Only 2 days NC and I want to contact her so bad!

[Lobouspo]

I know my relationship had really grown toxic and unhealthy, and given LDR circumstances it would have been tough to make it work regardless. I miss her terribly. She literally drove me to tears more than any woman I had ever been with so why do I miss her? Why do I want to just hear her voice and tell how much I still care and love her? What's wrong with me? I feel like such a codependent coward feeling this way. Please any advice or words of encouragement/support would be greatly appreciated. I am literally crying right now typing this!! I am so bad..

[Hls923]

I know it hurts like hell right now, and I wish I could say it'll get better soon, but every situation is different. What I do know from experience is that you will not get any satisfaction from contacting her right now. If anything, you will end up pushing her further away. You both need space to process and reevaluate.

 

My ex of 1 1/2 years broke up with me 3 days before Christmas. We had been on and off throughout, but our problems never involved somebody else. This time he said he was breaking it off because he met someone. He has a neurological disease which causes mood swings and impulsive behavior, but ultimately the decision he made ripped my heart out. He still wanted to bring me my Christmas gift, and texted me on Christmas asking again if he could bring me the gift---I said it wasn't a good idea right now.

 

No contact is the only way to go. If you're meant to be together, they must contact you and want to work things out. Unfortunately it has to be that way. They have to be the one to open the lines of communication..

 

Get it all out on these forums, and read the stories of others who are going through the same thing. It is very helpful, and a great distraction. Anything you are temped to say to her---say it here instead.

Edited January 4, 2016 by Hls923

[jen1447]

You're literally undergoing a chemical dependency withdrawal right now so there's nothing any of us can say to make that go away. Just know that you're not the only one this ever happened to, you're not alone despite how you feel, and it'll eventually get better.

[Lobouspo]

I know it hurts like hell right now, and I wish I could say it'll get better soon, but every situation is different. What I do know from experience is that you will not get any satisfaction from contacting her right now. If anything, you will end up pushing her further away. You both need space to process and reevaluate.

 

My ex of 1 1/2 years broke up with me 3 days before Christmas. We had been on and off throughout, but our problems never involved somebody else. This time he said he was breaking it off because he met someone. He has a neurological disease which causes mood swings and impulsive behavior, but ultimately the decision he made ripped my heart out. He still wanted to bring me my Christmas gift, and texted me on Christmas asking again if he could bring me the gift---I said it wasn't a good idea right now.

 

No contact is the only way to go. If you're meant to be together, they must contact you and want to work things out. Unfortunately it has to be that way. They have to be the one to open the lines of communication..

 

Get it all out on these forums, and read the stories of others who are going through the same thing. It is very helpful, and a great distraction. Anything you are temped to say to her---say it here instead.

 

 

Thanks so much! You know the weird thing is? We would breakup before, but she would always contact me within 48 hours saying she missed me and wanted to get back. I still have my Whatsapp active, as that was the primary means for communication. She was the only person I really communicated with on that, and I look at my phone, and see that blank app with no message alerts. I feel like such a loser, because as much as I want her to contact me and see her messages and hear her voice, I know it would just be bad. Even if we got back together it just wouldn't work long term because of circumstances/compatibility. Its like swallowing poison either way

[Hls923]

Seven days is the longest we have ever gone without speaking. After Christmas day when I told him he could not bring me my gift, we went to no contact for six days, but I broke down on January 2 and wished him a happy new year. Now I start back on no contact, today is day two. The ball is in his court, he dumped me........ It's really really hard, but he needs to know what it's like not having me in his life. I know that this new girl and he will not last. She is 13 years younger than his 50 years, she has the same progressive disease that he has, and lives in his building. I doubt it will go far........No one will ever love him like I do. He will see that and be sorry.....

[Lobouspo]

Seven days is the longest we have ever gone without speaking. After Christmas day when I told him he could not bring me my gift, we went to no contact for six days, but I broke down on January 2 and wished him a happy new year. Now I start back on no contact, today is day two. The ball is in his court, he dumped me........ It's really really hard, but he needs to know what it's like not having me in his life. I know that this new girl and he will not last. She is 13 years younger than his 50 years, she has the same progressive disease that he has, and lives in his building. I doubt it will go far........No one will ever love him like I do. He will see that and be sorry.....

 

 

Hang in there, I feel your pain. We both need to be strong and look at the big picture

[anonymousbear00101100]

The first month of my breakup I couldn't go six days without sending her a message. I didn't think I would ever be able to stop. But after exactly one month, I made a decision to start a strict NC. After a week I got the urge, but I pushed through that. It's been four weeks since I last contacted her, and I have no desire to do so.

 

However I did mess up two days ago and looked at her Facebook. No I didn't find out she had a new boyfriend, but I did see her face again. Part of what makes no contact so effective is that you start to forget. You forget what they look like, how they act, and that they exist. So in a moment of weakness, when you break to look at their face, you're just putting yourself back at square one, and now they likely look even more beautiful to you.

