee, ya know! Why not go, chat, be social, and enjoy the company of another human being? It doesn't have to be a big deal, woman! You can make friends! Have you been going out and doing anything? Have you been keeping busy when you're alone? Exercising? Learning to cook a new dish? Watching tv, movies, documentaries? Reading? Researching whatever tickles your fancy at the moment? I really hope you're at least trying to be optimistic. There is so much in live to know and explore! I'm having a decent day. Kids home, errands run. Thinking about a hot shower, some comfy clothes, and a bottle of wine. Then I'll spend hours online trying to figure out how to do my living room windows. This will include many instructional pages on such interesting (to me) topics like how to make roman shades and how to make plantation shutters because premade is ridiculously expensive! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dela Posted January 8, 2016 Author Share Posted January 8, 2016 It's good to be alone and become increasingly comfortable with your own company. It's also good to be open to life and possibility. You don't have to date and maybe fall in love with every and any male who asks you for coffee, ya know! Why not go, chat, be social, and enjoy the company of another human being? It doesn't have to be a big deal, woman! You can make friends! Have you been going out and doing anything? Have you been keeping busy when you're alone? Exercising? Learning to cook a new dish? Watching tv, movies, documentaries? Reading? Researching whatever tickles your fancy at the moment? I really hope you're at least trying to be optimistic. There is so much in live to know and explore! I'm having a decent day. Kids home, errands run. Thinking about a hot shower, some comfy clothes, and a bottle of wine. Then I'll spend hours online trying to figure out how to do my living room windows. This will include many instructional pages on such interesting (to me) topics like how to make roman shades and how to make plantation shutters because premade is ridiculously expensive! thanks, MJ )) No i don t wanna socialize with any men )) i m fine by myself for now, i have friends and i don t need others ) i m keeping myself busy, i sleep and eat chocolate it s not getting better but i know it will. i miss him everyday but i will survive. i m glad u re keeping yourself busy also. decorating is a nice thing. i will have to move into a new place in 7 months and can t wait to erase my MM from my house by having a new one. he is here everywhere (arghhh). i wish it was summer. suffering feels much better on a beach somewhere )) hugs Link to post Share on other sites
oceansaway Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 Me day about 21 NC. Feeling good. Joined a gym and working out everyday. Feels good without drama and tension everyday. Looking forward to dating when I am ready Link to post Share on other sites
MJJean Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 thanks, MJ )) No i don t wanna socialize with any men )) i m fine by myself for now, i have friends and i don t need others ) i m keeping myself busy, i sleep and eat chocolate it s not getting better but i know it will. i miss him everyday but i will survive. i m glad u re keeping yourself busy also. decorating is a nice thing. i will have to move into a new place in 7 months and can t wait to erase my MM from my house by having a new one. he is here everywhere (arghhh). i wish it was summer. suffering feels much better on a beach somewhere )) hugs When I was trying to get over an AP I actually cared about as a person and had been close to before and during the affair, I had memories of him everywhere, too. For weeks, every time I saw something he liked/didn't like I'd change it to make it mine and erase the associated memory of him. When my exH finally moved out, I tossed the bedroom set and got a used one from a friend rather than sleep in the room with the things he'd used for years. I also went through the house decluttering, reorganizing, and rearranging pretty much everything. while I was at it, I purged things he gave me. It helped. A lot. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dela Posted January 9, 2016 Author Share Posted January 9, 2016 When I was trying to get over an AP I actually cared about as a person and had been close to before and during the affair, I had memories of him everywhere, too. For weeks, every time I saw something he liked/didn't like I'd change it to make it mine and erase the associated memory of him. When my exH finally moved out, I tossed the bedroom set and got a used one from a friend rather than sleep in the room with the things he'd used for years. I also went through the house decluttering, reorganizing, and rearranging pretty much everything. while I was at it, I purged things he gave me. It helped. A lot. Well, i will have to do that also. I was actually thinking i could buy another bed and donate this one i m having now... Until i move, MM s ghost is still here all over. But the bed i would definitelly change 2 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted January 13, 2016 Share Posted January 13, 2016 How's it going Dela? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dela Posted January 13, 2016 Author Share Posted January 13, 2016 How's it going Dela? Hei girl... I m surviving... It s been more than a week. Hru doing? Hugs Link to post Share on other sites
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