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Is she genuine? Or a gold digger

Davidjo

By Davidjo
in General Relationship Discussion

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No_Go Established Member

No_Go

Posted
Posted

Yes! 'Spoiled rotten' hahah, love it in Leigh's posts because it sounds soooooo ridiculous.

 

Oh, and the forgotten wallets trick is great;) - my first crush pulled this so many times. Later guys that I've dated used special tricks: stretching while in a restaurant, waiting for me to pick the bill, driving me to the groceries to buy something for myself AND a whole fringe of stuff for them ... It is not really gender dependent - mooches exist in both genders.

 

OP's GF IMO is testing how much he can take. I'd think the only other strategy besides dumping her is to "retrain" her by not conforming to her desires to mooch.

 

I HATE the word spoiled when referring to relationships. I'm a grown, professional woman, I want to be loved, not spoiled. I like being an equal partner in a relationship. When I hear spoiled, I think of a bratty CHILD, not a mature woman.

 

OP, she's a user, dump her ass. I actually dated a guy who conveniently forgot his wallet, or would put beer HE wanted into my grocery cart...yeah that didn't last long.

  • Like 1
strawberryshortstack Established Member

strawberryshortstack

Posted
Posted
I HATE the word spoiled when referring to relationships. I'm a grown, professional woman, I want to be loved, not spoiled. I like being an equal partner in a relationship. When I hear spoiled, I think of a bratty CHILD, not a mature woman.

 

I'm so glad to see I'm not the only one who feels this way.

  • Like 1
Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

Posted
Posted
I'm so glad to see I'm not the only one who feels this

 

 

 

Well I also get spoilt with affection, compliments, quality time AND I don't have to buy me own meal on dates.

 

My boyfriend has been doing poorly financially since moving states. In 4 months he's :

- never wanted me to pay for dates. Although he cannot afford regular ones.

- 500 dollar necklace and pandora bracelet for our first Christmas.

- whenever we have gone to the mall, he has treated me to: a 120 dollar skirt, a 70 dollar bag and a 50 dollar dress.

 

 

He splashed out on 1000 dollar hotel suit as a welcome home gift when back from overseas.

 

 

So even men on average to low incomes can at least treat a lady to a date occasionally.

 

 

 

 

 

Men that cannot afford to treat a woman to a date shouldn't be dating.

 

 

 

 

I would never settle for a guy who asked me to pay for my own meal on dates. There are many that PREFER to treat.

Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

Posted
Posted
Yes! 'Spoiled rotten' hahah, love it in Leigh's posts because it sounds soooooo ridiculous.

 

Oh, and the forgotten wallets trick is great;) - my first crush pulled this so many times. Later guys that I've dated used special tricks: stretching while in a restaurant, waiting for me to pick the bill, driving me to the groceries to buy something for myself AND a whole fringe of stuff for them ... It is not really gender dependent - mooches exist in both genders.

 

OP's GF IMO is testing how much he can take. I'd think the only other strategy besides dumping her is to "retrain" her by not conforming to her desires to mooch.

 

Wanting a man that pays for dates isn't mooching.....

 

Wanting them to buy your groceries and cosmetics is.

 

Plus many women have different love languages. Some women DO need to be spoiltrotten on special occasions. Note : SPECIAL OCCASIONS.

 

I don't see the fault in wantinga guy to go all out on your birthdays. ... it's not like I want him to spend beyond his means.

No_Go Established Member

No_Go

Posted
Posted

Sure I agree. It is normal to get presents on special occasions, and also to get treated on dates (in ideal world, the woman also buys presents for her bf for birthdays and pay for some dates).

 

I referred to her being a mooch because she asked him to pay for her groceries

and make up, an also never reciprocated on dates... I find this unacceptable/

 

Wanting a man that pays for dates isn't mooching.....

 

Wanting them to buy your groceries and cosmetics is.

 

Plus many women have different love languages. Some women DO need to be spoiltrotten on special occasions. Note : SPECIAL OCCASIONS.

 

I don't see the fault in wantinga guy to go all out on your birthdays. ... it's not like I want him to spend beyond his means.