 

I tell you, it's like quitting drugs or gambling. You and I have the same problem. We were addicted to our exes because they made us feel validated and secure. I didn't even like my ex! But that doesn't mean it's not still hard. What I've found though that the longer I stay NC, the less I think about her. So yeah it hurts right now, but time will go by quickly and soon she won't occupy all your thoughts they way she does right now. But you have to make that conscious decision to fight every day for your happiness.

 

We have a lot in common with our situations. Toxic, unhealthy, long distance relationship with someone you loved but likely didn't like very much. Now you don't know why you miss her because she treated you terribly! That's me. You're not going through this alone, and I'm always here to talk about stuff.

Edited January 4, 2016 by rjblak13

[sickofyou]

Take it from me. You're going to have to resist the urge to contact her. There is nothing good that will come from it. You won't change anything. The answers you want won't be said. One question of yours is going to raise 5 more. You won't get done what you want. All that's going to happen is you will feel worse and more low than you do now. My fiance was seeing someone the whole month of November. And who the heck knows before then and who the heck knows who else. Our relationship consisted of her secretly contacting other men and exes. I gave her chance after chance after chance. She never stopped. The day before Thanksgiving I found this out. I wanted to talk, beg, pled but I knew how she was. She would use that as a time to manipulate and hurt me. I went NC . Since then she's tried calling but I won't answer. She sees per facebook that I'm out meeting new people and it infuriates her. She always makes an attempt to contact our mutual friends right after I post pics on fb. Inow she resorted to spreading rumors about me at work and calling my work trying to get me in trouble. She just wants anyone that will, to take her side and for her to play victim. I'm here to say that the pain of NC is only temporary. It has to run it's course. Nothing will make it stop. I slept alot. I would take a sleep aid and as soon as I wole up, I'd take another. I still have my bad days. But with her childish behavior, it makes this process much easier.

[Lobouspo]

Take it from me. You're going to have to resist the urge to contact her. There is nothing good that will come from it. You won't change anything. The answers you want won't be said. One question of yours is going to raise 5 more. You won't get done what you want. All that's going to happen is you will feel worse and more low than you do now. My fiance was seeing someone the whole month of November. And who the heck knows before then and who the heck knows who else. Our relationship consisted of her secretly contacting other men and exes. I gave her chance after chance after chance. She never stopped. The day before Thanksgiving I found this out. I wanted to talk, beg, pled but I knew how she was. She would use that as a time to manipulate and hurt me. I went NC . Since then she's tried calling but I won't answer. She sees per facebook that I'm out meeting new people and it infuriates her. She always makes an attempt to contact our mutual friends right after I post pics on fb. Inow she resorted to spreading rumors about me at work and calling my work trying to get me in trouble. She just wants anyone that will, to take her side and for her to play victim. I'm here to say that the pain of NC is only temporary. It has to run it's course. Nothing will make it stop. I slept alot. I would take a sleep aid and as soon as I wole up, I'd take another. I still have my bad days. But with her childish behavior, it makes this process much easier.

 

Thanks for the wise words and I'm sorry for what you're going through. You are stronger than me man. If she contacted me, I'm afraid I would not be able to resist the urge to respond! I finally just deleted my whatsapp. It was just too tempting to get on their and see if she was online and look at her pics .

[sickofyou]

By the time she tried to contact me I was in the anger stage. I didn't want to talk to her trifling self. Nothing she says I'll believe. It's all a ploy for something. Weeks before, I would have broken my fingers trying to answer. My point is time. Given time you'll be better. Once you're out of the woods and in the clerk. You'll look back and wonder why you were ever there. I don't hate my ex I juat detest the thought of her because of what all is s done and put me throigh. Since I'm the one that's avoiding her, its like she's become more of a thorn in my side. Now how fair do you think that is uo her new guy that she's using to get at me? I bet he does not even have a clue. She's trouble and always will be. Once your ship sails you'll be done.

[artnoveau]

Oh, I know the feeling.

Knowing that contact would be bad and thus not writing myself, but desperately hoping that the other person will write and things can go on as they were.

I had been broken up several times with my ex, but alway within a day he'd ask how I was and I knew there was a chance to get back together.

The last time he didn't write the day after and he hasn't written for five weeks now.

 

What helped me a bit was trying to find reasons for why he wouldn't write.

The first week I said to myself that he didn't want to hurt me further and thus avoided writing. I kept dragging this on and five weeks in most of the time I know he won't ever write to me again. But sometimes I still hope he does.

 

Maybe can do something similar - telling yourself that in this situation it is totally normal that she doesn't write you for a certain amount of time.

Maybe she needs space and time to think.

It is a lie to yourself, but it calmed me down, because the fact that he didn't write this first week didn't necessarily mean we were over.

And every day and every week you manage without NC the fact that she won't write hurts a little less - on average.

 

But do delete whatsapp and most means for her to contact you.

This way you'll stop staring at that icon and know that you don't get a message, because *you choose* not to get one. It gives you a sense of control.

And they always have a way to contact us.

My ex can write me letters, stand in front of my door or just call.

 

It does get better.