LoveandLxst Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 So here's the dilemma I'm faced with. Please read and share some insight... I found out my spouse (whom I have a beautiful baby girl with) is still contacting other males after we agreed that this wouldn't go on anymore. A few months ago, she went through my phone and found inappropriate conversations between myself and other females.. I flirt. a lot.. But didn't have sex with anyone else during our time together.. We broke it off.. I left town to go clear my head and do some work .. But upon returning, i found out she had began having a text affair with an old coworker Confessing their lust for each other Her need to have someone who doesn't make her feel alone.. All that bS... I couldn't hold it.. I confronted her and told her we were done... I left home and went to stay with my brother for about a week to clear my head and have some space... She constantly called me for every excuse ... And pleaded with me to come back and be hers again.. I folded... way too soon .. but not waking up to my daughter and seeing her everyday was hard.. After being gone for about a month on the road making the money to keep them comfortable.. Upon my return we spoke about it all.. She blamed her actions on the need to get revenge on me for hurting her... (Sounded like bs to me btw) She changed her number and said she had no intentions on following through with what they were talking about..(I read the texts .. F*ck it tho) I explained to her .. That though my actions weren't justified stopping to that level was below her and it hurt and disappoint me because she shouldn't have pretended to forgive me and move on to only do the exact same thing. I actually told her .. If she wants to see someone else , then she should ... I would let her go and move on... She again insisted that she had no intentions of following through... I didn't believe it... but decided to give her the benefit of the doubt for the sake of our relationship .. Probably a dumb idea... But for the sake of our family I figured I'd give it a shot if she were willing to.. Before I say **** it all and vacate the relationship.. So we agreed to put it behind us and work towards a future that doesn't include infidelity.. I ceased all of my wolf behavior.. I love women and having multiple but not more than I love and want for my family to be together .. Last night at 4 am ...a guy that she was texting flirting with ... Texted her phone ..this pissed me off but I didn't wake her to fight about it.. Today the other guy who she was speaking to the most.. Reached out to her with the smooth:.. "I hope all is well" , " I can't lie I missed talking to you " " I fell back because I respected your situation" Her: "I was looking for your number to text you" "He deleted your number" (referring to me, that was a lie tho) "Text me" <inserts number > ... This was their Instagram convo before switching to texting tonight... I read this on her iPad .. I restored it after repairing the cracked screen as a surprise and the notifications popped up.. I'm kinda opposed to snooping because you always find what your looking for... I feel : uncertain as to how to handle this situation at the moment... I feel disappointed and hurt I feel as though I am to blame for getting caught first I feel though if she were a loyal woman .. Me cheating shouldn't have pushed her to do the same instead of just dumping me and staying broken up.. I want to confront her... Maybe I should just leave NY go to MIA or LA And move on and just regularly visit for my daughter... Or should I just not say anything and carry on like nothing happened .. And go back to my wolf ways... Had one other woman actually cheat and **** someone I knew as "revenge" for me cheating.. And I just don't want to be around that .. While I'm trying to be that type of person I would want my daughter to bring home one day .. Financially I'm stable I support my family I'm attractive and very charismatic people are drawn to me and I can't help that ... I'm a stand up guy.. I try to do right by everyone but in this grey world It's impossible to be perfect I'm willing to face responsibility and consequences for my actions.. Just sucks because I usually nail every woman I set out to.. But encounter problems when I try and settle down for something a little more serious.. Sorry for the novel.. But I rarely open up to anyone about what goes on in my life personally and would like to hear some advice before i possible over react and screw my life up.. Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 You reap what you sew. Good thing you like the drama. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 I flirt. a lot.. But didn't have sex with anyone else during our time together.. Doesn't matter whether you're not sleeping with them, you're meeting people then going home and texting them means you're still cheating emotionally. Seems like she wanted to put the shoe on the other foot and show you how it felt unfortunately now she's caught up and can't stop. So you've caught her probably more than twice, left, come back and still she's doing it? I suggest next time you confront, instead of shouting and screaming and storming off. You tell her calmly that you are leaving and that the only contact that will be made is about your child. She lost respect for you when you flirted/cheated with those women. Every time you cave and go back to her after finding out what she's done she loses even more respect. Do you think you finding out again and forgiving her is going to make her stop? You've rode this train before and you know where it's heading, unfortunately these are the hardest lessons to learn in life. She can blame you for doing what you did but what she's doing now is on her. She doesn't think you're serious about ending it all. Maybe when it's all gone she'll realize what she's lost. But time to get off the carousel and show her she needs to act like adult and realize actions have consequences. Link to post Share on other sites