No_Go Established Member

No_Go

Posted
Posted

I find it weird that you keep count on the prices of the presents he bought you.

 

Would you love him less if he bought you less expensive items to show his affection?

 

My current bf would pass as undateable in your eyes because I have paid for many of our restaurant dates out (for both of us, not only my meal), however every week we are going to a show, movie or something like this where he buys the tickets for both... Is that acceptable for you?

 

I'm so glad to see I'm not the only one who feels this

 

 

 

Well I also get spoilt with affection, compliments, quality time AND I don't have to buy me own meal on dates.

 

My boyfriend has been doing poorly financially since moving states. In 4 months he's :

- never wanted me to pay for dates. Although he cannot afford regular ones.

- 500 dollar necklace and pandora bracelet for our first Christmas.

- whenever we have gone to the mall, he has treated me to: a 120 dollar skirt, a 70 dollar bag and a 50 dollar dress.

 

 

He splashed out on 1000 dollar hotel suit as a welcome home gift when back from overseas.

 

 

So even men on average to low incomes can at least treat a lady to a date occasionally.

 

 

 

 

 

Men that cannot afford to treat a woman to a date shouldn't be dating.

 

 

 

 

I would never settle for a guy who asked me to pay for my own meal on dates. There are many that PREFER to treat.

Rejected Rosebud Established Member

Rejected Rosebud

Posted
Posted

Don't you jealous knowing other women have men who make way less than your bf and yet are spoilt rotten by their boyfriends?

:sick::sick: I just have to say here that it is gross to hear grown women talking about being "spoilt" by their boyfriends. Generosity and romantic gestures don't equal "spoiling" for heaven's sake. :mad::mad:

 

OP this girl is out of line, but like MissBee said, if you just like her because she is your physical type and she flatters and serves you, maybe that's the deal you've struck with her?? Not even intentionally??

  • Like 1
Maggie4 Established Member

Maggie4

Posted
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I know some cultures in which her behavior would not be very shocking at all. Is she Asian? I know of this one Asian girl whose college tuition is being paid by her boyfriend. Well, actually the boyfriend's parents, cos the bf is also in college.

I find it incomprehensible. But in some societies it is not unheard of for the bf to pay for living expenses of the gf even if they don't live together.

If it's not some cultural thing, then yeah, it's weird. But then, she is only as much of a gold digger as you allow her to be.

  • Author
Davidjo Member

Davidjo

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Best way to determine if a woman is just trying to use you for money is to stop giving out money. If the money well dries up, but the girl sticks around then you have your answer.

 

Okay so I was with this girl all weekend and left my wallet at home. And she pulled out her purse and paid for all of the shopping and even dragged me into a clothing store and brought me and item of clothing.

 

What's your perspectives on that?

Els Established Member

Els

Posted
Posted
On the plus side she always wants to serve me. She will cook for me at the click of my fingers. Literally! I mean she could be sleeping and I could wake her up at 5am and say I'm hungry and she'll get up and go to the kitchen

 

Are you guessing or did you actually DO this? :confused: If you did, both of you seem to be quite right for each other.

 

To those saying it's a cultural thing - no not really, not in this instance anyway. I do come from a culture where guys typically pay for dates and get their gfs lots of gifts. But the girls would never request their groceries to be paid for if they weren't living together, nor would they insist on an expensive Xmas gift.

 

She's just plain opportunistic. But if you actually do wake her up at 5am to cook for you just because she will... you're kinda the same.

  • Like 1
lino Established Member

lino

Posted
Posted

Sounds like an entitled scab rather than a gold digger. But maybe there isn't much difference between the two?

  • Like 1
lino Established Member

lino

Posted
Posted
Are you guessing or did you actually DO this? :confused: If you did, both of you seem to be quite right for each other.

 

To those saying it's a cultural thing - no not really, not in this instance anyway. I do come from a culture where guys typically pay for dates and get their gfs lots of gifts. But the girls would never request their groceries to be paid for if they weren't living together, nor would they insist on an expensive Xmas gift.

 

She's just plain opportunistic. But if you actually do wake her up at 5am to cook for you just because she will... you're kinda the same.

