omomo Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 I would appreciate opinions and directions from all of you. Thank you in advance! Background: 5 years relationship. Friends before relationship. We were preparing for our marriage but my family was against it due to differences in ethnicity. Not a problem with me. We argued a lot. And wasn't communicating well. He became distant and asked for some time out for a month. During that he had been meeting guys and girls talking about his problems but not with me. One particular person he talked to was his female subordinate. It resulted in rumours of them going out together. I found out from a friend and confronted him. He said it was nothing special. He has no feelings for her and still loves me. Eventually he broke it off because he needed some time off. I have returned all his stuff to him and immediately started NC. It hurt as hell. I felt betrayed even though he insisted it wasn't cheating because he has never professed any feelings for her. So, I moved on and Made great progress. Am hanging out with friends. Have guys interested in me. Started turning my passion into business. He texted me on a weekly basis to check up on me. On which some i ignored and some i replied curtly. He called and wanted to meet up to which I wasn't available. 2 months after he said he wanted to get back together. He asked to meet up. We met up and talked. He said he was depressed because of the opposition in our marriage. He has been working on himself, journalling, doing music, went travelling and meeting people to talk about it and feel that he is in a much better position to shoulder this relationship. He proclaims that he still loves me and gave me back all his gifts to me that i have initially returned to him. I told him what i expect differently this time and that I do not like him hanging out with his female subordinates discussing about our problems and how I expect commitments this time. He was all in. I did not give any answer and said I would talk to him after new year. The time has arrived but I am still on the fence. During our good times, we really clicked. we both never cheated on each other. The thing I like about him is his honesty and loyalty. That is why the one time rumour really hurt me a lot. He is not an affectionate person and does not put in as much effort in our relationship which he said he would now. During the relationship, I was happy with him because we really do click and I was my truest self. I didn't feel the need to present a different self. We both travel well together and I do feel we could live together a long time despite my family's objection. (I am not close to my family even before this relationship) However, there are times in which I felt I was giving more in the relationship than I receive. I do not feel cherished because he never really remembers my birthday or does anything special because he is not a romantic. I do admit my part in the breakdown of the relationship. Communication wise it was bad. He said I wasn't listening well and he felt like towards the end he couldn't talk to me anymore. It's funny how NC really does give you a more objective look at the realtionship. My question: 1. Should I get back together with him to rebuild this? I do not feel the same anymore. Love? Trust? Honestly, I'm still hurt by this whole ordeal. I have forgiven him a long time ago and hence able to move on. But I did not forget. 2. If someone says they will change and am working on it. Will it last? He has always been honest to me. I know he adores female admiration. He holds a authoritative position and is attractive but so am I; I was never insecure about it. But now that this has happened, I don't think I am as secure as before. 3. Any suggestion on how to proceed? **writing this is therapeutic for me. I feel like somehow I'm conflicted because I am not ready for this reconciliation but do not want to miss out on a possible lasting LTR. Like I said the good times were great. But I am still hurt by this ordeal. I would still love to hear your opinion!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author omomo Posted January 5, 2016 Author Share Posted January 5, 2016 HOw do I delete this? I posted 2x of the same thing. And I want this one removed. Link to post Share on other sites
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