My beginner's guide to talking to women and getting dates

[Qboro90]

Its not just about 'talking to the opposite sex'. Its about all social skills. People have no idea how to have workplace conversations now.

 

So what do you think is the reason for that and what would you do to fix it?

[LookAtThisPOst]

I wanted to chime on this...whatever you do...NEVER text a woman for the purpose of conversation. Save it ONLY for setting UP dates. That's one way to make yourself less mysterious and uninteresting to the woman in question.

 

EVEN if she initiates the text.

[Miss Peach]

I seriously wonder what happened to society, in which it seems there is an epidemic of guys, men in this generation that don't know how to approach and talk to women, attract them, more so than ever before, like what caused all of this.

 

I have a theory that men adapt to what they think women want. The issue today is that it's a minefield as the rules went out the window. Just think of a first date... should the man pay? Will the woman be offended if he pays? Will she be offended if he doesn't? If she grab her purse does she REALLY want to pay? Is she just being polite?

 

I see lots of hot people partnered up with other hot people. I see lots of average or downright goony looking people partnered up with other average or downright goony looking people. I see lots of average or downright goony looking people partnered up with hot people.

 

This is because there are people (especially women) who don't use looks at the main criteria. Based on the experiences of those around me I've found men have to be interested in sex up front and women are OK if the man grows on him. Men can become more or less attractive through his interactions. This is something a lot of men miss about women.

[Miss Peach]

I wanted to chime on this...whatever you do...NEVER text a woman for the purpose of conversation. Save it ONLY for setting UP dates. That's one way to make yourself less mysterious and uninteresting to the woman in question.

 

EVEN if she initiates the text.

 

I disagree with this. It depends on what type of woman you are looking to attract.

 

If you are young, want something casual, want an emotionally unavailable woman with commitment issues, someone with low self-esteem, etc. then this will work well.

 

If you are looking for a women who has high self-esteem, options, and has a put together life this won't work IMO. At this point in my life I wouldn't even go out with a guy again who wasn't contacting me and taking an interest in me. I want the guy who wants me and I don't waste my precious time for the other guys who are uninterested or acting like it.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I disagree with this. It depends on what type of woman you are looking to attract.

 

If you are young, want something casual, want an emotionally unavailable woman with commitment issues, someone with low self-esteem, etc. then this will work well.

 

If you are looking for a women who has high self-esteem, options, and has a put together life this won't work IMO. At this point in my life I wouldn't even go out with a guy again who wasn't contacting me and taking an interest in me. I want the guy who wants me and I don't waste my precious time for the other guys who are uninterested or acting like it.

 

Excuse me, I never did give an actual reason. The reason is that you don't wind up texting buddies, and never actually wind up meeting. This can also wind up never even getting a date with the woman in question.

 

At the same time, you leave an element of mystery to you.

 

Let her get to know you in person. I'm polite after we get our pleasantries out of the way via text, then ask them if they'd be free this weekend. If she says, "I don't know just yet, will have to check my schedule." Then, again politely say, "Okay, I understand you're busy, let me know when your free.

 

If she attempts at idle chit-chat, just say something like, "Hey, I got to get going, I got errands to run." and leave her be and wait for her to contact you when she does become available. Otherwise it's just a time waster and a one-way ticket to the friend zone. It's just a waste of time.

 

The "getting to know" part is left up to the in-person dates.

 

That way you leave some mystery to you.

 

At this point in my life I wouldn't even go out with a guy again who wasn't contacting me and taking an interest in me.

 

When did I say this? I never said anything about not contacting her, in fact I would contact a woman initially, but only to set up dates...not idle chit chat.

Edited January 12, 2016 by LookAtThisPOst

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

It angers me even more whenever people say to us guys, men, that our value increases with age, we become more attractive as we get older, I hate that because it will never make up for what I missed out on in my teens and most of my 20's, even though we can't predict what our thoughts will be in the future, I like to have the fantasy thought that if I'm a middle-aged financially stable, well established man, and cute, pretty, decent looking 20-something woman hits on me, flirts with me, I feel like rejecting her [harshly].