 

Cooking doesn't cost money if one isn't paying for the ingredients, energy bills or utencils ;)

 

I cook for myself everyday and other than buying the ingredients, utensils and payment of my energy bills, it doesn't cost a cent.

 

Not 'kinda the same' at all actually.

Toodaloo Established Member

Toodaloo

Posted
Posted
Okay so I was with this girl all weekend and left my wallet at home. And she pulled out her purse and paid for all of the shopping and even dragged me into a clothing store and brought me and item of clothing.

 

What's your perspectives on that?

 

I don't think she is after your money.

 

I think she just accepts it as your way of showing her you love her.

 

Perhaps you should jump when she says she is thirsty a few times too?

Els Established Member

Els

Posted
Posted
Cooking doesn't cost money if one isn't paying for the ingredients, energy bills or utencils ;)

 

I cook for myself everyday and other than buying the ingredients, utensils and payment of my energy bills, it doesn't cost a cent.

 

Not 'kinda the same' at all actually.

 

You missed the point entirely - doesn't surprise me at all, though. :) Besides the fact that money isn't the only expenditure of value, the issue here is about someone waking their partner up at 5am to cook for them. You know what most sane and reasonable adults do when they wake up hungry at 5am and their partner is still asleep? They cook for themselves (or, if they can't cook, fix up some instant noodles) instead of waking their partner up to do it.

 

So yes, him doing that ranks about as high on the inconsideration and opportunism scale as her demanding an expensive Xmas present.

big dog Established Member

big dog

Posted
Posted

Uh...gold digger.....get out..Now !

strawberryshortstack Established Member

strawberryshortstack

Posted
Posted
I'm so glad to see I'm not the only one who feels this

 

 

 

Well I also get spoilt with affection, compliments, quality time AND I don't have to buy me own meal on dates.

 

My boyfriend has been doing poorly financially since moving states. In 4 months he's :

- never wanted me to pay for dates. Although he cannot afford regular ones.

- 500 dollar necklace and pandora bracelet for our first Christmas.

- whenever we have gone to the mall, he has treated me to: a 120 dollar skirt, a 70 dollar bag and a 50 dollar dress.

 

 

He splashed out on 1000 dollar hotel suit as a welcome home gift when back from overseas.

 

 

So even men on average to low incomes can at least treat a lady to a date occasionally.

 

 

 

 

 

Men that cannot afford to treat a woman to a date shouldn't be dating.

 

 

 

 

I would never settle for a guy who asked me to pay for my own meal on dates. There are many that PREFER to treat.

 

Again, he does not ASK me to. I do it, because I want to be an equal partner in my relationship. It's not that he doesn't want to. He paid for our first two dates, and then I started paying my way. I'm happy this way, he's happy this way, you seem to be the only one who isn't - but the good news: our relationship doesn't include you, so YOU don't have to be!

 

And I'll take my guy over yours any day.

  • Like 3
Els Established Member

Els

Posted
Posted

 

Again, he does not ASK me to. I do it, because I want to be an equal partner in my relationship. It's not that he doesn't want to. He paid for our first two dates, and then I started paying my way. I'm happy this way, he's happy this way, you seem to be the only one who isn't - but the good news: our relationship doesn't include you, so YOU don't have to be!

 

And I'll take my guy over yours any day.

 

FWIW, despite the fact that my R is different from yours, I agree with you. People should absolutely have the right to do whatever makes them and their partner happy without being negatively judged for it. I don't really understand why some folks think they have the right to butt their noses into a happy couple and insist that what they're doing is wrong. The only two people whose opinion of a R should matter is the two people who are actually in it.

 

I'm sure there are purportedly 'modern' people who would bitch at my guy for insisting on paying for our dates too, and they can take a long walk off a short pier as far as I'm concerned. :) Don't worry about the judgers. You do you.

  • Like 1
Anderlie Established Member

Anderlie

Posted
Posted
500 dollar necklace and pandora bracelet for our first Christmas.

- whenever we have gone to the mall, he has treated me to: a 120 dollar skirt, a 70 dollar bag and a 50 dollar dress.

 

 

He splashed out on 1000 dollar hotel suit as a welcome home gift when back from overseas.