TX-SC Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 It sounds to me like you have cheated before and now she is cheating too. It doesn't sound like a very mature relationship. Honestly, if you want to salvage this, confront her, then demand IC for both of you. Then you need to both invest in your marriage, stop flirting and sexting, and be real adults. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 I'm attractive and very charismatic people are drawn to me and I can't help that ... I'm a stand up guy.. I try to do right by everyone but in this grey world It's impossible to be perfect I'm willing to face responsibility and consequences for my actions.. Just sucks because I usually nail every woman I set out to.. But encounter problems when I try and settle down for something a little more serious.. Wow, aren't we the player? Have you ever thought about why you encounter problems when you move from casual to committed? Maybe it's statements like this: "I flirt. a lot.. But didn't have sex with anyone else during our time together" "A few months ago, she went through my phone and found inappropriate conversations between myself and other females" "I love women and having multiple" "I try to do right by everyone but in this grey world It's impossible to be perfect" Actually, it's not impossible to be "perfectly" faithful to your spouse, especially with a child involved. To this point, you've opted not to do so. Time to own those choices... Mr. Lucky 3 Link to post Share on other sites
TexasMan68 Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 With your behavior she's probably the best your going to get. Any other decent woman would have dumped your ass long ago. Go and ask for forgiveness and hope she'll forgive you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 yeah...sometimes we reap what we sow.....sorry I think this relationship needs to be terminated until both people grow up and understand what commitment means. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 My advice...go find a man in your life whom you admire, tell him your whole story, and ask him what to do. You need to see the look on his face when you own up to your crappy choices, and you need to listen to someone older and wiser who will show you how to be a real, admirable man. And some day, no matter how THIS relationship turns out, you'll look back and be glad you took a new path. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HereNorThere Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 What's good for the goose is good for the gander, right? Why are you holding her to a different standard than you hold yourself? It's just amazing to read your post and wonder how someone could have your mindset. Like somehow you're entitled to cheat but she isn't? She's supposed to be loyal, but you don't have to be. Give me freakin break, buddy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Whoknew30 Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 You're a player that got out played! When you play the game, sometimes you win sometimes you lose, you started it & she jumped right in...that's what you get. You're not the victim. FYI- "good" guys don't go around using the term "nailed" when talking about women. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Girl Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 Gee.... the ego is strong in this one. Maybe she enjoys 'multiple' too...after all, it's so hard for her to be perfect t in this grey world. It's just flirting... I mean it's not like she's having sex, right? Good for the goose, good for the gander... Oh, except that whole ego thing. Guess it sucks to be you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MJJean Posted January 6, 2016 Share Posted January 6, 2016 Why not just admit neither of you are capable of being faithful at this point and either agree on an open marriage or get divorced? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
happyman64 Posted January 6, 2016 Share Posted January 6, 2016 I have a better suggestion. Sit her down. Open up the ipad. Show her the texts. Then ask her when will she keep to her promises. You started all this crap now finish it. Tell her the choice is hers. Will she grow up and be faithful to you and your family or does she want to keep ****ing around. You both need to grow up. For the sake of your daughter at least. HM Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted January 6, 2016 Share Posted January 6, 2016 I try to do right by everyone but in this grey world It's impossible to be perfect. I guess it's impossible for her to be perfect too, and that makes you perfect for each other. You have met your match. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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