 

I don't care if you are not the same person that rejected me or gave me the boyfriend objection in the past, you still represent what I missed out on earlier and years I can never get back.

Edited January 20, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Lanuage and add paragraph

[normal person]

It angers me even more whenever people say to us guys, men, that our value increases with age, we become more attractive as we get older,

 

 

Usually. Time gives you a lot of opportunities to be successful and gain positive traits. Men got the long end of the stick on this one. What're you complaining about?

 

I hate that because it will never make up for what I missed out on in my teens and most of my 20's

 

Fair enough, but who's fault is that? Most people figure out how to solve their women problems pretty early on. Are you assigning all the blame to the opposite sex for rejecting you and not even considering the fact that it might be a result of your shortcomings?

 

I like to have the fantasy thought that if I'm a middle-aged financially stable, well established man, and cute, pretty, decent looking 20-something woman hits on me, flirts with me, I feel like rejecting her [harshly]. I don't care if you are not the same person that rejected me or gave me the boyfriend objection in the past, you still represent what I missed out on earlier and years I can never get back.

 

Brilliant logic. One person gives you everything you want and you lump her in with everyone else and blame her for things she had nothing to do with. I can't imagine why you have such a hard time with women...

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

Usually. Time gives you a lot of opportunities to be successful and gain positive traits. Men got the long end of the stick on this one. What're you complaining about?

 

 

 

Fair enough, but who's fault is that? Most people figure out how to solve their women problems pretty early on. Are you assigning all the blame to the opposite sex for rejecting you and not even considering the fact that it might be a result of your shortcomings?

 

 

 

Brilliant logic. One person gives you everything you want and you lump her in with everyone else and blame her for things she had nothing to do with. I can't imagine why you have such a hard time with women...

 

Exactly, I like to feel its too late for me to solve my women problems, because I'm so damn behind compared to most people my age, if a man struggles with women, its his fault, if a woman struggles with men, its never or rarely her fault, that's why I've said before, if your a Man, everything is your fault, if your a Woman, not everything is your fault

Edited January 20, 2016 by BronzeAgeJaeger217

[ZA Dater]

Fair enough, but who's fault is that? Most people figure out how to solve their women problems pretty early on. Are you assigning all the blame to the opposite sex for rejecting you and not even considering the fact that it might be a result of your shortcomings?

 

Variations of this are trotted out often here.

 

I think people are responsible in part for where they find themselves in dating. However a lot must be said for the fact there are sometimes external reasons for where they find themselves.

 

Me, for example I don't go out, I sit at home and work. That's not going to find me a date ever but do I want to go to a club, bar or some awkward meet up event, not really, I don't fit in there. Society can be welcoming but its also quick to ostracize people who don't conform.

 

My lack of success has as much to with me as it has do with what people are generally interested in. There are few days where I don't wish I did conform a bit more, I did get into partying at HS, I did drink, I did learn to be less serious.

 

At the end of the day the hardest part is sit and regret never having felt the things other normal people feel, waking up next to someone you like, being kissed while watching a sunset, buying someone gifts, sharing things.

 

Those are all simple intangible things but there isn't a day that goes by where I don't wish I could at least experience some of them.

[normal person]

Variations of this are trotted out often here.

 

I think people are responsible in part for where they find themselves in dating. However a lot must be said for the fact there are sometimes external reasons for where they find themselves.

 

Me, for example I don't go out, I sit at home and work. That's not going to find me a date ever but do I want to go to a club, bar or some awkward meet up event, not really, I don't fit in there. Society can be welcoming but its also quick to ostracize people who don't conform.

 

My lack of success has as much to with me as it has do with what people are generally interested in. There are few days where I don't wish I did conform a bit more, I did get into partying at HS, I did drink, I did learn to be less serious.

 

Fair enough, but at some point you have to accept that you can't have your cake and eat it too. Eventually you're going to have to sacrifice comfort and familiarity to get things you'd rather have. If you never step out of your comfort zone and never take a risk, you never get the reward or even learn from the experience to calibrate your approach next time.