 

That's just crass, nobody needs to see the receipts. In a mature relationship you don't go around spouting dollar amounts to people.

  • Like 2
Els Established Member

Els

Posted
Posted
That's just crass, nobody needs to see the receipts. In a mature relationship you don't go around spouting dollar amounts to people.

 

Right!?!?!? :lmao: That's like a play-by-play of how great your last poop felt. We really don't wanna know....

The Poster Established Member

The Poster

Posted
Posted
LOL.

 

If he makes significantly more than you, and still wants to split the check then he's a cheap skate and a tight ass.

 

Real men treat their women to dinners. Not go 50/50.

 

Although men shouldn't be expected to buy make up or groceries.

 

And I definitely insist on paying some ofthe time my bf takes me out..but I like the fact that he strongly prefers to treat me.

 

I feel if a man is crazy about you, he should WANT to treat you to meals.

 

Asking to go 50/50 and split checks when he makes significantly more than you isn't romantic or manly.

 

Maybe I'm just different but I've never once equated money to romance. In fact, I'd say 90% of my romantic gestures haven't cost me a dime. I've also found that the girls I've been with have loved the moneyless romantic gestures way more than anything I might have bought them.

 

Giving a girl a full body massage after a long, hard day was much more meaningful in their eyes than buying them dinner, but that's just my experience.

  • Like 2
Els Established Member

Els

Posted
Posted
Maybe I'm just different but I've never once equated money to romance. In fact, I'd say 90% of my romantic gestures haven't cost me a dime. I've also found that the girls I've been with have loved the moneyless romantic gestures way more than anything I might have bought them.

 

Giving a girl a full body massage after a long, hard day was much more meaningful in their eyes than buying them dinner, but that's just my experience.

 

Why does it have to be either-or?

The Poster Established Member

The Poster

Posted
Posted
Why does it have to be either-or?

 

I never said it was, or that it has to. I'm also not saying that I don't take my girls out and pay. All I'm saying is I tend to get more "points" when I do romantic gestures that don't involve buying something.

  • Like 1
Radu Established Member

Radu

Posted
Posted
On the plus side she always wants to serve me. She will cook for me at the click of my fingers. Literally! I mean she could be sleeping and I could wake her up at 5am and say I'm hungry and she'll get up and go to the kitchen. She also hand washes my clothing without being asked.

 

Does that change anything in your eyes?

 

The moment you put a ring on her finger (and it's gonna be expensive, together with the wedding), she will stop working .... considering what you said of her behaviour this is quite the scenario.

Considering this, i would take her affection with a grain of salt, what is the guarantee the behaviour will remain just as good and she will not stop making the effort.

 

And if you do divorce, because she will most likely have spent the most as a SAHM, she will also get the biggest chunk of assets, alimony and the kids.

 

Do you like that future ?

BettyDraper Established Member

BettyDraper

Posted
Posted
On the plus side she always wants to serve me. She will cook for me at the click of my fingers. Literally! I mean she could be sleeping and I could wake her up at 5am and say I'm hungry and she'll get up and go to the kitchen. She also hand washes my clothing without being asked.

 

Does that change anything in your eyes?

 

Why are you so worried about my opinion? You are the one who is with your girlfriend.

It does seem like you don't like that she asks you to pay for things though.

 

It's great that she is willing to serve you since you spoil her. I always say that a man doesn't not deserve traditional perks if he is not willing to hold up his end of the bargain. Hand washing clothing is not easy and admirable in this day and age; I only hand wash my husband's shirt collars because the cleaners do not get rid of all the visible dirt.

BettyDraper Established Member

BettyDraper

Posted
Posted
The moment you put a ring on her finger (and it's gonna be expensive, together with the wedding), she will stop working .... considering what you said of her behaviour this is quite the scenario.

Considering this, i would take her affection with a grain of salt, what is the guarantee the behaviour will remain just as good and she will not stop making the effort.

 

And if you do divorce, because she will most likely have spent the most as a SAHM, she will also get the biggest chunk of assets, alimony and the kids.

 

Do you like that future ?

 

Not all women pull the bait and switch. I still cater to my husband the way we did when we were dating.

My wedding ring set was less than $2500 and we eloped.

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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