BadMistakes Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 So start of 2015 we decided to start seeing each other but it'll take time, during summer she said she loves me and we were seeing each other more, talking on the phone, hooking up etc Now since around november she's distanced herself from me a lot, it's hard to get through to her on the phone, I know for a fact she ignores my messages or replies late, if I try to arrange to meet up she says "when i have time, things going on" but i don't understand, she invited me around her families for xmas we slept with each other on nye and now she's distancing. I've even said to her if you think we should just forget about it then let me know instead of being like this...thanks Link to post Share on other sites
goldway90 Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 You are very needy, she's busy and you should get busy too instead of waiting for messages. Texting is for making dates not for chatting and things.Btw if she's your EX she doesn't have to make time for you, you're not together. Distance yourself and let her come to you, stop CHASING. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BadMistakes Posted January 5, 2016 Author Share Posted January 5, 2016 You are very needy, she's busy and you should get busy too instead of waiting for messages. Texting is for making dates not for chatting and things.Btw if she's your EX she doesn't have to make time for you, you're not together. Distance yourself and let her come to you, stop CHASING. Well we were together for 5 years and I would understand what you said but during the summer she was all fine with me and now she's changed her tune and that's what I don't get, she even invited me to hers for xmas. She still makes an effort to talk to me like she'll say "sorry I was working" or something along those lines and when she does text she usually makes effort to carry on the conversation. You are right I am being needy and I can feel it now, during the course of last year I wasn't really that needy as I have become now. Link to post Share on other sites
goldway90 Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 Well we were together for 5 years and I would understand what you said but during the summer she was all fine with me and now she's changed her tune and that's what I don't get, she even invited me to hers for xmas. She still makes an effort to talk to me like she'll say "sorry I was working" or something along those lines and when she does text she usually makes effort to carry on the conversation. You are right I am being needy and I can feel it now, during the course of last year I wasn't really that needy as I have become now. Summer=/= winter, like i said texting too much isn't good, you should make dates, hangout with her. The phone is for logistics not for chatting. Btw she's your ex so you shouldn't be focusing your time on her, go on dates with other women, live your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BadMistakes Posted January 5, 2016 Author Share Posted January 5, 2016 Summer=/= winter, like i said texting too much isn't good, you should make dates, hangout with her. The phone is for logistics not for chatting. Btw she's your ex so you shouldn't be focusing your time on her, go on dates with other women, live your life. We just always text, before we used to talk on the phone but it's hard to get hold of her now days. Normally we text or speak on fbm just chit chat whilst she's at work. When I try to arrange dates she says "i have family stuff i'll be more free after new years" and now when I ask her she says "If I have time, I don't have time to myself and haven't had any time off" Do you think I'm reading into it too much or are these signs of her distancing herself from me, we've also had conversations about our future and she says she doesn't know what she wants and sometimes thinks too much has gone on between us...but I don't know why she's changed all of a sudden. And yeah she is my ex but throughout the whole year it felt like more you know? felt like we were together still. Link to post Share on other sites
goldway90 Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 We just always text, before we used to talk on the phone but it's hard to get hold of her now days. Normally we text or speak on fbm just chit chat whilst she's at work. When I try to arrange dates she says "i have family stuff i'll be more free after new years" and now when I ask her she says "If I have time, I don't have time to myself and haven't had any time off" Do you think I'm reading into it too much or are these signs of her distancing herself from me, we've also had conversations about our future and she says she doesn't know what she wants and sometimes thinks too much has gone on between us...but I don't know why she's changed all of a sudden. And yeah she is my ex but throughout the whole year it felt like more you know? felt like we were together still. She's not interested that much, distance yourself too let her come to you and make dates. Stop talking about the future and stuff. You've been chasing thoughought the whore year!!! come on man. Stop contacting her, wasting too much time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BadMistakes Posted January 6, 2016 Author Share Posted January 6, 2016 She's not interested that much, distance yourself too let her come to you and make dates. Stop talking about the future and stuff. You've been chasing thoughought the whore year!!! come on man. Stop contacting her, wasting too much time. I totally understand that, but what I am saying in from like april-september we were like a couple again it was just not "official" and was more chilled out. But she was behaving just like a girlfriend she would even invite me out places, say she loves me, we'd hang out a lot, she'd ask if I miss her but in a way where if I said no as a joke she'd be upset. She was even talking about how when she went holiday with her family she done a palm reading and the woman said she'd marry a "tall brown man" as if to hint at me even though it is just some random palm reading. So I'm not sure why she's being like this now... Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 6, 2016 Share Posted January 6, 2016 Stop reaching out to her. Let her contact you when you she is ready. Don't act needy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BadMistakes Posted January 6, 2016 Author Share Posted January 6, 2016 (edited) Stop reaching out to her. Let her contact you when you she is ready. Don't act needy. I understand this and I know I am probably being needy now, but is there any answer to my post above? Why was she like that not too long ago but now she's different. About a month or so ago she did tell me she's just fed up of life in general and doesn't want to do anything with anyone but I'm not sure how much of this is really true. If I'm honest she has a sketty friend who she goes out with and I think ever since she stopped seeing me most weekends than not she's developed a habit of taking coke and I think this has affected her a great deal tbh. Also if I don't carry on conversation with her she will message me asking what im doing etc Edited January 6, 2016 by BadMistakes Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted January 6, 2016 Share Posted January 6, 2016 I understand this and I know I am probably being needy now, but is there any answer to my post above? Why was she like that not too long ago but now she's different. About a month or so ago she did tell me she's just fed up of life in general and doesn't want to do anything with anyone but I'm not sure how much of this is really true. If I'm honest she has a sketty friend who she goes out with and I think ever since she stopped seeing me most weekends than not she's developed a habit of taking coke and I think this has affected her a great deal tbh. Also if I don't carry on conversation with her she will message me asking what im doing etc There is your answer. Pull back. Stop chasing. Last thing anyone needs in their life is a depressed coke head sorta-GF. Link to post Share on other sites
DrMario Posted January 6, 2016 Share Posted January 6, 2016 You can kiss whoever it was you used to know goodbye once drugs are involved, it's a sad reality. In my experience the people that I have known once exposed to drugs have pushed me away, forgot about me and have gone cold, in more ways than one, drugs change a persons perception of the world and ultimately change the lifestyle these people had once known. She will probably come back to you and she'll probably try to kick the habit, it's up to you then how you handle that situation, but for right now, most likely she isn't herself, not the person you know and love at least. Think long and hard before you decide on your next step, staying out of her life might just be the second best thing that you can do right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BadMistakes Posted January 6, 2016 Author Share Posted January 6, 2016 There is your answer. Pull back. Stop chasing. Last thing anyone needs in their life is a depressed coke head sorta-GF. You can kiss whoever it was you used to know goodbye once drugs are involved, it's a sad reality. In my experience the people that I have known once exposed to drugs have pushed me away, forgot about me and have gone cold, in more ways than one, drugs change a persons perception of the world and ultimately change the lifestyle these people had once known. She will probably come back to you and she'll probably try to kick the habit, it's up to you then how you handle that situation, but for right now, most likely she isn't herself, not the person you know and love at least. Think long and hard before you decide on your next step, staying out of her life might just be the second best thing that you can do right now. But the thing is she developed this habit in end of 2014 that's when it all started as thats when me her stopped seeing each other, we weren't even broken up but just distant and I think her friend I mentioned + doing coke made her move away from me because even then we were in contact and she said she misses me etc. She usually does this on weekends only if she goes out, sometimes she won't go out because of this reason but she doesn't have anything else to focus or do in her life so she just works and goes out on the weekends....despite this in the summer she was still fine with me so I don't know why shes changed her tune now. Also we used to do other drugs together as we were young and going out a lot ourselves and I can defo say this ruined our relationship a great deal and this is where the problems began but we stopped all of it and things stayed bad partly due to my hot hotheadedness and not really know what I had until it was gone. You are also right in say she doesn't seem like the same person I once knew I think this to myself a lot, maybe I am missing someone who doesn't exist anymore. Also I'd like to thank all of you a lot for your replies, I am in desperate need of someone to talk to as I am quite lonely these days + this situation has really affected my moods and emotions making me feel depressed over it so thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 7, 2016 Share Posted January 7, 2016 It kind of sound like she could be talking to or seeing someone else. Still keeping you around casually in case that doesn't work out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BadMistakes Posted January 7, 2016 Author Share Posted January 7, 2016 (edited) It kind of sound like she could be talking to or seeing someone else. Still keeping you around casually in case that doesn't work out. That's what I feel like as well tbh, but I don't know why she wouldn't tell me this after all I had known her 5 years...thing is we hooked up on new years as well and spent some time together over the holidays where even sober she was kissing me and what not this was literally like 1/2 weeks ago. Part of me does however feel like she has found someone else but at the same time we've spoke about this also and maybe she is telling the truth when she says she doesn't know what she wants, however I don't get why she's distanced herself like this. I know she did say to me about a month maybe two months ago that she is confused and really doesn't know what she wants when I asked her what is the deal with us she also said she feels fed up with everything and wants to sort herself out but if my memory serves me correct I think I asked her if she wants to see other people and she gave me like some half answer like "yeah but I dunno" and she also 100% said to me when I asked her about the two of us "wouldn't you rather see someone else" I think it was around this time she sort of distanced herself from me. Even small things like she'll say shes going to call me then won't call etc Edited January 7, 2016 by BadMistakes Link to post Share on other sites
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